Hello, everyone! Sorry for the month-long delay! I needed to think real hard on how I was going to make possible the ending I had in mind. Thank you for the reviews, they make me so happy! I'm glad you guys enjoyed the last chapter.
This one's shorter than the recent ones. But I have a goal not to make this past 20 chapters so the next couple of chapters will be longer than usual. Enjoy!
Chapter 9: What We Can't Have
"About what you said last night," Rei interrupted her, taking Aya by surprise. "Do you mean it? Will you really," he tried to find the words, "let me go?"
Aya was speechless.
"Rei," said Aya, looking at Rei, before she was cut off again.
"What if I don't want you to," he said, almost like a whisper, his eyes still not meeting hers. "It's just a while ago—"
"Rei, don't do this…"
"What if I tell you, don't? Don't let me go yet, Aya," he said pleadingly, now looking at her.
"Stop it!" she said at once, silencing him. "Why are you doing this? Why me?"
He stopped, unable to respond.
"How can you ask that of me?" she demanded, tears filling up her eyes. "How can you do that when you yourself let me go?"
"That's not what—" Rei was reaching out his hand to cup her face but she slapped it away.
"No! Stop it, Rei! You were the one that didn't fight for me, remember?" she said with emphasis.
"You were going to medical school, what was I supposed to do?" he said defensively. Pain shot up in his dark brown eyes, but Aya chose to look past it. "What did you expect me to do?"
"You were supposed to ask me to stay!"
"It was your dream, Aya! I couldn't have asked that from you…"
"But you're asking this of me now? You're asking this of me after all this happened?" she asked incredulously, unable to described the situation they were in with the right appellation. Didn't she try to work things out with him? Even when she came back, wasn't she the first one to bring their past up, wanting to put some clarity into it, maybe even a continuation? If only she had enough adrenaline, she would completely ignore the nagging pain of her ankle and walk away from him, just as he did her.
She looked at him, hurt evident in her eyes, with a stare that wanted him to know she was hurt, and that what he kept doing hurt her. And so it took them a little while longer to utter a word. They both took deep breaths, realizing where this conversation has led to, in order to compose themselves. Aya didn't know what came over Rei for him to have said all these things, or where it was coming from. If only… she thought, if only he had said these things a little sooner, he would have said yes to him in a heartbeat. But, there's just so much pain now, and so many parties involved.
She exhaled exhaustedly. "You have Kaoru now, Rei, what about her?" she asked, as if she was the only one who remembered that they weren't the only parties to this very complex relationship situation.
He didn't respond.
"I could be selfish, Rei, it would be easy, it really would," and she would have done so if she didn't see that Kaoru was a genuinely nice person. "After all, for the longest time you were all I wanted. And maybe I regret going abroad because I lost you when I already had you. And maybe I do want you still, maybe I do love you still. I don't know!" she took a breath. "But... you have her, and you're hers now," she said, even though deep down, every single word pierced her already-broken heart.
"Aya, I just—" trying to reach out another hand to her.
She shook her head, moved back a little and tried to smile, a painful, sad smile. She knew that if he said anymore, any more words that she would have wanted to hear a long time ago, she'll break. Because the only think that's keeping her from falling into his arms again was her self-respect. "Stay with her. I'll be okay."
Just then, they saw a beam of light coming from the vast darkness accompanied by the sound of running motor and the splashing of water.
"The speedboat is here!" said Yuuya, approaching the two. It was unclear if he was aware of the conversation they were having. "Let's go!"
Aya gave Rei one final look as she smiled at him with sad knowing eyes.
Yuuya and Rei helped Aya get up as a medic approached them. The medic placed an arm around her and assisted her as she walked toward the beach, while Yuuya and Rei stayed right behind her in case she fell back. Once they were right before the water, the medic carried her with his arms across the waters and when they were near the boat the man on board reached for Aya and helped her climb the boat. The rest followed and climbed on board, leaving the fisherman's boat to be retrieved the morning after.
When they arrived back at the hotel, they were greeted by all their friends (except Miyu who fell asleep putting Yuri to sleep, and Suzura who fell asleep; it was all a sleeping chain, really).
Mami rushed over to Yuuya, giving him a tight hug and holding his face in his hands, kissing him.
"I'm okay," he smiled, when the kiss broke.
Yamato and Tatsuki went to thank the personnel who helped their friends out, as well as the guide and help who stayed with Aya, Rei and Yuuya.
Ran dashed to her injured friend who has being assisted by medics, giving her a big hug. "Oh Aya, you crazy girl! Don't ever do that again!"
She smiled at her corn-haired friend, whose eyes, she noticed, were red and swollen.
Aya looked to her left and saw Rei, who was greeted with a hug from Kaoru. She felt a twinge in her heart, but she understood that that wasn't going away for a while, but she will get better.
As if reading her mind, Rei turned to right and his dark brown eyes met hers. They gazed at each other for a couple of seconds, there was a knowing in their stare, a knowing that neither is in pain alone but they both just have to accept where they stand right now. Aya broke away first just as Kaoru was about to release him from her embrace. The dark-haired beauty, wrapped in a towel still, allowed herself to be assisted by the medics and her friend as they walked back into the hotel.
"Rei, are you okay?" Kaoru said in earshot. Rei either did not reply or Aya was not able to hear it. Even though it hurt, she knows it was the right decision to let him go for he now belongs to someone else.
With tired bodies (and spirits) they went to sleep that night capping off Yuuya's birthday celebration, recollecting the fun and the happy, and putting aside the horrible incidents that happened. That is, with the exception of one brown-haired man who sat in a chair in the balcony of his hotel room that overlooked the sea. He sat wearing a robe that helped him withstand the chilly night, and held a cup of tea with both his hands.
He remembered, as he felt the warmth of the cup of tea, of the warmth he felt when he held Aya's frail body in his hands and how no where near was that cup to that same comfortable, familiar warmth. And he remembered how he sat there on the sand, some distance from said raven-haired girl, and how all he wanted to do was take her in his arms especially after the fear he felt of losing her. He sat there under the stars thinking he didn't want to lose her, not her.
Then his thoughts were focused on the conversation they had, not on the words, but how she reacted to him. He reached out his hand, to touch her face, to give her some comfort that his words fail to do, but as he got close she moved away, rejecting his touch. All he can see was the sadness in her eyes.
She was right, though, he thought. He didn't fight for her, and he doesn't have any good excuse for that. He might think that her career as a doctor was worth letting her go, but she wanted to stay, and all she needed was for his to say the magic words, I want you to stay. And when he was there in the United States, to see her, to maybe work out a relationship with her, he balked.
Rei sighed as he leaned forward from his chair, his eyes fixed on the motionless cup of tea in his hands.
"Can't sleep?" a friendly voice asked.
"Hn," was Rei's reply.
Yuuya stepped out into the balcony and hunched over the railings, placing his arms on top of them as he held his own cup of tea.
"What are you thinking about?" asked Yuuya, neither of them looking at the other.
"You first."
The second-placer took a sip of his tea. "Breakfast. I think I want bacon tomorrow, or ham. What say you?" he answered. "Your turn."
"You're lying."
"You're brooding."
"What's new?"
"Not you."
There was silence between them. Yuuya took the other seat beside Rei, they were only separated by a small circular table between the two chairs.
"I asked her to wait for me," Rei finally said. He really doesn't know how Yuuya can get stuff like these out of him.
"I heard," Yuuya replied adding, "it was a small beach, there wasn't much places to go to avoid eavesdropping."
"Tch."
"You shouldn't have asked her that, you know?"
Rei was silent, but he gripped his tea tighter, almost clenching it. But then, just when Yuuya thought that he would blow up in anger, Rei closed his eyes. The blond saw his friend's shoulders relax as he leaned back to his own chair.
"I always thought…" Rei began. "I always thought she was going to be there. That no matter what I do or where I go, she'll always be there waiting for me. Like she always did, remember?" Yuuya said nothing to affirm. "Somehow, at the back of my head I always felt that when I turn around I'll see her, and she has come back to me and that she is ready to accept me back. I thought I'd always have time…"
"She's not your safety net, Rei."
"I know that."
There was a pause. "So then what?" Yuuya urged on.
"Then I talked to her, last night. And for the first time, I felt like she's not coming back. I saw in her eyes that she really was letting me go. She was saying 'goodbye' and she meant it." For the first time in a long time, Yuuya saw his best friend come to terms with his feelings. It was rare to see him vulnerable and honest. It was weird, but at least he knew that there was something more to their friendship than two good-looking people hanging out. This was the sort of thing people didn't know about the two buddies, something they'll never find out either.
"You were going to lose her," his friend understood why he did what he did.
"I think…" he trailed, "I think I already did."
Yuuya sighed. It was rare for him to hear his friend so heart-broken. He felt sorry for Rei.
"I'm sorry, man."
Rei shut his eyes and placed his right hand over them. "Your turn."
It was Yuuya's turn to be honest, and he knew that. After much emotional revelation from his mysterious best friend, he knows he need to be honest.
"I don't want to go back," he said, looking up at the sky. "I don't want morning to come because, I don't want to go back to the city. I just want this escape to last longer."
Even though it couldn't be seen because his arm was covering his face, Rei was raising an eyebrow. "What are you trying to escape from?"
"From work. From my family," he replied before continuing with hesitance. "From the wedding."
At this, Rei removed his arm from his face and turned his head to look at his friend questioningly.
"I don't think Mami and I should get married," he whispered, leaning forward.
Rei shot up from his seat, "What the hell, Yuuya? Don't you dare—"
Yuuya looked Rei straight in the eyes. "I can't have kids."
The brown-haired number one knew the implications of that. It took him a while to think of what he should say to him, but he knew that no amount of comforting would ease what his friend was feeling.
"That's it, I'm buying beer."
Whew. There goes another chapter! What did you guys think? Leave a review!
