Valentine's Day. Love was in the air. Everyone seemed to have a partner except for me. Miaka had Tamahome, Chichiri had Celestial Princess, Tasuki had been checking out mrsradcliffe/tamahome (now called MRT), Hermione had Ron, Mitsukake had Katie, Chiriko didn't have anyone yet, but he was starting to check out girls, and Hotohori, my darling Hotohori, had his eye on the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Fleur Delacour.


Just thinking about Madame Delacour made me want to go and kill somebody. Who did that bitch think she was anyway? Making my Hoto-kins fall for her. It was really quite pathetic, seeing him worship her. I was determined to make him mine by the end of the day. But how?


I went down to the common room. Classes had just let out and everyone was returning to start homework. My eyes quickly caught Hermione's, who was trying to unload all her books on a rather small table.


"Hey, Hermione," I said as I came over. "Anything new?"


"Unless you count being loaded down by Potions homework, no," she replied tonelessly as she unloaded book after book from her bag. "God, I hate Potions."


I watched her work in silence for a while. She was looking kind of uncomfortable. I guess she was still shaken up about the shower incident. But I had a question burning inside me since I found out Hermione was such a brainiac, and I had to ask her. But I couldn't. I just couldn't.


You have to ask, Nuriko, I told myself. It's either now or never.


I took a deep breath. "Hermione?" I asked. She looked up from her work (describe, in your own words, how a blinding charm is either more or less effective than pepper spray).


"Hmmmm?" she asked.


"Hermione, can you - " I took another deep breath. "CanyoumakealovepotionthatwillmakeHotohorifallinlovewithme?"


Her eyes got very big. "Erm..."


"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" I begged, waterfall tears flowing down my face. "You have to! I've been in love with Hotohori ever since I was in his harem, and now it's been well over a year, and he doesn't love me, but I'm madly in love with the man but he's always pining over Miaka because she loves Tamahome and not him. But I love him and I want to be there for him so he can forget about Miaka, but he's straight and I'm gay, and now he's checking out Fleur Delacour and that's getting me really mad because I cant stand her, but I figured that if you made me a love potion to make him fall in love with me, then everything could turn out all hunky dory!" This seemed to be getting too weird for Hermione, but I understood. How often do you meet a gay cross-dresser who looks so feminine you think he's a girl, then find out he's a guy when he steps out of the shower?


"Um..." She was beginning to lose some of the color in her cheeks.


"Look, if you don't want to do it, I understand..."


"It's not that, I'm just not sure if a same-sex love potion exists."


My face fell. "Oh..."


"Polyjuice potion!" she cried, hitting her hand on the table.


"What?"


"Polyjuice potion!" she said again. "It makes you turn into anyone else for an hour. You can turn into Fleur and win over Hotohori!"


We looked at each other for a second before nodding vigorously.


"I got them, I got them!" Hermione cried excitedly, about twenty minutes later, bounding into the girl's dorm holding two white-blond hairs. "I got Fleur's hair! Hold these," she said, thrusting the hairs into my hand. She opened her trunk and started rummaging around, trying to get something at the bottom.


A minute later, she popped up, holding a small bottle in her hand. "This is the key to make all your dreams come true... for an hour," she said. "So find Hotohori, do what you gotta do and scram."


I handed her the hairs, which she dropped in the bottle. She shook it up vigorously and handed it to me. The concoction turned blue and smelled like exotic spices.


"Drink up," she said.


I took a drink. The potion tasted like spices and sugar (sugar, spice, and everything nice...lol).


"Hey, that's not fair!" Hermione cried. "When I took polyjuice potion, it turned a really nasty shade of green and tasted like hairballs."


I didn't answer because my skin started to bubble. My hair turned straight, and silvery-blond. My eyes went from black to blue, and the front of my robes expanded. At the same time, I felt something else (*cough, cough*) shrink, and be replaced with what I've wanted since I was ten. "Hey," I exclaimed. "I'm a woman! Whoop-de-doo!" I ran to the mirror and did a little victory dance. "Womanhood is mine!"


"When you're finished dancing," said Hermione, "You'll notice that you have 55 minutes in which to find Hotohori."


"Thanks, Hermione. You're the best." I said, then rushed out the door.


Hotohori wasn't in the common room, nor in the boy's dorm. I left Gryffindor House and walked down the corridor, keeping a hawk's eye out for my Hoto-kins.


I walked down to the Great Hall. No Hotohori. I walked out to the Quidditch field. No Hotohori. I walked around the school. He wasn't in the Potions room, or the Charms room. I finally stopped at what used to be, as Harry and Ron and Hermione informed me, the out-of-bounds third floor corridor. I pushed open the heavy wooden door to see...MY HOTO-KINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He looked so hot, I nearly flung myself at him. But I didn't.


"'allo, 'oto-ori," I said. I loved my voice. It sounded all sugary and sweet. (Sugar, spice and everything nice!!!)


"Hello, Fleur," he said. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a class to teach."


"Classes were dismissed fifteen minutes ago." My arms snaked around his neck. "What are you doing 'ere?"


"I needed some time alone." He said.


"Define 'alone'." I whispered sexily.


"'Alone' being I need your help being alone." he breathed into my hair.


"Umm-hmm, fine." I looked up into his handsome, hot, sexy, totally gorgeous face. He leaned down and kissed me. Fireworks went off! A dog caught a Frisbee! Volcanos erupted!


We kissed, and we kissed, and we kissed some more. Hotohori's hands ran through my hair. My arms were tightly about his neck.


Suddenly, I felt the front of my robes shrinking, and something else growing. Hotohori's eyes opened, and suddenly grew to the size of dinner plates. "Nuriko?!" he shrieked like a girl. He looked like was about to be violently ill. His face turned green, then red, then white, then blue, then purple, then yellow, then a bright shade of orange. The contents of his stomach flew out of his mouth all over me. He hacked and coughed and all in all, appeared very freaked out. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"


"Um, well, I, um, I sort of, um-" I tried to say, but he cut me off.


"You disgusting perverted cross-dresser! You were just really horny, weren't you?!" he yelled.


"Well, did you enjoy yourself?!" I yelled back.


He turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. "Well, you are a good kisser..." Suddenly, he shook his head violently. "That's not the point! It's the principle of the thing! Holy Suzaku, I've been violated by a frickin' MAN!!!!!" He ran screaming out of the corridor and all the way back to Gryffindor Tower.


I stood there like a colorful, drag-queen statue. Well, this was going to be one Valentine's Day I'd never forget.


A/N: This chapter was written by three very talented, perverted fanfic authors. Credit for the original concept goes to The One above All. Most perversion is a three-way tie. Plot goes to Celestial Princess, and the bulk of the typing goes to mrsradcliffe/tamahome.