Chapter 8: The Fight and Dorr's Ruin

"YOU REALLY $!$%^ THINK YOU GONNA $%%^ LIVE THROUGH THIS?!" Magnius screamed as he charged forward and sent Colette spinning across the room by with a broadside to the face.

"Why just me?!" she squealed, bleeding and spitting four teeth out.

"I won't let you take any more lives!" Kratos shouted angrily, a black aura appearing around him for no apparent reason. "I call upon thee in the land of the dead to unleash thy fury of thunder! INDIGNATION!" A giant, 3-D diamond appeared over Magnius's head.

"WHAT THE HE-" he was cut off when a giant lightning bolt crashed into him, sending pieces of candy-cane everywhere. Kratos panted as the black aura faded away.

"Um…I'm actually alright…" Colette said meekly from beside him.

"My angel! You're okay!" he scooped her into a hug and started swinging her back and forth until he realized she was bleeding on his coat. "NOOOOO!" he promptly dropped her and started frantically casting water magic at himself in an attempt to wash the blood away. The others gave him odd looks, except for Genis, who noticed that Magnius was getting back up. He tried to tell the others, but his voice was still a vague gurgle. Lloyd noticed, though, when he was smacked into a nearby wall with a broken candy cane, which was being wielded by a very singed, very angry, Grand Cardinal. Electricity was still jolting around his person and he was very twitchy, but that didn't stop him from smacking Raine with a Hell Axe tech.

"YOU $%^$% GOIN' $%% DOWN, $%% $%^$!" he shouted.

"Sonic Thrust!" Lloyd stabbed him in the back as Raine gave him a judo kick to the gut. He went flying back to land on his feet, badly wounded and holding a small fragment of peppermint.

"UGH…HOW?! HOW COULD A ^*$ SUPERIOR HALF-ELF LIKE $%^$% ME…" he groaned angrily, clutching which was, most likely, a bad internal injury.

"It's because you're a friggin' $%$%^, Magnius," Kratos replied smoothly, or as smoothly as anyone who had been crying over their coat for the majority of the fight could. "You hurt my little angel, you have horrible dress sense-"

Look who's talking… Everyone except Colette and Genis (maybe Genis too, actually) thought.

"-I mean, really, a PINK vest? PINK?! I ask you, pink doesn't look good on many people, ESPECIALLY guys with bright RED hair! Comprendè, fool?!" Kratos continued, entering Mr. T mode.

"WHAT?!" Magnius meant this figuratively and in the 'what the heck are you talking about?' sense.

"Yes, that is somewhat correct," Lloyd interjected, casting a worried glance at his eccentric companion. "In any case, Colette is going to regenerate the world! We will not be defeated by you!"

"SO…YOU'RE…THEN…I WAS DECIEVED!" he screamed, falling in a pool of his own blood, which had been flowing copiously out of his back wound since the kick to his gut.

"HEY! I'm not done lecturing you, sucka! Hey, HEY! Dang it all…" Kratos went to sulk in a corner. Meanwhile, Raine was hitting some buttons on a nearby control panel.

"Lloy'!" Genis exclaimed, pointing to a TV, projector, whatever.

"What is it?" he looked as well. Two Desian guys were leading Chocolat out the entrance. Where exactly the camera, which they were watching from, was situated was debatable. They appeared to be telling her a joke and they all laughed heartily as they left.

"Darn it!" Lloyd muttered. Raine pressed some more buttons.

"That should open every door in the ranch," she declared, turning to the group with an air of superiority.

"What about the Exspheres implanted in them?" Lloyd asked. "Without Key Crests, it is only a matter of time before they go out of control,"

"Can' w' jus' take da Ekee-sfeers offa dem?" Genis asked.

"That's kinda dangerous, kiddo," Kratos commented, coming over from his corner. "Only a dwarf could handle it,"

"Then we can ask Dirk to do it," Colette suggested brightly.

"Yes," Lloyd agreed. "Let us contact my father,"

"We can work out the details later," Raine interrupted. "I'm going to make this place blow the frick up now," Everyone looked at her like she was more nuts than usual.

"Seriously?!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Bu' Rainee…" Genis began, only to get a rather hard tap on the head with a staff. He went back to the fetal position, sucking his thumb. Raine hit a big, obvious, red button and an alarm started blaring.

"OH, CRAP! THE SELF-DESTRUCT MECHANISM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED!" Desian 482 screamed into the PA. "TEN MINUTES UNTIL DETONATION! CLOSE DOWN ALL THE SHOPS! GET OUT OF THE COFFEE LOUNGE! CANCEL THE THREE RING CIRCUS! RELEASE ALL THE ANIMALS FROM THE ZOO! GET THE FRIGGIN HECK OUTTA HERE!" The party rushed to the teleporter and reappeared in the main room, where it was utter chaos. Desians were all scrambling for the exit, animals were running everywhere, and the Spaceballs theme was playing on the PA for no reason.

"Come on, my hunnies!" Kratos cried, clearing a path with several Fierce Demon Fang techs. At length, they made it through the even-more-chaotic courtyard and outside.

"Hey, guys!" Neil called happily as they came sprinting by. "What's the hurry?"

"It's gonna explode!" Colette called at him. He jumped at this proclamation and started to run. Slow motion kicked in as he ran.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he jumped dramatically away as the complex exploded and landed on the ground, face-first.

"Well, that was fun…" Kratos groaned, pulling himself out of the pile of charred wood and building fragments.

"I must disagree with that sentiment," Lloyd grumbled, shifting a rather large tree off of himself and Colette.

"Owie…" Neil climbed out of a burnt bush, covered with boo-boos.

"You're all a bunch of children," Raine said arrogantly, pulling a battered and KO'd Genis free of a pile of twisted metal.

"Ah…what about Chocolat?" Neil asked, completely ruining the drama by saying something out of the blue.

"She was taken to another location," Raine replied.

"I see…" Neil muttered, pondering Seppuku.

"Don't worry, now. The great Kratos Aurion will save her," said mercenary declared heroically, putting his foot up on a fallen tree. "She must be in the life of her new half-brother or sister!" Everyone looked at him. "Kidding…only kidding…"

"By the way, the captive have something called Exspheres implanted in them," Lloyd interjected to Neil. "It's dangerous to leave them as they are now, so you must send a letter, in my name, to a dwarf named Dirk, who lives in Iselia. He will assist you in their removal," Neil jotted this all down in a notebook he pulled from who-knows-where.

"Anyway, I think we need to go talk to the jerk-hole who tried to hurt my lovely angel," Kratos said. "First, though, let's go by a washing facility," he involuntarily brushed some dirt from his pant leg.

"Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man…TAKE ME WITH YOU!" Neil begged, falling to his knees and grabbing Lloyd's hand.

"All right! All right!" Lloyd said quickly, very disturbed.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Neil started kissing Lloyd's hand repeatedly.

"Ahh!" he jerked it away.

"Calm down, man! It's not like we just agreed to anything that major…" Kratos added uncomfortably.

After two days with the annoying Asst. Gov'nor-G'n'ral later, they finally arrived back in Palmacoasta. They attempted to take a break at the inn and wash their clothes, but were only able to complete the latter before Neil finally goaded them to head to the city hall.

"Oh, my comfy, comfy clothes!" Kratos said happily, hugging himself. "I'll never let you get dirty or un-fluffy again!" The others took a step away from him as they walked. "Oh, hey, hunny!" he waved at Cocoa, unnecessarily, as she came out of the shop to speak to them.

"What's happened to Chocolat?" she asked.

"Well…" Lloyd scratched his head.

"Oh…I had no idea that had happened to my mother," she commented after a long, boring story.

"My apologies," Lloyd bowed his head.

"It's okay," Cocoa assured him. "But Chocolat was very close to my mother,"

That explains why she overreacted…the party thought, except for Colette and Genis (who was still in la-la land from his brain damage).

"Don't worry! The great Kratos Aurion will rescue her!" Kratos said dramatically as the Fellowship's theme from PJ's LOTR began to play, putting his foot on the counter. "I will not abandon Chocolat to torment and death!" He pointed out the window. "Let's hunt some Desian!" He ran out. Everyone sweatdropped.

"C'mon, guys!" Neil whined. "We've gotta go see Dorr!"

"WE KNOW!" the others shouted.

Kratos caught up with them as they came to the city hall.

"Did you know that Palma Potion contains many fine, distilled products?" he asked, holding up a bottle. "The nice lady at the bar gave this to me for free because I was so handsome and listened to her attentively,"

"Uh-huh…" Lloyd said off-handedly as they entered the building. Kratos, pouting, followed.

"It's okay, Mr. Aurion, Lloyd just wants to get this over with," Colette said with a smile.

"Aww…you're so nice, Colette," he said, beaming at her.

Once inside, it was obvious that no one was there.

"There's no one here," Neil pointed out.

"No, really?" Lloyd said with a touch of irritation.

"Really, really!" Neil whined. "C'mon! You have to believe me, Lloyd!"

"I think I hear voices below," Colette interrupted, looking at the ajar door to the right of the entrance.

"Well, the angel said there's something there, so let's go!" Kratos headed off down the stairs. The more collected members sighed and shrugged before they all followed him.

"When will Clara turn back so I can stop doing my own laundry?" Dorr drawled, bored.

"I dunno," Desian 946 shrugged. "Pay us more money,"

"But I can't!" Dorr objected with a yawn.

"Whatever," Desian 946 put a bag of money into his pocket and walked out, somehow missing the obvious group of six that was standing behind a conveniently-placed stack of crates.

"Don't worry, Kilia," Dorr droned to his daughter, who happened to be next to him. "Soon we'll…oh, crap," he had seen the group emerging from their obvious hiding spot and coming up to him.

"What is wrong? You look like you see a ghost?" Lloyd taunted him.

"Um, Lloyd, that's a really clichéd line," Kratos pointed out.

"Shut up, Kratos!" the mercenary pouted.

"What are you doing here?" Dorr droned. "Where's Neil?"

"Gov'nor-G'n'ral…how could you…" Neil burst into tears and started rolling around in the floor.

"You betrayed me," he noted.

"B-But they destroyed the ranch for us!" Neil wailed from the floor.

"!" commented Kilia, which, come to think of it, wasn't a comment, or even a sentence.

"What? You destroyed Clara's hopes of living," Dorr said. "Now I'll never get to stop doing my own laundry,"

"I am not aware of this person, however we rescued all prisoners of the ranch," Lloyd said.

"Except for Chocolat," Kratos muttered.

"Then try saving Clara," he pulled a sheet off of a nearby jail cell. "Save my wife," A giant monster that may have been a cucumber or something was in the cell.

"!!" exclaimed Kratos, looking shocked and having a rare emo moment. Genis, frightened like the little wuss he was, started whining and hiding behind Kratos's leg.

"She's crying out in pain…" Colette moaned, covering her ears. "You mustn't call her a monster," The others merely heard a very high-pitched sound. Kratos, for some odd reason, fell to the floor, clutching his head, and started whimpering like a dog.

"This is what happened to my wife, Clara," Dorr said with a yawn.

"So that's why you told everyone she died," Raine commented, kicking Kratos in the stomach.

"My dad, the previous Gov'nor-G'n'ral, was an idiot and the Desians killed him for not paying for all the tranquilizers they sold him. Then, I couldn't pay either so they put some seed in my wife and now she's a cucumber-thing. I have to do my own laundry, now!" Dorr explained. "Until I pay them off, the cucumber is here to stay," Genis shouted a garbled objection.

"Who cares!" Dorr snapped, or, more precisely, raised his voice slightly, "It was the only way to save Clara. But you went and fricked it up,"

"You are not the sole victim!" Lloyd reprimanded. "I feel for your wife, but think of all of the people who believed in you, only to be sent off to the ranch! Any one of them may have become like her!"

"Shut up," Dorr droned. "Stop acting like your justice is absolute!"

"I hate that word!" Lloyd retorted.

"What, "absolute"?" Kratos asked.

"No…"

"Ooh, is it, "acting"?"

"NO! I hate the word "justice", you idiot!" Lloyd yelled. Kratos pouted. "If you wanted to save your wife," he went back to addressing Dorr. "You should have resigned and searched for a cure or help! You are a worthless piece of dreck who could not give up his social status, even for his wife!"

"Lloyd, please stop!" Colette exclaimed. "Not everyone's strong enough to stand up against the Desians. Please, stop this!"

"Colette…" Lloyd muttered, backing down.

Okay, a bit of a side note, here. The Desians use friggin' feathers, pinwheels, and other useless crap. Who could actually not be able to stand up to them? Oh, well.

"I'll find it for you!" Colette volunteered. "If there's a medicine that can save your wife, I promise to find it! So please…"

"There's no use. There's no way to remove a demon seed once it has sprouted," Kilia said sinisterly, poking Dorr in the back and, somehow, making a bloody hole.

"Ow! Drags-ville…" Dorr fell down.

"What are you doing?!" Kratos snapped. "How could you do that to your daddy?"

"That's a laugh," Kilia replied, turning all purple and spring-based. The group stared in horror at the poorly-thought-out character design. "I work for Pronyma and was just watching the cucumber-thing. There's no way this is my daddy, LOL!"

"LO…L?" Colette repeated in dismay.

"Didn't even notice that I stuffed his daughter in a closet because he was chasing non-existent medicine to save his cucumber wife so that she could do his laundry. LOL!"

"You!" Lloyd snapped.

"How could you!" Colette shouted, shoving a chakram through the thing's head. "NOW DIE AT MY HANDS, YOU ROTTEN VERMIN!" Colette's voice became demonic for a second as she bludgeoned the thing to death. Unfortunately, the OOC moment somehow managed to open the cell and the cucumber slouched out.

"Oh, crap…" Kratos muttered. Luckily, it noticed Colette wiping Kilia's blood around her person and laughing demonically so it left as quickly as it could slouch-walk.

"Wait!" Colette called after it, back to normal. It ignored her. She looked at the group. "Why is everyone looking at me like that?"

"Is Kilia really dead?" Dorr groaned. The group jumped, having forgotten him for a few moments.

"No, she's in a closet somewhere. Weren't you listening, fool!?" Kratos was having another Mr. T moment.

"I see, your name's Lloyd?" Dorr asked, his voice getting raspy.

"When was that mentioned?" Lloyd asked no one in particular.

"Professor Sage, please, help him!" Colette cried compassionately. Raine held her staff over him and a glowy light appeared at the end.

"Heal, darn you, heal!" Raine shouted. Finally, annoyed, she stopped trying and stomped out.

"Save Chocolat…and Clara too…so she can do Kilia's laundry when she comes back…" Dorr groaned. "Take this pass that I conveniently have for no reason in particular," he handed it to Lloyd and then, shaking a large rattle, he expired. Neil wailed loudly.

"Gov'nor-G'n'ral Dorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" It began to rain outside for no reason in particular and 'On the Hill the Night' began playing as though Dorr was a significant character.


I don't own anything I referenced to in this chapter. Also, remember to vote in the pole on my profile page if anyone particularly cares who Lloyd will end up with. By the way, I do know that Kratos doesn't learn Indignation but it was instrumental to my joke. Remember to review now...