Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Author's notes: I could probably say sorry to everyone who really honestly likes Sasuke, but I'm not going to. ^^ Seriously, I thought this was quite an amusing idea, and besides, it is purely a joke. And lol, Sasuke's sexual orientation is just too fun to poke at. And introduction of another Naruto character. Read to find out who it is. *winks*

R&R.

English

The loudspeaker crackled to life and the voice came across as very static. "Kakashi-sensei, would you send the Uchiha boy down to the guidance office right away please?"

The dark-haired boy wondered why they wanted him at the guidance office.

Sasuke slowly gathered up his books and proceeded to walk out of the classroom. "Kakashi-sensei, I'm going down to the guidance office now."

A grunt was heard from the silver-haired sensei's general direction.

The pervert didn't even look up from his book.

The Guidance Office

Sasuke walked down the hallway to the guidance office, a bit unsure of where it was. After debating with himself for a bit, he decided that the guidance office was probably somewhere near the principal's office. When he found it, he opened the door and walked right in.

The secretary didn't glance up when he opened the door. "Go on in, honey, he's expecting you." She then pressed a button on her desk and spoke into it. "Mr. D, the student you requested is here."

Sasuke nervously walked into the guidance councilor's office. What had he done lately? As far as he could remember, he hadn't gotten any bad grades or gotten in trouble at all. He scrolled through his memory again. Unless, someone had found out about Neji and the girl's locker room, but there was no way that anyone knew of that besides Naruto, Neji, and Gaara. And none of them would rat themselves out. That would be pure stupidity. So what had he done to get sent down to the guidance office?

The first thing he saw when he walked in was a cloak. It was black with white clouds, ringed in red on it. The man was standing with his back to him, but when Sasuke walked in the guidance councilor turned around.

Sasuke started to speak. "What's up, girlfriend? How's life for you? I know that it's hard, but don't worry everyone will understand you someday."

The blonde man looked symphathetically at him. "Oh, where are my manners? My name is Deidara, and I'm one of the new guidance councilors. But you can call me Mr. D for short."

The dark-haired ninja looked at him. "Errr…what exactly am I doing here?" he asked confusedly.

"Oh, sit down, sit down."

Sasuke took a seat across the desk from the strange man. "Would you like a biscuit? They're warm and chewy and oh so yummy." Deidara gushed.

"Um…no thank you," Sasuke gave him a strange look. "Look, I don't really know what I'm here for, so if you could just tell me, I'll be on my way…"

Deidara clicked his tongue in a motherly way. "Oh, I know that it's hard to talk about the first couple of months, but that's what I'm here for." He laid his hand over Sasuke's.

At this point, Sasuke was really becoming freaked out. "What are you talking about?!"

The man looked at him none too unkindly. "Well, about you being gay of course."

The prince of ice lost his cool all of a sudden, only managing to look flabbergasted. "My what?" he asked weakly.

Deidara looked at him as if he was the one that was crazy. "Your sexual orientation, my dear. All the signs point to it. You never speak to girls, preferring to hang out with only guys. You are also very fashionable, I mean, compared to the other guys you definitely have the most fashion sense. And I heard that back…" the man checked his notes. "…four years ago, you even kissed your best friend, Naruto Uzamaki."

Sasuke was struck dumb, still unable to speak.

Deidara took that as a sign to continue. "Well, Tsunade-sama suspected this for a little while and asked me to help you along this difficult path. You're sooo lucky that you have me to help you with it. I mean, I didn't have anyone and I almost became severely depressed to the point of no return, but I'm better now. I'm actually bisexual." He added unnecessarily.

"I'm n-not gay," Sasuke choked out.

"Of course you aren't," Deidara gave him a pitying look. "I know that it's hard the first couple of months, what with everyone making fun of you, but I'm here to help you make it through all of this and accept it."

"B-but I'm n-not gay," Sasuke tried again.

Deidara plowed on ahead, obliviously to his protests. "So, we've set up a schedule for you. On Mondays and Wednesdays, Tsunade-sama wants me to take you to a 'Understanding of your Homosexuality' help class. On Thursdays, I'm supposed to take you to a convention that meets every week where you can meet others who are just like you. Understand, the principal is doing this for your own good. You're one of our best and brightest and she doesn't want you to bottle all of this up until it drives you crazy. God knows, that would be terrible."

"I-I'm not g-gay," he stuttered.

Yet again, Deidara paid him no attention. "I think this will be a good experience for you. If you're lucky and start to embrace your sexual orientation, Principal Tsunade said I may teach you a bit about, you know." He winked. "In any case, my job is to help you in any way possible, so feel free to talk to me whenever you like."

The guidance councilor looked at Sasuke expectantly.

The dark-haired boy finally found his voice. "FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT GAY!"

Sasuke grabbed all of his books and stomped out of the room.

Deidara tsked. "Still in denial."

R&R.