(NOTES: I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has left a review or has followed/favourited this piece. I have never been able to stick with a story before and seeing an interest in my work really does help to keep me writing, so genuinely - thank you all! I hope those continuing to read carry on enjoying it, I hope those who have just picked up on this have been enjoying it and stick with me on this also. Please do leave a review if you're enjoying, there is a lot more to this story to come!)
Kylo Ren, having finally managed to regain control of himself to an extent, stormed through the doors of his own private room. Pulling his helmet off desperately, he threw it against the wall with such a force it felt as though the room itself vibrated from the impact. His emotions were raging through every part of his body and he could not handle it; so, he attempted to get rid of these feelings in the only way he knew possible, through letting out his anger. Reigniting his lightsaber once more, he slashed as at anything within his reach, sparks flying from every angle he had hit out at. Anguished cries so hoarse on his voice that it was surprising he could maintain them. He knew how to make anger external, but genuine pain was not quite so easy to expel from the body. The pain was not subsiding and so anger turned to frustration, frustration eventually gave way to that overwhelming pain and Kylo dropped his lightsaber to the floor as he angry screams became full volume sobs. Tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably, stinging at his scarred face as he slumped down in the corner of the room, his head held in his hands. He had no time to think of himself as weak and foolish now, all he could think of was Ylainr.
She had been right there, standing in front of him – all his fears of him having indirectly killed her as a teenager put aside, a great relief to see her alive and the wonder that was how beautiful she grown to be – and what had he done? Nothing. But oh her face, that beautiful face, so much fear in her eyes as those Stormtroopers had taken her away, the disappointment he could sense within her that as she begged for her life he did nothing. The light that he could feel radiating from her had latched onto him and he could feel it growing inside of him every minute that passed. Back when he turned to the dark side, he remembered how he was haunted by his longing of her forgiveness for what he had done, despite truly believing that it was what he had to do. He could not bear the thought of her not understanding why he did what he did and that was partly why he knew he had spared Rey, despite the repercussions that had since come around. If Ylainr knew that he had done that for her, perhaps she was not lost to him completely. Now however he believed all hope of that was lost – what kind of monster must she now think him to be, for him to have stood over her after witnessing her being wounded by a blaster shot, to not have even mustered up the decency to speak one word to him when he could feel how much love she still had for him, to have broken a promise once made long ago that would protect her no matter what life threw at them. He believed that he no longer deserved her in his life. The light which she had provided him with however, had other ideas. A familiar voice rang out softly through the quiet room.
"Go to her, son" it was the voice of Han. The connection to the light had allowed him to finally speak to his son from the other side.
"I do not deserve her, Father" it was the first time Ben was winning out against Kylo since the day he had murdered Han, and the child within was desperate for his father's words.
"She does not deserve to be alone without your protection, she needs you. Son, she loves you more than you could ever know, she hasn't given up on you, so don't you give up on her now. Keep that promise" the voice faded gradually, Ben's face lifted from his hands hoping to see his father's face before his. The guilt of what he had done to Han had felt like the weight of the world upon his shoulders and he often wondered what may have happened that day had he done what he originally intended: to give in to the pull of the light and go home. But that time could never be re-written now. He could change the course of Ylainr's fate now though, he just had to step in somehow.
He thought to himself how he could go about getting her out of this mess without betraying his feelings to those around him and it was proving a difficult plan to make. No matter how much he wanted to love her, he knew he had to keep those thoughts and feelings buried as deeply as he could both for his sake and for hers. If Snoke could sense anything within him that would stop him from fulfilling his potential for darkness, if he knew of Ylainr's importance, Ben knew he would be made to kill her, just as he had been his father. Ben knew he could not kill her, he could not even face the fact that she was already suffering and in pain because of him and he knew full well that if she didn't die by his hand, Snoke would not hesitate to kill her himself. But how could he keep that compassion buried when all he could hear ringing in his ears were the desperate screams and pleas for help? To save her, he must put her first and ignore any desire for love and acceptance that he held inside of him. He would go and see her, deem her to be unimportant and order her to be taken somewhere and left, in the hope that the Resistance would find her and take care of her. He would no doubt never see her again, but she would at least live and go unharmed. Little did he know, his absence from the forefront of the interrogation process had not gone unnoticed by General Hux, and Ylainr was already in great danger.
