A/N: I started writing this around three years ago and I haven't frequented since then, so I'm a bit dazed and confused with all the changes that happened during the time I was gone. I don't know if my past readers will continue to read this or if anyone else will give it a go, but I just want for this story to be finished so here's a new revised chapter which I hope some of you will enjoy. And though I'm not asking for reviews or even readership, it's nice to know if your hard work is being appreciated. So to those reading this, absolutely no pressure, but feedback (good or bad) will be much appreciated. Cheers. :
Chapter Nine: Wedded Bliss?
Three months later…
Aragorn was still having a hard time trying to fathom his marriage with Arwen. Though she was the picture perfect Stepford wife, it was starting to get on his nerves. The constant care and love was starting to feel like he was being treated like a 3-year-old, it was overwhelming. Add that to the fact that he never even loved Arwen and that his true love was taken away from him, it was incredible that he still hasn't tried to kill himself. He did try to tell his father how obsessive and possessive Arwen is but he was quickly hushed up.
'That's quite unfortunate Aragorn, but I have more important matters to attend to,' his father once said. 'I am, after all, the king and have kingly stuff to do. She's your wife. Make it work.'
'The king,' Aragorn muttered. 'You hardly even know the name of your kingdom, how could you even consider yourself to be king?'
And whilst Aragorn was still trying to plot ways to escape, Legolas on the other side of Middle-Earth was having a much more grand time than he or his awful stepfather expected. Haldir turned out to be a laugh and a great person to hang out with. The first few weeks were obviously not that great of a time for Legolas who was still missing his hot sword-flinging boy, but as time passed by, he learnt to live without him and found great fun with Haldir who taught him many things he never knew of. He learnt how to fish, what jokes were (there apparently was never ever jokes made post Haldir times – c'mon, Saruman and his little baby orc and uruk-hai are daft and incapable of jokes and Aragorn was too serious of a man to know sarcasm or even deliver a knock-knock joke, atleast that was what Legolas thought as he only knew the man for a night), how to transport to different worlds (they once went to an all-human world called Earth in the Milky Way galaxy but it terrified Legolas – he wasn't too keen on the fast moving carriages and bright lights and the awfully rude people, ruder, he found, than Saruman - so they never went back) and other things that made Legolas fall hard for Haldir. It was impossible not to as he was not only cultured with rock hard abs and a magnificent archer, but he was funny and caring and clever and he also understood Legolas and listened intently to his stories of the horrible times he's been through with Saruman. He made the perfect husband ever and Legolas was thankful that Saruman brought them together, which of course, irked Saruman to the bone.
Saruman never knew separating the two lovebirds that was Aragorn and Legolas would actually bring joy to his stepson later on. He may have put the whole act of maybe Haldir would be good for his health romantically, but he never expected it to be true! He also never knew just how bad pairing Haldir and Legolas would be for him and his children as they had conspired, behind his back, an attack (or assault, whichever fits better) to have him and his little Saruman juniors flee Mirkwood.
At the beginning of their marriage, Haldir and his army of archers were given board and lodging in the palace. And though Saruman was their recognised ruler, their loyalties laid with Haldir and Legolas. So one sunny morning whilst Pistachio and Marschino were picking (or rather, eating) flowers in the orchard, HHHnfjHaldir led his men to the balcony facing the orchard in battle mode and started shooting arrows.
Saruman, sunbathing by the poolside, took notice of his kids' high-pitched squeals and looked up to see what was going on. Standing up and throwing down his Wizards Quarterly magazine and pushing up his sunnies above his forehead, he put his hands on his hips and yelled out, 'and just what do you think you boys are doing? Go back to your rooms right now!'
'Sorry Saruman,' Haldir yelled out. 'But my dearest husband appears to be breaking out in hives because of what I suspect to be an llergic reaction towards you and your children. And during our wedding, I vowed that I would protect him from harm and from any other nuisances that may come his way. Unfortunately, you have become a nuisance. So please, leave the palace - leave the kingdom if possible – and he'll stop all this. Alright?'
'No, it is not all right. I have a right to be here just as any of you, so you boys better stop it or I will have you –'
'You, Saruman, have come to the last of your threats. My men and your men have promised their loyalties to me. So if you don't leave now, we will have to make you leave, understand?'
'I won't! And how come my men have left me for you? I own them! I give them their salaries!'
'You know, I have no idea really. I think it's because Legolas and I are way hotter than you and us kissing and doing stuff in public turns them on. I don't even have to pay them to stay on our side. Isn't that cool?' Haldir smiled.
Saruman huffed. 'Well you can't drive me out, this is my house –'
And with that, the archers started firing arrows at them again. The orcs, having more sense than Saruman had fled a few minutes ago, leaving Saruman to scream and run away all by himself.
'Thanks Haldir,' Legolas said once Saruman was gone and kissed him passionately. Haldir smiled and started on Legolas' neck, much to the delight of Saruman's ex-army men.
'Anything for you babes,' Haldir whispered, licking Legolas' ear. He had his right hand positioned on his head underneath the layers of blond hair and his other hand groping its way down. Legolas moaned in pleasure and led the way to their room leaving the army men sulking and muttering in disappointment.
To be continued…
