Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

Chapter Nine: Snowstorm

AN:Sorry for the long, long wait. Hopefully, the quality makes up for that a lot.
Luckily, I've already started work on the next chapter to alleviate my writer's block. I thought if I could clear my head of the stuff I was saving, it would make room for new stuff. In the process, I've probably ensured that the next chapter won't take as long.
And so, I won't make you wait any longer.

The Amata Crescendo crossed the bridge to Antarctica. Hsu was driving.

"Not too much longer and we'll be in Antarctica." said Chan.

"Great, more research." said Hsu.

"Are you sure you should include Antarctica in your game?" asked Sushi X.

"Why not?" asked Hsu. "It's in the race."

"But it's a frozen wasteland." said Sushi X. "There's very little to look at."

"What do we have here?" asked Chan as they came to a gas station.

They pulled into the gas station and found the Citi Turbo and Knight parked there.

"And so, I'd like to return your teammate." said Homer. "I just want to say it was a pleasure having him."

"Thanks for returning him." said Michael. "He and B.A. are working on modifying the cars for snow travel."

"So, that's what they're doing." said Marge. "I saw the road the officials built, but I thought they were kidding about overland travel being optional."

Nearby, B.A. and Murdock were welding skis onto the Knight and Citi Turbo while Bart and Lisa watched.

"So, what was it like getting taken over like that?" asked B.A.

"It was like being shot up with novocaine through your entire body." said Murdock. "I could tell what I was doing, but I couldn't feel what I was doing."

"Girl?" asked B.A.

"Uh, that pretty much defined it." said Lisa.

"Coo-ool!" said Bart. "Rice rocket snowmobiles!"

"You know, you would look not too bad with a baseball cap grafted permanently to your head and roof shingles glued to your feet." said KITT.

"I wonder if Beverly Hills plastic surgeons ever have patients like this." said Murdock.

Shortly afterward, both cars took off across the snow.

"Hang on, guys!" said Homer. "Next stop: the South Pole!"

"Yay!" cheered Marge, Lisa, and Bart.

"Guys, I was wondering." said Michael. "Where did you get the material for those skis?"

Back at the gas station, an attendant stepped out of the office and walked around the corner. He froze in shock and asked "What the heck happened to my tow truck?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Darden and Korpi stood next to their new vehicles. "Nice to see DeMarco got us some vehicles that can handle the terrain." said Korpi.

"Thanks for the new wheels, DeMarco." said Darden.

"Keep in mind that you're only getting those for this continent." said DeMarco over satellite phone. "If you fail again, things will get rather detrimental for you."

"Okay, we'll give it our best." said Korpi. He closed the phone and turned to the Hunters.

"You know, I'm starting to think that DeMarco's auto insurance premiums are skyrocketing." said Joe.

"Yeah, I think this is all just a big insurance scam." said Max.

"If it is, DeMarco's sure working us hard." said Paul.

"Anyways," said Korpi "we've got the Rancher." He pointed to a red and white Blazer.

"Paul and Feliz, you get the Roadtrain." said Darden as he pointed to a massive diesel truck with a large brush guard.

"Joe and Max, you get the Landstalker." said Korpi as he pointed to a black Explorer.

"And Johnny and Lance get the Alien." said Darden as he pointed to a Nissan Pulsar GTI-R. The paint job faded from red to yellow and silver blades could be seen on the sides.

AN:The Alien is based on the Flash from San Andreas. I previously used the name Flash in the Qualifying Run and it seemed highly unlikely that the bad guys would be sequelizing a good guys' car.

"Okay, we've got our orders." said Korpi. "By that, I mean nothing's changed."

"Okay, let's get out there." said Darden.

DeMarco walked out of his mansion when he heard an engine approach. A few seconds later, Love Fist's famous limo pulled up in front. Tanner and Everett climbed out.

"Hey! You stole the Love Fist!" said DeMarco.

"Yeah, but I think you should stick to the front seat!" said Tanner. "The backseat smells like boomshine!"

"So, where's the prize money?" asked DeMarco.

"Yeah, about that." said Tanner.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arizona, Nash and Joe met with the race officials.

"So, how are you doing, Inspector Bridges?" asked Brock.

"Okay, I guess." said Nash. "Little shaken by that rollover. How are things here?"

"We're holding up." said Brock. "Although, Slash is a little miffed. He bet on you guys."

"Oh, I guess we owe him money then." said Joe.

"What do you mean 'we', paleface?" asked Nash.

"Come on, I want you to compare notes with the security team." said Brock.

Nash and Joe met with the security team.

"Okay, what's been going on since we started the race?" asked Nash.

"Well, there was a break-in." said Danny. "Fortunately, they stole the explosives recovered from the Monstruo instead of the prize money."

"Of course, before that, they came in disguised as caterers." said Nessa. "They even stungunned Danny while trying to escape."

"Who are these guys working for?" asked Nash.

"We believe he's working for a Miami drug lord named Jimmy DeMarco." said Mr. X.

"I've heard of this guy." said Nash. "I was given information by Horatio Caine, an inspector with the Miami PD Crime Lab."

"What can you tell us about him?" asked Danny.

"Well," said Nash "actually, he's got a song written about him. Hey, Jezz. Why don't you guys perform that song for us? I've heard you perform it in concert."

"With pleasure, bubba." said Jezz.

"Hey, I've got a patent on that!" said Nash.

"Okay, boys." said Jezz. "One, two, three, four..."

Love Fist started to play through the opening to the song. Some time later, Jezz started to sing.

Rat-tailed Jimmy is a second hand hood.
He deals out of Hollywood.
Got a '65 Chevy primered flames.
Traded for some powdered goods.
Jigsaw Jimmy, he's running a gang.
But I hear he's doing okay.
Got a cozy little job, sells the Mexican mob,
packages of candycaine.

He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".
He's the one that makes you feel alright.
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".

Cops on the corner always ignore.
Somebody's getting paid.
Jimmy's got it wired. Law's for hire.
Gotta make it in the shade.
Got a little hideaway, does business all day.
But at night, he'll always be found.
Selling sugar to the sweet,
people on the street.
Call this Jimmy's town.

He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".
He's the one that makes you feel alright.
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".
He's gonna be your Frankenstein.

I've got one thing you'll understand.
He's not what you'd call a glamorous man.
Got one thing that's easily understood.
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".

He'll tell you he's the king.
Of these Barrio streets.
Moving up to Shangri-La.
Came by his wealth as a matter of luck.
Says he never broke no law.
Two time loser running out of juice.
Time to move out quick.
Heard a rumor going round.
Jimmy's going down.
This time, it's gonna stick.

He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".
He's the one that makes you feel alright.
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".
He's gonna be your Frankenstein.

Let him soothe your soul, just take his hand.
Some people call him an evil man.
Let him introduce himself real good.
He's the only one they call "Feelgood".

-"Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue.

"And basicly, that's who it is." said Nash.

"You're saying this guy was the inspiration behind that song?" asked Danny.

"That's about the size of it." said Joe.

"This guy is dangerous." said Nessa. "I think we should start trying to track him down."

"I agree." said Nash. "That's why I've sent a message to Inspector Caine detailing the situation. There's a raid on DeMarco's mansion scheduled for tomorrow."

"Love to see him brought in." said Danny. "I'm on my way to Miami."

XXXXXXXXXX

At a restaurant set up on Palmer Pennisula, Jaleel the Kid rode up and parked his motorcycle.

Nearby, a radio was playing. "Our Cannonballers are now in Antarctica. On the Palmer Pennisula, the temperature is a sweltering 40 degrees...below. Basicly, if you're not in a closed vehicle, you'd better take the necessary precautions to prevent frostbite."

Kid got off the Cohete and shivered. He sat down next to the hot engine and tried to warm himself up.

Marcus and Regis walked out of the restaurant. "You know, I think we're making good time." said Marcus. "If we keep up the pace, we just might win this."

"Good thing we ate." said Regis. "Hey, is that the Kid?"

"Yeah, I think it is." said Marcus. "Hey, Kid, are you alright?"

Kid jumped up and sneered at them.

"Hey, hey. Take it easy." said Regis.

Kid chased them off. They jumped back into the L.A. Cop Car, started it, and drove off.

Kid entered the restaurant and found Ford at the counter.

"Hey, Kid." said Ford. "You okay now?"

"Yeah. Yeah." said Kid. "Man, that was something else."

"Think you're up to that race we attempted in South America?" asked Ford.

"In this cold?" asked Kid. "I think I'll wait 'til Africa."

"At least here, we don't have to deal with alien parasites." said Ford.

At a nearby table, Hank Hill and his friends were talking with a group of workers from a local ice station.

"And so, that is why you shouldn't walk in the forest at night." said Bobby.

The people there laughed.

"Well, after this, it's on to the South Pole." said Hank.

"It's a scam, Hank." said Dale. "The South Pole is actually the North Pole. They labeled it like that to confuse the Nazis."

Outside, Mitzi and her girls watched the restaurant through binoculars.

"I count three teams of Cannonballers in the restaurant right now." said Kim.

"So, we take care of them here and now." said Mitzi. "After that, we can get rid of the rest of them."

"Wait, there's something wrong with one of those men." said Linda.

Inside the restaurant, the Cannonballers were still talking when one of the workers started to convulse and squirm.

"Musta ate the chili." said the chef.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Hank.

"I dunno." said one of his buddies. "Earlier today, he was attacked by some kind of weird creature."

"Somebody get this man some water!" yelled Dale.

"Hey, man, don't get dat dere man some water, get him some o' dat dang Pepto Bismol." said Boomhauer.

The man's chest started to pulse. Finally, a little creatue ripped out of it. Bill screamed and ran.

The creature ran off with Kid and Ford watching it.

"The race is on?" asked Kid.

"First to Enderby Land wins." said Ford.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Where's that shortcut you promised us?" asked Dominic.

"Wait for it." said Jesse. "There." he said as he pointed to two men, a tall, beefy guy wearing glasses and a dwarf. They were next to a T-bucket hot rod with skis and treads.

"I think I see where this is going." said Memphis.

Dominic pulled over next to the T-bucket. The three car guys climbed out.

"Dominic, Memphis, meet Tombstone," said Jesse as he pointed to the beefy guy "and Body Drop." he added as he pointed to the dwarf. "Body Drop's our shop assistant on 'Monster Garage'. And Tombstone, well, you know him."

Tombstone laughed. Body Drop gave an Ozzy salute.

"So, what do have for us?" asked Memphis.

"We have this." said Tombstone as he grabbed a large ski out of the T-bucket. "Using this equipment we rigged up, the Bestia will be turned into a de facto snowmobile."

"All we have to do is bolt them on in place of the tires." said Body Drop. "After that, she should drive like normal."

"So basicly, it's like what you guys did with that T-bucket." said Dominic. "The only difference is that the process can be reversed."

"Yes, that's it exactly." said Jesse.

"Hey, Jesse." said Tombstone as he lifted the other ski out of the T-bucket. "What do you say about a race across the continent?"

"Sure you're up to it?" asked Jesse as he and Dominic lifted one of the treads out.

"Definitely." said Body Drop as he and Memphis lifted the other tread out of the T-bucket.

"Sounds like a challenge." said Memphis.

"You're on." said Dominic.

XXXXXXXXXX

The New York Patrol Car pulled into the restaurant and Mahoney, Jones, and Walker climbed out. They found the Hank Hill Team and the other protectors already there.

"Okay, where's the rat?" asked Mahoney.

"Those two bikers saw it run into the freezer." said Hank. "Of course, that was just before they took off."

"What about the corpse?" asked Hightower.

"Oh, he survived." said Hooks.

The man the creature burst out of was wheeled out on a stretcher. "Can we not tell my wife about this?" he asked through his oxygen mask.

"You guys up for a little vermin hunt?" asked Mahoney.

"Tack's already on the job." said Flash. "You'll be working with him."

Fackler helped the paramedics load the man into an ambulance. Unfortunately, he slipped on a patch of ice and shoved the paramedic into the side of the vehicle.

"The eyewitness says the creature is a nasty little thing." said Flash.

Fackler helped the paramedic move the stretcher to the ambulance's rear doors. In the process, he stumbled and hit the other paramedic in the crotch with the stretcher.

"You saw what it did to that guy." said Flash.

Fackler helped the paramedics put the man into the ambulance. He then closed the doors as the first paramedic was climbing in and hit him in the head.

"Therefore, take caution." said Flash. "Good will hunting."

Jones and Walker entered the restaurant.

"Okay, let's go get that creature. Tack?" said Jones.

"I'm not ready yet." said Tackleberry from the men's room. A few seconds later, he said "Okay, I'm done." He walked out of the men's room in army fatigues. "Let's catch us some strange creature."

Walker made a pair of fists and Tackleberry had his submachine gun ready. Jones walked over to the door to the freezer and grabbed the handle. He looked to Walker and Tackleberry. They nodded.

Jones pulled open the freezer door while making a whirring sound. Walker and Tackleberry looked around, then Walker turned on the lights. They saw the creature had grown into a gigantic monster.

"You want to go for it?" asked Tackleberry.

"Are you freaking nuts?" asked Walker.

He signaled Jones to close the door. Jones closed the door while making another whirring sound.

A minute later, they got out of the restaurant.

"Did you find it?" asked Flash.

"Oh yeah." said Walker.

"How big was it?" asked Fackler.

"Do you measure to the shoulder or the head?" asked Tackleberry.

"Recommended course of action?" asked Mahoney.

"Nuke the place, bro." said Jones.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesse Richmond shivered while Chester aimed a camera at him.

"Hurry up, it's freezing out here!" said Jesse.

"Relax and hold still." said Chester. "This won't take long."

"It better not take long or I won't have a problem holding still." said Jesse. "I'll be frozen solid!"

"Alright." said Chester. He took the picture. "There, ya happy?"

"Okay, let's go." said Jesse.

They got back into the Stadt and drove off. Chester checked the camera.

"That's odd." he said. "There's some kind of distortion behind you. Looks like there's heat rising."

"Oh, there was no heat rising! I'll tell you that now!" said Jesse.

Back where the picture was taken, the distortion started to move. It then undistorted into a strange creature. The creature checked its arm readout and looked off into the distance.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Lusso XT had pulled into the diner. J was interviewing the victim of the chestbursting while K did a spectral analysis.

"Not magenta." mumbled K. "Anything but magenta."

J and Mulder walked over to him. "What's up?" asked Mulder.

"Look what it is." said K as he showed them the spectral analyzer.

"Oh, hell no!" said J.

"What? What?" asked Mulder.

"According to this, we're dealing with a Predator." said K. "We're talking about a master hunter with cloaking abilities, very powerful weapons, and a nuclear bomb strapped to its arm."

"I'd hate to see what weapon it used to rip into that guy's chest." said J.

"Describe the injury." said a very stunned K.

"It looked like something was inside his chest, then tore right out of it." said J.

"You mean like this could?" asked K as he showed him a picture on his scanner.

J looked at the picture and got scared. He went to the next picture. It showed the creature Walker and Tackleberry found in the freezer. "There's no way my luck is that bad." he muttered.

"What is it?" asked Mulder.

"It's what we refer to as a Xenomorph." said J. "It's very fast, very strong, and naturally armored. And you know how it causes injuries like this?"

"I'm going to regret asking this, but how?" asked Mulder.

"It lays eggs in your chest, then they hatch and the offspring rips out quickly." said K.

"The truth really is out there." said Mulder. "Anything else I should know about them?"

"Yes, these are both extremely dangerous species of alien," said K "and we pretty much let them do whatever the hell they damn well please."

"Back to the car." said J.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, the Torque JX navigated the roadway. Chen drove while Kobe cooked in the backseat.

"(So, Iron Chef Kobe, what dish are you preparing today?)" asked Kaga.

"(I am making a fine lasagna with a nice pesto sauce.)" said Kobe. "(And it is finished now.)"

"Arigato." said Kaga.

"(Chef Chen, your lasagna.)" said Kobe as he handed a dish to him. "(Chairman Kaga, yours.)" he said as he handed another to Kaga. "(And mine.)" said Kobe as he started to cut into the lasagna.

A school of penguins started to cross the road. Chen let out a yelp and hit the brakes. The Torque JX slid to a stop and Kobe dropped his lasagna onto the floor.

"(Sorry about that.)" said Chen.

"(Wasn't there an American movie about this?)" asked Kaga.

"(Yes, I think there was.)" said Kobe.

The Karuma pulled alongside. Wayne and Garth were in the front. Wayne had his window down and had Chen do the same.

"Pardon me," said Wayne in a snooty voice "would you have any Grey Poupon?"

He and Garth started to laugh as he rolled up his window.

"But of course." said Kaga as he picked up a jar of Grey Poupon and tossed it to Wayne. The jar smashed when it hit the window, scaring them.

"(Actually, Chairman, I believe he was doing a parody of a popular American commercial.)" said Kobe.

"(Well, so were we.)" said Kaga.

Wayne and Garth stared at the mustard oozing down the window.

"Don't worry, guys." said Dylan. "Just rub it off with some hot dogs."

"Actually, that's Grey Poupon." said Natalie. "Use really expensive hot dogs."

XXXXXXXXXX

Malcolm drove the Fripon X through Antarctica.

"I really don't remember much about being an alien zombie." he said. "And frankly, I'm okay with that."

"Hey, Malcolm, what happened back there?" asked Francis.

"Well, essentially," said Malcolm "these parasites that were inside our heads gave off some powerful hormones as excrement."

"You mean they were peeing in our brains?" said Reese. "These were some pretty cool aliens."

"Well, I know it sounds that way, Reese." said Malcolm. "But you have to realize that these aliens were about to take over the world if we hadn't intervened."

"Well, you're always complaining about how stupid the world is." said Francis. "Why wouldn't you want to be part of an invasion force?"

"Well, Francis." said Malcolm before he looked out the side window. The Interna was passing them. Beavis was driving while Butthead kneeled on the trunk with his tongue stuck to the roof.

"As I was saying," said Malcolm "if I were to conquer the world, I'd remake it how I see fit. That's a vision that would most likely not mesh with their vision."

"Huh?" said Reese.

"Never mind." said Malcolm.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel and Fearless

The Majestic drove into Antarctica.

"Where are we supposed to go?" asked Joel.

"Somewhere around here." said Fearless. "There."

Joel pulled over. Nearby, a '32 Ford Model A hot rod was parked. DeVille was leaning against it.

"Hey, Coop, what's up?" asked Fearless as he climbed out of the car.

"After the incidents, I decided it was time to get involved myself." said DeVille. "Also, one of the Cannonballers tried to hack our computers."

"Are you sure it was a Cannonballer?" asked Joel.

"He left a signature." said DeVille. "He's an agent of the Foundation for Law And Government. We're going after him regardless."

"Nice wheels." said Fearless.

"Thanks, we call it the Hotknife." said DeVille. "It was confiscated from a Russian Mafioso. It's all mine now. So, any intel?"

"Just this." said Joel as he handed DeVille his notepad.

DeVille handed him a new one. "Thanks, we need to keep doing this." he said. "Only now, I'm here."

"Great." said Fearless. "Nice to be working with you."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Super Taxi drove through the frozen wasteland. Stanley was driving and Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic" was playing on the radio.

"He waited his whole damn life...to take that flight." sang Kuni.

"And as the plane crashed down, he thought 'Well, isn't this nice?'" sang George.

"And isn't it ironic?" sang Stanley. "Don't you think?"

"It's like rai-e-ain...on your wedding day!" sang George as he rolled down the window and climbed onto the door. He held onto the handle above the window. "It's a free ri-ide...when you've already paid! It's the good advice..." he sang when suddenly, the handle broke off. George flailed his arms in an attempt to regain his balance. He failed and fell headfirst into the snow.

Stanley stopped the car and he and Kuni went back to pick up George.

"Let's not mention this to anyone." said George as he was pulled out of the snow.

Not far away, Yuri and his army watched this.

"Are you sure these guys are a threat?" asked one of his lieutenants.

"The tall one with the goofy teeth is resistant to my powers." said Yuri. "I must not only remove him as a threat, but also discover the cause of his immunity."

Suddenly, everyone heard Tears For Fears' "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" playing. Yuri answered his cell phone.

"Yes?..Good...I'll be there." He hung up his phone. "We've found another team of Cannonballers who were responsible for the damage in our headquarters. They will be dealt with."

The Vortex 5 raced down the road. Inside, Jarod tried rubbing his hands to keep warm.

"Well, those guys definitely removed the heater to improve performance." he said.

As he drove, Johnny 5 used his laser on a coffee mug. He then turned it off and handed the mug to Jarod.

"What's this?" asked Jarod.

"It's something humans like to drink when it's cold." said Johnny 5. "It's called hot chocolate."

Jarod took the mug and sipped it. "Mmmm, not bad." he said.

"I thought you'd like it." said Johnny 5.

Jarod took another sip. "You know what would go great with this?" he asked. "Marshmallows."

XXXXXXXXXX

Buffy drove through Antarctica in the Torrida. Xander was at her side. Both looked rather guilty.

"I think it's sure thing Willow's never gonna talk to us again." said Xander.

"I don't know." said Buffy. "We forgave her after her takeover by the Bezoar...and her alternate universe vampire self...and her turn to the dark side. Anyway, the least she can do is return the favor."

Buffy checked the rearview and saw a large white and gray machine behind them. It looked like a cross between a tank and a large snowmobile. She watched as it pulled alongside them.

She then noticed who was in and on the vehicle. Willow was riding one of the running boards, Stalker was driving, Snake Eyes was riding shotgun, Roadblock was manning the gun station, and Gung Ho was in the turret. All of them were wearing cold weather gear...except Gung Ho who was not only wearing the exact same thing from South America, but also had his jacket open.

"Thanks, guys." said Willow as she jumped to the Torrida.

"Good luck in the race." said Roadblock.

"Good luck recovering that weapon. Yo Joe!" she replied.

Willow climbed through the Torrida's sunroof and climbed into the backseat. "So, what did I miss?" she asked.

Buffy smiled. "Just the usual." she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Richard and Larry cruised through Antarctica.

"Walking in my winter underwear." sang Larry to the tune of "Winter Wonderland".

"Nice and cold out there." said Richard.

"Yeah, hope it's good enough for Bernie." said Larry.

Bernie sat on the roof and said " ."

They cut around the Hotknife. "Ah, my first Cannonballer." said DeVille.

He took off after the Ascent.

"Damn." said Richard as he pulled over.

The two cars pulled over and their occupants climbed out.

"Look, officer." said Larry. "I can explain everything."

"Save it, pal." said DeVille. "I've heard them all."

"Well, you probably haven't heard this one." said Richard.

"Try me." said DeVille.

"Okay, when we heard the Cannonballers were heading to Antarctica," said Larry "we just had to come along to see what the place was like. Of course, Bernie here had to see the area as we drove through and decided to watch from the roof."

"That's when we noticed the temperature dropping." said Richard. "After that, we decided to get going on to the South Pole gas station to keep him from freezing to death."

"You know, you're right." said DeVille. "I haven't heard that one before."

"Yeah, we thought you hadn't." said Larry.

"Well, you can keep going to the South Pole." said DeVille. "However, you have to take Bernie off of the roof and put him in the passenger compartment with you."

"Okay." said Richard.

They lifted Bernie off the roof and carried him to the rear door. Bernie tumbled over on top of Larry.

"Uh, did we mention that Bernie was drunk when he got up there?" asked Larry.

"Yeah, he does seem dead drunk to me." said DeVille.

"You could say that." said Richard.

XXXXXXXXXX

Artemis drove the Crown Mail through the countryside.

"I think we might be not far from completely unexplored wilderness." said Artemis. "In fact, humanity may not have crested the mountains to our left."

"Then, how did they build this road?" asked Butler.

"Good point." said Artemis. He noticed J.D. looking out the window. "I wonder what Dr. Dorian is thinking about."

J.D. looked out the window and imagined a giant castle made of snow. Turk, Elliott, and Dr. Cox stood outside.

"John!" yelled Elliott.

"Yo, J.D!" yelled Turk.

"Sarah, are you going to leave us out here?" yelled Cox.

Just then, J.D. opened the door while wearing a bathrobe. "Ah, welcome to the ultimate snow fort." he said. "It's all mine, too."

He popped back into reality and glanced at the rearview. "Um, Artemis, are those motorcycles on our side?" he asked.

"No, and I think we should prepare for battle." said Artemis.

Mitzi and her girls raced up behind the Crown Mail. "Tally ho!" she called.

"Okay, men, prepare to fight back." said Artemis.

"With what, sir?" asked Butler.

"Oh, good point." said Artemis when he saw the van had little that could be used for defense.

"Gate up ahead." said J.D.

"Butler, prepare to grab that pole." said Artemis.

"Yes, Master Fowl." said Butler as he leaned out of the window.

Artemis charged right into the wooden gate and ripped through it. After they did, Butler grabbed a pole next to the gate and broke it off of its mount.

Mitzi and her girls followed through the broken gate and Mia and Linda took a shortcut. Mitzi, Nichole, and Kim continued their pursuit.

"I've got the pole." said Butler. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Hold on to it for a little bit." said Artemis.

"They're coming." said J.D.

Mitzi raced up behind him and pulled a gun. She tried to fire on J.D, but he pulled his head back into the rear window.

Just then, Mia and Linda came towards them. They too had their guns out.

"Okay, Butler." said Artemis. "It's jousting time."

Butler aimed the end of the pole at Mia. Mia aimed her gun at him. Before she could fire, he hit her in the chest with the pole, knocking her and Linda off of the NRG-500 and breaking the pole. The now riderless NRG-500 raced towards Mitzi and fell. She wasn't able to steer around it in time and hit the fallen motorcycle, throwing herself from the FCR-900.

"Nice planning, Master Fowl." said Butler.

"Thank you, Butler." said Artemis. "Looks like I was right to trust your aim as well."

"Hey, guys." said J.D. "There's still one coming."

Nichole had steered around Mitzi and the disabled motorcycles. Now, she and Kim were after the Crown Mail. They pulled alongside the van and pulled their guns.

This time, it was Butler who saw a solution to their problem. He took what was left of the pole and thrust it into the BF-400's front wheel. The motorcycle was thrown into the air and landed in a snow bank.

"Nice!" yelled J.D.

"Very clever, Butler!" said Artemis. "You impress me greatly."

"I know. I know." said Butler.

A few minutes later, Mitzi, Mia, and Linda had gotten their motorcycles back up and found Nichole and Kim.

"Come on, we have to go after them." said Kim.

"Forget it, he got away." said Mitzi.

"I don't think we can fix this." said Linda when she saw the BF-400. The bike was a complete wreck.

"Wait, there's something in here." said Nichole.

The girls then dug into the snow. Within a few minutes, they uncovered a '58 Plymouth Fury. The thing was in pretty good shape.

"Now, who would leave a perfectly good classic car out here?" asked Mia.

"I have no idea." said Mitzi. "If we can get this thing running, we have your new transportation."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Linda. "There's something about it that gives me the creeps."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Turtles parked by the side of the road with the hood of the Cocotte up.

"Donatello, how did the engine ice over?" asked Leonardo.

"My fault, guys." said Donatello. "I added extra water to the radiator to compensate for the heat in South America and it froze."

"Well, thanks to you, I've got to de-ice the engine." said Raphael as he whacked away on the ice with his sais.

"Totally bogus, Donatello." said Michaelangelo.

"Hold it, guys." said Leonardo.

"What's going on?" asked Raphael.

"There's something here." said Leonardo.

Just then, the Predator faded into view. He looked at the Turtles and took a defensive stance.

"What is that thing?" asked Donatello as he took out his bo staff.

"I don't know, but he ripped off Shredder's costume design." said Raphael.

"Turtles fight with honor!" called Leonardo as he drew his katanas.

He rushed at the creature ready to strike. The Predator just grabbed him by his belt and held him up.

"Go, green machine!" yelled Raphael. He too charged at the Predator with both sais up. The creature picked him up and forced him against the wall.

Michaelangelo approached with his nunchucks still in their sheaths.

"Michaelangelo, what are you doing?" asked Donatello.

"Watch!" said Michaelangelo. He extended all four fingers and said "Peace, dude!"

The Predator looked at him oddly.

"Raphael, holster your weapons." said Leonardo as he sheathed his swords.

"I think Michaelangelo's got the right idea for once." said Raphael as he returned his sais to his belt.

The Predator looked at them and released them.

"See? He's got no beef with us." said Michaelangelo.

"That's good." said Raphael. "Because he could have easily kicked our shells."

"Uh, what brings you here?" asked Leonardo.

The Predator just looked at him strangely and showed him his arm readout.

"This could take a while." said Donatello as he looked at it.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, Gonzo wanted a daredevil rematch after what happened in Korea." said Kermit as he stood next to the Modicum XSV.

"I understand." said Fuji. "We will have this rematch here and now. What are you going to do?"

"Pay attention, because I'm not repeating this!" said Gonzo. "Animal takes off in the Modicum XSV and pulls me behind him. I'll be on this sled and I will try to jump the upcoming ravine. What about you?"

"Okay, we never got around to barefoot waterskiing in South America." said Super Dave. "So, I guess we'll just give this a try. I'll use this snowboard to slide along while being pulled by the Allarde. Before I get to the ravine, I will attempt to perform as many skateboard type tricks on the snowboard as I can. Are you ready?"

"I'm all set." said Gonzo. "Go for it, Animal, but don't go too fast."

"Don't what?" asked Animal.

"Go too fast." said Gonzo.

"NITRO!" yelled Animal. He floored the accelerator and tore off quickly.

"Wait, not so faaaaaaaassssstttttt!" yelled Gonzo as he was yanked right off of the sled and dragged behind the Modicum.

"I guess it's my turn." said Super Dave.

He stood behind the Alarde and strapped on a snowboard. Fuji was in the driver's seat. "Ready, Super?" he asked.

"All set, Fuje." said Super Dave.

Fuji started to drive. Super Dave held onto the spoiler and was pulled along.

He steered to the right and ramped up onto the side of a snowy slope. After executing a spin, he brought it back down. He then let go of the spoiler and drifted a little, then grabbed onto it again.

He then ramped off a snowdrift and did a handstand on the spoiler. Five seconds later, he brought it back down and did a 180-degree turn. He then slid up onto the wall to his left and did a grind on the wall.

Finally, he jumped the board off of a small hill and landed it on the spoiler. He balanced for ten seconds, then jumped off and grabbed the spoiler again.

His stunt finished, he let go with his right hand and gave a thumbs-up. Two seconds later, he hit a mogul and fell face-first into the snow...at a hundred miles per hour.

"I hope they don't have any fillings." said Fozzie.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team had gone to bed. However, Wario got hungry in the middle of the night. He made his way to the kitchen and looked into the refrigerator. However, there was very little to find inside.

Wario picked up a bag that read "Dead lizard. Do not eat." on it and looked into it. He then closed it and said "I don't know what I was expecting."

He stuck it back in the refrigerator and started looking again. His eyes widened when he saw a loaf of bread on a lower shelf.

He picked up the bread and took it to the table, then started eating it. Just then, Bowser and Waluigi came downstairs.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" asked Bowser.

"Too hungry." said Wario.

Waluigi went to the refrigerator and opened it. "Hey, where's my bread mold experiment?" he asked.

Wario got sick and started spitting out the bread into the garbage pail.

"You ate my bread mold experiment?" asked Waluigi.

"Well, put yourself in my place!" said Wario. "I was hungry and the only other thing in the fridge was a dead lizard in a bag."

"You didn't eat that, did you?" asked Bowser. "I only have six days to return it for a full refund."

"Make a note." said Wario. "Tomorrow, we go shopping."

XXXXXXXXXX

"What exactly did I do back in South America?" asked Annie.

"Apparently, you got intimate with me." said James.

"You did not!" said Oakley.

"We've got pictures." said Jessie. She handed them over as she drove.

"Well, you have to remember we were under the influence of alien parasites at the time." said Oakley.

"Wait, there's no way to tell who the person other than James in this picture is." said Meowth.

"Oh, that's me." said Annie. "I totally made out with him."

The Rancher fell in behind them.

"Uh oh, we've got company." said Jessie.

"I don't believe this." said Korpi. "It's Team Rocket."

"This should be easy." said Darden.

"Maybe we should call for protection." said James.

"From who?" asked Annie. "The other Cannonballers hate our guts and we haven't seen that cute guy on the motorcycle in a long time."

"Maybe we can use our Pokemon." said James. "Just like in Texas. Right, Jessie?"

Jessie was lost in thought. "Huh? Oh, sorry." she said. "Just thinking of cute guys on motorcycles."

"Just a little closer now and..." said Darden as he tried to aim.

Suddenly, the Cohete and Monsoni raced around him and swerved in front of him.

"What the...!" yelled Korpi.

"Come on, Rockets!" yelled Kid. "Move out of the way!"

"Let the faster ones through!" said Ford.

"Get those crotch rockets out of my shot!" yelled Darden.

"What do you have?" asked Jessie.

"Charmander." said Annie.

"Squirtle." said Oakley.

"Didn't you bring any decent ones when you left the house?" asked James.

Finally, the Cohete and Monsoni cut around the Piranha PDQ and continued.

"Now, they're mine." said Darden.

The Piranha's rear hatch opened and Annie and Oakley leaned out with a Pokeball each.

"I choose you, Charmander!" called Annie.

She threw her Pokemon and Charmander popped out.

"What the hell is that?" asked Korpi.

Charmander blew fire across the front of the Rancher. However, it failed to do any damage.

"He missed." said Meowth.

"Did he?" asked Annie.

The ice shelf next to the road started to fall apart. Korpi tried to outrun it, but the chunks of ice started to hit the Rancher on the roof.

"He's going to make it." said James.

"Not just yet." said Oakley as she threw her Pokeball. "I choose you, Squirtle!"

Squirtle popped out of the Pokeball and sprayed water on the Rancher. In the frigid Antarctic air, the water froze instantaneously. In short order, the SUV was buried in ice blocks.

"Nice move." said Annie.

"I thought so." said Oakley.

"And you thought they weren't good choices." said Meowth.

"Go play with a mouse." said James.

The Rancher started to pull itself out of the ice pile.

"Four wheel drive, nothing like it." said Korpi.

XXXXXXXXXX

Matt drove the Boost through the frozen wasteland. "We'll be reaching the South Pole soon." he said. "As soon as we get there, we can stop for gas."

"Sounds good." said Gloria glumly.

"Something wrong?" asked Bruce.

"I was just wondering about my teammates from the '87 race." said Gloria. "I wonder what they're up to."

"Who's that?" asked Matt. He slowed to stop next to a gray van with a Channel 6 sign on the side.

"I don't believe it!" said Gloria. "It's one of my teammates."

Matt parked and Gloria got out. "April!" she yelled.

"Gloria Baker?" asked April. "How long has it been?"

"Too long." said Gloria. "I was just thinking of you...and Scarlett and Lady Jaye too."

"Nice seeing you again." said April.

Gloria looked at April. "What is this?" she asked. "Are you still wearing your old racing uniform?"

"No, this is a completely different jumpsuit." said April. "I've got a collection of them at home. So, have you still got it?"

"Sure do." said Gloria. "I've driven my share of the route. You?"

"I got here, didn't I?" replied April.

"Hey, are you up to a little race?" asked Gloria. "First one to the South Pole wins? Oh wait, does that take you away from your story?"

"Are you kidding?" asked April. "That's where I'm going! I'd love to!"

"Alright!" said Gloria. "Are you going to be using that?"

"It's perfect for this terrain." said April. "Ready to go?"

"Sure." said Gloria. She returned to the Boost and Matt let her into the driver's seat.

"What was that about?" asked Matt.

"Just catching up on old times." said Gloria as she pulled alongside the newsvan. Within a few seconds, they were off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Corvax continued his navigation of Antarctica.

"It's kind of nice to be in this climate." said Corvax. "There's nothing but hot weather in the Middle East."

"If I recall, there's an artificial ski slope in Dubai." said the T-X.

"There is, but this is a nice change of pace from the norm." said Corvax.

Suddenly, the car shook violently. The T-1000 turned around to look.

"It's that black van we've been hearing about." he said.

"I guess I'll have to run for it." said Corvax.

The van hit them again. A warning sounded in the car.

"Oh no." groaned Corvax.

"What's wrong?" asked the T-1000.

"The engine's freezing over." said Corvax.

"That makes two of us." said the T-X.

"The engine's freezing, we're losing power." said Corvax.

The van hit them again.

"I've got it. The air conditioner." said the T-1000.

"The air conditioner?" asked the T-X.

"Of course." said Corvax. "It'll make the engine work harder. Maybe make it heat up."

Corvax turned on the air conditioner. The van hit them again.

"Come on." said the T-X.

The van went to hit them again, but they managed to pull away. The team cheered.

"Well, that...was...a..." said the T-1000 before he froze solid.

Corvax and the T-X looked at his frozen form bewildered. The T-X pulled back her fist, said "Hasta la vista, baby.", and punched through his head, shattering it.

"He'll be fine when we get to warmer areas." said the T-X.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel drove an Antarctic road in the Majestic. "How hard can it be to spot a Cannonballer in the South Pole?" he asked. "Boy, do I have an answer for that!"

"Yeah, the Cannonballers are supposed to be using this road." said Fearless. "Where are they?"

Just then, the Boost and newsvan cut around them.

"Well, there's our answer." said Joel. He threw the car into the next gear and took off after them.

"Guys, we've got company." said Matt.

"No problem, this is a company car." said Bruce.

"April, we've got a smokey on our tail." said Gloria over the radio.

"I've got an idea." said April. "I'm pulling over."

The news van pulled over and the Boost contined. April climbed out. Joel and Fearless climbed out as well.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" asked Fearless.

"Well, what's the speed limit through here?" asked April.

Joel and Fearless tried to think of what it was, only to realize there wasn't one.

"Look, just give us your license and registration, please." said Joel.

"Okay." said April as she unzipped her jumpsuit and took out her license.

Joel and Fearless got themselves an eyeful.

"Well, you are obviously in a hurry." said Fearless.

"Plus, it's pretty damn cold out here." said Joel. "We'll let you go before you freeze."

Joel and Fearless returned to the car. "You okay?" asked Joel.

"Yeah, good thing there's a lot of cold water where we're going." said Fearless.

April zipped up as she returned to the van. "One thing's for sure, the guy was right." she said. "It's flippin' freezing out here!"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Citi was parked at the side of the road. Sam and Woody were making snowballs and storing them in a cooler. Cliff was packing snow into another cooler while Norm watched.

"Could you explain what we're doing again, Sam?" asked Woody.

"Well, Woods," explained Sam "since we weren't able to mount weapons on the car and we don't have any weapons ourselves, we're improvising. Snowballs may seem like they're better than nothing, but with my pitching arm, they could be lethal weapons."

"Hey, Sammy," said Cliff "if you have any left over, can I have them?"

"Why is that, Cliff?" asked Sam.

"Well, this is Antarctica, Sammy." said Cliff. "There's no civilization, no polution. This is the purest snow possible. Therefore, think of the snow cones you can make. Right, Normie?"

"Right now, I couldn't care less about the purity of the snow as long as it keeps my beer cold." said Norm as he picked up a six-pack.

"Okay, time's wasting." said Sam. "Let's get back on the highway. Woody, you're driving."

Cliff and Norm climbed into the backseat, Woody got into the driver's seat, and Sam took the front passenger seat.

"Hey, Cliff, is that snow good to eat?" asked Norm as he opened a beer can and prepared to pour it into a glass.

"Let me check." said Cliff as he opened the cooler. He took out a small handful of snow and tasted it. "Not bad."

Woody floored the accelerator and took the car back onto the road. The violent motion caused Norm to drop his beer into Cliff's snow.

"Daggonit, Woody!" yelled Cliff as he took the glass out of the cooler and gave it back to Norm.

"Whoa, sorry about that, Mr. Clavin." said Woody.

"Damage report, Peterson." said Cliff.

"Got a healthy dose of your snow in my beer." said Norm. "It's soaking it up like a sponge."

"Also got some of your beer in my snow." said Cliff.

Cliff and Norm looked at the snow/beer combination for a few seconds. Then, they picked up the beer-saturated snow, took a bite, held it in their mouths for a second, and swallowed. They then turned to each other and said "He-ey."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jersey XS and Modo Prego continued to race across the ice shelf.

"Looks like the GBs are still in this." said Buckaroo.

"Of course, it's gonna take a lot more than alien parasites to take them down." said Perfect Tommy.

"I think Buckaroo is looking forward to this stage." said Peter.

"Why's that?" asked Louis.

"With this wide-open space, he can use the Hyperthruster without hitting anything." said Winston.

As the two cars tore across the ice, Joe and Max watched them race by in the Landstalker.

"They look completely oblivious to us." said Joe.

"Let's fix that." said Max.

Joe put the Landstalker into gear and drove out after them.

"Ah great, always trouble." said Sydney.

"Winston!" yelled Buckaroo.

"Yeah?" yelled Winston.

"Problem!" yelled Buckaroo.

"Oh!" yelled Winston.

The two drivers threw their cars into the next gear as the music started. Like in Australia, the off-road equipped Landstalker caught up with them on the rough terrain.

Revvin' up your engine,
listen to her howlin' roar.
Metal under tension,
beggin' you to touch and go.

The Modo Prego raced down a road that was nearby. The Jersey XS and Landstalker followed them.

The road led to a military-like base with a group of empty hangars.

Highway to the danger zone.
Ride into the danger zone.

Headin' into twilight,
spreadin' out our wings tonight.
She got you jumpin' off the deck,
and shovin' into overdrive.

The two cars swerved around the hangars and raced for a tunnel in the ice wall. They entered with the Landstalker in hot pursuit.

Several construction crews in the tunnel jumped out of the way as the cars raced through.

Highway to the danger zone.
Gonna take you right into the danger zone.

You'll never say hello to you,
until you get it on a redline overload.
You never know what you can do,
until you get it up as high as you can go.

The cars raced through a construction site in the tunnel. The Jersey XS and Landstalker swerved around a wall under construction while the Modo Prego jumped through it.

The two cars raced down an ice tunnel which led to the surface. It exited onto an ice bridge.

Out along the edges,
always where I burn to be.
The further on the edge,
the hotter the intensity.

The Jersey XS pulled in front of the Modo Prego just before the bridge narrowed to one car width.

Buckaroo signaled Winston and activated the Hyperthruster. Winston activated the Ecto Booster in response.

Highway to the danger zone.
Gonna take you right into the danger zone.
Highway to the danger zone.
Ride into the danger zone.

The Landstalker started to catch up to them, but then the ice bridge started to fall apart. It finally stopped on a cliff.

Highway to the danger zone.
Gonna take you right into the danger zone.
Highway to the danger zone.
Ride into the danger zone.

-"Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins

Suddenly, the bridge started to break up in front of the Jersey XS and Modo Prego. The Jersey XS made it across before it collapsed, but Winston saw the Modo Prego wasn't going to make it. He plowed on the brakes and the car stopped within inches.

Buckaroo deactivated the Hyperthruster and stopped on the other side. He climbed out and yelled "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah, good thing we got good brakes!" said Winston. "Don't worry about us! I see a way down!"

"Okay!" yelled Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

The newsvan made it to a temporary gas station set up at the South Pole. The Boost and Emu were already there.

"April, you made it." said Gloria.

"Would you expect anything less?" asked April as she put on a coat.

"How'd you take care of those guys?" asked Gloria.

"How do you think I took care of them?" asked April.

"Yep, you've still got it." said Goria. "So, what are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm supposed to be doing an on-the-spot report on the race." said April. "My crew is here, all I have to do is set up."

"Hey, Mike, it looks like we could be on television." said Tom.

"Ooh, let's go be that alien in the background." said Crow.

"Mmmm, okay." said Mike. He and the team walked over to get behind April.

XXXXXXXXXX

DeMarco had his big screen television turned to Channel 6. Reporter Vernon Fenwick was anchoring.

"The Cannonball Run is currently making its way through Antarctica." he said. "Currently on location (and no doubt freezing her butt off) is our own April O'Neil."

The action cut to April at the gas station. She was standing by the office while Mike and the bots stood by her.

"Thank you, Vernon." said April. "I am currently at a temporary gas station set up in the Antarctic by the race officials with one of the teams in the race."

"Hi!" yelled Mike, Tom, and Crow as he waved. Gypsy cheered while everyone else was yelling.

April laughed a little. "At this moment, we are at the South Pole." she continued. "From here, there's only one direction you can go."

"To Hell." said Crow.

April took a second to compose herself. "North." she corrected. "At this point..."

DeMarco ran into the room with Tanner and Everett behind him. "I can't believe this! I can't frickin' believe this!" he yelled. "The Cannonballers are running unimpeded, the Hunters have gone through at least twenty vehicles, and now YOU TWO have failed to heist the cash! I'm so mad, I could explode!"

"Just relax." said Tanner. "I'm sure the prize money is somewhere. As soon as we can find it, you can be sure we can get it."

"The race is more than half-over!" said DeMarco. "I can't take that chance! I'm afraid I have to do something else to ensure our victory."

"What's that?" asked Everett.

"I am going into action myself!" said DeMarco.

Tanner and Everett looked a little scared.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is April O'Neil signing off."

The Cocotte pulled into the gas station as the news crew started to pack up their equipment. The Turtles and the Predator climbed out.

"April!" called Leonardo.

"Hey, guys!" said April. "Who's that?" she asked confused.

"Oh, this guy is an alien." said Donatello.

"No crap." said Crow.

"No, the dude's from another planet on a mission." said Michaelangelo.

"And what is that mission?" asked April.

"Uh, we haven't figured that out yet." said Leonardo. "We've got a bit of a language barrier."

The next car to pull into the gas station was the Bryanston V. Ben, Bernard, Sam, and Max climbed out.

"Hey." said Ben.

Bernard saw the Predator and quickly ran back to the car.

"Who's this guy?" asked Sam.

"He's taking a vacation from another planet." said Raphael. "He heard we had a decent rollercoaster."

Everyone heard a loud screech. They turned to see the Xenomorph on top of the gas station.

"What the heck is that thing?" asked Donatello.

"It's a threat." said Leonardo as he drew his katanas. "Turtles, fight with honor!"

The Predator hit a few buttons on his arm keypad and turned invisible. Everyone else stopped to watch.

The Xenomorph jumped off of the gas station and approached the Cannonballers. Before it got to them, something stopped it. The something turned out to be the Predator which decloaked while holding the Xenomorph in a choke hold. He then extended his arm blade and plunged it into the Xenomorph's chest. He pulled it out and saw it was dissolving.

"What happened to his blade?" asked Raphael.

"That creature's blood must be some kind of acid." said Donatello.

The Xenomorph clawed at the Predator and tossed him aside, then went after the Cannonballers.

"Lifter, on!" called Bruce. A series of yellow rings were broadcast from his mask and lifted the Xenomorph off the ground.

"Any ideas?" asked Sam.

"Is there an Edsel with rockets nearby?" asked Bernard. "Never mind. He won't fit in the trunk."

Bruce's Lifter mask wore off and the Xenomorph dropped back to Earth. It looked like it was ready to attack again.

"Now what?" asked Max.

Suddenly, a laser blast hit the Xenomorph from behind. It turned to see the Predator was firing at it with a laser cannon on its shoulder. The Predator fired another shot and the Xenomorph was knocked onto its back. After that, it ran off.

"Totally righteous, man!" said Michaelangelo.

"That was the scoop of the century!" said April. "Right, guys?" she said to her camera crew.

"Ready when you are, April." said her cameraman. She walked away groaning.

XXXXXXXXXX

One of Yuri's Floating Disks cruised over the frozen landscape. Yuri himself was on board.

"I have detected two of the teams that we seek." he said to the flight crew.

"Which two would those be?" asked the pilot.

"The one who's immune to my powers and the pair who disabled our Psychic Sensor." said Yuri.

"How will you be handling the situation?" asked the co-pilot.

"By pitting one team of nusances against the other." said Yuri. "Bring me in close to that Mazda."

The Floating Disk flew in closer to the Monstruo. Solid Snake's driving kept it about half a mile ahead of the Super Taxi.

"So, Ethan." said Snake. "What makes these tapes self-destruct after five seconds?"

"We use a hi-tech and highly classified...ah, what the hell?" said Ethan. "The tape is coated with a highly flamable substance that has a fuse right at the end of the message. When the fuse comes in contact with the player head, it triggers the burning of the tape."

"Have they ever put the fuse in the wrong place?" asked Snake.

"Yeah, once." said Ethan. "They placed it a little too early on the tape and it self-destructed before it could give out some vital information. Mission: Impossible indeed."

Behind it, the Super Taxi raced along.

"Well, that's it for 'Jagged Little Pill'." said George. "Any other Alanis albums?"

"I've got her follow up album." said Kuni as he stuck it into the CD player. "You know, the one with 'Thank You' and 'Unsent'."

"Oh yeah, I know 'Thank You'." said George. "I loved the video. Best video ever."

In the Monstruo...

"Ah, I've got a headache." groaned Ethan.

"So do I." said Snake. "It's almost like that Psycho Mantis guy is attacking me again."

"I...can't...I...must obey Yuri." said Ethan.

In the Super Taxi...

"And the truth is I actually knew Alanis." said George. "I dated her for a while when I was vacationing in Canada. We used to go to the theater and..."

"Hey, are those guys slowing down?" asked Stanley.

"Ay, something's wrong." said Kuni.

The Super Taxi caught up with the Monstruo and Ethan climbed out of the window and aimed his FAAR-7 assault rifle at them.

"Whoa!" yelled Stanley. He swerved around the gunfire as Ethan pulled the trigger.

"I've got a funny feeling he doesn't love us anymore." said George.

Ethan cleared a jammed shell from his FAAR-7 and took aim at the Super Taxi again. This time, Stanley hit the brakes just as Ethan fired. He then rammed the Monstruo and Ethan lost his balance.

Inside the car, Snake tried to clear his head. However, Yuri continued to use his psychic powers on him.

"Must...fight...him." said Snake. "Must!" He then looked to the rear of the cockpit and saw the coolant spray. "Looks like that Wildcat guy didn't take it like we offered." he said and picked it up. He then sprayed himself and shook off the effects.

Ethan climbed back into the car. "I need more ammo." he said.

"Here it is." said Snake. He then punched Ethan and knocked him out.

He then stopped the car and climbed out with his M4 Automatic rifle.

"What is he doing?" asked the pilot.

The Super Taxi stopped and Ethan climbed out of the Monstruo. Snake raised the M4 and fired. He started to chew up the Floating Disk.

"Fire back! Now!" yelled Yuri.

The gunner fired the laser cannon and missed three times.

"Why can't you hit him?" asked Yuri.

"I don't know." said the gunner. "Something's jamming my radar."

On another road running near the road the Monstruo and Super Taxi were on, the Crusero Magnifico drove along.

"Watch out for cops, Wile E." said Daffy. "There might be a few in the area."

"That's why we've got the radar disruptor on." said Bugs. "We should be fine."

"Retreat!" ordered Yuri. "We can't take too much more of this!"

The Floating Disk retreated. Snake put his M4 away.

"That'll teach Yuri to get inside my head." he growled.

"See? I told you guys there was a logical explanation." said George.

"Let's go." said Kuni.

"Sorry about the trouble, guys." said Ethan as he climbed back into the Monstruo while holding his forehead.

XXXXXXXXXX

Cate was behind the wheel as the Zender Alpha made its way towards the bridge.

"I've heard several reports that Yuri is back and looking for trouble." said Lara.

"Great, that's just what we need." said Chun Li. "More threats and especially one with a personal grudge."

The Alien came up behind the Zender Alpha.

"That's those girls who took part in the rescue of that Lomax guy." said Johnny.

"Yeah, let's show them we really appreciated that." said Lance.

Nearby, a pair of Yuri's Initiates waited and watched.

"Good, they're heading right towards the minefield." said one.

"Now, Yuri will get his revenge on those girls." said the other.

The Alien pulled alongsisde the Zender.

"Those are two of the Highway Hunters." said Joanna.

"Looks like Yuri's not the only one looking for revenge." said Cate.

"Watch me blow this girl away." said Johnny as he started to aim his gun at Cate.

As this was happening, Lance continued to drive along. Suddenly, he hit one of the mines Yuri left and the Alien went flying into the air.

"Cate, stop!" said Lara.

The Zender came to a halt as the Alien plunged into a pile of snow and came to rest on its wheels. Johnny and Lance climbed out shaking like leaves.

"Yuri and his men must have set up a minefield." said Joanna.

"Cate, can you get us through it?" asked Chun Li.

"Already on it." said Cate as she slipped on her sunglasses. She pressed a button on the rims until she activated the mine detector function.

She started to drive through the minefield slowly steering around the mines.

"How does she know where the mines are?" asked one of the Initiates.

"Can we fix this?" asked Lance.

"I think so." said Johnny. "After that, we can follow their tracks through the minefield."

"You want to tell Yuri we failed or should you?" asked the Initiate.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Victory raced through the countryside with a Lasher Tank on its tail. Normally, James would be leaving the tank in the dust, but he was on very rough terrain.

"This kind of reminds me of the time I tried to evade a Korean assassin on the frozen plains of Iceland." said James.

"How did you handle that?" asked Jaws.

"I got him to drive his car into a pool of water, then dropped a chandelier on him." said James as he dodged a shot from the tank. "His life ended there. I, on the other hand, will die another day."

Darden and Korpi watched the action from the Rancher parked on a nearby hill.

"Looks like another Cannonballer is toast." said Korpi.

"Sure does." said Darden. "Let's help them."

Korpi put the Rancher in gear and drove onto the ice field.

"If we can get this tank to lose sight of us, maybe we can shake them." said James.

"Why not use the Q Smoke?" asked Jaws.

"Oh, good idea." said James. "Haven't used it in so long, I forgot about it."

James switched on the Q Smoke and started to pull away from the Lasher Tank. Korpi drove into the cloud of smoke and quickly got lost.

"Oh! Dammit!" yelled Darden.

"I specificly asked for the non-smoking section!" said Korpi.

"Shoot him!" yelled the tank commander.

"I can't see him!" yelled the gunner.

James turned off the Q Smoke.

"I think I can see him!" said the gunner.

"Ready...aim..." said the tank commander.

Suddenly, the Rancher drove right for the Lasher Tank. The two collided and the Rancher flipped up onto the front of the tank.

"Let's get out of here before they kill us." said Darden. He and Korpi started searching for the door handles.

"Once he realizes he's got shells in that cannon, we're in trouble." said James.

"I have an idea." said Jaws. "Get me close to that ice block."

James swerved close to the ice block and Jaws grabbed a chunk as they passed.

Darden and Korpi climbed out of the Rancher and jumped to the ground.

"Fire one!" said the tank commander.

The gunner fired the cannon and the Rancher was thrown several yards.

"Ooh." said Darden. "I think we just have to repair the roof, patch up the floor, and straighten the suspension."

The tank ran over the Rancher and crushed it.

"Or we can just go grab a beer." said Korpi.

James pulled the Victory under the tank's cannon. Jaws was leaning out of the window holding the ice chunk. He jammed it into the tank's muzzle and climbed back in. James then started to make a break for it.

"Target sighted." said the gunner.

"Shoot him!" said the commander.

"Aye, sir!" said the gunner.

He fired the cannon and it exploded. The tank quickly filled with smoke and the commander opened the hatch to let it out.

"Smashing idea." said James. "Where'd you come up with that?"

"That's what those Turtles did in Asia." said Jaws. "They told me about it at the roadhouse in Australia."

"Heroes in a half-shell indeed." said James.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner and Everett were at a bar in Miami.

"I think there's going to be some trouble." said Everett.

"Ya think?" asked Tanner as he examined a poster titled "The Beer Molecule". The "atoms" were listed as the individual ingredients of beer.

"DeMarco's going to cause some major chaos and it's going to result in disaster. Typical." said Everett.

"I know." said Tanner. "We have to somehow intervene and accomplish the task before it goes too far."

"Uh-huh. How?" asked Everett.

"Let me think. Let me think." said Tanner.

"Hey, Jake." said the bartender. "Berkley had too much again. I need you to mop something up."

Tanner's eyes widened. "That's it. That's it!" he said. "I remember something from my research on the racers."

"What's that?" asked Everett.

"I'll tell you on the way." said Tanner. "Come on, we have no time to lose."

He and Everett ran to the exit and out the door. A few seconds later, Tanner ran back in.

"How much for that 'Beer Molecule' poster?" he asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Baja Buggy made its way through the icy wasteland.

"You should've put windows on this thing!" yelled Highway as he shivered.

"What are you complaining about?" yelled Max. "You're closer to the engine!"

The Buccaneer pulled up behind them.

"Uh oh, it's that psychopathic android again." said Highway.

"You wouldn't happen to have an EMP on you by any chance, huh?" asked Max.

"I left it in the truck." said Highway.

"Guess you'll just have to use this." said Max as he handed over his shotgun.

"Thanks." said Highway. He stood up and aimed the shotgun at the Buccaneer.

"Take him out." said Foyt.

"He's not Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Why do you have such a one-track mind?" asked Foyt.

"I am an android." said the Warrior. "I must follow my primary program."

"If you can eliminate him, you can get to Rockatansky so much more quickly." said Foyt.

"I'm saving my ammo for Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"I've got him in my sights." said Highway.

"Uh, I think you'd better get back inside." said Max.

"Why?" asked Highway. He turned around and saw two of Yuri's Magnetrons right in front of them.

"Sir, we've spotted another Cannonballer." said the commander of one of the Magnetrons.

"Good, take them in." said Yuri over the radio.

"Any ideas would be greatly appreciated." said Highway.

"I'm thinking." said Max.

"Targetting the sand rail right now." said one of the Magnetrons' gunners. "And fire."

He fired his magnetic beam at the Baja Buggy. Suddenly, a missile swept into the area and got caught in the magnetic beam itself. The Magnetron pulled the missile right towards itself and the resulting explosion took out the magnet.

"Where'd that missile come from?" asked Highway.

"From them." said Max as he pointed to a large vehicle that looked like a cross between a large snowmobile and a tank.

"Hey, guys." said Stalker. "We thought you could use some help from us."

"Let's see how those guys like the Ice Sabre." said Roadblock.

The Joes turned their guns on the remaining Magnetron since the first was now disabled.

"Sir, we're under attack." said the Magnetron commander over his radio. "A military vehicle is defending the Cannonballers."

"Is it the Allies or the Soviets?" asked Yuri.

"No, it's G.I. Joe!" said the commander.

"G.I. Joe?" said Yuri. "Those guys make the Allies look like a boy scout troop! Retreat!"

The Magnetrons tried to escape, but one was knocked out in the attempt.

"Sir, we are under attack." said the driver of the other one.

"The Joes?" asked the commander.

"No, it's the guy in the Buick." said the driver.

The Warrior threw knife after knife at the fleeing Magnetron.

"What are you doing?" asked Foyt. "You're not doing anything to him and the Cannonballer is getting away!"

"He was after Rockatansky as well." said the Warrior. "Rockatansky is my target. MY target."

"You're a wild one." said Foyt as she watched the Baja Buggy race off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ford and Kid raced along until they came upon several other teams parked behind a giant snow drift.

"No. No. No." said Ford as he and Kid came to a halt.

"What happened?" asked Kid.

"Massive snowdrift." said Tommy Vercetti. "Covered the whole road."

"Like, they're plowing us out." said Shaggy. "It's just another minute."

The Cocotte pulled up and the Turtles and Predator climbed out.

"Mama mia!" said Mario.

"Whoa, that thing is huge." said Sonic.

"Friend of yours?" asked Stone Cold of Nemesis.

"What's going on with this guy?" asked Raphael.

"He's looking at his wrist thingee." said Michaelangelo.

"It looks like he's tracking that thing from the gas station." said Donatello.

"What does it say?" asked Leonardo.

"I don't know, I don't understand what it says." said Donatello.

A loud screech was heard. Everyone looked to its source and found the Xenomorph looking them over.

"Holy shit!" yelled Tommy.

"Whoa, our friend's back." said Michaelangelo.

The Predator, the Turtles, Link, Tommy, and Max drew their weapons. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Mario, and Luigi prepared themselves accordingly. Kid, Ford, and the Mystery Inc. team took cover.

The Xenomorph jumped into action. The Predator jumped towards him as well. The two aliens started slashing at each other with their claws.

"Should we help?" asked Luigi.

"Nah, he's got it." said Knuckles.

The Predator swiped at the Xenomorph, only to be hit back by the Xenomorph's claw. The Xenomorph pounced on him and tried to bite him with its tongue. The Predator grabbed it and shoved the Xenomorph off of himself.

"Two man enter! One man leave!" chanted Stone Cold. "Two man enter! One man leave!"

The Predator picked up the Xenomorph and tossed it against the closest immovable object, an ATV. The Xenomorph pushed off of the ATV and ran towards the Predator. The Predator jumped and drove both of his feet into the Xenomorph's chest (or what passed for one).

The Xenomorph jumped back up and tried to pounce on the Predator again. This time, the Predator grabbed it out of the air and tossed it to the ground. The Xenomorph then crawled away from the scene.

"Way to go!" yelled Donatello.

"He's not so scary now that we know he's on our side." said Daphne.

"Nice work." said Tommy.

"Hey, guys?" asked the snowplow foreman. "The road's almost open. We just have one more load."

"About time." said Max.

The Cannonballers returned to their cars and waited. The snowplow shoved the last pile of snow out of the way, then backed out of the road...revealing the Landstalker, Roadtrain, and Alien parked in front of them.

"Oh no." said Rob Zombie.

"Last dance." said Joe.

"Let's go for it!" called Max Campisi.

The Landstalker surged towards them. Meanwhile, the snowplow driver was trying to guide his vehicle back to its garage when the Xenomorph climbed onto the hood. He screamed and jumped from the vehicle, sending it rumbling towards the road.

"Joe, look out!" called Johnny over the radio.

It was too late. The Landstalker passed in front of the snowplow which slammed into it, shoving it into the snow bank.

Kid flipped down the visor on his helmet and yelled "Can't stop the bum rush!" He took off and focused on the strip between the Alien and Roadtrain. The rest of the Cannonballers took off after him and raced around the Hunters.

"Let's get after them." said Lance.

The Alien and Roadtrain turned around and gave chase. A loud THUD was heard on the back of the Roadtrain.

"Paul, what was that?" asked Feliz as Paul jumped off of the back and ran for his life while carrying the EDB. The Xenomorph was in his place.

"What are we going to do about that thing?" asked Stone Cold.

Nemesis roared. He then climbed out of the PT Phoenix's window and jumped over to the Roadtrain. Nemesis and the Xenomorph growled at each other, then started grappling.

"That dude has seriously met his match!" said Michaelangelo.

The Predator opened the rear hatch and climbed out.

"Looks like he wants to double team that thing." said Raphael.

The Predator jumped over to the Roadtrain and got in on the action.

"What are you doing?" asked Tommy as Max climbed out of the window.

"Lending him a little fire support." said Max as he took out his sniper rifle.

"Should we get in there?" asked Donatello.

"No, this is between those two." said Leonardo.

The Xenomorph tried to claw at Nemesis, only to get punched in the face. The Predator drove its claw into the Xenomorph's back, then pulled it out to discover the Xenomorph's acid blood started to dissolve it. Nemesis put his hand over the Xenomorph's mouth and thrust one of his tentacles through its head. He pulled it out when he discovered the acid blood was burning it.

"Can anything stop that guy?" asked Freddie.

The Predator tried to attack the Xenomorph again, only to be hit in the chest and knocked off of the Roadtrain. He landed on the Cocotte. He got back up and prepared his shoulder cannon.

Nemesis grabbed the Xenomorph and punched it a couple of times. The Xenomorph hit him back and knocked him onto the hood of the Roadtrain. The Xenomorph stood up and was about to pounce on him when Max started shooting at it.

The Xenomorph looked at Max, then a blast from the Predator's shoulder cannon hit it. The Nemesis used the distraction to return to the PT Phoenix.

"We have to find some way to defeat that thing!" said Tommy.

"Yeah, well, the bridge is coming up, so it had better be fast." said Max.

Dominic and Tombstone were already waiting at the bridge as the group approached.

"Those guys at the snowdrift really should've gotten some of these." said Jesse as he helped Tombstone and Body Drop remove the skis and treads from the 1971 Bestia.

"Maybe we can sell them to them next year." said Dominic.

"Hey, here they come." said Memphis.

"Hey, what's going on with those guys?" asked Tombstone.

"Oh no, take cover!" said Dominic.

The guys ran for cover and hid as the other vehicles approached.

"See you in Hell!" said Feliz. He steered it off the road and jumped out. The truck drove right into the ocean and sank quickly. The Xenomorph tried to get free of the water.

"Go ahead and say it." said Jesse as he looked to Body Drop.

"That ain't gonna work." said Body Drop.

The cars came to a halt and their occupants exited.

"Feliz, you alright?" asked Johnny.

"I think so." said Feliz.

"Hey, it's just a short dash to the bridge." said Mario.

"Yeah, and we're completely out of the woods." said Memphis.

"Last one there is a half-eaten chili dog." said Sonic.

"Not so fast." said Feliz. He, Johnny, and Lance had pulled out their guns and trained them on the Cannonballers.

"Not this again." said Freddie.

Suddenly, there was a loud screech. Then, the Xenomorph jumped out of the water and landed on the roof of the Alien.

"This guy's more persistant than you guys!" said Raphael.

"Let's get out of here!" yelled Lance. He and the other Hunters ran for their lives.

"Waste him!" yelled Tommy.

Tommy and Max started to fire on the Xenomorph with Tommy's M4 and Max's Pancor Jackhammer. The Predator joined in the fight by blasting away with his shoulder cannon. The Xenomorph twitched and twisted as it was blasted and quickly fell victim to the ordinance.

"Tommy Vercetti!" yelled Tommy. "Remember the name!"

"Wow, they didn't even scratch the paint." said Johnny.

"Looks like that's the end of the creature." said Max.

"Finally." said Rob. "That thing even scared me."

The Predator walked up to Tommy and Max and pulled something off of his arm.

"Hey, guys." said Ford. "It looks like he's got a present for you."

"It's a gift of honor." said Leonardo.

"For us?" asked Tommy.

"Thank you very much." said Max.

The Predator bowed to them and walked away.

"Okay, let's head to where it's warm." said Kid.

"On to Africa." said Velma.

The Cannonballers returned to their vehicles and drove for the bridge.

"Shouldn't we go after them?" asked Feliz.

"Good idea." said Lance. "Everyone into the Alien."

They turned to face the Alien. They saw that the Xenomorph had bled all over the car and dissolved it.

"It bleeds acid?" asked Johnny.

"It bleeds fast too." said Feliz.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Is it true that the extra-terrestrial menace has been removed?" asked Brock.

"It's done, finito." said Tommy.

"We heard you two are to thank for that." said J.J.

"I guess we are." said Max.

"Hey, Tommy." said Jezz. "If you have any musical requests, we'll play it for you."

"Well, you guys know what a big Judas Priest fan I am." said Tommy. "How about 'Turbo Lover'?"

"You've got it." said Jezz.

Love Fist took to the stage again. They started to play through the song.

You won't hear me, but you'll feel me.
Without warning, something's dawning, listen.
Then within your senses,
you'll know you're defenseless.
How your heart beats, when you run for cover.
You can't retreat. I spy like no other.

As we race together, we can ride forever.
Wrapped in horsepower, driving into fury.
Changing gear, I pull you tighter to me.

I'm your turbo lover.
Tell me there's no other.
I'm your turbo lover.
Better run for cover.

We hold each other closer as we shift to overdrive.
And everything goes rushing by with every nerve alive.
We move so fast, it seems as though we've taken to the sky.
Love machines in harmony, we hear the engines cry.

I'm your turbo lover.
Tell me there's no other.
I'm your turbo lover.
Better run for cover.

On and on, we're charging to the place so many seek.
In perfect synchronicity of which so many speak.
We feel so close to heaven in this roaring heavy load.
And then in shear abandonment, we shatter and explode.

I'm your turbo lover.
Tell me there's no other.
I'm your turbo lover.
Better run for cover.

-"Turbo Lover" by Judas Priest.

"So, any idea what this thing does?" asked Max.

"Got me." said Tommy. "I guess we'll figure it out."

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's this plan you have?" asked Everett as he and Tanner walked back to DeMarco's mansion.

"I'll tell you on the way to U62." said Tanner. "First, we have to get the Love Fist limo and...what the?"

They saw a SWAT team had gathered outside DeMarco's mansion. Horatio and Delko waited with them.

"SWAT team's ready, H." said Delko. "The information Inspector Bridges gave us should help us make a conviction."

"Then it's time to go in." said Horatio.

Just then, a taxi pulled up with Nash, Joe, and Danny in it.

"Inspector Caine?" asked Nash as he exited the taxi. "Inspector Bridges. We spoke on the phone."

"So what brings you to Miami, Inspector Bridges?" asked Horatio.

"We have a personal stake in Mr. DeMarco and we'd like to help you bring him in." said Nash.

"Only if he's tried here in Miami." said Horatio.

"Hey, we just want him out of our hair...so to speak." said Joe.

"And who's your friend?" asked Horatio.

"Danny McCoy, director of security at the Montecito in Las Vegas." said Danny.

"Really? Do you know Catherine Willows or Warrick Brown from the Las Vegas Crime Lab?" asked Delko.

Danny paused. "Catherine, no. Warrick we haven't seen in a few years." he said.

"Are you sure you're qualified for a raid like this?" asked Horatio.

"I was in the Marine Corps and did a tour in Iraq." said Danny.

"You might be a little overqualified." said Horatio. "Okay, let's go."

The SWAT team rammed their way into the grounds of DeMarco's mansion. Within a minute, they rammed their way into the mansion itself. The SWAT troopers spread through the mansion quickly.

Horatio, Delko, Nash, Joe, and Danny remained in the foyer.

"So, Inspector Bridges." said Horatio. "Do you know we have a guy on our vice squad who looks a lot like you?"

"That's funny." said Nash. "There's also a guy who used be on the NYPD who looks a lot like you."

"Inspector Caine, there's no one here." said one of the SWAT troopers.

"H, there's a note." said Delko.

Nash picked up the note and read it. "Dear good guys. I couldn't take the incompetence of my men any longer and have decided to take matters into my own hands. Signed, the bad guy."

"I don't believe this." said Joe.

"I can't believe we came all this way just to find out the guy isn't here." said Danny.

"Well, one thing's for sure, Mr. McCoy." said Horatio. "You were overqualified for this raid."

Somewhere between the mansion and the airport, DeMarco cruised down the street in a red '61 Impala lowrider. "Darden and Korpi think I can tolerate repeated screw-ups." he thought. "Let's see how they handle me and the Voodoo."