Bucky
When Ara left I gave her a chaste kiss goodbye and promised to see her tomorrow. As much as I would like to hold her in my arms for the rest of the night, I knew that she needed to get home.
My head was still reeling from telling her about my past. There were still a lot of details that I left out, details that I may never tell her, but she knew all the important things. She knew that I was a weapon and a monster. She knew I had been broken. She knew that I had blood on my hands. And yet, she didn't run away screaming. She wasn't afraid of me.
Her kindness and acceptance seemed to hold no bounds.
"Did you really find that girl in some coffee shop?" Steve asked shortly after she left.
"I don't understand, why wasn't she terrified of me?" My voice betrayed every ounce of desperate confusion that I was feeling.
"Because you're not that man anyone, and you never really were," Steve said with a sad smile and a hand on my shoulder.
"She kissed me," I whispered. I hadn't kissed anyone since before I became The Winter Soldier, and never in my life had a kiss ever felt like that. Tender and passionate, it made me feel like I had finally found my place in this new and modern world. My place was right here with Arabella wrapped in my arms.
"So, when's the wedding?" Steve teased.
"Shut up, punk. It was one date," I rolled my eyes.
"She a good kisser?"
"What happened to the mannerly and respectful Captain?" I replied flatly. There was no way in hell I was going to disrespect Arabella.
"Sorry, just curious," he laughed.
"I was always the ladies man, and you were always the gentleman, don't start switching things up on me. I may need your advice," I smirked. I'd taken my earlier kiss with Arabella a bit further than I'd planned. I probably would need Steve's advice every now and then. Patience, chastity, and respectfulness had never been virtues of mine.
"I have a feeling that Arabella's got fire in her somewhere. She'll put you in your place if you screw up," Steve laughed.
"She's my new mission," I told him truthfully.
"Just remember that we've got other missions too," Steve reminded me seriously.
"Speaking of, when do you think S.H.I.E.L.D. will call?"
"I got a message earlier with a phone number to call when I'm ready. We can call now if you want," he suggested reluctantly.
"You call, put it on speaker," I told him, wanting to get this over with.
Steve pulled up the message and called the number. I tensed up as the phone rang.
"Hello," an unrecognizable man's voice answered with no preamble.
"This is Steve Rogers, sir. I was given this number by a friend," Steve said a bit cryptically.
"It's nice to talk to you again, Captain. Agent Romanoff told me to expect your call," the man responded politely. Steve's face was pinched in confusion, though I wasn't sure why.
"Agent Coulson?" he breathed in disbelief.
"Director Coulson now," the man responded with humor in his voice.
"You died," Steve responded flatly. I could see the anger in his eyes.
"Yes, I did, but Fury had a few tricks up his sleeve. I can explain it all to you in person if you want Captain Rogers. That is, if you're joining us," the man's voice was entirely too casual for the type of conversation we were having, but for some reason that made me like him more.
"We have a few questions first," I said, finally speaking up since Steve didn't look ready to talk yet.
"I take it that I'm speaking to Sergeant Barnes?" Coulson politely confirmed.
"Yes, sir."
"And what questions do you have?"
"What do you want Steve and I for?" I started with that question because it would probably answer the rest.
"We need all the help we can get to take down Hydra and keep this world safe," Coulson replied honestly.
"We want full disclosure," Steve demanded, finally finding his voice again. "We want a say in our missions and we want you to be honest with us. I also sure as hell want that explanation, Director Coulson."
"You'll get it, along with your other requests. You'll be valuable members of our team, I promise."
"If we don't like how things are going down, we'll walk away," I said flatly, just as much for my sake as the Director's. I had to know that I was strong enough to never let myself be used as a weapon again.
"I understand that and I respect it. Given your history, your worries are valid," Director Coulson responded understandingly.
"So we have an agreement?" Steve confirmed.
"Yes, you'll receive the information for a face-to-face meeting within the next few days, " Director Coulson agreed. Then he sincerely added, "I look forward to working with the two of you."
The line went dead, leaving Steve and me in silence. We just sat there for a moment, neither one of us really knowing what to say.
"You won't be a weapon, you'll be in complete control, I'll make sure," Steve assured me quietly.
"I know," I replied honestly.
"And if you ever doubt it, just think of that pretty girl you kissed tonight," Steve smiled before patting my back and heading off to his room.
The reminder was a sobering one. I had told Ara that I was in control of myself and that I would never hurt her. I would do anything to stay honest about those things. I should probably tell her that I was going to be working for S.H.I.E.L.D. again, it would keep me honest and open with her. I'd already let her in so far, I didn't want to hurt her by shutting her out again, a lies were a slippery slope.
I was dead serious when I told Steve that Arabella was my new mission. I had a few immediate goals though. I needed to win over her sister, I needed to meet her nephew, and I needed to get her to trust me. Arabella trusted me in so many ways, almost too many, but I wanted her to trust me completely. Then, maybe I'd trust myself.
"So, are you serious about wanting a dog?" I asked cautiously, changing the subject.
"She talked you into it?" he grinned.
"Maybe," I grumbled,
"Damn, I like her more and more every day!" Steve chuckled.
"Do you want to come help pick it out?" I mumbled, knowing he's want to come.
"Can I tell her embarrassing childhood stories about you?" he teased.
"Only if I can repay the kindness," I responded sarcastically.
"What are we going to do with it when we go on missions?" Steve asked seriously.
"Find a sitter?" I suggested. "We'll figure it out."
"You really like this girl," Steve replied in a curious voice.
"I thought we'd already established that," I replied dryly.
"I just never thought I'd see the day that Bucky Barnes was tamed by a dame," Steve said in awe.
"Don't push your luck, punk."
After two days of Arabella having class right after work and only getting to spend breaks with her, I was finally going to have lunch with her again. Well, I'd get to have lunch with her if I survived this next conversation. Arabella warned me that Nicky had to switch her day off and would be stopping by the cafe today. Arabella had looked almost afraid when she'd told me, as though she was scared that Nicky would frighten me off. At the time I'd thought it was sweet. Now I was actually nervous.
I knew who she was right away. She had long platinum blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and thickly done cat eyes. She was taller than Arabella, though still short to me. Pretty, curvy, and extremely determined looking. I'm not exactly sure how she knew which guy I was, but the moment she walked into the cafe she set her sights right on my table and marched over with purpose.
She sat down right in front of me and crossed her legs, waiting for me to speak first. She was staring right into my eyes, straight into my soul, but I wasn't sure what exactly she was looking for,
"I take it that you're Arabella's famous sister," I started out lightly.
"She warned you?" Nicky responded, unsurprised.
"From what I understand, you're here to threaten me," I said honestly. Rationally, I knew that the girl sitting in front of me was absolutely no physical threat at all. Irrationally, she scared me more than just a little bit.
"I would like to hope that you're smart enough for those threats to be unnecessary," she responded with a dangerous smile. "So, I think we have more important things to address."
"Such as what?"
"I want to make sure that you're not going to take advantage of my sister," Nicky bluntly replied.
My back straightened and my jaw clenched at the insinuation. I posed several dangers to Arabella, but that was absolutely not one of them.
"I'm not that kind of guy," I ground out between clenched teeth.
"Good, I doubted that you were," she assured me with the only touch of gentleness she'd shown so far. "I figured my sister wasn't stupid enough to put herself in that kind of position again."
"Again?" I interrupted, but her glare told me that I'd have to save that question for Arabella.
"I also want to know that you'll be careful with her," I went to interrupt her again, but Nicky put up her hand to stop me before continuing. "Arabella is the most protective, loving, committed, and kind person I have ever met. While she's been skimpy on the details out of fear that she'll accidentally betray your privacy, she's told me enough for me to understand that you come with a lot of baggage. Whether or not you want to admit it, that baggage is dangerous. Whether you two stay friends or become more, you're pulling my family into the crosshairs."
"I know that," I sighed.
"Be honest with her and make sure you protect her. Got it?"
"Deal," I agreed. "Do I have your approval now?"
"Oh, absolutely not, but you don't have my disapproval either, which is a plus for you."
"Nicky! Are you threatening James?" Arabella accused as she hurried over to the table to bring Nicky a cup of coffee.
"Of course I am," Nicky smiled in the face of Arabella's glare.
"You don't need to do that," she reasoned. It warmed my heart that Arabella trusted me.
"Well, being thorough never hurts," she countered with a grin.
"You're incorrigible. Don't you have a son to pick up from preschool? I thought you were coming here to the cafe an hour ago." Arabella questioned in frustration.
"That was the original plan, but I ended up having to take care of something. Too bad, I didn't get to thoroughly threaten and scare the crap out of James here. I had this whole speech planned out about how I'd skin him alive if he did something stupid." Nicky smiled like it was joke, but Arabella didn't seem to find it funny. I didn't find it funny either.
"Go pick up your son from preschool, I'll yell at you tonight," Arabella huffed.
"Fine," Nicky stood up and kissed a still-glaring-Arabella on the cheek before turning back to me. "Nice to meet you, James," she said with a smile that I was certain had charmed far too many boys in the past. That girl was a force of nature.
"Is your shift over?" I asked Arabella after Nicky walked away, noting that Arabella had taken off her apron.
"Yeah, ready for some food?" I nodded and put my jacket back on. "I have a feeling I should apologize for Nicky," she said nervously.
I wanted to ask her about the guy Nicky mentioned, the one that had obviously treated Arabella poorly. I wanted to know who he was so I could break every bone in his body. I just wasn't sure I should.
"Your sister is just protective, no need to apologize," I assured her with a forced smile.
"Then why do you look upset?" she asked in confusion as we left the cafe.
"She mentioned something that's bothering me," I sighed.
"What did she mention?" Arabella asked hesitantly.
"She mentioned a guy that hurt you in the past," I replied darkly. Just the thought of her getting hurt was sending my nerves haywire. I could feel my arm surging with strength, ready to avenge her pain.
"It was a long time ago," she sighed with a downcast look. "It's not worth talking about, so I'd prefer it if you just let it go."
She couldn't be serious? Someone hurt her and I wanted to know who. I'd told her so much about my past, why couldn't she trust me with her own secrets? Or was it truly no big deal, just like she was claiming? The whole thing confused and frustrated me to no end.
"I want to know," was the only response I really had.
"Yes, but I don't want to tell you," she groaned. "You punched a wall last time someone hurt me, I'd rather there not be a repeat."
"You're afraid I might hurt you," I assumed. That sobered me. Here I was on a date with Arabella and I was ready to go on a murderous manhunt.
"No of course not," she rolled her eyes and waved the notion away with her hand. "I am worried that you'll hurt Sam though."
"Sam? Is that his name?" I hurriedly asked as we found a table at the restaurant.
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"No."
"We went out on a few dates, but it wasn't going well. We had a disagreement about what we wanted, and things got a bit out of hand, that's all," she summarized.
"You're lying." It was the first time she'd lied to me, and it would hopefully be the last. She was a terrible liar, she fidgeted and her voice sounded odd. Nonetheless, the liar put a knot in my stomach. She sighed at my comment.
"Fine. We went on a few dates. He seemed okay, held the door for me, things like that. But he was pushy, really pushy, so I broke it off. He didn't take it very well and beat me up pretty badly," she said quietly. I almost broke the table from gripping it so hard.
"When was this?" I asked. It seemed like the safest question.
"Two years ago," she said soothingly, like she was trying not to upset me. Of course Arabella would be worried about me even though she was the one that got hurt. I took a big gulp of the water that the waiter had brought to try and calm myself, but it didn't work.
"I'm suppressing the urge to hunt down the boy and kill him," I told her honestly.
"If it makes you feel better, Nicky hit him with a bat," she tried to joke. "She also tazed him."
"What?" I replied in confusion.
"I texted Nicky to come pick me up right before I broke things off, and when she came to get me he was hitting me. Apparently Nicky kept a bat in her car, and a taser. Also, apparently Nicky knows how to use them," she rambled.
"Where is he now?" I asked. I could think of at least sixteen ways to kill him and dispose of the body in a way that could never be traced back to me or her.
"He still lives in town, but he steers clear of me," she said with confidence and a slightly proud smile. "Sam tried to approach me a few months after the incident, but I hit him in the face with a book and broke his nose. Now he runs the other direction if we see each other around town. He's a bit of a town pariah."
"What was he pushy about?" I asked, remembering a detail of the story that she hadn't been clear on.
"What?"
"You said he was pushy. What was he pushy about?" I repeated.
She scrunched her nose and started playing with her water cup nervously. She was quiet for a minute, trying to figure out the best way to phrase her response which told me the answer before she even opened her mouth.
"He wanted things to be a bit more physical than I was ready for," she said carefully.
"I'm going to kill him," I promised.
"No you're not," she said with a calm smile. She reached out and grabbed my hand in hers.
"I want to," I ground out.
"Can we please go back to our nice date?" she asked in exasperation.
"I don't understand how you're so calm about this," I sighed. "He hit you!"
"Yes, then I hit his nose. I can't break down every time he walks by me on the street. He doesn't come near me, and if he did I would handle it!" she groaned.
"Is that why you preferred not to date?" I asked quietly. I didn't want to ruin our dinner, but I needed to know these things, couldn't she understand that? I went years without being told anything: why I was doing things, what I was doing. Now I needed all the available information.
"What are you talking about?"
"When I first asked you if you were in a relationship you implied that you preferred not to date," I reminded her.
"Oh, that," she stopped to think for a moment and then continued, "I just always had more important priorities, mostly. But seeing what Nicky went through also just put me off from the idea."
"But so far you've been okay with going on dates with me." Did she understand my confusion?
"You're different. You're a good man and I, well, I like you," she admitted with a blush. I wasn't a good man, but for some reason I was glad she thought I was.
"Would you still think I was a good man if I hunted down this Sam guy and killed him?"
"You're not going to do that," she ordered. "Now, we're going to spend the rest of this lunch talking about books and things that are not Sam. Okay?"
"Okay," I reluctantly agreed.
We talked about books and old movies. I was pretty surprised to hear how few old movies she'd seen, but she agreed to a movie night with Steve and me to get her caught up. We talked about an Ernest Hemingway story she was reading and I gave her some book suggestions. It was nice. Conversation just flowed. It was getting easier to just talk. Talking used to be effortless to me, I wanted it to be like that again.
"When do you want to go look for a dog at the shelter?" she asked me as we left the restaurant.
"How about on your day off? Steve'll probably come along too."
"That sounds great!" she beamed. "And you're sure this is what you want?"
"Yes," I assured her.
"Want a lift back to your place?" she offered once we got to the car. I didn't mind walking the short distance, but I never turned down an opportunity to spend more time with her.
I nodded in response.
I opened her car door for her but instead of getting in she stopped at looked up at me expectantly. At first I didn't realize what she wanted, but once I understood I couldn't help but smile. I still wasn't fully re-accustomed to showing people affection, let alone physical affection, but who was I to deny Arabella a kiss when I so desperately wanted one as well?
This kiss was much more gentle than the last we'd shared up against her car, and yet it felt so much more intimate. It was leisurely and knowing, something I'd never experienced before in a kiss. Kissing Arabella helped me remember so many other kisses I'd shared before, but those had all been full of exploration, lust, and conquest. This was so much more complete and wholesome than that.
"I could kiss you all day," she shyly admitted when I pulled away to kiss her forehead. I smiled at her words.
"I think that could be arranged," I teased. She playfully hit my arm and scowled at me.
"Smooth-talker," she accused. I laughed because she wasn't that far off. I'd always been a smooth-talker before the war, and now it was apparently coming back to me. Hopefully my short-attention span with women didn't come back too. The thought almost scared me, but I pushed it aside as ridiculous; I could never get tired of Ara.
I leaned in to kiss her again before pushing her into the car.
"Do you want to come in and watch a movie with me?" I offered when we got to my place.
"I can't stay that long because I have to pick Luka up from preschool," she apologized. "I can stay for a little bit though."
"That'll be enough for now," I laughed.
"Hey you!" Steve greeted Arabella when we walked in. He was in his workout clothes grabbing some juice from the fridge. "I'd hug you but I'm all sweaty," he teased.
"And smelly," Arabella agreed, scrunching her nose up for added effect. Steve and I both laughed.
"How was your day?" he asked her. I liked that they got along. Arabella seemed to fit in well with Steve and I.
"It was nice. My sister Nicky tried to scare James off of me," she told him as if it were a juicy piece of gossip.
"I see it didn't work," Steve smirked.
"I know, I think he might like me a bit," she whispered jokingly.
"Only a little," Steve joked back.
"I think this is the longest conversation I've ever seen you have with a girl Steve," I gibed.
"Someone's jealous," Steve said in a sing-song-voice.
"That someone is going to beat your ass if you don't can-it, punk," I threatened.
"Careful with your language, Bucky. I thought we were still pretending that you're a gentleman," Steve countered. The fact that he had a small point frustrated me even more.
"This must be how normal people feel when they're with Nicky and me," Arabella mused aloud, making both Steve and I turn to look at her questioningly. "You guys are like brothers," she explained. "You definitely bicker like brothers. As soon as one of you puts the other in a headlock the scene will be complete."
"That's pretty much how these things usually go," Steve shrugged.
"Do you want something to drink?" I offered, finally remembering my manners.
"Just water, please."
"I got that text we were waiting for, we'll meet them tomorrow," Steve cryptically informed me as I got Arabella a glass of water.
"If you guys need to talk about secret super-hero stuff I can go wait in the living room," Arabella sweetly offered, not missing a beat.
"No, it's okay. I'm going to tell you about it anyway," I assured her. I didn't want her to think that I was hiding things from her. I'd already told her the hardest parts, the only parts I really cared about. I wanted her to trust me and know that I trusted her.
"You don't have to do that, you're allowed to have your secrets James," she tried to assure me, as though she could read the thoughts in my mind.
I looked at Steve for a moment to see what he thought. He just nodded for me to proceed and headed out of the room to go work out and give us some privacy.
"We got in contact with what's left of S.H.I.E.L.D. We're meeting them tomorrow," I told her.
"S.H.I.E.L.D. still exists? You're joining S.H.I.E.L.D.?" she asked in shock.
"I might, it depends on how tomorrow goes," I admitted.
"What if they try and turn you into some weapon like Hydra did?" Clear horror was written all over her face.
"I'm never going to be anyone's weapon ever again, I promise." I sealed the promise with a kiss to her forehead and held her close.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" she asked in a soft and raw voice. "I'm just some girl you met in a coffee shop! These are important secrets, James."
"I trust you," I whispered. It was hard for me to admit, even though it shouldn't be.
"Are you going to tell them that I know?" The horror had returned to her eyes.
"Not if I think they'll hurt you," I promised her. No one would hurt her ever again if I had a say.
"They're super secret spy people, they'll know anyway!" she panicked.
I made sure to keep my expression straight, but I internally winced at her remark. They already knew about her. Black Widow had her picture and everything. I would create a back-up plan to get Arabella and her family off the radar if necessary.
"Trust me, okay?" was all I could say.
"Does this mean you won't be around to have lunch with me tomorrow?" she pouted.
"Probably," I groaned.
"I already dislike these people," she frowned, making me laugh.
"I'll make it up to you," I promised with a kiss to her lips.
"Steve's gone, right?" she asked in a conspiratorial whisper.
I scanned the room dramatically even though I knew he'd left.
"The coast is clear," I whispered back.
"Good," she smiled before kissing me thoroughly.
"Coulson is a good man," Steve assured me as we waited in the empty warehouse.
"Why thank you Captain," a man's voice called from behind us. I'd heard him approaching beforehand, but he didn't seem to realize that. I could tell that he had two women with him before I even turned around.
"Glad to see you're alive," Steve replied as though he were talking about the weather.
"Agent Coulson," the man introduced himself to me with a handshake. "It's an honor, really, Sergeant Barnes."
"He's a bit of a fan," the Black Widow added in.
"Sorry, where are my manners? You're already familiar with Agent Romanoff, and then is is my colleague, Agent May." Despite his professionalism, Coulson couldn't seem to shake a goofy grin at meeting us.
Agent May was small in stature but by far the more deadly than she appeared. She had dark hair and a hard gaze. This woman had been through hell and fought her way out. If this meeting went south, I'd take her out directly after dealing with the Widow. Agent May simply nodded in recognition of us.
"I want that explanation, Director Coulson," Steve told him in a hard voice.
"I died. Fury used an alien drug to bring me back to life, but he wiped my memory of it. The drug was messing with my head for a while, but we have it under control now. Iat you want more details than that, we'll have to talk about it over a few drinks," he joked.
"Now that we've taken care of that, let's cut to the chase, shall we?" I said.
"Fine," Coulson agreed with a smirk. "We want your help taking down the rest of Hydra."
"What kind of help?" I asked. I knew we'd talked about this on the phone, but I wanted to see his face when he answered me. I could tell if he was lying that way.
"We're short men. You two are intimately familiar with Hydra, you're skilled, and you can lead men. We need that."
"And we'd have complete control over our missions, complete knowledge about what we're getting into?" Steve confirmed once again.
"Yes," Coulson confirmed.
"And we get to have our own lives, separate from S.H.I.E.L.D.," Steve added.
"If that's what you want, this is on your terms," Coulson agreed. "But you should know that Hydra has eyes everywhere, you can't trust anyone."
"Yes we can," I argued before thinking.
"What did you tell her?" the Black Widow instantly asked with a piercing and knowing gaze.
"Who?" I countered with a level stare.
"The girl in the restaurant. The one you've been spending so much time with." She matched my glare.
"Spying on us isn't exactly the best way to build trust," Steve interjected in an icy voice I rarely heard him use.
"It was just a precaution," the Black Widow justified.
"What have you told this girl?" Coulson asked calmly.
"If you threaten her or even think about going after her, then Steve and I will walk away." I didn't even need to ask Steve, I knew he was behind me on this. What he wouldn't be onboard with was the fact that I would also eliminate S.H.I.E.L.D. for good.
"No one is threatening her, we just need to know how involved she is," Coulson reasoned, seeing how dangerous this conversation was quickly getting.
"I have no secrets from her," I answered. It was the most honest answer I could give them. She didn't know everything, but she could if she wanted to. I'd answer any question of hers.
"You told her everything?" the Widow asked with an appraising and unreadable gaze.
"Her file looked clean, but she needs to be brought in and cleared," Agent May interjected, finally speaking for the first time.
"Her file?' Steve repeated in anger.
"We checked to make sure no known Hydra members were tailing you," the Widow answered.
"You're going to leave her alone," I ordered them.
"We need to confirm that she's not Hydra," Agent May argued. Maybe she would be the first one I took out.
"She's not Hydra. I would know," I ground out.
"Same," Steve added.
"You're probably right, we just want to make sure," Coulson was still trying to keep the situation calm.
"How?" Steve asked.
"Put her through a lie detector, or let Romanoff interrogate her," Agent May answered. She was definitely going to be first to die.
"I'll kill you before the Widow touches her," I spat.
"Okay then," Coulson laughed humorlessly. "No lie detector, no interrogation, we'll just talk to her, give her clearance, then we'll never bother her again. You'll never leave her side."
"Her sister will need to be brought in too," the Widow interjected. I could feel my metal hand twitching to wrap itself around her throat.
"They'll be within arms length of Steve and I the whole time," I agreed. "You know what I'm capable of, and what Steve is. You do anything I don't like, and you're done."
"You know, I don't think that threats are the best way to start a working relationship, but I get your meaning," Coulson agreed.
i simply stated m down.
"A few of our agents will stop by your place to set up a security system, sweep for bugs, and set up a secure line for us to communicate through. Call us within the next few days to set up a meeting to give your girlfriend and her sister clearance. Once they have clearance, we should probably discuss the instillation of a security system at their place as well. Is that all for today?" Coulson concluded.
"I think we're done here," Steve said.
"I look forward to working with you," Coulson smiled as though we hadn't been close to blows just a few minutes earlier.
I simply nodded in response.
"Bring your file next time we meet," the Widow told me. "I want a look at it."
I really hated her.
A/N:
Thank you so much to all my new followers and to everyone that has reviewed. A special thanks to JuliaAurelia for always reviewing and for PMing me to remind me that peple are enjoying this story. I know that I took forever to update, but I have not abandoned this story. I will continue to update, I promise. I've had some family stuff going on and I've been traveling a lot these past few months, so writing has been hard. I'm still going to be traveling a lot, but I'm also going to really try and keep my writing as a priority.
Please enjoy, and please review!
