I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.


Chapter Nine


ARIZONA'S POV


I've laid awake for most of the night and this morning I'm beyond tired. Yesterday was a long and emotional day and the lack of sleep that followed hasn't made me feel any better at all. I'd thought about taking a few of my sleeping tablets but I'm trying to keep clear of them if possible. They sometimes become a little addictive and I've had more than one scare with them. Thankfully, I know when to stop. It must have been around midnight when I thought about calling Eliza but I somehow managed to avoid it. I hate the thought of her sleeping alone in that cold apartment. She wasn't wrong when she said that it was warmer out in the hall and honestly I felt uneasy leaving her there. I'm all for helping people out but she has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want me around in that capacity. I just wish she hadn't freaked out yesterday. Sure, my staff are way overpaid, but it's my choice to pay them so well and it's not anybody else's business. If I spent my time thinking about people's opinions, I never would have made it to where I am right now. I'm proud of myself for the way my life has turned out, but I also understand that other people don't live the same life.

I'd have loved to have taken Eliza on that date last night but it turned to shit like all of my relationships do. Yeah, I've been unlucky in love and it always seems to come back to the damn money. Everything seems to revolve around my wealth and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people assuming they know me because I live where I do or because of what the internet tells them. It may give people all the information in the world, my bra size included, but it doesn't tell them anything whatsoever about me as a person. Someone's daughter. Someone's sister. I'm a good person. I was raised to respect people and I was raised to live life to the full. I've done that, but now I want more. I want commitment. Love. A real lasting relationship. Honestly, I just want to be happy. Is it really too much to ask for after everything I've put back into the world? Because I have...I've put a lot of time, money and effort into helping people less fortunate than me. Sure, I don't give to receive but I must be due some sort of reward by now. Isn't that how karma is supposed to work? Isn't that the whole point of this?

I'm meeting with Eliza in the next thirty minutes and I've thought about canceling more than once. It's not that I don't want to see her, I just don't know the point of having coffee together. I know exactly what she thinks of me, and honestly...it's the same opinion as I've heard many many times before. My main concern is what Lucie has told her. Now that she knows Eliza and I have had a thing together, she won't like it. That, though, is my own fault. If I'd kept my mouth closed, she'd be none the wiser. At least, I'm assuming that's how it would be. My worry is that she has completely turned Eliza against me. I know we went out once, but that really is where it ended. The moment she came back to my place, her eyes lit up with excitement. Not excited towards me, no. Excitement at the prospect of what I could provide for her. Money...and nothing else. I didn't get that impression with Eliza, though. She was shocked, yeah, but that was fully expected considering she had just met me in an average bar. Lucie always knew about my money. She was employed by me way before we went out on a date.

I'd given her the benefit of the doubt once and all she demanded was shopping days and for me to take her on a road trip in my car. Yeah, I have a car that cost me the best part of a years salary for the average guy working in New York City, but I earned it. I earned it and I love it. It doesn't come out of the lock up very often, but I had planned to take Eliza out of town in it last night.

What do I want from our meeting today? Honestly, I just want her to stay and make a living for herself. That's all I want for her. Seeing her in that apartment last night was heartbreaking and the fact that she has nothing means I want to call up one of my designers and have them do up her entire place while she is out. I'd never do that, though. It isn't my place and I know she would hit the roof. I can wish, though, right?

Pulling on my jacket, I grab my glasses and my cell and slip my key into the back pocket of my jeans. I hate that I'm about to meet Eliza as nothing but an acquaintance, but this is the right thing to do. She can't get past my supposed intentions, and I can't live that way. I just can't.


Sat patiently in the local coffee shop, Eliza returns to our table with two coffees and takes a seat opposite me. It's a little awkward and she seemed a little embarrassed when she first saw me, but I think she has relaxed a little now that we are sitting down. She has no reason to feel embarrassed. I didn't have the best start where money is concerned, but that could all change for her from this moment on. Personally, I think she would be crazy to walk away from this opportunity but that is just my opinion, and my opinion cannot be the reason she stays or goes. If she doesn't want this, that is entirely up to her. I'm not about to chain her to the desk in my office.

"Thanks for the coffee." Taking a sip, I set it back down on the table and she simply smiles. She insisted that she paid for the coffee so I let her. "How was your evening?" I ask.

"Same old." She shrugs. "Yours?"

"Strange…" I breathe out. "It was kinda weird being alone all night."

"Mm, I'm sure you will get over that soon enough." Giving me a sad smile, I furrow my brow but she drops her gaze which tells me that she doesn't want to discuss us anymore. "I'm thinking of staying…"

"That's good." Giving her a dimpled smile, my hand finds her own resting on top of the table and for a moment I forget that we aren't anything anymore. "S-Sorry." I pull back and drop it to my knee. Get a grip, Arizona. "I just...I'm happy you decided to stay."

"You mean thinking about it?" She questions as she adds a little more sugar to her coffee. "I haven't decided yet."

"Right, yes. Of course." I smile. Sure, she's not 100% about staying yet but the fact she is thinking about it makes me happy. I just have to get past the issue of missing her now. Because I do. We may have only been dating for around two weeks, but in those weeks...I've felt more than I ever have with anyone else. In those weeks, I felt happy. Even when things weren't good, I felt happy knowing that she was potentially going to be in my life. Now, I just have to be happy for her and not with her. Honestly, she doesn't seem to be missing me anyway so I don't know why I'm torturing myself. "I would really love for you to stay, Eliza. I hope you know that."

"But why?" She gives me a look of total confusion and I hate how low her confidence seems to be right now. "You can find another assistant by the end of the day...you know that."

"Yeah, I could. That doesn't mean I want to, though. I'd sooner you stayed."

"You still haven't said why…" She seems a little cold towards me right now and I don't know what I've done. Yesterday she was begging me for another chance in my office, and now, she doesn't seem like she could care any less. "Are you just going to stare at me?" God, I wish I could.

"Sorry." I shake my head. "You're right. You just decide what you want and them I'll be waiting for a call to let me know."

"I thought as much." She rolls her eyes and toys with her cup.

"Excuse me?"

"You could get yourself a new assistant and do the whole romantic lighting and soft music thing with them. Just like you did with me...just like you did with Lucie. I'm sure it won't take long to find someone who would swoon just like I did."

"That's not fair, Eliza. You know nothing about me!"

"I know you like to play around and give us all the same treatment." She laughs, sarcastically. "You told me that night that there was only one woman you were trying to impress. Did you say that to all of them?"

"Actually, no." I drop my gaze. "No, I didn't."

"And I'm supposed to just believe you?" She asks.

"Well, yeah. If you cared about me like you claimed you did, you would believe me. You know, I trusted that you weren't with me for my money like the others were, so why do you find it so hard to believe that I just wanted you?" Her face dropping a little, she realizes what I'm saying is right and she finds herself speechless. "Maybe you should think about that before you accuse me of anything at all."

"I didn't even know you had money, Arizona. You know that."

"And that is why I felt something more for you. That's why I wanted to be with you. I saw you for who you are and I went from there. You just didn't allow me to try at all. You didn't even give me the chance to prove myself. Not that I should have to."

"I'm sorry…"

"I think it's time for me to leave." Standing, I straighten myself out and give her a slight nod of the head. "Maybe if you can take your head out of your ass for five minutes, you'll see that I'm a nice person. You know, the way I felt about you? I'd have happily given away every dollar I had if it meant I could be happy with you. I'd have swapped it all for you. Maybe we went too fast, I don't know. I'm just sorry you couldn't see past your own worries because I was so in where you were concerned, Eliza." Shrugging on my jacket, I grab my cell. "Thank you for the coffee but I think we've said all there is to say. My bad for getting too involved with a beautiful woman. It won't happen again." Tears threatening to fall, I've completely let myself down again. I've completely done the opposite to what I'd planned. Fucking hopeless as usual.


God, that woman infuriates me something terrible. I know I have some major feelings for her, but sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I'm so mad at myself for telling her what I did a few hours ago, but she needed to know. Regardless of the fact that we are so through, she still needed to know. She had to know. I mean, she puts herself down and sees herself as less than she is. No matter what we are, or aren't anymore, she still should know that those things she thinks about herself are nothing but absolute crap. I'll tell her that time and time again.

She's tried to call me a few times since I left her sitting in the coffee shop but I just can't speak to her right now. Unless she is calling to give me an answer as to whether she wants to keep her job, which I doubt since she could have just left a message. I've thought about calling her back but we are just going around in circles now. It's becoming ridiculous.

Settling down on the couch, I kick my feet up and wrap a blanket around me. It's not cold, but it's more of a comfort than anything else. I'd sooner be wrapped up in someone's arms but I'm not holding out much hope for that happening anytime in the near future. It just never seems to happen.

My cell once again buzzing, I glance at the screen and furrow my brow before hitting accept. "Everything okay, John?" My door man trying to reassure me, I'm relieved to hear his calm voice.

"I have a lady here who wishes to speak to you, Miss Robbins."

"Her name?" I ask.

"One Eliza Minnick." He states in his gentlemanly voice.

"Could you please tell Miss Minnick that I'm busy right now, John."

"No problem, ma'am." I can hear him relaying my words to Eliza. "Miss Minnick says she will wait in the lobby until you are no longer busy." John isn't stupid. He's seen Eliza leaving my place more than once.

"Send her up." I sigh.

"Right away, ma'am." Cutting the call, I don't bother to move from my seat. I can allow Eliza access to place remotely so I wait for the system to alert me and I unlock the door. Hearing the click of the lock, she pushes the door open and steps inside.

"Sorry, I just, uh...I don't like how we left things earlier." Tugging at her fingers I simply sit and stare at her. "Could we talk for a little while?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm pretty busy." I shrug.

"Oh, okay." Turning, she moves towards the door and I call her back.

"That was me trying to be funny. Clearly, it needs some work." She turns and gives me a small smile. "Just sit down, Eliza. You make me feel uncomfortable when you hover like that."

"Thanks." Moving further into the room, the door closes and she makes her way through the kitchen.

"Help yourself to a glass of wine on your way through if you like."

"Did you want a refill?" She motions towards my empty glass and I give her a nod. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Nope. Just my boring night in." Taking a seat on the couch beside me, she taps her foot with what I'm assuming is nerves and I place my hand on her knee to stop her. "Did you have something you need to say?"

"Y-Yeah." She gives me a slight nod and I position myself so that she knows I'm listening. "Just that I'm sorry more than anything. For the things, I've said. The way I've treated you. How I hurt you. I know I said I didn't want the job, but if it's still on the table, I'd like to accept it?"

"Okay…"

"There's nothing in Detroit for me, Arizona. There has never been. If it wasn't for my own determination, I'd have ruined my life a long time ago. I know you probably hate me and I know you don't want me here, but I just had to say sorry to you. A sorry that I truly mean. You've heard it plenty of times from me before, but you're right. I should have taken your word. I should have trusted that you weren't just using me. So, yeah...I'm sorry."

"I appreciate your apology."

"It was just hard going growing up and some days, the only time I ate was when I was at school. I know I'm not the first and I certainly won't be the last, but I've never been around money like this. I've never earned anything like this. It was shocking more than anything when I saw my salary."

"That may be true, but it didn't give you the right to accuse me...again." Realising that she is actually opening up to me, I quickly try to back track. "I'm sorry, I'm just mad at what you said."

"And you have every right to be. I'm mad at myself, too." She gives me a genuine apologetic smile and I nod. "I think so much more of you than what I've probably led you to believe, Arizona. So much more. I just, I got scared of all this change. I've never been allowed to be my true self and since being in New York, it's like a totally new life."

"Unable to be yourself?"

"I really don't want to get into it right now. I just came here to say sorry and hope that someday you can forgive me for the things I've said." Finishing her wine, she stands and my hand falls from her knee. "I'll leave you to enjoy the rest of your evening."

"Have you had the heating in your place fixed?" I ask as she turns her back to me.

"No, not yet."

"Then you'll stay here tonight."

"You don't have to worry about me, Arizona. Heating is a luxury to me even at the age of 25. It's no big deal and I'd sooner eat than be warm."

"I don't care. You are not going home to that cold apartment when I have two guest rooms here. It's simply not going to happen."

"I'll call about it tomorrow, okay? If it would really be okay for me to stay the night…" Heading back over to me, she takes my hand in her own and places a kiss on my knuckles. That feeling hitting me like a freight train, I have to try and distance myself. "I'll just head back and grab some clothes."

"Do you want me to get you a car?"

"No. The walk will be fine. Clears my head." Heading for the door, she turns back and gives me a smile. "I'll be out of your way first thing in the morning."

Watching her leave, I'm happy I allowed her to talk. I know she's had it tough but I'm not the bad guy. Something tells me there is more to her background than she is letting on, but it isn't any of my business. Tonight she is here as an employee and hopefully a friend. I can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that she isn't going home to that apartment alone.


Thanks for reading, guys. A little overwhelmed right now.