The Twilight series is the property of Stephenie Meyer - No copyright infringement is intended.

This entire fic is dedicated to JAustenlover.

You'll notice that we're not quite moving chronologically ahead with the switch in POV - we're starting earlier than where the last chapter ended. This may happen in following switches, as well.

Back to LVP and Jasper's point of view...


About a Girl

~ * ~

Jasper Whitlock

"What's up with you, Whitlock?" Brady squints at me as he lights his cigarette. He extends the pack to me but I shake my head. I only smoke on occasion, when I drink, but he still always offers.

I've known Brady since freshman year, since maybe day two or three here, when we both ended up drunk and trying to skateboard in an empty pool at some high school chick's party near campus. I guess I figure that of anyone, besides Peter, he'll pick up on what is going on with Bella. Maybe not specifically, but I've felt a change in my mood since we've started talking more - I feel really good and it's getting harder and harder to hide it. As much as I'm nervous to actually vocalize any of what's going on, perhaps out of fear that as soon as it becomes "real" it'll all disappear, I also kind of want to talk about it to someone. Someone who isn't Bella's brother.

"Huh?" I like the idea of telling Brady about Bella, but still, I instinctively feign ignorance.

"You're all..." He points at me and moves his hand in a sloppy circle. "You know...whatever."

"Nothing's up. I'm good."

"Yeah, I know, that's what I'm saying. A couple weeks ago, when we were out for your birthday - you got a phone call and you bolted. I didn't say anything because I figured you'd mention it, but you're being awfully tight-lipped about what has you all...whatever."

I laugh at his eloquence. "I, uh, I guess I've been talking to someone."

"Yeah, no shit. Is she real or some kind of internet girlfriend?"

I take a deep breath and he cocks an eyebrow. "She's actually...Peter's sister."

"Fuck me. You met her when you were up in Forks?"

"Yeah."

He shakes his head. "And Peter?"

"He doesn't really know that we've been talking. Only because I don't know how she feels about him knowing. She hasn't told him yet; I want it to be up to her. The whole thing is kind of...weird."

"Weird, as in?"

"Well, the first couple times she called she was pretty upset. She didn't really talk but I figured she called because she needed someone or whatever, so I just talked to her. Then she started talking back and now she just...she calls every now and then and we…talk."

He makes a face that indicates he doesn't get it. "So...so you hung out in Forks, exchanged numbers before leaving and now you talk on the phone. What's the big deal? Why not just tell Pete that you hit it off?"

I take another deep breath and now he looks amused at my discomfort. "Well it's a little more complicated than that." I nod my head toward his cigarette. "You done?"

"Oh, this should be good." He takes another long drag and then drops it and grinds it out. "Yeah, wanna go inside?"

I nod and we head into the caf. We separate for a moment to each grab a tray of food and the we meet at the register and find a table. When we're seated again, he leans forward and waits for me to continue.

I figure I might as well just tell him everything. It'll feel good to get someone else's perspective, and get it all out of my head. "In Forks, when I met her, there was this...this crazy thing between us. Right away, practically. Obviously it was fucking horrible timing, but we, or at least I, didn't have any control over it. It was just there, you know?" He nods cautiously, like he's picked up on what is coming, so I quickly continue. "Anyway, so the day of the funeral, they had a reception after, at the house. She and I were upstairs talking and she was upset...she was talking to me about her mom...and then she started kissing me and stuff."

Brady's eyes go wide and a smirk spreads across his face. "Unbelievable, Whitlock. You're the master-"

I cut him off before he can turn it into something it wasn't. "It wasn't like that. It was...crazy...it's hard to explain, I tried to talk her out of it...I mean fuck, talk about the wrong place and time, but she was pretty persistent and you know...I wanted her pretty fucking badly."

His face has changed, and now he's listening more intently, not quite so quick to give me a slap on the back.

"So we ended up..." I rub the back of my neck and raise an eyebrow at him to say you know. I don't really know how to finish that sentence because I'm really not sure what to call it. Sure, there are a lot of ways to put it, but all the ones that come to mind either sound cheap and wrong, or completely cheesy.

"Oh man, you fucked her?"

I wince, because it's the one term I didn't want to use, though I realize to him and the rest of the world it might seem to be the most accurate.

"I told you it wasn't...don't fucking say it like that. It was so bizarre. I think...I think I'm really into her. I was really into her, like, right away."

"Holy shit." He takes a bite of his hamburger and stares at me for a second before he repeats himself, mouth still full. "Holy shit."

I poke at my mac 'n' cheese for a minute before stuffing a forkful in my mouth. Brady and I just stare at each other as we chew, and I'm waiting for him to say something other than "holy shit," something that will give me some indication of what he actually thinks of all this.

He takes a gulp of his soda and then scratches his head. "Pete's probably not going to be thrilled. Whether you're into her or not."

"I wasn't really planning on giving him the gory details. I'm not sure he really needs to know about what happened there, you know? What good would it do?"

He nods and after finishing off another bite of hamburger, he speaks again. "Yeah, you're right, don't bother. Are you going to give me the gory details, though?"

I laugh as I wipe my mouth. "I'm thinking Bella and I will be the only ones who'll ever know all the gory details."

He frowns for a second before his features soften. "At the funeral...that's nuts."

"Well, after, technically."

"So, you're talking now. Are you dating?"

"No, I don't know what we are doing. We don't talk about that stuff, we haven't even talked about what happened. We mostly just talk about random shit like music and movies and our childhoods and shit. It's like...she's never said anything but I just know that I can't go there. I know she's not ready to talk about it. But I kind of want things to progress a bit, so I'm probably gonna have to bite the bullet soon."

He nods and starts shoveling forkfuls of chocolate cake into his mouth. The guy can finish a plate of food in about two minutes flat. "You probably do, if you want more to happen. But she goes to school in California or something, right?"

"Yeah, and on top of that she's moving to D.C. for grad school at Georgetown and an internship-type deal after graduation."

"Dude, maybe you ought to think about not saying anything and letting this thing die out. Trust me, the long distance thing almost never works."

I sigh heavily because I've already ridden out this train of thought more than once. "I know, but...for some reason it doesn't matter. I don't care, Brady. I can't let it go, it's impossible. Even talking to her on the phone is better than nothing."

A smirk, similar to the one he was sporting earlier, creeps across his face again and he shakes his head. "This is something else, I tell you what. But yeah, leave the fucking part out of it with Peter, and I guess wait until you and Bella have talked about shit before you let him know. I mean, you guys are pretty close, you'd think he'd be stoked about his sister getting together with someone he knows and likes."

"You'd think. I don't know. He's been a bit off lately, but I guess it makes sense, you know, since he's been upset and shit."

I drop my napkin into my plate and move to get up. I'm more or less done with this conversation, because just like when I think about this shit on my own too much, I'm starting to get depressed. I ride high on the feeling I get from having a conversation with Bella for hours, I guess even days, after we talk, but eventually reality creeps in and I start reminding myself of the hopelessness of our situation. Not just because of how Peter will take it or how much he will find out, but also because of the distance that does, and will, continue to separate us. This delicate phone arrangement we have isn't always the easiest to navigate, either. I'm trying to keep everything on Bella's terms which means I let her call me, and unless she's upset, I let her direct the conversation. We don't talk about what happened between us or what, if anything, is happening now, and it's getting harder for me not to call her myself, when I kind of want to all the time. On top of all of that, I worry that Bella might never be able to get past the way things started with us, though with each conversation, that particular worry fades a little more.

But then the more intimate we get, the more we flirt, the more we talk about our lives and our plans, the less I am able to bear the distance. I can't stand not being able to touch her and pretending that I don't think about it all the time we're on the phone. When she called me upset and crying from a bad dream one night, it was almost physically painful not to be able to comfort her in the flesh. When she asked me about my tattoo, the one she saw when we were together in the office, it was incredibly difficult to not be able to talk to her about what happened, to be able to tell her how she made me feel and to be able to show her all the other things I wanted to do to her. Every day, my hand is becoming less and less of a suitable substitute for her gorgeous, perfect body, if ever it was in the first place.

It's true that if we started dating, I could go and visit her, but once I get a job I won't have the time to do it often, and neither will she. Seattle to Washington D.C. is not a weekend trip, for sure. I can't help but wonder sometimes that if we were to try this for real, and for the long-term, if it wouldn't just end up driving me, or both of us, completely crazy. And then I remember that we haven't even gotten around to discussing us yet, and these feelings could easily be one-sided. My gut tells me they aren't, but my gut is of surprisingly little consolation to my brain.

I turn these thoughts over in my mind constantly and just when my mood really starts to dip, she calls again and all that shit just fades to black. When I'm talking to her, I feel like I am happy to take whatever I can get, whenever I can get it. Having her in my life in some capacity is infinitely better than not at all.

Brady and I reach his building and before we part ways he wishes me "good luck with all the bullshit." As much as our conversation has gotten me thinking again, it feels good to have someone else know what's going on. I feel slightly less shady and secretive as I head back to my dorm, hoping Bella will call tonight and help fix my rapidly deteriorating mood.

~ * ~

It's just after midnight and I am lying on my bed rubbing my thumb and forefinger across my eyes, my phone still warm in my other hand. She's killing me and she has no idea. Bella spent the last half hour of our conversation telling me what she thought was a very funny, very embarrassing story about a drunken skinny dipping incident. To be fair, I suppose it was funny and embarrassing, but after the first sentence, all I could think about was Bella, wet and naked. As I listened to her tell the story, my brain scrambled to craft a suitable image to go along with her story and then proceeded to play it on loop.

Just as I am once again thanking God for my single room, my door, which was slightly ajar, swings open and Peter leans against the frame. My heart rate speeds up a bit and I glance quickly at my phone, wondering how long he's been in the hall and trying to remember what I'd said before Bella and I hung up.

"What's up?" he asks, and it doesn't seem like he can tell that I was just picturing his sister naked. And wet.

"Nothing much, what's going on?"

He wanders in. "Lauren's coming this weekend. She's bringing her friend Jess, too, so I was wondering if I could borrow your air mattress."

I sit up a bit. "Yeah, it's on that shelf above the TV. She's bringing a friend, huh? That kind of sucks."

Peter's headed to the shelf but he turns back to face me and smiles. "I know, tell me about it," he says before turning back toward the shelf. "I tried to talk her out of it but-" He stops short and his hand falls from the mattress box to the desk below it. He picks up a DVD off the desk and turns to me.

"What's this?"

"Oh, Donnie Darko, it's-"

"Yeah, I know the movie, I've seen it several times. Just wondering where it came from?" His tone is a little off, though I'm not sure why, and I can see his jaw flexing, as though he's grinding his teeth.

"Uh, the video store. I heard good things, so I decided to check it out." I leave out that it was Bella who was raving about the movie to me, citing it as one of her favorites. We shared a lot of pretty similar tastes so her recommendation definitely piqued my interest in the movie.

He looks back down at the DVD. "Hmm," he hums before tossing it back on the desk. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah, it was really good. Odd, but in a good way."

"It's one of Bella's favorites."

The comment catches me totally off guard for some reason, and my brain is scrambling to come up with an appropriate response. "I guess that's why you've seen it several times?"

It's getting harder and harder not full-on lie about what's going on with Bella and me. Not acknowledging that I already know that it's her favorite movie is almost the same thing. I've been weaving a pretty tangled web of omissions for a couple weeks now though, and I have no intention of tearing it down tonight. I still want it to be Bella's choice about when Peter should find out.

"Yeah. Hey, thanks for the air mattress. I've got an early class tomorrow, so I'm probably gonna sleep soon."

"No prob. You going to Shuter's party tomorrow still, or are you having a romantic evening in?" I ask, smirking.

He shakes his head, looking annoyed. "Hardly, with Jess coming up, too. Unfortunately, I don't think Lauren is keen on threesomes. So, yeah, we'll be there."

I am a bit relieved to see that his tone and expression have pretty much returned to normal, and I'm about to suggest we all head over with Eli and the others tomorrow, when three girls appear at my door. One of them is Alice Brandon, who I dated kind of sporadically freshman year, and I with whom I shared a few drunken hook-ups sophomore year as well, when Maria and I were more "off" than "on." I'm surprised to see her at my door, because though we're friendly toward each other still, we don't really see each other all that much, and we haven't been involved romantically in a pretty long time. The other two girls look familiar, but I can't remember their names.

"Knock, knock," she says, stepping into the room. "Sorry, Jasper, we were just hanging out in Marc's room and I thought maybe we'd come by and say hi."

I move to sit up fully, swinging my legs off the side of the bed. "Yeah, come on in."

She smiles and crosses the room quickly, flopping herself onto my bed and making herself at home. The other two girls step timidly past Peter, and one sits at the computer desk while the other leans against it.

"Ugh, you have Professor Kirkpatrick for one of your Sports Business classes right? I have him for Strategic Management and he's driving me nuts. You're doing really well in his class though, aren't you?" She slaps my leg. "Can you please tell me what I have to include in a paper to get more than a C+ out of that guy?"

I look over at Peter and watch as his eyes move from girl to girl before they land back on me. "Well, I guess I'd better get going. Later, J."

Alice pipes up before I can respond. "Oh, you're not going on account of us are you? Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt, we just came to say hi. I'm Alice, by the way."

I introduce her to Peter and then she introduces her two friends, Tanya and Carmen. He nods to them both before moving to the door. "Well, I was on my way out as you were coming in, so I'm gonna go. Nice to meet you, girls." He gives me a quick nod and smiles at the girls before ducking out into the hallway.

When he's gone I turn my attention back to Alice and her friends, hoping they don't plan on sticking around long.

~ * ~

I'm leaning against the wall because the room feels a little fuzzy around the edges, watching Eli, Shuter and a few other guys engage in another round of beer pong. I opt out of this round, because we're all drunk enough already and they are just headed toward stupid now. I scan the packed room for Peter but I don't see him. I'm about to push off the wall to head outside for some fresh air when Alice's friend, Tanya, the one who was in my room last night, appears in front of me.

"Hey, Jasper," she says, wrapping her other hand around the base of her beer bottle. She's a cute girl, but she was mostly quiet the first time we met, and I don't really know much about her.

What I do know, or at least what I am fairly certain of, is that the seductive look she's giving me is a little more than just heavy-lidded beer-face. I look around the room again, probably subconsciously seeking an escape route, before looking back down at her.

"Hey, Tanya."

"Are you having fun? You seemed lonely, standing here all by yourself. Why aren't you mingling?"

"I was, I'm just...relaxing. I think I've done quite a bit of mingling tonight already."

She giggles and steps closer. "You're drunk aren't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose I am," I say, smiling.

"I'm wasted!" She accentuates this statement by throwing her head back and then losing her balance a little. I laugh and grab her arm, trying to stabilize her.

The fact that she's so wasted explains why she's much less shy than she was in my room. I pull her gently towards the couch and urge her to sit on the arm. She plunks down in front of me and then giggles and looks up. "Heh. This is awkward."

I'm confused for a minute until I realize she is referring to our...position. I'm a little surprised by what a different girl she is when she has a few beers in her, and though it's amusing, I really don't much feel like dealing with her.

There was a time, probably not all that long ago, where this would have seemed like God smiling down on me, delivering this over-eager girl practically right into my lap, so to speak, but not tonight. As sexually frustrated as I feel sometimes, tonight I'd honestly rather go home and collapse on my bed on the phone with Bella. I kind of hope she'll call tonight, but I doubt it, since I just spoke to her yesterday. It's probably for the better because I'm just drunk enough that I'd probably end up taking the conversation in a direction that I'd regret. Or, at least that I'd regret if she reacted the way I think she would.

"...threw up in the bathroom sink which was so gross, but it's probably better because I really don't think she would have wanted to hook up with him." I slowly pull myself from the thoughts of Bella and zone back in, realizing I've missed half of whatever Tanya has been telling me. I just smile and nod and she seems to be placated. As I smile down at her, thoughts of Bella still running through my mind, and she stops talking and her expression becomes more serious and more dopey-drunk at the same time. "Hey, Jasper...do you want go outside?"

Part of me is almost curious about what outside means. I assume it's the first step to getting me to take her back to my room, and I almost take her up on it because the abruptness of her suggestion catches me a bit off guard, and because saying, "thanks, but no thanks," goes against most male instincts. But she's all wrong: too strawberry blond, too short and her voice is too squeaky. Not to say she isn't pretty, she just isn't Bella. I've apparently gotten myself into a monogamous relationship with my phone, so I search my brain quickly for a polite way to decline.

I glance over toward the front door, trying to think of a nice way of telling her I'm not interested, when Peter suddenly appears from around the corner. He walks into the room and scans quickly before his eyes land on mine. It looks like he needs to speak to me because once he finds me he doesn't look elsewhere and starts to walk over. I look back down at Tanya and flash what I hope looks like a sweet smile.

"Hey, sorry, Tanya, I think Peter needs to talk to me. I gotta go, okay? I'll talk to you later." I hope she notices that I don't offer to meet up with her after, or tell her to hold on, and takes the hint. She just flashes me a lazy intoxicated grin and half nods, and it makes me think that avoiding her the rest of the night is probably my safest bet.

Before I can step away from her Peter is in front of us, looking between us. "Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah, sure," I respond. I step away from Tanya and then Pete stands in front of me. We don't really move that far, but I suppose he just doesn't want her listening to whatever he has to say.

"Listen, there's a room free, upstairs. Jess is staying in our room so...I kind of want to take advantage. But I don't have any condoms. You got one I can borrow?" He glances back at Tanya and then turns back to me. "That is, of course, if you don't plan on using them all."

I chuckle and pull out my wallet. I assume he's making a joke so I don't bother to clarify that I won't be using anything on her, and that I only have one condom on me, anyway. I don't want him to feel bad about taking it - especially since I know I am not going to use it. I'm also not sure I want him questioning why I don't intend to do anything with Tanya. To the outside observer she is very cute, and I am very single. A couple of our other friends, like Brady, have already noticed the difference in my behavior since returning from Forks...I really don't need to draw any more scrutiny, and especially not from Peter.

"Here you go, man." I drop it in his open palm. "Go nuts."

He stares down at the little packet in his palm for an oddly long amount time before closing his fist over it. He looks back up at me and nods as he backs away. His expression seems...distracted.

"Yeah...yeah. Thanks. Have fun." His eyes remain on me as he backs up until he bumps into someone behind him. He gives me one last nod before he turns and heads back out of the room, toward the stairs.

I shake my head as soon as he turns around. He was acting similar to how he was in my room last night and I'm not sure what's going on with him. I imagine maybe it has something to do with his grieving - that maybe he gets into weird moods every so often - but I sort of wish he would talk to me about it. He rarely ever discusses how he's been feeling since coming back to school, and I know he has to feel pretty shitty sometimes. I suppose I understand though; we never talked about our feelings and shit before, so perhaps it would feel weird for him to start now.

I can feel Tanya's eyes on me even though I haven't looked over at her yet. I notice Eli cutting across the room toward the front door, most likely heading out for a smoke, so I decide to follow him. I call out and he waves me over and I quickly nod goodbye to Tanya, hoping she doesn't decide to follow. She smiles and waves a little, and I actually feel a bit guilty at the disappointment I see on her face. As I make my way over to Eli, I half-laugh to myself, and I almost want to call Bella and ask her if she realizes that now she's got me practically running and hiding from pretty girls.

I hang outside with Eli and a couple other guys for a little longer than the duration of a smoke when Peter and Lauren walk out hand in hand, Jess trailing behind them. I'm tempted to make a joke about his stamina but he actually doesn't look like he's in a joking mood.

"We're heading back to my room. I'll probably see you guys tomorrow," he half-mumbles to the group. He tugs Lauren along and Jess stumbles after them, both girls looking pretty tipsy. I wonder if something happened to fuck up his plans and I kind of feel bad for him. I would consider offering to let Jess stay in my room if it wouldn't look so shady. That and, if I'm honest, I'm kind of still holding out a bit of hope that I'll get a call from Bella tonight.

We watch them head down the sidewalk away from the house and then Eli turns back to me and shrugs before pulling another cigarette from his pack. Apparently, I'm not the only one who noticed Peter's odd demeanor, and Eli's guess is as good as mine as to what's influenced it.

I hang out with Eli while he finishes another cigarette, and then decide I am done with this party. I'm drunk, a little confused, and not at all in the mood to deal with overzealous drunk chicks, so I say goodbye to the guys outside and head home. I pull my phone out and glance at the screen, which indicates there are no new calls. Her voice could easily fix this bizarre evening, but it's late, and I'm sure she's probably out as well, so I stuff it back in my pocket and keep moving; the promise of sleep is just about the next best thing.


Legna betaed it all. The next chapter will be up on Saturday (1/30).

Thanks so much to our steadfast reviewers for hanging with us. We both love hearing from you.