DISCLAIMER: yesterday I chucked a coin in a fountain, held my breathe and wished I could be Stephanie Meyer. i turned purple and nearly fainted :( But I'm still plain old Rose!

Just not good enough

Part 8

Day 32

So much for having an Edward-Free week. It seems that everywhere I go, I see him. I saw him during lunch, and between classes.

Alice wasn't doing that well either. It's been 2 days since that whole sleep over from hell took place, and during those two days Jasper had acquired himself a girl friend from the deepest pits of hell.

Personally, I've never seen the girl, so I have no idea whether she's nice or not. I heard from the vine that Jasper met her at some random party, which I could only guess was that party he went to with Edward two nights ago.

But honestly, I want to kill him right now. Alice was hurting badly, and it was all his fault. When we over heard Jessica Stanley during English class yesterday, I couldn't believe it, and neither could Alice.

I tried to corner Jasper between classes, but it seems that even he was avoiding me. When I finally got a hold of him before lunch time, I pretty much had him against his locker, so he had no means of escape.

I gave him a smile that was completely without humor before gunning him with questions. "So I heard you have a girlfriend now, do you?" I started. I know I was coming on too strong, but I had to know.

He backed away even more only to find that he was trapped. He looked a little terrified, mostly because he's probably never seen this part of me before.

I watched as Jasper nodded nervously. I stood there for a while, taken a back. Then I took a deep breath and pushed the anger down.

"Look, I couldn't give a shit if you decided to get a girlfriend, but I wish you would have grown another testicle so you could have had enough balls to tell Alice you didn't want her properly" I said in a grumble.

I knew that people were starting to look at us, people were stopping what they were doing just so they could hear what I was saying to Jasper.

"Look, I never said I didn't want her! It's just I thought she was just kidding around, incase you haven't noticed, Alice is always kidding around, I thought she wasn't taking me seriously!" he said in a firm voice, starting to sound defensive.

I was starting to lose my temper. "What makes you think that? Alice likes you." I said bluntly. I watched as Jasper's face turned from defensive to total misery.

"She likes you, A LOT, now she's all broken, and I can't stand it, she's my best friend Jasper. Now I don't know why you would think Alice would joke about something that big, but if you truly do like her, then you better start groveling bud" I said, poking his chest, and making the last word pop!

There was a commotion happening in the crowd as Edward pushed his way in. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster, and walked off the opposite direction. I kept walking, Edward hasn't exactly been that friendly either.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since the kiss, and there was no way I was going to start any time now. We didn't have and play rehearsal yesterday, so I didn't see him much. But in the morning I saw him walking down the hall way with Tyler.

I gave him a smile and I was about to say hello to him but he kept walking like he didn't even see me. Then I heard Tyler laugh, "What a loser, I can't believe your sister actually hangs around her!"

I think I might have had a heart attack and died without noticing because after that, I just felt like a zombie, no heart, and completely shallow. I tried to hold back the tears, trying to remember how to breathe every now and then. I became an empty shell for precisely an hour, until I overheard Jessica talking about Jasper and his new girlfriend.

Suddenly my own troubles went away as I saw Alice's face collapse. She walked out of English class, followed shortly by me. We spent the whole morning behind the school. Everything about yesterday was grey. The weather was grey, our moods were grey, even the usually happy Ms. Culling was grey.

Today wasn't any better. As I left Jasper in the hall way, I went straight towards the library where I know nobody would bother me. I walked past the gymnasium, past the posters that advertised the school dance that was going to happen in two weeks, and straight inside the quiet and gloomy library.

I made a beeline towards the classical fiction where nobody ever went to and grabbed a copy of sense and sensibility by Jane Austen. Jane Austen was one of my favorite author's, the way she depicted romance was just so light, and sweet, that sometimes I wish I could have it just as easy as her characters.

They fall in love, get rejected, but still somehow ends up with a happy ending. I started reading the book and got as far Elinor meeting Edward Ferrars. As soon as I saw the name Edward, I gave a muted scream and threw the book across the floor.

Oh, I was a poor soul who flinched at the mention of his name.

I quickly went to pick up the book, but as I was about to bend down and get it, another hand reached for it before me. I looked up, Edward was standing in front of me, looking utterly gorgeous. He had a frown on his face, that I wanted to kiss away.

Oh lord, just walk away.

"Why would you throw away a good piece of literature like this?" he said, pointing at the book. I just grunted and snatched the book away from him. I walked back towards the shelf ignoring the librarian who told me off for making too much noise (I was just stamping, geez it's not like I was stampeding around the halls or something).

I returned the book from where I got it, and started walking away, completely ignoring Edward. "Bella-" he started, but I completely cut him off.

I wasn't going to let him have a word in, let him see how that felt like. "Why would you kiss me then suddenly treat me like shit?" I asked fiercely. "Do you get kicks out of it? Or I know!" I yelled out, "Maybe it's an ego boost, knowing you pulled one over Mike!" I stared him down, while he had the nerve to look ashamed.

"You know what Edward? I can't figure you out, so please, just stay the hell away from me!" I all but screamed that out. The librarian peeked towards us and shhhed us. I started to turn but Edward got a hold of my wrist, "I don't think I can do that" he said in an honest voice that made me turn to look at him.

His eyes was so filled with disgrace and longing that I just wanted to wrap my arms around him. "That kiss…" he started, he suddenly got all of my attention. "That kiss Bella, it left me feeling so…Overwhelmed and all of these other emotions I've never felt with anyone" he said, with real sincerity in his voice.

I gazed at his green eyes intently as I tried to figure out what he was trying to say. "So you're saying that you like me?" I asked in a small voice, Edward looked at me then shook his head. It took me long to process why I was suddenly looking down, and why my eyes was suddenly starting to tear up.

The feeling of rejection washed over me, stabbing at me like a million pieces of needles. I held back a sob and tried to control my breathing. I kept looking down, hoping to god that he would just leave me alone.

"Bella?…" I heard Edward's velvet voice. Still I refused to look up. He lifted my chin and forced me to look at him. As he saw my face, his expression twisted to a pained expression.

"That didn't come out right, what I meant was, I don't just like you…I honestly think that what I feel for you is something more than an ordinary crush" he whispered. I looked at his green gaze doubtfully.

"But…We can't be together Bella. Surely you know that right? We are completely a whole world a part, I don't think it could work out-" I didn't give him a chance to finish. Clearly it just wasn't going to happen.

Despite the fact that he may feel something for me, it was never a good sign when the boy that you liked started to think up of ways of how your relationship couldn't work out before it even started.

I shook my head bitterly, "No, Edward don't say it, I-I don't think I really want to hear it," I whispered. I looked at him with a sad expression. "I understand, you're a jock, everybody expects you to go out with someone totally hot, which I'm totally not, so just save it, you've done enough damage" my voice cracked in the middle.

I turned around and started walking slowly towards the door. I walked past the cafeteria, past the gym, and through the entrance. Once I reached outside, I let out the tears, for once I've stopped crying, there was no way I was ever going to shed another tear over Edward Cullen.

.:.


I sat right at the front for biology, far, far away from Edward. I ended up coming back to school after a very long walk.

When Edward walked in our eyes met and he gave me a sad smile which I didn't return. Mr. Varner was still not in class, so people chatted with each other. I wasn't in the mood for talking, so most of the time I had my head on the desk, pretending to sleep.

That's exactly what I was doing when Mike Newton walked inside our classroom, flicking his blonde fringe on the side and giving me a bright smile.

His face fell as soon as he saw my slightly bloodshot eyes. As he sat next to me, I saw Jessica Stanley give me an evil glare.

"Hey Bella, are you alright? What's wrong?" He asked worriedly. I smiled, Mike can be very annoying at times, but I could tell that he actually really does care. I just shook my head "I'm fine Mike, what's up?" he gave me a doubtful look but decided to go on.

"Well, some of my friends from outside of school has decided to go to the beach this weekend, I was wondering if you'd like to come? You can take Alice too if you want. Were just going to be at La Push" he offered. La Push was a little reservation towards the coast, only a couple of minutes drive from Forks, a small community of native Americans lived there.

I really didn't want to go, but what was the harm. I needed to get out anyway. I'm sure Alice would appreciate it too. But I was a little doubtful about the weather, after all, the beach shouldn't be wet. It should be dry, and the breeze should be warm, not crisp and cold. I shivered at the thought of going.

I was about to flat out decline when Mike seemed to have read my expression. "Trust me Bella, it's not going to rain, the forecast said so. It should be sunny! So please come?" He asked, turning his boyish puppy dog charm to full blast.

Oh what the hell, I agreed. I watched as Mike smiled eagerly. I smiled at his expression.

Then as if a sudden gush of wind just swept in, I felt the back of my neck prickle. I slowly turned around, and my eyes clashed with Edward's angry green gaze.

I sunk down on my chair slightly. He had no right to look pissed off.


Day 33

Alice agreed to go to the beach. It turned out that the whole 'Jasper-getting-a girlfriend' thing was still eating her up. I didn't dare tell her about what I did to Jasper yesterday. It turned out that she's been avoiding Jasper as well. Rebuffing all of his attempts on trying to talk to her, and avoiding him the best she could.

I told Alice want went on at the library between Edward and I and she gave out a very impolite growl. "It's his stupid ego, oh I wish he's regretting it now, knowing you just said yes to hanging out with Mike Newton!" she said huffily.

I just gave Alice a sad smile. She looked at me, seeming to read my expression. "Come on Bella, do you think I'll bail out on you as well?" she asked. A part of me wanted to say yes.

I just shrugged. "Well, you know Alice, I'm not exactly Cinderella. I'm not pretty at all, and people are wondering why the hell you would want to hang around someone like me" I said in a dejected tone.

Alice gave me one look and came to me. "Bella, shut up okay? You're gorgeous! Don't you ever doubt that. Besides I'm hanging out with you because you happen to be the coolest person I know. Everyone else is so artificial! Don't listen to what other people say!" she said, slightly boosting up my confidence.

"Bella, you're my best friend you know that? You've been here for me, and I love you for that. And as for my brother, forget him. He can be so dumb sometimes, let him wallow in his own misery" she added.

I just smiled, I was glad for the darkness of the night, or else Alice would have seen the tears running down my eyes.

Alice and I sat on the roof for a while, just staring at the stars. Each wishing for something that may never happen.


Day 34

Why did I ever agreed to do this stupid play? Why didn't I just back down when I had a chance?

You probably don't know what I'm crapping on about but it's official, playing Juliet in Romeo and Juliet sucks. I came in for rehearsal today, tagging Alice along with me. When we arrived, we saw that Edward dragged Emmet, Jasper, and Rosalie along as well.

Alice and I were talking about an episode of 'Charmed' when the words from my mouth just died down as soon as I saw them all sitting at the edge of the stage. I felt Alice's whole body stiffen at the sight of Jasper.

He got up and looked towards Alice as if expecting her to bolt. But I took Alice's hands and we both walked hand in hand. I swallowed slightly as I felt all of their eyes on us. I looked briefly at Edward, he wasn't looking at me at all. He was fidgeting with a coin. I sighed and walked towards the other side of the auditorium.

Alice and I took seats and waited patiently for Ms. Culling to come. We heard footsteps coming towards us, I looked up and saw Emmet heading for us. I looked at Alice, but she just shrugged and went back to looking through my copy of Romeo and Juliet.

"Hey guys, what are you doing all the way up here, come over to our side" he said lowly, so nobody else could hear. I just scrunched up my face and gave him a smile. "Nah Emmet, were fine here, but thanks for asking" I replied.

I honestly didn't feel like sitting within Edward's line of vision, even though he can pretty much see us from where we sat. But I didn't care, better far away than close.

Emmet just shrugged and bounded back to everybody else. I gave Alice a brave smile and mouthed "Are you okay?" she nodded and did the same thing for me, I shrugged in response.

I saw Mike coming over and sighed, Alice stared, and quickly looked down and muttered 'crap' under her breathe. Mike was nice and everything, but sometimes he's just so eager it's scary. He's definitely different from all of his friends though.

He wasn't afraid to show his fascination with me. A difference between him and Edward. As he got a closer the door crashed open, and Ms. Culling walked in, with her usual dramatic entrance.

"Mr. Newton, please sit down, and don't scare the ladies!" she said loudly. Mike turned red, and sat down. I heard Emmet's crowd snicker slightly. I just shook my head and tried to concentrate on what was happening.

Ms. Culling grabbed a chair and sat on the centre of the stage and cleared her throat.

"Looks like we have new helpers, thank you guys for volunteering, that's the only reason that I can think of to explain why you're all here" she said enthusiastically at the new faces in the auditorium.

I saw Jasper and Emmet exchange a look while Rosalie just gracefully stood up and walked out of the auditorium. I rolled my eyes. Ms. Culling caught me, and smiled, "Well Miss. Swan, I never liked her much either!" she said in her booming voice.

"So before we can start, I'm here to inform you that we are doing ACT 2 SCENE 2, so quickly, quickly! Look through your script right now! Time is of the essence!" she yelped, making chopping noises with her palm.

I quickly looked through the script and stared at it blankly. Suddenly my whole face felt numb, and my heart started beating double time. I sat there so quiet, that Alice had to pinch me to bring me down to earth, "What is it Bella?" she asked. I didn't answer, she took the script away from me and looked at the open book. Then I watched as her lips formed a quiet 'oh'.

"That's right my children! We are doing the famous balcony scene where we will be working our little chemistry! The audience has to believe it people!" she said. Nothing she was saying made much sense to me. All I knew was that I was staring at the slanted writing on the bottom of the page after Juliet makes a very long speech; he kisses her.

I gulped and looked up and surely enough, Edward was staring right at me, as if penetrating my soul.

Ms. Culling got the two of us to stand up and recite the line before the kiss, and had us stare at each other.

I stood right next to Edward awkwardly, hesitating to put my hands on his shoulder when he grabbed a hold of it and kissed it. If we hadn't been surrounded by people, I'm sure I would have peed my pants.

He looked at me deeply and whispered "Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow, That tips with silver all these fruit tree-tops-" and that was when I was suppose to cut him off, but it was starting all over again; the intoxicating feeling of having him too close to me.

I tried to stutter out my lines, but none of it made sense that Ms. Culling gave out a frustrated growl. "Do it again!" she yelled. So we did, and time and time again, it happened, I kept stumbling on my lines, and I could hear Emmet go hysterical by the minute.

I swore if he laughed one more time, I would deck him. Of course he laughed again, and of course I didn't deck him, have you seen the size of him? He's as big as a bear. So instead I ignored him and tried to really put my self in Juliet's shoes. How she would tell her lover not to swear on the moon, because of it's constant changes.

I stepped away from Edward, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I stepped closer to Edward and let him take my hands, for once really concentrating on what he was saying. Edward took a hold of my hand again, and this time I got even closer to him, which took him by surprise.

The whole time I kept my eyes focused solely on him;

"Oh swear not by the moon, th'inconstant moon,

That monthly changes in her circl'd orb,

Lest that thy love prove likewise variable"

I was so close to him, that I could feel his heart beat. We seemed to be so lost in our own moment, Edward lifted my chin and whispered, "What shall I swear by?" his Velvet voice leaving a trail of goose bumps running up and down my spine.

By then we were both so engulfed with each other, leaving behind the characters that somewhere in between, we became Romeo and Juliet.

"Do not swear at all;

Or if thou wilt swear by thy gracious self,

And I'll believe thee."

I softly said against his ear, then as if I became possessed by the character, I let my lips brush along his cheek, and I saw his face get closer, until our lips sort of hovered above each other.

I completely forgot about our audience. Next thing I knew I heard clapping, I quickly sprang away from Edward, too embarrassed to look at him in the eyes.

"Bravo! Bravo! That was intense! Somebody pass me a paper bag! I think I'm going to hyperventilate! What a chemistry!" Ms. Culling said enthusiastically, clapping very loudly. There were some laughter coming from the crowd, and I heard Emmet whistle.

I looked up to see Edward giving Emmet a dirty look. Then when he turned towards me, I quickly looked down. I felt like a fire was burning my cheeks. I quickly hopped off the stage as Ms. Culling gave us a 15 minute break, where I rushed straight to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water.

That was pure torture from the 7 levels of hell.

So now I'm lying in my bed, writing all of this down, hoping for this week to finish up as soon as possible before I completely lose my mind.


Day 34 (5 minutes later)

Who was I kidding? I've got an outing to go to over the weekend. Oh, Mike is going to be unbearable, I just know it. All because I said yes to going with him and his friends to the beach.

He acted like some over protective harpy after rehearsal today. Hanging around Alice and I for too long. Edward looked like he wanted to skin Mike alive, while Jasper didn't look too happy either.

So nope, not looking forward to the Weekend at all.

Somebody shoot me!


A/N: Hey guys!! Thanks for all the reviews last time!! keep them up please!! Oh, and please read my other fanfic!! It's an imprint story :) So anyway, tell if you liked this chapter, or if you have anything that you want me to put in there!! Thank YOU once again for those who favorited this story, and added it on their alert list! Thanks guys! keep it up! REVIEW REVIEW!