Chapter 9
Gamzee nearly jumped a mile when he heard John let out a strangled scream and fall back, whipping around and preparing to tear someone's head off.
….only to find he had already done so to what had scared John.
John was staring at the head on the floor, shaking hard. He had already been shown this fridge by Karkat, but it had just been a split-second of looking just to let Karkat know he understood what he had been talking about. But NOW he was staring at a fridge crammed with five bodies, cut to pieces, with the decapitated heads crammed within the disgusting mess. Save for the one on the floor.
The most distinguishable feature on this head were the enormous horns, and John deftly wondered how it had been able to fit. He was brought out of his musings when he felt Gamzee step up behind him and stare down too, suddenly remembering WHY Karkat had shown him the fridge.
These body parts were in here because Gamzee had killed about half and hoarded them off.
"G…Gamzee…" he stammered, unable to look away from the head. Gamzee didn't answer. "Gamzee….you….we…have to leave….p…put it back and…" He felt a sharp spike of nausea as the smell finally hit him. It wasn't full-on rot, but cut open a fresh body and the overly-bloody scent still hits you hard.
Gamzee silently walked over to the head on the floor and picked it up, then walked over to the fridge and calmly closed it. Then, to John's shock, he picked the whole damn thing up, walked over to Vriska's door, and kicked it right open, walking out.
John sat on the floor for a few moments more before scrambling up and running after him, managing to see him take a transportalizer and vanish, rushing to it and transportalizing after, moments before people came running around the corner, having heard the crashing.
"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!?" Vriska shouted, running to her respiteblock and seeing the door crashed right out. She hurried in, freezing when she saw that the fridge was missing, and the vent to her room was wide open.
Terezi was on her heels, cringing at the smell of corpses. "What the hell happened?" she said, poking around.
Vriska stared between where the fridge used to be and the vent. "…Crazy chucklefuck took the fucking bodies!" she said. She raced outside, looking around and spotting the transportalizer, rushing to it and stepping on it. Nothing happened. She looked down and saw that the light was turned off. It was disabled. "FUCK!"
John had just managed to jump out of the way once he transportalized after Gamzee, BARELY managing to avoid getting crushed by the Warhammer of Zillyhoo, which shattered the transportalizer pad to pieces. "WHOA—GAMZEE! WHAT THE FU—" He had to duck to avoid shrapnel from Gamzee hitting the transportalizer again, and again until it was beyond repair. He peeked up, seeing Gamzee breathing heavily and clenching the Hammer so tightly he could hear knuckles cracking.
Gamzee's hands were shaking as he breathed, a restrained, rasping mess that almost sounded pained. John swallowed hard, remaining on the floor, watching carefully for any sign that he should make like the wind and blow this place.
At long last, Gamzee lowered the Hammer and let it drop into his syllabus, turning to the fridge and picked the head that was on top up, holding it in his hands quietly, making loud, fierce growling sounds.
John swallowed hard, slowly easing his way over. Gamzee didn't seem to notice him until he got close, then John found dark orange eyes trained on him.
"Tell me," John said quickly, shakily pointing to the fridge. "…Tell me about this…not…not what other people told me….you tell me about this…I…I want to know." He strained to keep his eyes focused on Gamzee's, whose own eyes slowly faded from dark orange to yellow.
Finally, Gamzee's posture relaxed, though his hold on the head in his hands remained firm.
"…Motherfuckers never liked me," he murmured, his voice soft, but with a heavy grit to it. John chewed his lip, bringing up his knees and hugging them tightly to listen. Gamzee reached over and opened the fridge, staring at the mess inside.
"…Always…motherfuckin' sayin' what a disgrace I was…." He reached in, grabbing hold of a chunk of hair, lifting out a head that had a bluish tinge to it. John forced himself to look, his hands clenching into his legs tightly.
"This motherfucker right here…always motherfuckin' BEGGIN' me to command him…heh….indigo-blooded motherfuckers…always wanna be motherfuckin' COMMANDED…always wanted me to get him the motherfuck off with COMMANDS. To motherfuckin' TAKE MY PLACE IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN' HEMOSPECTRUM!" He dropped the head back into the fridge. "…the one motherfuckin' command I give him, an' he decides to not do it. I finally do what he motherfuckin' wants…an' he just motherfuckin' shits all over it."
Gamzee's teeth were bared and clenched. "Motherfuckin' HYPOCRITE. Callin' me DISGRACEFUL an' VULGAR an' VILE all that motherfuckin' time…HATED that indigo-blooded MOTHERFUCKER."
He reached back into the fridge and pulled out another head, this one with a dark green tinge. "…Maybe she aint deserved to motherfuckin' die. Always so motherfuckin' nice to everyone. But little kittybitch attacked a motherfuckin' Highblood pulsatin' from a motherfuckin' KILL. The motherfuck did she EXPECT? Still. I made it real motherfuckin' quick-like. One hit. She's gone."
He put the head back, tugging out two more, one with violet and the other with fuchsia. "More motherfuckin' Highbloods. Sea-Dwellers. Didn't like me much, neither motherfucker. Sea-Dwellers don't like me motherfuckin' much. I didn't kill 'em, though….would've, probably. Especially motherfuckin' Ampora." He sneered. "Motherfucker killed my motherfuckin' lusus." He tossed the heads back into the fridge.
John swallowed hard, eyeing the head in Gamzee's lap. "…And…that one?" he asked delicately, gesturing softly. "Did you…?"
"No." Gamzee's voice was firm, but almost mournful. "…No Tavros….not…my motherfuckin' Tavros…." He turned the head in his hands until he was face-to-face with it. "…Never motherfuckin' Tavros…" He leaned his forehead against the head's.
"…I…I found him…" His breath hitched, transparent purple tears dripping down his face. "…I found him…I motherfuckin' FOUND HIM!" He gnashed his teeth, his hands shaking. "THE MOTHERFUCKIN' SPIDER BITCH KILLED MY TAVROS! AND NOBODY MOTHERFUCKIN' CARED!" He hugged the head to his chest tightly, rocking back and forth slightly.
"I…I kill…and…I'm a monster…I'm a motherfuckin' MONSTER…..the MOTHERFUCKIN' SPIDER BITCH KILLS MY TAVROS….and nobody….motherfuckin'….cares…." A high, pained noise almost struck John in the heart left his throat.
John sat there quietly, trying to swallow a lump in his throat, feeling absolutely terrible. "…I'm…so sorry…" he whispered so softly he barely even heard himself. Gamzee's shoulders shook and John could hear choked sobs. Sobs that then started to sound like choking laughter until John was sure of it. Gamzee was LAUGHING. "…Gamzee…?"
"I heard the motherfuckin' voices," Gamzee said, his voice grating and terrible. "I heard them. Tellin' me to motherfuckin' kill. But I didn't listen. 'They're my motherfuckin' friends!' I told 'em! I aint gonna kill my MOTHERFUCKIN' FRIENDS!" He lifted his head, grinning to show off all of his teeth, his pupils almost slitting.
"Then…I saw what the motherfuckin' spider bitch DID TO MY MOTHERFUCKIN' TAVROS! I ALWAYS HATED THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' BITCH! SHE MOTHERFUCKIN' HURT MY TAVROS! SHE MOTHERFUCKIN' KILLED MY TAVROS!"
He jumped up, startling John, and began spinning around, holding Tavros' head out almost gleefully.
"THAT'S WHY THE MOTHERFUCKIN' VOICES TOLD ME TO KILL ALL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS! OH, TAVROS, MY MOTHERFUCKIN' MATESPIT-TO-BE, IF ONLY THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAD LISTENED TO THEM! THEN IT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN' US! MATESPRITS FOREVER!" He stopped spinning, still grinning but crying heavily again. "They wont motherfuckin' get away with it, Tavros. I swear, I'll motherfuckin' make her pay. And I'll motherfuckin' KILL anyone who stands with her."
He pulled Tavros' head to him, kissing him hard, purring loudly.
John stared, feeling all the blood drain out of his face, shaking hard. Oh dear fucking GOD…he had known Highblood psychosis was a thing, but THIS… He buried his face in his knees, trying to swallow back the bile in his throat.
Through the psychotic mess, the worst part was, John felt that Gamzee had a POINT. THAT was the scariest part. From what he knew so far, he couldn't believe that the others would let Gamzee get like this. He especially couldn't believe they let Vriska get away with killing perhaps the only person in this place that could have prevented at least two of these deaths. THAT THEY LET VRISKA GET AWAY WITH KILLING ANYONE AT ALL.
John suddenly felt sick to his stomach that he ever let Vriska take charge of any decision in his life. Ascending to God Tier or not, what prices came with what GOT him there?
He jerked up, scrambling to a corner of the room, bracing himself up on the wall as he vomited out what little he had in his stomach to the floor, the mess as technicolor as the fridge behind him. He could feel tears streaming down his face, but he didn't know if they were of sadness, fear, or disgust. A mix of all three, perhaps.
He stiffened, feeling Gamzee's presence mere inches behind him, and shakily turned to look up at him.
Gamzee stared down at him with yellow-orange eyes, smears of brownish blood around his face. "…You gonna motherfuckin' leave, John?" he asked, his voice deceptively calm. "Gonna run back to the motherfuckers upstairs? AM I A MOTHERFUCKIN' MONSTER, JOHN!? WELL!? AM I!?"
John stared at Gamzee, tears still running down his face. He remained motionless for a few long, agonizing moments before turning around fully and reaching out, curling his arms around Gamzee and hugging him tightly. He felt Gamzee's body jerk and stiffen like a startled cat ready to strike, but only held on tighter.
"…You ARE a monster," he said softly, his voice shaking. "…but they MADE you this way….and….I'm so…SO…SORRY for that…" He buried his face in Gamzee's chest, crying harder.
Gamzee's body slowly relaxed, his eyes going back to yellow. He stared blankly at nothing, his think pan sorting out what John said and was doing. He was a monster. He was a monster. HE WAS A MOTHERFUCKING MONSTER.
It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. THEY MADE HIM THIS WAY.
'I'm so sorry.'
'I'm so sorry.'
'I'm so sorry.'
'I'm so sorry.'
Gamzee felt hot tears streaming down his face. At last…a motherfucker was sorry for him being a monster…and it wasn't even a motherfucker that MADE him like this.
He raised his arms, putting them around the shaking body that was holding him, burying his face in the blue hood just under his chin. "…I'm not…motherfuckin' sorry for doin' any of it…" he growled softly. He felt the arms around him tighten.
"I know," was all John said.
Just like that. No need for explanation. No lecture on how he SHOULD be sorry.
Gamzee hugged him tighter, clenching his eyes shut. He missed his Tavros so motherfucking much. But this worked fine for now.
