The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy

Episode Seven "Something Ed This Way Comes" (Part One) [Chapter 9]

Written by thebestkindofstupid (also known as "Edd Shwartz" for some reason)

Well, I forgot to plan out this episode before I started writing, so this episode may not be as good as it could be. I must also apologize for this episode taking so long to write. It was very close to being finished two weeks ago, but something came up.

I would like to thank all of the people who have favorited and followed this story. It really means a lot to me that people want to see more of my story. I try to send a Personal Message saying "Thank you" to all who favorite my story or my account, but sometimes I'll view their profile to find they don't like PM's. If you didn't get a thank you message from me and you don't know why, that's probably why. If you didn't put that on your profile, and you didn't receive one, I do apologize. At this moment, I'm not sure if the site e-Mails me about followers, just favorites.

Ed was finally finished packing for his picnic, when Grim walked into the room to see why the room smelled like a homeless fish. "Oh, my goodness!" Grim complained, "What is all this stuff on the walls?! Is that barf?! My goodness, you got it on the ceiling, too!"

Ed said, "I was making lunch."

"What could possibly require this much of a mess?" Grim asked.

Ed's brain stopped again, as if his brain was a computer manufactured in the 1990's that was turned off by the greatest computer virus in the world. He paused for a moment, then spoke, "Huh?"

"The food! What were you making for lunch?!" Grim clarified.

"Oh, everything was store-bought. I was making trail mix," Ed said. Grim stuttered with his mouth wide open, as if someone had just kicked him in the kidneys, not that the Grim Reaper had any kidneys. "You all right, Grim?" Ed asked.

Grim composed himself. "Ed, why don't you just go to a fast food restaurant?"

"That's not very picnic-y…" Ed said.

"Ed! Surely you're not going on a picnic. You remember what happened last time." They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Flashback]

Eddy, Ed, Double D, Nazz, Grim, and Sarah were sitting in a grassy field. "Could you pass the potato salad?" Ed said.

A white gorilla with a bulky, robotic right arm then jumped out of nowhere and yelled, "Raggle Fraggle!"

"Heeeelp meeee!" Grim, Eddy, and Sarah just went back to eating, while Nazz and Double D just stood there with their mouths open.

[Flashback Ends]

Sarah walked into the room to yell at Ed. "Ed!" she yelled, "Mom says you gotta clean the––" She stopped to see what had happened to the kitchen. "ED!"

"Sarah, he might listen to you," Grim said.

"About what?" Sarah asked.

"He wants to have a picnic," Grim said.

"Ed, you remember what happened last time, don't you?" Sarah asked. They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Please refer to earlier flashback. Thank you.]

"Ed!" Eddy exclaimed, "What did you do to my kitchen!"

"He's trying to prepare for a picnic," Grim explained.

"That's ridiculous!" Eddy responded. He looked at Ed. "You remember what happened last time." They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Refer to earlier flashback, thank you very much]

"Ed," Double D asked, "What in heaven's name is going on in here?"

"We're trying to convince Ed not to go on a picnic," said Sarah.

"Ed, you do remember what happened last time, don't you?" Double D asked Ed.

[Didn't I tell you to refer to the earlier flashback?]

"Hey, Eddy," Nazz said, barging into Eddy's house, "I was baking my grandmother a cake, and, I know this sounds cliché, but can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Nazz stopped, realizing the stupidity that had occurred in Eddy's kitchen. "What's going on in here?'

"Ed wants to go on a picnic," Double D answered.

Nazz gasped. "Do you not remember what happened last time?" They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Why are you not referring to the previous flashback, you pieces of c––]

Then, a man walked in. He was Eddy's father, and his name was Teddy, because the author said so. He had a very solid, brown colored case of five-o'clock shadow, five hairs instead of three, a sea green shirt with pineapples on it, and brown pants. He was wearing a gold wrist-watch, which seemed to be one of the only expensive things on his person, which didn't mean he was poor but instead suggested that he hates spending money even more than Eddy. "What's happened to my kitchen?" he asked.

"Oh, my gosh!" Ed yelled, "A thirteenth human with a face on the show! It's like when you think you're all out of your favorite snack, only to find a whole 'nother bag."

"That doesn't answer my question," Teddy said. Teddy had met Grim before, but it wasn't a very interesting first encounter. In fact, it's not even worth mentioning. You could just assume Teddy wasseeing Grim for the first time, and he just wasn't impressed.

"Ed wants to have a picnic," Grim said.

"After last time? You guys remember that, right?" Teddy said. They all looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Flashback alt.]

Behind the bushes, Teddy and his friends are laughing about the prank they're about to pull. As they hear the words, "Could you pass the potato salad?", one of Teddy's friends, who was wearing a robotic yeti halloween costume, jumps out of the bushes. "Heeeelp meeee!"

[Alternative flashback ends]

"That sounds like a fine idea," Teddy said.

"Woohoo!" Ed yelled.

Eddy knew he needed Ed alive for future scams, so he offered his buddy an alternative. "Ed, if you forget the picnic, I'll take you to Whitney's to get you some chicken tenders."

"I'm there!" Ed yelled.

"Chicken Tenders?!" Grim said, confused. Ed loved chickens, so Grim couldn't figure out why Ed would eat them.

"He's convinced that white meat grows on trees, and I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise," Double D whispered.

"I'm out of this chapter…" Sarah complained, while walking off screen.

"Dad, can we have some money to go to Whitney's?" Eddy asked.

"Okay, but only because the government says I have to," Teddy said. It wasn't that he hated his son. It was just that he didn't like losing his tough exterior in front of people. He was a bit strict with Eddy sometimes, but he did love his son, and Eddy was aware of this. They just didn't like to show it.

Eddy gladly took the twenty dollars and said, "Well, come on, guys, let's go." Grim, Ed, Eddy, and Double D all left the room together.

"I still need to borrow a cupful of sugar," Nazz said, after the boys left.

"Go home," said Teddy.

Thus, the Eds and Grim made their way to Whitney's. Whitney's is most popular restaurant in the state the Eds live in and, possibly, the world. In addition to fast food, Whitney's serves ice cream, pizza, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and even steaks. Although, steaks and, to a lesser extent, macaroni and cheese cannot be cooked quickly, so the customer must wait on them.

Double D looked at the sign below the logo, which read "TACOS COMING SOON." Double D commented, "You'd think they would have the tacos by now, Eddy; I mean, they have three different types of chicken, which all taste differently."

"Eh, it's not important," said Eddy.

They walked into the store and were greeted by the teenaged Scott. In case you forgot, Scott made an appearance on a Cartoon Network short film entitled "Toon Dates." You can look this up for yourself. Scott gave out the normal greeting in a regular cheery manner, "Good day, my name is Scott. How may I help you?" I know he was a bit glum in the short, but this is an alternate universe story, anyway.

"I'll have the usual," Eddy said.

"All right," Scott said. "That's a five piece chicken tender combo for Double D, a ten piece chicken nugget combo for Eddy, and a six piece chicken strip box for Ed, and two cups of Gravy. Would you like sausage in your gravy?"

"Not today, thank you. I already had beans for breakfast," Ed answered.

"All right, that'll be $18.02"

It was rather painful for Eddy, but he handed over the twenty-dollar bill his father had given him. He knew his dad counted the change when he got back, and that if it was different than what it normally is, his punishment would not be worth jawbreakers. It was for this reason that Eddy really hated paying the sales tax, as it made it impossible to leave something off the order and spend the saved money on jawbreakers. It would always be such an odd number that he would never be able to…

"Sheesh, narrator, you're putting everyone to sleep!" Eddy yelled. Fine, we'll move ahead.

"I can't believe you won't even let me get a soda," Grim said at the table.

"Quit complaining. You should be glad we even took you," Eddy stated.

"I wouldn't have wanted to go if I knew you wouldn't give me anything to eat," Grim continued to complain.

"You know, Ed, there is a way to open the box without ripping it apart. There are little flaps on the side, and––" Double D said, trying to educate his friend. Ed then ripped open the box with his teeth and started eating the chicken strips. "Never mind," Double D said.

"Hey, wait a minute. Where are the fries?!" Eddy yelled. "I paid good money for those fries! Where are they?!"

"Eddy, you don't even eat the fries half the time," Double D stated.

"I know that," Eddy said. "It's the principle of the thing." He turned to face Ed. "Go get me the fries I ordered, lumpy!"

"Aye aye, Cap'n," Ed said. Ed left the table, went to the right of the counter where people normally order, headed past the restrooms and opened the door that said, "EMPLOYEES ONLY! "

Ed looked at the many conveyor belts around him. There were many high, and just as many on ground level. The smell of chicken was so strong, you could practically taste it. Ed was in awe of what he saw. "Cool!" Ed said.

"Who goes there?" said a dwarf with a light-gray beard. Ed stuttered a bit, and the muscular dwarf said, "Speak up. I'm blind here."

"Really?" Ed said.

"No, not really. I just can't experience any touch, because of something with my nerves, or––I don't know." He then seemed to be trying to figure something out. "If the pickle died and the puppy…" He stopped. "You know, have I ever told you the time my hand was on the kitchen stove for three years, and I didn't know it."

"That's nothing," Ed answered. "One time, my friends and I made this giant cherry, and then we got in this competition with this giant peach."

"Don't try to control me with your eflven, err… elven tricks. I know what you're after. My Kepsi cola, and I do apologize. I understand you really want Mopa-Cola, but that's all I have."

Ed's brain stopped again. "Who?" he said with a smile.

"That does it!" the dwarf said. He pulled out a spear and guided Ed to a door. "Read it!"

Ed somehow managed to read the door, which nothing but squiggly marks written on it. "Ms. Dulin with a hammer in the kitchen––"

"Who said you could read our S-IIII-IGN!?" the dwarf screamed.

"Well, uhh…" Ed stammered. It took a while, but the sense of danger had penetrated his thick head.

"Don't stop, you crook! Just keep on trucking through door that isn't really there!" said the dwarf.

Ed kept reading, "For a good time, call…"

The dwarf said in a calm voice, "Don't bother with that, she wasn't very … pretty."

"Okay, but…"

"YOU DARE DISAGREE, DOUBLE D!" the dwarf screamed.

"I thought Double D was my..."

"I was IN THE FIRST GAAAAAME!"

"You were?" Ed asked.

"My name is Mice Rula, for your information, and that's 'Mike' with a 'c'."

Ed's brain stopped again. "When?"

"Let's go Tuhnny," said the dwarf, using the spear to lead Ed once again. "Behold," the dwarf said in a rather large broom closet, "the parlor of pain, and that guy in the corner is our king." The dwarf with the light-gray beard went up to the dwarf king with the medium-grey beard and continued, "And this is the king's friendship bracelet given to him by Sasha who has a crush on him but also enjoys––"

"FLOOGARN, I THOUGHT I STRAPPED YOU TO THE BED!" The Dwarf King looked at Ed, "and why have you brought a human into our sacred cave."

"I caught this elf––"

"That's a human!" said the dwarf king.

"Oh," the lower-ranked dwarf said. He paused, then he said, "That's an important piece of information!"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" yelled the king.

"Yes, ma'am," said the dwarf with the light-gray beard. He left Ed alone with the King.

"So, do you like to play Mattio Party 2?"

"No, I don't," the king said angrily.

Ed paused with his eyes unfocused. "So do you like to play Mattio Party 8?"

"What th––?! I just answered that!"

"No, the first time I said Mattio Party 2…"

"No, I don't play Mattio Party 2 or 8!"

"That's okay. I don't play those games either," said Ed.

The King left his palm over his face for a moment. Then, he took Ed by the arm and led him back to the conveyor belts. "This is how we make Chicken strips, and here's how we make the chicken nuggets, and here's how we make the chicken tenders. Here have some." He handed Ed a small piece of chicken.

Ed said, "It tastes like Chicken."

"OF COURSE IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN! IT IS CHICKEN!" the dwarf king exclaimed. He face-palmed briefly and said, "It's all because of those rotten elves. Curse them! Curse them all!"

"Why do you hate elves so much, dwarf king?"

"Do you really want me to share my pain with you?" asked the dwarf king.

"Kind of," Ed replied.

"Very well. It was 375 years ago, soon after the war for the western world's something, you know… Anyway, so the [inaudible] was won by the druids and the dwarves. Each species sent a group of representatives to discuss who was in charge of what."

[Flashback]

"All right," said the moderator, "I just want to make sure we're all totally on the same page here. The humans will get the hamburger market, because hamburgers are disgusting, and nobody besides the humans like them, the druids will get the lentils and soy, the half-lings are in charge of mushrooms, the elves will make the cookies, and the dwarves will be in charge of all things chicken."

"If I may interject," said the blonde-haired leader of the elves, who was wearing green.

"The floor recognizes," said the moderator. He then sighed about the stupidity that would come out of his mouth, and finished, "daddy elf."

"It seems like the photo was taken, but the flash didn't go off…" said daddy elf.

"What does that mean?" asked the king of the dwarves.

"Well––hmm. I don't know, actually, but anyway, wouldn't you rather take care of the cookies? After all, they're guaranteed to go up 300,000% in the next four centuries."

"Well, when you put it like that, it does sound like I've made a horrible mistake," said the kind of the dwarves.

"How would you like to trade? We want mushrooms, and if I'm not mistaken, the halflings would really like to take care of chicken."

"Is this true, halflings?" the king asked the halflings.

"Well, yeah, we would prefer not working with chicken," said one of the halflings.

"Then it's settled, we'll take the mushrooms, the dwarves will bake the cookies, and the halflings will take care of chicken."

"Hold on a second," said a certain somebody.

One of the druids asked, "Did some invisible child just step into the flashback?"

"Who are you and what do you want with us?" asked the other druid.

"I'm Ed's imaginary friend Jib. Eddy sent me away on a bus, after my good name was ruined by my evil twin, who is also Ed's imaginary friend."

"I like potatoes, cuz they have eyes," Ed said.

Jib continued, "If the elves agreed to give you the cookie industry, why are you still manufacturing chicken?"

"No, they knew the cookie business would be a billion-dollar growth industry," said the dwarf king.

Jib repeated himself, "But you still got the cookie industry given to you freely by the elves. Why are you making chicken nuggets?"

"Well, uh, wait, what?"

"Yeah," said the moderator, "They just agreed to let you have the cookie industry."

"Well, he––duh––errrrgh, they did say that! THIS FLASHBACK IS [end flashback] OVER!" yelled the dwarf king.

"Ed, do you know of anyone who can help us get our cookie industry back."

"There is one…" Ed said, being dramatic.

Double D, still at Whitney's said, "…and that's why we don't eat hamburgers." Just then, Ed and the dwarf king walked up to the table.

"ED! Where have you been?! Where the fribble are my fries?!" Eddy yelled. He was under the impression that "fribble" meant something vulgar in another language, meaning he could use a curse word without getting caught.

"Well, you see," Ed started to explain.

Ed spent the next twenty minutes trying to explain something that could easily be explained in a minute and a half.

"Well, Ed, I suppose I could help…" said Double D.

"Well, I'm afraid we'll have to take this to court, Underworld court…." Grim said, being all dramatic.

Join us next time when a certain green elephant shows up to ruin everything.