Hey. Sorry about the delay in posting, a few minor hiccups (in the form of a broken wrist) held up my writing. I just want to say thanks to everyone who is reading this, thanks to all the people who are reviewing, thanks for the favs and the alerts and the additions to the C2's. Also thanks to Lilly who's been helping me out with college reports over the past few weeks and who also helped me typing this (thanks mate, your typing skills are amazing...) and to Airen, my Beta who made sense of it all, once Lil and I were finished.
Chapter 9
Liara sat in her quarters. She briefly considered doing some work on her console, but knew that her heart would not be in it. Then she considered talking to Dr. Chakwas, who was working in the medbay outside, but she also decided against that. She was never very comfortable making small talk, something she noticed the Commander also found difficult.
Must be hard to talk about the weather when the whole galaxy is depending on you for its very survival, she mused.
Just thinking about Shepard and her forthright manner brought tears to her eyes.
No, she silently admonished herself. I will not cry. This is how it has to be, she told herself sternly. Shepard is out there risking life and limb without quibble. Liara, she said to herself, you need to be strong too. Sulien will need you when she gets back.
She eyed her bed; she was very tired. Drained, in fact.
I won't be much good to her if I'm exhausted, she rationalized, feeling guilty for thinking about sleep.
She began to remove her clothes, tossing them towards the end of the bed, not really caring where they landed. She climbed under the blanket and was just about to close her eyes when something caught her eye.
It can wait, she told herself, closing her eyes.
Two minutes later she was out of bed and standing in front of her console. She eyed the source of the distraction before picking up the offending object.
Paper, she thought, holding the note between her fingers. She was surprised. Nobody used paper anymore. She looked down at the writing. It was neat and precise, clearly showing that someone had taken great care in writing it.
She walked back and sat on the edge of her bed. Taking a deep breath, she began to read. It was a fairly short note, clearly written by someone in a rush, but also by someone struggling to choose the right words. She read the note.
Liara, I understand that you are probably angry with me at the moment. I am so bad with words, I prefer action and sometimes my actions aren't enough. I want to tell you this, just in case...well, I don't come back...
Liara, I care for you with all my heart. I adore you with all my heart. I have cherished and adored all that you have shared with me. The gentle touch of your hands, your warm hugs, your loving and sensual kisses, the feel of your soft and smooth skin, the thrill of holding your hand. I am amazed at what you do to my heart.
Remember this always...
In you, I have found...
The greatest joy in my life.
You are...amazing.
There was no doubt about who had written this. In her mind's eye, Liara could almost imagine Shepard sitting at the console across the room, carefully labouring as she tried to find the right word to express how she felt.
She was always going to leave me behind, she thought, clutching the note in her hands, to protect me.
Liara re-read the note. We should have never started this, she thought. She tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen.
She closed her eyes tightly, fighting against the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. But we did, and now she is down on that planet, and nobody expects her to survive. This was true, Liara could see it in the crew's eyes. They had already accepted that the ground team was as good as dead.
I should be with her. I should be with her! she mentally wailed, clutching the note to her chest. This time the tears, large and hot, did fall, but Liara did nothing to stop them. She curled upon herself, holding the note to her chest, and cried herself to sleep.
"Dr. T'Soni, we have reached Arcturus Station," came the voice of the pilot over the comm. "Lieutenant Pressly has gone ashore to brief Admiral Hackett."
Liara shook herself as she stood up from the bed, her muscles screaming in protest. Stretching, she winced as her back popped. She walked over to the small sink at the side of the room and she splashed cold water on to her face, then sighed and hung her head. Her eyes felt as if they had sand in them and she was sure that they were puffy from crying.
Sighing once more, she splashed some more water onto her face. She picked up her clothes from the edge of the bed and mechanically dressed. Lastly, with reverence, she picked up the note and tucked it into her breast pocket, over her heart.
Leaving her quarters, she made her way to the CIC. Joker was in his usual place, punching at his console, finalizing the docking procedure. Liara took her seat beside him.
Joker glanced over at her. "Looking good, Doc," he said sarcastically, noting her puffy eyes and creased clothes. "The Commander is one lucky lady."
"Shut it, Joker," she said, using a tone she had heard Shepard use on a regular basis when speaking to the pilot. Her behave-or-else tone, Liara had mentally dubbed it. Whatever it was called, it worked. Joker immediately shut up.
She looked out the viewport and could see the immense, donut-shaped station. Stanford Torus-type construction, probably generates gravity through centripetal acceleration, not unlike the Presidium on the Citadel, her scientific mind noted distractedly. Absently, she took in the planet below. It was a large gas giant, and the station was trailing it.
Themis, she absently thought. The station is trailing it at a Lagrange point.
Joker was watching her out of the corner of his eye. "You know," he began conversationally, "I spent most of my childhood here. My mom was a civilian contractor. She helped build the fleet." He paused for a second before continuing. "It's one of our oldest stations, built before we made contact with the council races." Again he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "The Commander went to the academy here. This is where the N7s are trained."
Liara nodded at this, recognizing the pilot's attempt to distract her. A part of her was grateful for his efforts, while another part of her was annoyed. She didn't want to be distracted.
"Indeed," she answered, "the design is a bit outdated." That was all she said, not wanting to think about Shepard and her link with the station.
That statement effectively killed off any conversation between the two. Joker went back to his work and Liara continued to look out the viewport, watching the planet below as the sun moved across its surface, turning night into day.
Pressly found the two like that when he returned from the station. One look at the man and they could tell that his meeting had not gone well.
He walked up to them and ran his hand through his thinning hair.
God, he thought, I never asked for command. He had found the Admiral to be an odd man, difficult to talk to and hard to persuade.
"The Admiral won't mobilise the fleet," was all he said when he came onto the bridge. "He says that there's insufficient evidence to support our claims of an attack on the Citadel, and that he won't risk a diplomatic incident by arming the fleet."
"What?" Liara exclaimed, turning on Pressly. "What about Shepard and the ground team?" she demanded.
He winced at Liara's high-pitched voice and shied away from the anger he saw in her eyes. "They're on their own now, Doctor," he said, lacing the last word with venom.
How dare this woman be on the bridge questioning me, he raged to himself.
Liara stopped and stared at the navigator.
"Is that it, then, Lieutenant?" she demanded, adding her own amount of venom to the navigator's rank. "We just walk away?" She looked at him coldly. "We should at least take the Normandy to the relay."
"Orders are orders, Doctor," he replied, looking at the deck.
Joker was watching with interest. Like hell they are, he thought. Shepard stole this ship to save the galaxy and now we're going to leave her high and dry because the XO is afraid of disobeying orders? Heshook his head to himself in disbelief.
Liara looked at the man. "Orders are orders," she repeated, looking at Pressly in disbelief. She paused for a second, and from his place at the flight controls, Joker could see her dark eyes darting from left to right.
The time for words has passed, she thought to herself. Now is a time for action.
She couldn't explain it, but she knew in her very heart of hearts that Sulien needed the Fifth Fleet, and that without it all would be lost. And yet here was this man telling her that they weren't going to get it.
Liara refocused her gaze on Pressly. "Just as well I'm not military, then," she said. "I don't have to follow your orders." With that, she all but ran towards Normandy's exit port.
A stuttering, infuriated Pressly watched her go.
Joker watched her in silent admiration. Thinking back on his previous comment, he was forced to concede that the Commander was indeed a very lucky woman.
Stepping out of the docking bay, Liara took a moment to familiarize herself with the station layout. She looked for an information terminal but found none. Exacerbated, she walked down a gunmetal corridor. Eventually she found an old-fashioned map on a wall.
Studying the map, she came to the conclusion that the Admiral's office was on the level above her, more than likely near the administration offices. She took a second to memorise the station layout, then strode purposefully onwards, intent upon her destination.
She did not notice the strange looks that she was getting from the station personnel and fleet officers alike. The sight of an asari on the station was an event in itself—but one who was as bedraggled and as angry-looking as Liara caused many a person to stop in their tracks and stare after her. A few recognized her from the various newsfeeds and stopped to tell their co-workers. The news of her arrival sped ahead of her so quickly that by the time she reached the Admiral's office, he was well aware of her arrival.
Liara paused a second outside his office. A moment of panic seized her.
What will I say? she asked herself. What can I say that will get him to mobilise the fleet?
For a second, she thought about turning around and going back to the ship. She was never one for confrontations, preferring a more diplomatic route.
She closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep calming breath.
No, she thought to herself as she remembered the way the Commander smiled at her the night before. If she ever wanted to see that smile again, she had to do this. The time for words has passed, she repeated to herself. She placed her hand over her breast pocket in which she had placed Sulien's note. Hang on, my love, we are coming.
Taking another breath, she opened her eyes and stared at the door in front of her. She knocked sharply once, and without waiting for a response, she marched in.
Stephen Hackett was sitting at his desk. He stood up when he saw Liara come into the room. He was tall man, with slightly grey hair. But that was the only sign of his advancing years. He had lightly tanned skin, unusual for a person spending so much time in space, Liara thought, must be a genetic trait, she concluded. Liara noted that he stood with ease and clapsed his hands behind his back. He regarded her momentairly, his face belying nothing of what he was thinking.
"Dr.T'Soni," he said eventually. "I can't say that I'm surprised to see you."
He moved around his desk and stood in front of Liara. "Lt. Pressly informed me that you were on your way."
He pointed towards a seat in the corner of the room and motioned for Liara to sit.
Liara shook her head, instead crossing her arms in front of her chest as she had seen Shepard do on countless occasions.
"Admiral Hackett—" she began, but the Admiral stopped her.
"Dr. T'Soni," he said sternly, looking the young woman straight in the eye. He was secretly pleased to see that she did not flinch away from his gaze. "If you are here in an attempt to dissuade me from my decision, you are wasting your and my time."
He watched Liara carefully, waiting to see a reaction to his words. "There is insufficient evidence to warrant such an action." Again, he watched Liara, waiting for some sort of reaction. He was finding the young asari very difficult to read, as she did not fidget or look away from him as he spoke. She held herself very still, never taking her eyes off him. What she was thinking was completely unknown to him. "There is nothing you can say that will change that fact."
As he finished his sentence, he strode back around his desk and sat down. He picked up a datapad and began to scan it. He had effectively dismissed Liara.
She watched the man for several moments as he read the datapad. She smiled to herself as she realised that he was not really reading it at all, just using it as a diversion. She took two steps forward until she stood directly in front of his desk and placed both hands on the desk.
"Admiral Hackett," she begun again. The man looked up and was momentarily taken aback when he saw how close she was. "As I was about to say," Liara continued, "I am aware that there is insufficient evidence for you to mobilise the fleet." She paused a moment before continuing. "And I know that there is nothing I can add to Lt. Pressly's report that will change your mind—"
The Admiral looked at the young woman in front of him. "Then why, Doctor, are you here?" he queried.
Liara held up her hand in front of the Admiral, a little annoyed at the interruption."As I said, nothing I say will change your mind..." Again, she paused; Hackett watched her, closely intrigued by what she was saying. Liara leaned in a little closer to the Admiral. "But what if I could show you?"
Hackett sat back in his chair as the implications of what Liara just said hit him.
"You are proposing a meld between us," he stated.
Liara just nodded.
"Can you do that?" he asked, and another thought occurred to him as he asked that question.
As if she sensed the Admiral's unasked question, Liara nodded; but upon seeing his raised eyebrows, she felt the need to elaborate. "I have melded with Commander Shepard in the past to help her make sense of her visions from the Prothean beacons," she explained hastily. She had no wish to discuss her private life. "And in answer to your question, yes, I can."
Admiral Hackett hesitated for a moment, considering the implications of what she was proposing.
If I do this, he thought, I will be able to make a more informed decision.
As it stood, he was basing his decision upon the Council's recommendations despite the fact the decision hadn't sat well with him. He had known Commander Shepard for a long time and he had never known her to be prone to flights of fantasy. If she said that there was a threat to the galaxy, then in his book that was good enough.
However, the Council and Ambassador Udina disagreed. Udina had personally ordered Hackett not to interfere or else he would end up like Captain Anderson, who had been removed from duty due to his part in the theft of the Normandy.
Hackett hated Udina. He thought that the man was a snake in the grass and he admired the stand Anderson had taken against him. Hell, he thought, if it had been me, I would've done more than punch the man.
"Okay, Doctor," he said finally. "If you believe it's the only way."
Liara smiled slightly at the Admiral. "I do, Admiral. Do not worry, this is painless."
She gazed into the Admiral's eyes. "Just relax, Admiral," she said as her mind entered his. "Embrace eternity," she whispered. Suddenly, her mind was assaulted with images from the Admiral's life.
His mind was untrained and his thoughts chaotic, each one sweeping into Liara's mind and threatening to overwhelm her. In mere seconds, a young boy became a man, the man became a soldier, and the soldier an admiral.
Past battles played out in front of her as if she were there. She could smell the smoke and taste the fear. She saw friends and comrades in arms fall and die. She witnessed the first time the Admiral saw his wife and sensed the elation he felt the first time he held his son. She witnessed the last time the Admiral saw his wife and felt his grief at her loss.
This was unlike any other meld she had participated in. It wasn't like a meld with another asari, which was usually ordered and controlled. It wasn't like her melds with the Commander, either—she had locked away some of her memories so as to not cause Liara distress. This was wild, and Liara struggled to gain a foothold.
With a deep breath, she began to push the memories she had from Shepard forward, taking care to not allow the context of how she received the memories to become apparent. She showed the Admiral her own memory of meeting Sovereign on Virmire. She replayed the images of Saren attacking the Commander at the bomb site, asking her to join him; she showed him the Commander's defiance when she promised to stop him and Saren's laughter as he told her that all organic life was doomed.
She showed him her own memories of her mother as she told them about indoctrination and the things she had been forced to do. For a finish, she showed him Shepard's memories from the beacon—the demise of the Protheans. All that death and destruction the Commander saw every time she closed her eyes. She didn't hold anything back, and let him feel the full impact of Shepard's nightmares.
"Enough," Hackett finally rasped. "Enough, you've made your point."
Liara broke off the meld and finally sat down in the previously offered seat. She looked at the Admiral, her gaze boring into his very soul.
"Now you see what is at stake, Admiral. Now you see what it is Shepard fights against. Will you allow her to fight alone, to fail and doom all organic life to death? Or will you stand with her as she once stood with you?" she said, remembering a young Shepard taking orders on a battlefield from a young Captain Hackett.
Hackett still looked dazed from the meld; he ran a hand through his hair and gave himself a small shake as if freeing himself from the distasteful images. He remembered what his drill sergeant had said to him when he first enlisted, all those years ago.
"Hackett, there comes a time in every soldier's life when he has to make a decision—to do what is right, or to follow orders. That decision will determine how men perceive you and how history will remember you."
These words ran around in his head. Shepard had made her decision and Anderson had made his. And now it's my turn, he thought.
"Did Shepard give you any indication as to why she needs the Fifth Fleet, Doctor?"
Liara shook her head, aware that this was a major hole in her argument."All she asked was that we report here and brief you. She asked us to request that the Fifth Fleet be mobilised and ready as a precaution," she answered honestly.
"So you have no firm proof that there is actually going to be an attack on the Citadel," he concluded.
"No," Liara once again answered truthfully. "But Admiral, I ask you..." She held up her hand so that he wouldn't interrupt her. "When has Commander Shepard ever been wrong?"
She dropped her hand and crossed her arms across her chest in defiance, looking steadily at the Admiral. "When have you ever known her to jump to conclusions without due cause? If Commander Shepard says that the prospect of an attack on the Citadel exists, I would take that very seriously."
She never broke her gaze with the Admiral as she stood up from her chair. "I would rather mobilise the fleet needlessly than not do it and have to deal with the alternative."
She nodded once at the Admiral."I will leave you now to your decision," she said. "Thank you for your time."
The Admiral watched the young asari leave. He picked up the picture of his wife and son sitting on his desk and looked sadly at it.
"Either way, my love," he said to the picture, "this is going to be a very long day."
Putting the picture gently back down on the desk, he sent a communiqué to all the ships. The captains were to give orders for the fleet to be mobilised.
Back on the Normandy, Joker practically jumped for joy when he saw the orders coming through.
"Lt. Pressly," he called, "she did it, sir!" He smiled brightly. "Liara convinced the Admiral to mobilise the fleet!"
"What?" Pressly said, astounded and more than a little angry.
How dare that woman undermine me in such a manner. I am the officer in charge here! he silently fumed.
Liara arrived back on the bridge just in time to hear Pressly's outburst and to see him slam his hand down on the flight console, causing Joker to jump in alarm. She walked up to him and looked at him squarely in the eye.
"Is there a problem, Lt. Pressly?" she asked.
"How dare you undermine me in front of the Admiral. I am the senior officer aboard this ship," he bellowed at her. "How dare you coerce a top Alliance official into changing his decision." Pressly was all but spitting at her as he stood almost nose to nose with her. "What did you do, Doctor?" he yelled. "Work you alien charm on him?"
Liara blinked as if she were unable to believe what she was hearing. She could feel the anger growing inside of her.
Calm down, she told herself. Calm down, getting angry now won't serve any purpose.
"Yes," she said sarcastically, taking a step back to give herself some room. "I did work my alien charm on him—if by alien charm you mean that I told him what I know, what I have seen, and more importantly what the Commander knows and has seen." She let that statement hang in the air for a few minutes.
Pressly clenched his jaw shut as the meaning behind Liara's words began to sink in.
Joker was watching the interchange with interest. These two are better than any soap opera, he thought. Seeing that things were on the verge of getting out of hand, though, he decided to interfere.
"Lieutenant," he said, hoping to get Pressly's attention. "Sir," he tried again, a bit louder this time.
Pressly looked at him, the anger still in his eyes."What?" he said rudely.
"I really don't think this is the time or the place for such an interchange," Joker said. "And as senior officer aboard, sir," he said respectfully, "the crew is awaiting your orders."
Liara looked over at Joker; she was amazed at what he had just done. She had always thought of Joker as a bit of an idiot—a brilliant pilot, but no social skills. But now she realised that her conception of him had been completely wrong. He didn't care what people thought of him and said what he wanted, but he was in no way the idiot that she thought him to be. His careful handling of Pressly just now proved that.
Pressly looked at him as if just remembering where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He nodded once at Joker, glared at Liara, and walked back into the CIC.
Joker winked at Liara and turned back to his board."Proceeding to the relay as per the Admiral's orders," he called over the comm to Pressly.
Liara sat down in the co-pilot's seat and breathed a sigh of relief. She hated confrontations. She looked over at Joker, who was grinning happily to himself.
"Thanks, Joker," she said wearily to him.
Joker waved off her thanks."None necessary, Liara," he said. "I'm the one who should be thanking you."
Liara looked at him."Yes, well, I didn't do it for you," she said. "But I am glad that you are as eager to aid the Commander as I am."
Of course I am, he thought to himself.
"Shepard will be fine," he said flippantly. "Now," he enthused, "thanks to you, I'm going to get to kill Sovereign."
No point in letting them think you're soft, he told himself. He caught the annoyed look that briefly passed over Liara's face. Besides, it's funnier this way.
