"Have I told you about Emilia's phobia? I have, haven't I?" asked Crane, as Tetch stood chopping vegetables with him in the kitchen.

"Only about a hundred times," agreed Tetch.

"But isn't it simply the most adorable phobia you've ever heard in your life?" sighed Crane.

"Mostly it just makes me anxious about my housekeeping," replied Tetch.

"I dusted very carefully, don't worry," said Crane. "There's not a speck of it in here. Lenore even searched from above, didn't you, my precious?" he asked.

Lenore cawed, watching the cooking with a careful eye. Her master was very absent-minded recently, but that was only natural when a man was in love.

"I must say, it's wonderful to see you so happy and cheerful," commented Tetch. "Unusual, but wonderful."

"Oh, how could I not be happy and cheerful, when I have the most wonderful woman in the world as my girlfriend?" asked Crane. "You'll agree when you meet her tonight – she's simply pure and utter perfection."

"And to think you weren't going to ask her on a date," said Tetch, lightly.

"Yes, thank you, Jervis," retorted Crane. "I'm very glad I listened to you."

"Well, you shouldn't be the only one who's allowed to gloat," replied Tetch with a smile. "I must say, I'm pleased you want me around tonight, although I honestly wouldn't mind clearing out if the two of you wanted some private time alone."

"Nonsense – I'm not going to ask you to vacate your own home, which I'm already imposing upon by staying with you, and then inviting company round," retorted Crane. "Besides, she very much wants to meet you."

"Well, I'm flattered, and of course I very much want to meet her," replied Tetch. "Still, I could understand if you wanted some space with just the two of you."

"Don't worry – Lenore's been our perpetual third wheel since we met," retorted Crane, nodding at the raven. She cawed irritably at him. "Yes, I know – you were only trying to help get us together," said Crane, petting her gently. "I am a lucky man to be surrounded by such excellent companions."

"I have never heard you describe yourself as a lucky man before," said Tetch.

"I am, though – it is an irrefutable fact," retorted Crane.

"So all those years I told you to be optimistic, and that love would find you, and that you mustn't give up hope, I was right, wasn't I?" asked Tetch, lightly.

"Are you going to be gloating all night?" demanded Crane.

"It's one of the few pleasures left to me," replied Tetch with a grin. "You mustn't deprive me of it."

"Emilia and I will not be too over-affectionate, I promise, Jervis," said Crane. "I know how annoying it can be when happy couples rub their relationship in your face…"

"Nonsense, Jonathan – I'm happy to see you happy," replied Tetch, sincerely. "I wouldn't be very much of a friend if I wasn't. I may not have a romantic relationship, but I actually have very little desire for one. I am truly happy with my life, surprising as it may be to you. My love for Alice was…not a physical desire or the need for bodily intimacy, but rather the need to feel emotionally irreplaceable to another human being. I have that in her child. And really that's all I've ever wanted. I do not feel that my life is lacking. On the contrary, I find it full beyond my wildest dreams."

"I feel that too," said Crane, nodding. He paused in his chopping. "Although I'm afraid I'm not quite familiar with…the modern custom for such things…"

"What things?" asked Tetch.

"Bodily intimacy," replied Crane. "If it were up to me, I'd propose to marry Emilia tonight as I'd be more than happy to take our relationship to the next level in that way. But I'm not sure if there are modern levels in between dating and marriage that I should be considering, such as physical relations."

"Before marriage?" asked Tetch, incredulously. "Do people do such things?"

"Joker and Harley do," replied Crane. "They've had children before marriage. And Ivy and Two-Face do…"

"Do you have any non-criminal lunatic examples?" asked Tetch.

Crane shrugged. "One picks things up from popular culture occasionally. And Emilia is of a younger generation…what if she expects us to…be intimate before she considers marriage? To test our physical compatibility?"

"You could always ask her," said Tetch. "Although if I were a woman, and you asked me that question, I'd slap you hard across the face for such impertinence. Suggesting taking a woman to bed before marriage indeed! What is the world coming to?" he sighed.

"Perhaps I'll bring it up later," said Crane. "Although I'd hate for her to think that I was in any way rushing things, or just eager to have her body superficially. I'm just unsure as to what the next step in our relationship should be, as I've never been in one before. I'd like to prove my love for her completely, but rushing into a proposal might scare her off. I understand that such deep commitment after a short time sometimes comes off as desperate and clingy."

"What sorts of popular culture are you watching?" asked Tetch, raising an eyebrow.

"Some of the Arkham gang used to watch soap operas in the Rec Room," replied Crane. "Bits of them sunk in, despite how I tried to tune them out."

"I hardly think such cheap entertainment is a guide for life," replied Tetch. "It is fictional, after all."

The doorbell rang. "Says the man who bases his life off of Lewis Carroll's novels," said Crane, dryly, as he headed for the door. "Personally I have often found fiction a fine guide to life, and so have you."

"Yes, but one must be selective, Jonathan," retorted Tetch. "There is a difference between wholesome literature and mindless trash."

"Not really – in your case they're both nonsense," replied Crane. He opened the door and beamed at Emilia. "Hello, my angel," he said, kissing her.

"No prompting from Lenore this time – well done," said Emilia, smiling at him.

"She doesn't control me, you know," retorted Crane. "Let me take your coat. You look absolutely stunning, my darling," he said, helping her off with her coat to reveal the short sleeve dress she was wearing.

"Thank you," she said, smiling. "I'm afraid the eye is still a bit swollen, but nothing can be done about that. Brittany suggested putting makeup on to hide the swelling, but I reminded her it was that which had got me into this trouble in the first place. A lesson in vanity, I suppose."

"A woman as gorgeous as you should never hide your beauty away under layers of makeup anyway," replied Crane. "Don't you agree, Jervis?" he asked, as Tetch emerged from the kitchen.

"I most certainly do, my dear," said Tetch, taking her hand and kissing it. "It is such a pleasure to meet you – Jonathan has talked of nothing else for days."

"In that case, you must be thoroughly sick of me by now," replied Emilia. "I do hope he didn't bore you."

"Not at all, my dear, you are a very engaging young woman, even by reputation," replied Tetch. "And even more so in the flesh. Jonathan is a very lucky man, if you'll permit me to say so."

"I'm the lucky one," said Emilia. "I have swollen eyes and he still thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Facts are unalterable, my dear," replied Crane, kissing her cheek.

"Well, do sit down – dinner's almost ready," said Tetch, as he returned to the kitchen.

"I hope you haven't gone through too much trouble on my account," said Emilia, as Crane escorted her to the table.

"That would be impossible, my dear – no trouble could be too much on your account," said Crane, pulling out her chair for her. Lenore fluttered out from the kitchen and landed on Emilia's shoulder, nuzzling her gently.

"Hello, Lenore," said Emilia. "I hope you don't mind me temporarily intruding on your home."

"Of course she doesn't," said Crane. "Later you must come see her perch in my bedroom. I think you'll like it. It's a literary joke."

"The day I don't appreciate a literary joke is the day I die," replied Emilia with a smile. "But my parents also warned me not to go into strange men's bedrooms."

Crane stared at her. "That's a joke," retorted Emilia. "You're hardly a strange man, are you, Jonathan? Not in the sense that I don't know you, at least, but more in the definition of strange as unique or unusual. Which you most certainly are, and I love you for it," she added, kissing him.

"Yes…surely there'd be nothing wrong in being in your boyfriend's bedroom, anyhow," said Crane, slowly.

"Well, certainly not if he just wanted to show me Lenore's perch, and not anything else," replied Emilia, with a smile.

"Would you be uncomfortable with anything else?" he asked.

"Why, are you suggesting we do something else?" asked Emilia. "Because I hear that's traditionally the third date anyway."

Her tone was light, but Crane genuinely couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. "Would…would you consider…something like that…on the third date?" he stammered.

"Are you expecting me to?" asked Emilia.

"Um…no, but…I'm just not sure what you're expecting," said Crane. "And I don't want to disappoint any expectations you might have…"

"Let's just focus on the second date now, Jonathan," interrupted Emilia, as Tetch emerged from the kitchen with the food. "And discuss things like that later."

Emilia chatted amiably throughout dinner, and Crane put such thoughts out of his mind, but he was sincerely worried about broaching the subject of physical relations with Emilia again. She'd certainly be justified in slapping him, and he didn't want her to think the worst of him, or that he was just eager to use her. He decided there was only one thing for it.

After dinner, Crane took Emilia to his room to show her Lenore's perch. "A bust of Pallas, how ingenious!" laughed Emilia, as Lenore fluttered onto it, cooing proudly. "And this must be the lovely first edition Jervis got you," she said, nodding at the book by his bed. "He's such a sweetheart. May I?"

"Yes, please do," he said. She took a seat on the bed, picking up the book and carefully perusing it. Crane cleared his throat.

"Um…Emilia, my love, I have…a question I'd like to ask you."

"Of course," she said, looking up at him. "Anything."

"Would you…that is…would you consider…um…would you…ever consider…doing me the indescribable honor…of becoming my wife?" he asked, kneeling down and withdrawing a ring from his pocket.

She stared at him, stunned. "Jonathan…we've only been on two dates."

"I know, but…I know what I know," he stammered. "I know that I love you, and I never want to be parted from you. And I don't want our relationship to advance…in any kind of physical way, which traditionally it does on the third date, without you having the promise of some kind of commitment on my part. I want to marry you, Emilia. And if you don't want to be married right away, that's fine. But if you'll consider it, at some point in the future, it would put my mind at ease that I'm not just taking advantage of a young lady, and that she has my promise to wed her in payment of her honor. If indeed she sees fit to give that to me, which of course she is under no obligation to, I don't want to pressure…"

He was babbling now, and Emilia gently put her hand to his lips. "Jonathan, I love you so much," she whispered. "And I would very happily…advance our relationship in a physical way, when the time feels right, without the promise of marriage. You don't have to do this."

"I want to do it," he whispered. "I want you to be my wife. I have never felt as happy as you have made me, and the thought of losing you would be more than I could bear. To the end of my days I want your smile and your company and your beauty by my side. I know if you could do me that honor, despite everything, despite the bullying and the fear and the terror…I would always think of myself as the luckiest man who ever lived."

Emilia smiled at him. "I will marry you, Jonathan," she whispered. "On one condition."

"Anything, my angel – name it and it is done," said Crane.

"I want to meet your parents," she said.

Crane stared at her in horror. "But…but why, my dear?" he stammered. "I never want to see them again…"

"Because I want you to face them, as a strong, happy, intelligent man who's engaged to be married," she murmured. "I want you to take the first step and forgive them for what they may or may not have done in your childhood. And because when I marry you, they will be the only set of parents I have."

"They are unworthy replacements for yours, I assure you…" began Crane.

"Do this for me, Jonathan," she murmured. "I know you can."

He nodded slowly. "I will, of course. But on your head be it. Just remember when you meet them that you asked for this. And allow me to gloat when the whole thing ends in failure, which of course it will."

"You're lucky I despise optimism in a man," murmured Emilia, kissing him gently.

"It might take me a while to find them – we have not been in contact," said Crane.

"That's fine," she said. "It only has to be before our wedding, which I assume we'll need some time to plan. In the meantime, I want to enjoy my third date with my fiance," she said, grinning at him. "Will you let me take charge on this one?"

"My darling, I am in your hands," he said, sincerely. "And speaking of hands…"

He slid the ring onto her finger. "It may need to be adjusted a little…I wasn't sure of your ring size…"

"It's beautiful," she interrupted. "Thank you so much, Jonathan. I can't wait to go home and tell Brittany."

"She might think it's a little sudden…" began Crane.

"Nonsense – we've been dating for six months," retorted Emilia, smiling. "That's plenty of time."

She stood up, taking his hand, and they walked together out into the kitchen, where Tetch had insisted on doing the dishes.

"Jervis, we have some news," said Crane.

"Good news?" asked Tetch, turning to face them.

"We think so," agreed Crane, nodding and smiling at Emilia. "Emilia has done me the inestimable honor of agreeing to become my wife."

Tetch stared at them, stunned. And then he beamed. "Oh, frabjous day, callooh, callay!" he cried, dropping the dish he had been washing into the soapy water and sending suds everywhere, and then pouncing on Crane in a bone-crushing embrace. "Congratulations, my dearest friend! Two people could not be more suited for each other – you will enrich each other's lives beyond measure!"

He hugged Emilia tightly. "You have brought us both such joy, my dear," he said. "Seeing my friend Jonathan as happy as he has been with you around is the most incredible thing since the birth of my goddaughter. You will have the most wonderful of husbands, and he will have the most wonderful of wives! A match made in heaven! When will the wedding be?"

"We haven't worked out all the details," said Emilia, smiling at Crane. "But soon, I hope. Just a few things to do before we can be married."

"If you need any help with it, please do let me know," said Tetch. "I am at your service. Oh, I couldn't be any happier for you both!"

"Just keep it to yourself for now," said Crane. "We don't want people at large to know about it yet. Especially not a certain clown person, who would probably do his best to spoil it."

"Mum's the word, I assure you," said Tetch, tapping his nose. "But this is quite, quite wonderful! Do allow me to go find some champagne quickly so we can have a toast to the future Mr. and Mrs. Crane!"

"Mrs. Emilia Crane," said Emilia, smiling at him. "I do love the sound of that."

"So do I, my dear," agreed Crane, kissing her tenderly. "So do I."