House-Elves, Redux

From FredFred, an effective rebuttal, edited from several PMs between the two of us:

House-elves appearing whenever someone (who's entitled to give them orders) says the elf's name in casual conversation is a fanon invention, i.e. it doesn't happen anywhere in canon. So, situations like the hypothetical one in your previous rant on the subject:

I can just see a new hire saying to another employee, "Sorry, Henry, I have to call you 'Terry' because we have a house-elf named Henry." At that moment there is a POP and a house-elf appears, "Master has called Henry?"

...aren't actually an issue because, in canon, it doesn't work that way.

However, it is certainly true that, in a great deal of HP fanfiction, house-elves are portrayed as behaving that way (i.e. "appearing whenever their master/mistress says their name, even in casual conversation"). It's become soo widespread in HP fanfiction that many people think it's actually that way in canon.

Of course, there must be some reason why the four named house-elves in canon have such strange (to human ears) names. (Hooky only appears as a statue in one of the video games, and may or may not be considered canon. Considering many such games contradict canon characters and places, I doubt we can consider him canon even if he does support my position.)

Now, Winky and Hokey were owned by 'Light' families (in that they don't support the Dark agenda), but we don't know whether Hokey was always owned by Hepzibah Smith or whether she was originally owned by a 'Dark' family — it's perfectly possible that she was already named "Hokey" by the time she came to work for Hepzibah Smith. Or perhaps the Smith family was originally Dark and changed over time. Given that Hufflepuff's Cup was a family heirloom that last is doubtful.

And in the case of Winky, Barty Crouch (the elder) may have been 'Light', but we know from his interaction with Winky in Goblet of Fire that he does not treat her as anything remotely approaching an equal, nor does he seem to particularly care about her. He's certainly in no way kind or understanding. So it's fairly clear he sees her as an inferior being, and what's more, he has no qualms about displaying this in public, so why wouldn't he give her a name which exemplifies her 'inferior' status?

In fact, almost everyone in canon treats house-elves as 'inferior beings' and it's fairly clear that almost everyone in canon thinks of them as 'lesser beings': the only people who don't are Hermione, Dumbledore and possibly Arthur Weasley (although he may simply be trying to placate Hermione). Even Harry treats them that way - he just has a soft spot for Dobby, personally, but despite Hermione's best efforts he refuses to engage, at all, with the wider issues around the treatment of house-elves in wizarding Britain (except, arguably, towards the end of the final book). Consider how Amos Diggory (from another 'Light' family) treats Winky in the aforementioned scene in Goblet of Fire: despite the fact that she's frightened (and completely innocent), he threatens and bullies her, and certainly treats her as a 'lesser being'.

So given all that, you don't need any special explanation for why wizards give house-elves 'silly names' in canon. In canon, the best a house-elf could reasonably hope for is to be treated as well as a family pet (in those families not inclined to animal cruelty), and so it is hardly surprising that they aren't given 'human' names, in the same way that cats and dogs are often given names we'd never use for another human. So it seems to me that there is a 'natural' logical reason for the names we see in canon: even the 'good' magical humans in canon see house-elves as 'lesser beings' and don't consider them as even vaguely morally equivalent to a human.

Having said all that, though, it should be pointed out that there are over a hundred elves at Hogwarts alone — and presumably many more around the rest of the British Isles — and we only know the names of three of them (Dobby, Winky, Kreacher) as well as the names of two others — Hokey and Hooky (if you count Hooky as part of canon). That's five out of a probable population of at least hundreds, which is hardly representative. For all we know, the rest of the house-elves don't have 'silly names.' So, if the other elves had sensible names, you'd only have to explain why the five we know about don't. Dobby and Kreacher can easily be explained by the wizarding supremacist nature of the families they originally served. Winky can also be easily explained in a similar fashion given Barty Crouch (the elder)'s high-handedness towards her. And we know so little about the circumstances of Hokey and Hooky that there could easily be any number of plausible explanations for their names.

As an addition to FredFred's reasoning, I would add that the reaction of almost the entire student body to S.P.E.W. (everybody thinks Hermione is nuts, nobody says, "Well, she's right, but just going about it wrong.") implies that the silly name convention is deeply entrenched as simply a custom. Therefore, I still think it is unlikely that any of the House-elves would have names that we consider normal. And considering that few, if any, of the Muggle-born ever earn enough to afford a House-elf themselves, I doubt that the "equality" attitude of giving the House-elves "normal" names would ever have a chance of actually happening.

So, no Sallys, Toms, Henrys, et cetera, would ever appear as House-elves.

On the other hand, how do we know that the WIZARDS are doing the naming? Maybe these are the names the House-elves' parents chose for their children! And, in the interest of fairness and equality, isn't it rather demeaning and insulting to think that the Wizards have the right to give their House-elves their names? And aren't the authors, by insisting on giving their house-elf a "normal" name in their story, perpetuating the very problem they want to solve? That is, that the House-elves are incapable of choosing names for their children?