Hello! I am at work (I am a Sunday Nanny [with absolutely no romantic feelings for the dad]) and while my charge is asleep I shall entertain you with fluff and maybe some smut if I'm up to it. Also, I feel the need to inform you that the dress from last chapter is on my Tumblr (theboneheadcastillion) under the tag "Castle fanfiction dress". I hope you check it out! Now, enjoy!
Chapter Nine
Castle's lips on hers felt like a dream. She felt as if this couldn't be real; Castle, her boss, was not kissing her, but she was just imagining it in her barely conscious. That must have been it.
But then why did his lips feel so warm? Why did his hands on her waist, which gripped tightly, feel so heavy and a bit painful as he pulled her into him? Why was his hair so nice and soft underneath her fingertips?
Kate realized with part-excitement and part-horror that she was, in fact, kissing Richard Castle; her boss, her favorite author, Alexis's father. A man who was eight years her senior. She moved back at once, detaching her lips and feeling the loss immediately.
"Castle, wait," she said, stopping him as he leaned in for another kiss, "we shouldn't be doing this."
"What?" Castle said, dazedly, his eyes attached to her lips. "Why not?"
"Because, um," she searched her mind for the reason why, her own eyes taking in the mussed hair and the lipstick smudges on his lips, "we…" suddenly, she found the reason, "um, I'm your nanny; this is inappropriate."
"Hmmm," Castle murmured, nuzzling her neck (Kate didn't even try to pull away), "are you going to file a sexual assault charge against me?"
"No," Kate moaned as his lips brushed against her pulse point, "of course not?"
"Do you know why?"
"Because I'm not going to be the reason that Alexis is miserable."
"Well, yeah, there's that," Castle said, raining kisses up to her ear, "but do you know why else?"
Kate moaned as he nibbled on her earlobe. "Why?" she breathed.
"Because you want this, too," Castle whispered as he pulled back to look her in the eye. "I know you do, so, please, stop fighting it." With that, he pulled her in for a long, slow kiss, running his fingers through her hair, displacing a few bobby pins and making it come down around her shoulders. Kate tried desperately to refuse the kiss, to pull away, but it was no use; she was in too far already. And, if she were truly honest to herself, she did want this, almost as much as Castle did.
Castle's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her hard against him as he began to move back towards his bedroom. Kate was well aware of where he was taking her and she didn't seem to have it in her to fight back or stop him. She knew that if she said that she really didn't want to do this then he would stop, apologize, and he'd probably never do it again.
But that's not what Kate wanted. She wanted to let herself be with him; she wanted to kiss him and come home to him. And Alexis. She loved Alexis like she was her own little girl, even after only two months of knowing her. The five-year-old was bright and joyful, something Kate desperately needed in her life. Just like Castle, Alexis was exuberant and fun and silly, and always able to make Kate smile.
Kate hadn't smiled or laughed as much in the nine months, as she had in the two months since she started working. Not since her mother's impromptu death. Castle and Alexis, and even Martha, were able to make her forget all of that in a matter of seconds, with one of their quips or quirks. And she wanted that.
She wanted him. She wanted Castle more than she'd ever been able to admit to herself. Since the first day she'd picked up one of his books and saw that boyish charm smile on his lips, Kate had been enamored. She'd waited hours in line for him to sign one of his books for her.
It'd been just a month after her mother died, after she'd made the decision not to go back to school, to stay in Manhattan with her father, who seemed to be having a harder time with it than she. Her mother had liked his books, had been reading his first novel, In a Hail of Bullets, when she'd died. The book had been dog-eared and highlighted in so many places that it was obviously one of Johanna's favorites. Kate's father had refused to sleep in the room they shared for months after her death, feeling heartache whenever he stepped into the room, but Kate had felt more attached to her mother when she slept in her room, sometimes pretending that she was a little girl again, seeking the comfort of her mother's embrace.
The bed was, of course, empty now but the comfort was still there and Kate had spent every single night for months sleeping in that bed. She'd found the Richard Castle book almost immediately and began reading, desperate to find some other connection to her late mother. When she read the first book, she'd become addicted, devouring one book after another until she'd finished all of the ones in her mother's library and was hungry for more. It'd only taken her three weeks to breeze through all of his books.
Kate researched him on the internet, finding out that his new book would be out soon and that she'd be able to get it signed and meet the author, as well. She pre-ordered the novel immediately and on that day, she was unsurprised to see a line coming out of the bookshop, with people-mostly young women, like herself-eagerly awaiting to meet the charmingly handsome mystery writer. She waited for five hours and had only had time to tell him her name before his publisher, who she now knew was Gina, practically shoved her out so that the next fan could get their turn. Castle had smiled at her apologetically before she'd made it out from the bookshop.
She remembered her heart thumping as he gave her that smile. She remembered smiling back, brightly, at him, holding the signed book to her chest.
Then, she remembered walking to the park in the brisk February wind and sitting down to read her new Castle book.
She'd spent many a night going over her mother's notes in each book, smiling at a few jokes and spelling corrections she'd made, but mostly following the clues that her mother pointed out, realizing that the killer became more clear the more she read it, using the notes to help her along. That was when she knew she wanted to be a detective.
She loved solving the case, loved following the clues to the killer, even if they weren't obvious, loved the way it made her feel like she had another connection to her mother.
If it hadn't been for his books, Kate never would have figured it out. Then she never would have transferred to a local college, and she'd probably have eventually gone back to California to continue her schooling and would be working for some other family where the kids would most likely be little spoiled brats. But, instead, she was here, working to get her degree in Criminal Justice and become a Homicide Detective in Manhattan, where she was born and raised.
And where she might be able to look more into her mother's case.
And none of that would be at all possible, or even a thought, if it weren't for the man making her dizzy with his kisses.
Kate's mind was racing as he was kissed thoroughly and passionately by Castle, being led through his study into his lower floor bedroom. She was thinking about irony and fate and, oh, his lips. They were doing wonderful things to hers and his tongue was exploring her mouth and one hand was reaching back…
"Wait!" Kate gasped, pulling away before Castle could start pulling down her zipper. "Castle, we really-"
"Tell me you don't want this," Castle said. "Tell me, honestly, that you don't want this and I'll stop, Kate. I swear I will. But, if you can't, well, then I'm not responsible for my actions."
"Castle, I…" she wanted to tell him that she didn't want this, lie to him so that she could spare him, protect him from her and her walls; the walls that had gone up the second Detective Raglin had shown up at their apartment. But she couldn't. She just…she wanted him. So badly. She knew it was wrong, knew it was inappropriate but, God help her, she just couldn't care right now. No matter how much she tried.
She was silent for a moment, warring with herself. It wasn't right, she worked for him. He would end up getting hurt. And, worse, Alexis would get hurt. But those thoughts were being drowned out by her desire for him. Her lo-feelings for him. Feelings that she didn't want to deny any longer, even if she could never tell him what he wanted to hear.
Just this once, she told herself, just to get it out of our systems. Once is all I need. She was lying to herself, but she didn't know it.
Castle had stood there, watching her, restraining himself from reaching out for her, however hard it may have been. Suddenly, Kate was looking up at, obviously done thinking. Her hazel-green eyes pierced him, making him feel naked (which, in retrospect, was exactly what he wanted to be right now, but her gaze made him almost uncomfortable).
Then she was lurching forward, throwing herself in his arms, attaching their lips, finally giving in to him.
If only for one night.
Smut will ensue next chapter. I feel too awkward writing it here, when I'm supposed to be watching a two-year-old. By the way, I'd like to remind you that Kate is now 20 years old (her birthday was a few days ago, remember) so it's a bit more appropriate than before. Anyway, please REVIEW!
