John got to Dr. Simmons' office as quick as he could and apologized for his lateness. She gestured for him to sit down as she got herself organized and pulled out her recorder.

She noticed he was distracted and looked like he was in a rush to get out of there, "Colonel… can I call you John instead? I like the feel of being less formal."

John snapped out of his daze, "Um, yeah sure," He said, not seeming to care one way or the other.

"You seem distracted. Is there something wrong?" she asked.

John stopped to think if he should say anything about Teyla, Kanaan leaving, how he wanted to go back and make sure she was ok and hoping she wasn't going to do something foolish.

"No, I'm fine," he finally answered.

"John, please. This is my job. This is what I do," She paused and leaned forward a bit. "I'm here to listen to your problems and it's obvious that something is bothering you," she said, trying to convince him to comply.

John released a deep sigh, "It's… Teyla."

Simmons looked confused, "What about her? Is everything ok?"

John got up and started to pace, "Kanaan left to New Athos, taking Torren with him. He left because he's mad at her and she's upset that she didn't get to see Torren before they left."

"Do you know why Kanaan is angry at her?" Simmons questioned.

There was a moment of silence before John stopped to look at the doctor, "It's my fault that he's upset."

Simmons didn't ask the obvious question why it was his fault, but instead waited for John to continue.

He looked remorseful. "I went to visit Teyla with Ronon and Rodney and she could tell that something was bothering me. So, she got the guys to leave and we talked, but doing sometime in our conversation she placed her hands in mine…" John started to get a little more uncomfortable. "I…I don't know, I guess she did it to try and comfort me, but we didn't know Kanaan was there and…"

Simmons interrupted, "And he saw you holding hand and got upset."

John pointed and shook his finger, "Yeah, just like that."

"So, how is this your fault?" Simmons wondered.

"I don't know… maybe if I didn't go and see her…" John started, trying to reason it out himself.

Simmons waited again for him to continue, but instead he got up and didn't say anything for a brief moment.

"It doesn't matter," he finally spoke up. "He saw what he saw and now he's left with her son. And I'm worried that in her current condition she's going to do something stupid and hurt herself more… which she wouldn't be that way if I had only stayed with her to protect her."

"Let me ask you a couple questions, John," Simmons leaned back in her chair. "Did you know that creature was going to attack her?" John shook his head, no. "And does Teyla blame you for any of this?"

"No, but that's the problem… she should," John said with resentment.

Simmons sighed, feeling concern for John's attitude towards himself. "This is why I had asked you to think about why you have this need to torture yourself or take blame for things that are out of your control. This is not your fault and as you just said, Teyla doesn't think so either."

His eyes lowered, not totally feeling convinced.

Simmons paused the recorder, "How about I do this, after our session, I'll go and talk to Teyla. I wasn't going to see her until she was fully recovered, but maybe I can use her evaluation as an excuse to see her."

John nodded with agreement.

"Good, then let's continue with you and the questions I had asked you. Please, come back and sit down," Simmons said warmly.

John casually and slowly walked to the couch, as Simmons turned the recorder back on.

"So, have you thought about the questions I asked you in our last session?" Simmons asked.

"Yes, I had a friend help me figure it out," John replied.

"Oh. Was this you and Teyla were talking about?" Simmons questioned.

"No, it was Carson," John answered.

Simmons smiled, "Good. How did it go?"

"Surprisingly it went well. I had asked him if there was anything he tortured himself about and he opened up about what he had to do while he was under Michael's control and how it bothered him for doing it. It's also the reason why he does so much for those in the Pegasus Galaxy. He feels he owes them."

"So… how did this help you with your question?" Simmons queried.

"I know that I can't control everything, but you gotta understand… I have all these people under my responsibility and in most cases, my command. So, when things go wrong, which happens a lot around here, then of course I'm going to feel bad about it," John answered.

"And I'm sure Mr. Woolsey shares those concerns and feelings too, but as a leader, you have to be careful about what you place on your shoulders. You cannot blame yourself for the whole galaxy's woes. Otherwise, you would drive yourself to a breakdown," she said with all seriousness and John reluctantly nodded his head to agree. "Was that all you talked about?"

"No, he knew I had feelings for…" John stopped himself before he could finish. "Let's just say that it's something that's not going to happen."

Simmons smiled widely, "its ok. As long as you know what it is you're hiding from, that's a positive thing, but one day, you'll need to confront it."

She sat up and looked serious again, "Let me ask you a string of questions before I give you some finale thoughts for today and you don't have to answer to all of them if you don't want to. You can simple nod if you want. Ok?"

John wasn't sure what to expect, but he nodded yes anyway.

"This mostly for what happened on the mainland, but it can also apply to anything else as well," Simmons said before she started her line of questions.

"Do you or have you had bad dreams, nightmares about certain events?"

John nodded yes.

"Have you felt fearful or numb?"

John didn't reply.

"Or how about finding it difficult to stop thinking about it?"

John nodded yes.

"Do you or have you had trouble falling asleep or staying asleep?"

John nodded yes.

"Do you or have you lost interest in things you use to enjoy?"

John didn't answer, but sighed in frustration.

"Just a couple more… Do you find yourself feeling despair or hopelessness?"

Again, John didn't answer.

"Last one, John. Do you have impulsive or self destructive?"

John looked away, not sure how to answer that. There had many times he did it for his job… in order to same they city or his teammates.

"Those are classic, various symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," Simmons stated.

John's head rolled back along with his eyes and released a loud disapproving sigh.

Simmons held a hand out to prevent him to say anything before she finished, "John, please let me finish. Normally on Earth, I would treat you with antidepressants and other methods to get you started…"

John face soured at the thought of that.

"But I am going to suggest you take some time off here and there for yourself and continue our sessions," Simmons finished.

"I can't take days off as much as like around here. Those days come few and far between. I couldn't even go to my dad's funeral without something coming up… and as for more sessions… I don't know," John stated before getting up. "I hope you I know I only did this because I had to. I was the only way to get back on duty… no offense."

"None taken," Simmons replied. "And I know it's not easy to do that around here, but when you can, please do so and if not with me, then talk to someone else… The whole point is that I want you to depressurize your life occasionally and get support from your friends or someone."

"Ok, I'll think about it," John said with some uncertainty to his tone. "Are we done here?

Simmons shut the recorder off, "Yes, we are... and I will clear you for duty as well, but if I see you reverting to how you were I won't hesitate to pull you off."

John frowned at her comment.

"Oh and I'll go talk to Teyla," Simmons looked at her watch. "Actually, I'm done for the day. So, I can go right now."

"That would be great, Doc. Thanks," he gave her a complacent smile before leaving her office.

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Teyla had just finished reorganizing her quarters. There was a small mess from when Kanaan was packing things for himself and Torren, but also she needed something to keep her busy. She had talked to Carson while John was gone and he was more than willing to help her with talking to Kanaan. Carson had suggested to her to let Kanaan calm down for a day or two before going over there. This way they could talk with a clear head. Plus, he wanted her to recover for a bit more before having Torren return to Atlantis.

The chimes on her door rang. "Come in," she called out, thinking it was John, Ronon or Rodney, but instead it was Dr. Simmons.

Teyla was surprised to see her, "Dr. Simmons."

"Hi, Teyla, do you mind if I come in?" Simmons asked.

"No, please, come in," Teyla said as she led her to a place to sit. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"Well, a couple of reasons. One was to see how you are doing and also… which I know is unusual for me to do, but I'm also here to do your evaluation," she said with a smile as he sat down.

Teyla careful lowered herself into an adjacent chair, "But I did not think that I needed to do this for a few more weeks." Teyla looked confused, but was also curious to why the doctor had chosen to visit her now instead of when she well enough to go on off world missions.

Simmons felt a bit awkward, knowing that Teyla assumption was correct. Normally she would have waited, but because of recent events with her and her family situation she needed the excuse.

"Well, sometime I like to keep things in order and since Colonel Sheppard's team is first and you are part of that team..." Simmons explained, but didn't sound convincing.

Teyla forced a smile, trying to stay polite, but still having a feeling that there was more to the story, "And you said that you are here to see how I'm doing?"

"Yes," the doctor answered. "Is everything going well? Maybe something I could do for you."

Teyla took in a deep breath, "Dr. Simmons please do not take offense by me saying this, but why are you really here? I have a feeling that there is more to your reason then what you are telling me."

Simmons sighed, "I was that obvious?" Teyla nodded yes.

"I must apologize. I was using your evaluation as an excuse to come here… and would still like to do that, but my main goal was for me to see how you were doing since Kanaan had left with your son, after being upset with you."

Teyla wasn't sure if she should feel touched about someone going to Simmons and telling her about what is going on or feel upset because it was something personal. Simmons could feel the tension in the room and Teyla's silence only enhanced it.

"I assure you Teyla, that I am only here to help you, but if you are not ready I will come back another time," Simmons said in a friendly, warm tone.

"May I ask who told you?" Teyla asked, but she had a feeling she knew.

The doctor hesitated to answer, thinking that she shouldn't because it was not her place to do so, but should she in order to gain Teyla's trust?

With Simmons silence, Teyla felt it had to be by someone that had talked to her recently and beyond the fact that anyone could know by now, she felt it had to be someone she was close to, "Was it Colonel Sheppard."

Simmons was surprised by Teyla's accurate guess, "Yes. How did you know?"

"Despite the fact that everyone in the gate room would have seen him leave, only two people knew the reason why he left. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Beckett are the only ones that I have told and I just finished talking to Carson not that long ago. So, that only leave me with Colonel Sheppard," Teyla reasoned, remembering another time that John had voiced his concern for her and told Dr. Heightmeyer, who later became her friend, Kate.

"Yes, but you need to know that he was really concerned for you. I had trouble at first to get him to concentrate on his evaluation," Simmons explained.

Teyla looked concerned, "Did he do well with it?"

Simmons looked at her sympathetically, "I think you know that I can't answer your question." Simmons paused. "I sense that you two are very close. Maybe more so than with the rest of your team and maybe that can help him… and you during this hard time."

"But I do not know how to help him," Teyla said earnestly and with some sadness to her voice.

"I can't tell you the details of what he has been dealing with, he would have to tell you himself, but I will say this… he needs people like you to help him face any fears that may come his way and get whatever support you can give," Simmons suggested.

Simmons saw the tiredness in Teyla's eyes and wincing in pain as she tried to get comfortable in her chair. "I know I said I would do your evaluation today, but I see you're tired," Simmons said as he was standing up. "And if you want to talk about anything you are dealing with, I will be here if you need me."

Teyla's smile was weak, but still warm as she rose from her seat to escort the doctor to the door, "Thank you, Dr. Simmons and thank you for the suggestion on how to help John."

Simmons noted the informality of Teyla called her teammate by his first name verses his ranking name and smiled, "He is lucky to have a friend like you."

Simmons left and Teyla could feel the tiredness wash over her. She lay in her bed, her body feeling weak and exhausted, but her mind was racing with thoughts. Thoughts of how to help John and thoughts about what to do with what is happening between her and Kanaan.

She had feelings for Kanaan and those feeling manifested when they conceived a child, but it was never strong. She had feeling for another man, a man that was not from her world, a man that she thought did not return those feeling and in a moment of need, she sought out one that was. A man that she grew up with and shared some common things, like the "gift" that helped them detect when the Wraith were nearby.

But there was a time before she was with Kanaan that she sought comfort in the arms of someone else, in John's arms. It was after the death of Dr. Kate Heightmeyer. They needed each other, for her sadness and for him feeling guilty about how it happened. Then there was a time where she needed his arms again. Her people were gone, she had just recently told John she was about three months pregnant, which he responded by taking her off the team and any off world mission. But he needed her and reluctantly asked her to help them fly an abandon Wraith ship.

He knew that with her Wraith DNA, she would be the only one that could do it, but they had a fight prior to him asking for her help. It was about her still feeling the need to be part of the team, to do what she could to find the ones responsible for taking her people and thinking that she could still do her job. For him, he couldn't take the risk of harming her and the baby and she stood firm… that was until he didn't have any other choice.

During that mission, she was willing to do what she had to in order to save her teammates, she endangered herself and her unborn child and it scared her. When John came to her to see if the baby and her were ok after she had Keller check her out, her emotions overwhelmed her and she cried in his arms once more. It was a place that made her feel safe.

She knew things changed when Kanaan and the rest of her people were rescued from Michael's imprisonment. John kept his distance to let her have her space with her new family and he missed their close friendship. She wished she knew how to reclaim it.

Her eyes grew heavier and her thoughts started to fade into the darkness as she started to fall off to sleep.

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