iMind-Reader
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly
Chapter 9: just say it
Sam's POV:
School went on and on. I was over-loading on meat, yeah, over-loading for me. But it didn't really fill the void.
Freddie didn't talk to me.
He didn't even look at me.
I didn't know I hurt him so bad. I felt so, guilty, it was gross. My mind-reading was going full blast but, some how I was able to zone out so much that people's thoughts were just a scramble of distant chatter. I made no attempt to distinguish one voice from the others.
I didn't care about what anyone had to say or what they thought. I was only focused on what Freddie thought. He was… he was my best friend. And I missed him. But whenever I came within sight of him he turned around and left. If I happened to get within range to hear what he thought it was always just about figuring out a way to get away from me.
Carly noticed something was wrong.
"Why is Freddie avoiding us?" she asked me while leaning against her locker.
"He's avoiding me." I corrected her while eyeing my shoes. My face fell even lower.
"What happened? Sam… what'd you do?" she asked coming towards me.
I considered telling her everything. Mind-reading and all. But it didn't even matter. Nothing really mattered right now. I wanted to get out of this stupid school. I didn't want to remember his face when he left. I cringed at the thought.
"I made a mistake." I said generally.
"What is it? A prank? Did you do something to his computery stuff? You know how much that means to him! Or his mom…? You told her something, right? Something embarrassing. Sam, you shouldn't give her more ammunition. Did you insult him? 'Cause, you know, sometimes you just go a little too far when it comes to…"
I cupped my hand over her mouth before she continued. I really didn't want to hear the multitude of ways I've hurt Freddie. All the things he didn't deserve…
I need to make this right. Not so he'll forgive me, but so he knows I'm sorry.
I yanked my hand away when I felt something gross and wet trail across it.
"ACK! Carly, nasty!" I cried, wiping the spit off on my jeans.
"I had to get your hand off my mouth Sam! I couldn't breath!" she justified, "And I'm the one with ham particles and hand germs all over my tongue!"
I didn't answer her. Carly had given me such a jolt with her hand-licking I got the energy I needed to make things right. The question is… where's Freddie?
"Yeah, Carls, I'll see you later, I gotta go do something." I rambled off as I escaped her.
"Hey!" she called after me but I wasn't listening.
I checked his locker… nothing. I checked his next class… nothing. I ran from hall to hall, stopping at all the drinking fountains to examine the line that builds up there. Nothing. I sighed in anger and flopped down on the floor. I stayed down there long enough to kick myself all over again for what I'd done. I also muttered my fair share of obscenities while closing my eyes and reliving that night.
When I opened my eyes I recognized a pair of shoes. My face stretched in surprise as I followed them up to see him there. The Freddie I had been searching for. He wasn't looking at me, he didn't look like he knew I was there, he was talking to one of his nerdy friends. I saw them say their goodbyes. I watched in horror as Freddie took a step away. I didn't know what else to do, I grabbed his leg.
I held on tight, tighter than I needed to. I wasn't losing him again. Right after I had him.
"SAM!" He hollered. I heard his brain freaking out:
What the heck? What the heck? What the heck?!?
"I need to talk to you!" I told him.
"NO!" He yelled with his mind. I was startled at how abrupt he was. But I needed to do this.
"Freddie! …Please!" I blurted. I never begged, but here I was on the floor doing just that.
He looked down at me like I was psycho.
Do I even want to put myself through this again? Sam causes nothing but trouble.
I felt a stab of shame at his thought-insult. It was what he truly felt about me. I let his leg go, too wrapped up in myself.
He ran.
I followed him with my eyes before I realized what was happening. I sprang up and ran after him. Once he figured out I was chasing him, he ran faster. We barreled through the mob of hall-goers.
I was right on his tail. I reached out. Just when I thought I had him, a door swung closed in front of my face. I reacted quickly, stumbling backward without getting hit. I looked at the closed room. It was a janitor's closet. He was stuck in there.
I knocked on the wood, "Freddie?" I called.
He didn't answer, but I knew he was in there. He was right on the other side of the door because I could hear his thoughts loud and clear. I leaned into the door even more.
She's just here to rub it in my face isn't she? First she rejects me and then she acts like it's no big deal, and now she won't leave me alone. Stupid Sam. Stupid, abrasive, controlling, crazy, spirited, bizarre, hilarious, amazing… heart-breaking Sam.
I pressed myself completely up against the door in fascination, rewarding me a few weird looks from passer-bys.
I tried from a different angle, "Freddie, I don't want you to do anything. I just need you to listen."
There was a pause. Then he grumbled, "What is it." it didn't sound like a question but I answered any way.
"I've been really confused lately…" I started. He absorbed that, "Things have been… different… with us, and I didn't know how to feel about that." I told him. He didn't respond out loud or in his mind. He was completely focused on what I was saying. "I found out you weren't going after Carly anymore… even if you still act like it." That confused him,
I didn't tell her anything, right? He thought.
"No, you didn't say anything." I answered his thought. I didn't care about showing I could get in his brain, but I wouldn't bother explaining either. "It gave me, I don't know, hope, I guess. But I couldn't take that. I couldn't take thinking about you that way." I emphasized 'you' to show how weird it sounded to me.
What's so wrong with me? He thought bitterly.
Here I was upsetting him again, "Nothing's wrong with you" I told him, "You were just, my best friend. And… it was just… strange. I mean, I never thought I would be… in-to you. It scared me." I thought about how I gave up meat, "I tried to stop it." I thought about how he comforted me when I went berserk, "but nothing worked. I just found myself stuck in even deeper."
It was the first time I was able to pick up a picture going through someone else's mind. I saw as Freddie pictured us on the couch together. I smiled at the memory.
"So I pushed you away." I went on.
The picture turned to one of my face when I told him it didn't matter. I felt what he was feeling then… what I was bringing back to him now.
"But that was a mistake." I caught him before he gave up on me. "The truth is… the truth is…" I couldn't get out the words. They were lodged in my throat with the ball that was forming. I bit my bottom lip unsurely.
I looked down at the floor. This was a lot for me to admit to myself, and admitting it to him was even more difficult.
I had to readjust my weight as the door I had been leaning on pulled away.
I looked up and I felt so small. He looked at me and all the things I wanted to say pulled a million different ways inside me. I caught myself from breaking down right there, my face scrunched up and I couldn't look at him anymore.
Just say it…
"I'm sorry"
There has to be more than that…
"I miss you"
Why?
"Because… b-because"
Yes, it's true. I stopped right there. Partly because I wanted to, and more largely because there is some sort of glitch where I can't delete this stupid divider line and it won't go past to the page. GRAHHHH!! Computers, scratch that, all technology hates me. Humph.
WELL! I think you know what I'm going to say… REVIEW! And you guys are so dry ice for putting up with my lack of computer-knowledge thus making you wait till the next entry to know what happens ;)
Give me suggestions, I less-than three them! (get it, get it?!? TEXTING HUMOR!)
