CRASH MOB FREES SPEECH AND PIGEONS ON SATOR SQUARE

The Times were astonished to witness the antics of a group of determined young ladies bedecked in war paint earlier today. The five girls had a serious message, that of the contentious issue of Free Speech in the city's main square. Since 'The Soap Box Debacle' was first reported here in this very newspaper, the Patrician declared a ban on the right to speechify on one's subject of choice.

This Saturday at noon, the Band Stand Debate is set to take place in Apothecary Gardens and rumour has it, it may lead to the reinstatement of soapboxes in the city. Speculation also suggests it may however lead to a suspension of speech altogether for some people.

Well, we certainly would agree that if nothing else the girls, sporting great white 'V's in paint on their fronts and backs made an impact. One of them was heard to remark that the "V is for Victory! Victory against oppression! White is for peaceful protest!" They then went about releasing several baskets of pigeons, each sporting a message tied to their leg advertising the aforementioned debate.

Very unfortunately the message of peace was spread far and wide but not in the way the ladies were planning. An unseasonable storm caused a bolt of lightning to strike just as the birds were released sending a shower of feathers and other less palatable remnants down on those in the square. In the confusion a troll fell into one of the fountains causing a great deal of damage. Thankfully, this went some way to help wash away the unpleasant residue from the dismembered messenger pigeons but at the time of writing, water is still gushing from the ruptured pipe. This has led to some localised games of poo sticks suggesting that the sewer pipes have also been affected.

The story of the crash mob has been doing the rounds on the clacks. In fact, the following has gone round so many times it's said to have 'gone spiral':

Q. What do you get if you take away free speech on Sator Square?

pigeon stew

And the one asking how many activists does it take to screw up a protest has also proved popular.

Sam threw down the newspaper on the breakfast table then threw an accusing look at his daughter who kept her eyes cast downward. "You do realise how much effort it took to convince the Times it was in their best interests not to reveal your identities? And that your Mother and I are going to have to pay for the bloody fountain?"

"We've got loads of money, Dad," she retorted before biting her lip and going quiet again.

"Oh well, in that case why not smash up the opera house while you're at it?" The sarcasm was thicker than one of Sybil's pancakes which incidentally had been left untouched on their plates.

"Why the opera house, dear?" His wife was rather fond of the opera and noted her husband was not.

"Never mind that. Look," he addressed his daughter, "most of the time I don't care what you do as long as you're safe, happy and not hurting anyone else. I don't have many rules…"

"Oh, yeah, right Dad." Victory rolled her eyes.

"No backchat young lady," her Mother admonished.

"Sorry," Victory muttered.

"But one rule I do insist on is the one we all have to follow. Keep within the law." Sam sighed. "That headline might've read 'WATCH COMMANDER ARRESTS OWN DAUGHTER'"

"Oh Dad, it's not like we went out of our way to break the law. It was a freak accident and Amma can't help her size."

"That's true, dear. She's a big gel," Sybil defended.

"Alright, alright. All I'm saying is, if there's a repeat performance on Saturday heads will roll." Sam noticed Victory's derogatory glance heavenward. "Bearing in mind it's the Lord Vetinari who orders that sort of thing, not me."

Victory gulped and nodded. She knew what they had planned for the debate. If her Dad knew, he'd have kittens, or rather the Patrician would make sure she'd have kittens.