Thank you as always to AlexisDanaan, JamesRamsey, JaspersWoman and DarkNNerdy for helping me on this story.

I am not SM, nor do I play her on TV. I do like Jasper and Bella and like to have my way with them.

As promised, here is a JPOV for you.

Chapter 8

JPOV

May 2006

It had been a few weeks since I made the conscientious decision to feed off a human for the first time ever. And by conscientious, I don't mean the slip-ups I had before, this was a choice I made and was comfortable with. So far, I felt good about it and made sure I monitored myself closely for a few days after each feed to make sure I didn't have some sort of delayed emotional reaction to drinking human blood. I hadn't felt the guilt or any tell-tale signs that would indicate I was on that same path of destruction as I was before and it filled me with an overwhelming sense of relief.

For my second feed I made it almost as memorable. I went back to that neighborhood from a month ago and found the man that I had heard beating up a woman that first night. I had wanted to do something that night but I wasn't ready back then. As luck had it, he was there, in the same house as he was before and once again, he was beating a woman. There was another male with him and together they beat her to death. I couldn't save her but I sent them both her pain and agony from the broken bones from their punches and kicks. Almost as soon as the emotions hit them, they went from the malicious glee that I had felt to dropping to their knees and blubbering in pain as I emerged from the hallway to the bedroom they were in. They begged for mercy but I continued to send them the woman's emotions as I drank their blood. I indulged that night and fed on the two humans before I set up a house explosion. I got creative with my crime scene and made it look like the house exploded as the men cooked their crack cocaine. I left the dead woman there because it just didn't feel right to feed off of their victim like that and I was proud of myself that I was able to turn it down. Good thing too, because as I left the scene just before the explosion, I realized that I had over eaten and actually felt weighed down as I ran towards my new Mustang Shelby.

I was learning my limits and that indulgent meal helped me realize one human was just enough and I actually didn't have to feed as often as I did when I was on the animal diet. Where I probably fed every two or three days and sometimes more when the constant burn became too much, I was currently feeding every week or so and could probably stretch it a day or two more if I had a pint of bagged blood.

I also realized that my ability had changed with the re-introduction of human blood. I had first noticed it when I drank the bagged blood and started to supplement my animal diet. I felt that almost instantaneous clarity of emotions and was able to pinpoint specific ones in a crowded room. I discovered that I could send different emotions in low dosages to unsuspecting humans as I continued to observe and study them at bars even on my non-feeding nights. At the biker bar, I was able to send a low dose of lust to one tattooed man as he talked to an older guy who had Harley gear all over. I laughed to myself as they almost got in a fist fight when the man caressed Harley man's ass. Another aspect I discovered from imbibing on human blood, I didn't have a problem with being around large crowds as I used to and actually found myself integrating myself into the human world a lot easier when my senses weren't dulled and the call for human blood wasn't a factor. It was ironic, but it seemed to be the case.

Now that I had completely weaned off of my so-called vegetarianism, my eyes were once again a familiar shade of crimson. I had to admit, I always seemed to like them that way even though for a few decades, it was considered taboo and any shade other than gold was frowned upon.

I started to realize these were the little things that added up to the fact that I was becoming more comfortable with myself. I felt like my eyes were finally opened to who I was and I felt in control. No longer was I taking orders from a crazy bitch hell-bent on power. I wasn't controlled by a family of vampires who tried desperately to appear human. I was me, Jasper Whitlock, and it felt good. The day I finally realized it I went with Peter to the nearest Ford dealership and bought the brand new Mustang Shelby as a means of commemorating the moment.

My confidence was coming back and I, as Peter had described it, finally pulled the Cullen stick out of my ass. I kicked him to return the favor for that remark which only resulted in him calling me that stupid name I hated, 'Jazzy'. I ended up winning the ensuing little battle when I sent him a potent emotional combination that had him feeling pain and nausea, similar to a hungover from hell.

The sun was setting as I walked from the carport where I had just washed the car, over to the tree. It had become my typical evening ritual as I sat up there and stared out into the sky. I enjoyed the quiet time, it was something I wasn't able to have much of while living with the Cullens. Nobody understood that I relished the peaceful silence and that it provided me with a break from the barrage of emotions that sometimes seemed to flood and overwhelm me all fuckin' day. If I sat up on the roof to stare at the stars, it would not be a surprise that I would get interrupted by someone wanting something. Sometimes it was Emmett who wanted the down time to play video games. Other times, it was Esme worrying about how I wasn't spending time with the family. Then there was Alice, who would constantly talk about shopping and fashion and no matter how much I tried to ignore her, inevitably, I'd hear something inane such as the merits of wearing Manolos versus Choos. I shuddered because I knew what Manolos and Choos were, thanks to her.

If it wasn't someone wanting to converse with me, it was a deluge of emotions that overloaded my brain. Rose often read gossip magazines and let the stories within irritate her, or she'd look at her life from a 'glass half empty' view and be upset that she didn't have that ideal that she had dreamt of. When she vocalized her disappointment it would in turn would hurt Emmett and even though he never said anything to her about it, it bothered him that she'd say things and dismiss their bond so easily. It was a vicious cycle that replayed all the time over the decades I was there.

I shook my head and rubbed my temples as I recalled Edward's emotions and how his alone never failed to exhaust me. His self loathing was probably the strongest emotion next to his arrogance. It was never-ending and always bouncing from one extreme to the other. I often wondered if it was because he was changed as an adolescent or if he was one of those privileged kids who got everything handed to him as a human. That was certainly how he was as a vampire.

Carlisle was the only one that seemed the most neutral but his consistent doting on Edward left me feeling as if I should be twitching from all the sugary emotions he gave off. He found no fault in his first son and neither did Esme but they had no issues finding flaws in the rest of us when compared to their 'perfect son.' Esme wasn't immune to spoiling Edward, she did it all the damn time, giving in to his wants at every turn. Isabella was one of his whims that they allowed him to pursue. While I don't regret it now, I was very much opposed to getting her involved in the beginning, it wasn't safe for either of us, but especially for her. It didn't matter what my opinion was, all that mattered was Edward wanted her and Esme and Carlisle conceded.

It wasn't always bad being around them so these moments weren't always filled with anger. It was, to be truthful, a little bittersweet. I reminded myself that they provided me with some years to heal from the emotional onslaught that tore into me. If it weren't for them, I would never had gotten to meet someone that was never too far in my thoughts as well, that shy girl with those chocolate eyes. I wanted to go to her but I wasn't quite there yet. Soon though, very soon. Every evening as I sat up in the tree, I did acknowledge that and every night, it seemed a little less of that anger and resentment that I harbored for them remained. Well, except for one person.

I still couldn't figure out why Alice had those emotions the night of the birthday party. Why the feeling of smugness? I replayed the memory again to that night, there was something else, an underlying sense of anticipation was coming off of her as well but she seemed to keep that emotion more hidden. Why? The only thing I could think of was that she was hoping for a specific outcome. Did she really want me to attack her friend? It seemed that way, but I just couldn't figure out why when she rattled on and on about how Bella was her best friend and all. That was the piece that I just didn't understand but maybe once I got back to Forks I could slowly retrace the night and maybe come up with a plausible theory.

In the time I had been here with my brother and sister the contrast to living with the Cullens was extreme, and it wasn't just the eye color. Being out here with Peter and Char was like a fuckin' vacation for my brain. Sure Peter and Char watched TV and sometimes we'd play some video games ourselves, but the difference was that they didn't force what always felt like 'mandatory family time' on me. Right now, they were at home watching NASCAR on his big screen TV and every once in a while, I could hear him grumbling about one driver or another and it made me chuckle each and every time. There was always a constant current of love and other positive emotions that acted as a balm on my senses with Peter and Char. Those were emotions I didn't mind and when things got lusty between the two of them, I made sure to go for a drive or something to give them privacy and give me some sanity.

"He's up on the tree again," Char said in a mock whisper back towards the house as she ran by and broke me out of my thoughts.

"I thought y'all were watching the race?"

"A bit of a rain delay so I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. He'll holler when it comes back on."

I climbed down and sat on the ground as my sister sat down next to me.

"I'm going good," I said quietly. "I fed last night so things are good."

"We're goin' after the race." She looked at me and then at the tree. "You hang out on that tree nearly every night, have you wondered why?"

"It is quiet up here and I like the view of the sky," I said with a shrug. Then I felt some amusement coming off of Char so I looked at her and sent her a dose of curiosity.

"Oh sugar, you haven't figured out why you're always sittin' up on that tree leaning on that particular trunk?"

I shook my head and she rested her hand on my shoulder. "You feel some comfort up there don't you?" I nodded and she gave me a warm smile. "You're facin' Forks. Look." She pulled out a compass and showed me.

"I had no idea," I said as I raked my hand through my hair. "I guess it makes sense. I just didn't realize this bonding thing was so complex." I sent her my appreciation for telling me that. I was glad it was Char that told me instead of Peter because I was never sure if he'd say something that was outrageous or not.

"It is and it isn't," she continued. "Isabella is human which adds a degree of complexity to it. That isn't to say it cannot be achieved though. It just means communication and patience is important. Do you have any idea of when you'll be ready to go see her?"

I sighed as I looked out to the sky once again. "Soon. I know, given the school schedule, she's probably got finals coming and then graduation. I don't want to show up now when she's got other things on her mind," I explained. "I think since I've been here this long, I might as well stay until after she graduates."

Even though it sounded like I was stalling, I really wasn't. I still wanted to become more acclimated around humans and being exposed to blood, I needed the extra time and then given the school schedule it just seemed most logical that I wait just a little bit more, even though it sometimes hurt to be so far.

"Have you checked on her or anything?" Char asked.

"What you mean contact the Cullens? No I haven't," I replied brusquely.

"No, not them," she spat out. "I mean attorneys and stuff."

"Sorry," I muttered. "No and believe me, the thought had occurred to me. I just feel that it would be a violation, you know? It is almost as bad as having the pixie look."

She made a face before replying. "Good point. I guess if she's gets those visions, that would cause the mind-reader to learn about it and then all hell breaks loose."

"Yeah, could you imagine them coming out here and Esme mothering you and all?"

"Oh fuck no!" she said as she shook her head adamantly.

"Oh Jasper, you're with the bad human drinkers! Oh son, let me give you a hug," I mimicked but exaggerated her voice into a crazy falsetto.

"Oh, Char, your language is so unladylike," Char continued on and wrung her hands nervously in the exact same way Esme would do.

"Geeze, Peter, NASCAR again? Don't you know they only make left hand turns?" Peter said using Emmett's exact inflection on his words as he walked over towards us. "Please don't tell me they're comin' out here," Peter said and shuddered as he sat down with us.

"Nah, we were just pokin' fun. I was talkin' to your brother about whether or not he has sought out Isabella," Char said and leaned against his shoulder.

"Race over?" I asked.

"No, fuckers called it on account of rain. Enough laps were completed so they called it," he grumbled. "I was lookin' forward to this night race too. Fuckin' rain."

The three of us sat there for a while as the sky darkened. Every so often, Peter and Char would throw out an impression of one of the Cullens or the Denali cousins that would have us laughing hard. It had been a long time since I had laughed like that as we poked fun at my former family. They also poked fun at me, or rather, the Jasper that died in the plane crash. I laughed along and with them realizing it was yet another way to let go of some of the hostility we had of them. Peter and Char would never admit it but I knew they were hurt by the way the Cullens looked down at them because of their violent history. Of course, that in turn was an affront on me since I sired Peter and Peter in turn sired Char.

"So, once your girl graduates, are y'all planning to go back to high school in the future?" Peter asked two hours later.

"If she chooses to be with me I don't plan to and I hope she doesn't either. It's one thing to take college classes but I'm fuckin' done with high school."

I was too. I was probably a few years younger than Carlisle, sired many in my past and led battles but to them, I was looked at as a damn child. It didn't bother me at first but over the years, that was just yet another reason that led me to leave them.

"I miss the days of college classes with the girls dressed in pretty skirts and sweaters," Peter said and looked at Char. "You looked like such a naughty sorority girl walkin' across campus carryin' your books."

I got up as the two started to get lost in their world.

"I'm goin' for a bike ride," I said and as I got up, I brushed the dirt off my jeans.

"No need... we're goin', c'mon woman, let's grab some meals and then you can be the naughty coed and I can be the mean professor later on," he said and waggled his eyebrows as he pulled Char over his shoulder and took off running.