It was three weeks before Billy's 18th birthday, and he still refused to tell his brother what he wanted. He just kept saying "I'll tell you. It won't need any preparation." So when they sat down for dinner Loki was a little nervous. They talked about this and that over their food, and then Billy cleared the table and sat back down. He was clearly nervous, too. Loki looked at him expectantly. Billy swallowed.
"OK, you wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday. You will not like this, but I won't back off."
Loki squared his shoulders. His jaw set.
"Continue?"
"You will tell me about Mom. I'm an adult now. I've got a right to know."
Loki shook his head.
"No. I won't."
Billy pushed back his chair and jumped up. Loki could see himself in the rage playing on his brother's features, and it was doubly painful.
"I'm sick of this, Loki."
Billy spat his brother's name like an insult.
"I'm sick of you being all elusive. What is it that you're not telling me? And don't you dare lie to me."
Loki fought to keep his composure.
"I have never lied to you, Billy. Never."
"No. You just never answer my questions. Leave out half the truth if you do. Keep me in the dark like some dumb kid. Fuck you, Loki. Tell me!"
Loki took a breath. At least he tried. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He reached inside his core, desperately fighting to stay in control.
"There's a lot about me you don't know, that's true. About yourself. Where we come from."
"Then tell me! I'm eighteen. So stop feeding me that bullshit about protecting me. What could you possibly be protecting me from?!"
Loki's mind was racing. He had to give him something or he'd lose him. The experiment would be a failure. He was so close, and it had been going so well. So he made a decision. He'd tell him everything. And then Billy would lose the memory of that conversation.
"OK. Can you please sit down and take a breath?"
"Will you tell me?"
"Yes. I will."
Billy deflated and took his seat again.
"OK."
Loki closed his eyes for a moment. And then he looked at his younger brother.
"The things you saw in your dreams, in your nightmares that night I had the accident, the things I claimed were stories Mom had told you, they're all true. They are my memories. They are your memories. Because we are one."
"What?"
"I - made you. Created you, a duplicate of my eight year old self. I specifically decided which of my memories you'd have."
"You made me? I'm a clone? Why the fuck would you do that?!"
Loki didn't answer right away.
"Tell me!"
"There was something I needed to know. I just had to know. I'm sorry, Billy."
"Fuck you. You tell me my whole life is a lie, and you did it out of curiosity? An experiment? Seriously? None of it is real? You fed me false memories or what?"
"Billy please, you have to believe me. Everything you remember has happened, either to me, on Asgard, or to you, here on Midgard."
"Then why do I sometimes remember things I didn't remember before? The stuff I dream about?"
"Apparently when I'm drunk or unconscious my control slips and you get access to the things I didn't want you to remember."
Billy tried to process what he'd just heard. For a moment he looked almost calm, but then he exploded:
"My life is a fucking freak show! I'm a freak, a lab rat, an experiment you came up with because you were bored up there in your city of gold."
Loki clenched his fists, fighting for control again. His jaw set. He took a breath, battling his own emotions, his memories. This was ironically accurate. The images flooding his mind right now were exactly the ones Billy had never been supposed to go through. Him and Odin in the vault. His world shattering to pieces like delicate glass crashing on the marble floor. History repeating.
"You made me", Billy spit. "Why?"
"I was trying to make things better for you. Better than they were for me. Taking everything that was hard and painful away from you."
Billy's eyes turned cold.
"I want those memories back."
"Oh believe me, you don't", Loki snorted.
Billy stared at him, his mind racing.
"So I'm just a copy. What happens if the original gets killed?"
"I'm hard to kill, believe me."
"What. Happens? To me? Do I die with you?"
"Unless we're very close to each other when it happens, probably."
"Probably? What, you didn't think this through?"
"It was never meant to be like this."
"Like what?"
"I didn't think I'd grow so fond of you."
Billy was speechless. He threw himself at Loki, who deflected the blow with ease.
"You can't take me in a fight", he said, exhausted beyond measure.
Billy made another attempt. Loki twisted his arm behind his back and held him there.
"What if we are very close to each other when it happens?", Billy spat.
"It's possible my essence will leave my body and go into yours. I'll be gone. You'll live."
Billy threw back his head and hit Loki's nose. Pain shot through Loki's head and neck, and he let go of his duplicate. Billy was on top of him in a heartbeat, wrestling him to the floor and closing both hands around Loki's neck. He was strong. Loki's vision turned red. He closed his eyes and focused on his abilities. Red turned to black. He could feel the tension build. The room temperature flared up. And then all of a sudden the brutal grip on his neck was gone and he could breathe again. And he was alone.
Loki drove his fist through the nearest wall. He could hear the bones in his hand break but the pain didn't register. A minute later bookshelves fell and books went flying. Some hit his face and body but he didn't even flinch. When the dust settled he realized he was crying. He slowly sank to the floor in the middle of the chaos he'd created. His voice completely flat he said:
"Open the bifrost."
