Fourth and final part of Love and Hate. Who will Audrey finally choose?
Love and Hate: Deciding
Seeing her and hearing her say that she still loved him was horrible. He was glad to hear it, but it made him long for her even more. Misael was extremely unhappy. Audrey and Nathan left two days after she told him this and did not look back. She did tell him that she would write to him but it was no comfort. He sat at his desk in his room, a lamp burning softly. This was the first letter he had received, just as she promised. It had been just under a month since they had left Prontera. He could not decide whether to open it or not. With a heavy sigh, he tore the envelope and pulled the letter free. It read:
Dear Misael,
I'm so, so sorry. There's really no other things I can say about this other than I'm deeply sorry. I know I hurt you again and I didn't want to. I do want to thank you for our last night together. It meant more than you know. I couldn't bear it if you hated me but even if you did, I would understand. Even if you don't write back, I would understand. I'll keep writing to you every month regardless.
We have moved into a little house in Alberta. It's nice and it's set close to the ocean. Oddly enough, the ocean reminds me of you…of the time when you took me to Comodo. I have to say that that was one of my favorite trips with you. I have a pretty view of the sunset but it seems lonely without you. Nathan doesn't care much for watching the sun set over the ocean but I don't mind. You know, he's very good to me. He has completely changed from the way he used to treat me.
Maybe one of these days I can persuade you to come and visit. I hope to hear back from you but if I don't, it's all right. I hope you'll heal like you healed me. I wouldn't be happy if not for you. I'm still sorry…I'll keep writing to you. I love you always.
Audrey
"Misael? You in there? Yoohoo!" He heard a knock and a voice at his door. If he did not know better, he knew he would be miserable for the rest of his life.
"Come in," he answered as he folded the letter back. The door opened with a creak and closed a moment later. He knew who it was and that he was concerned. He always was. Misael set the letter on the desk and turned. His friend had taken a seat at the edge of the bed, clasping his hands together. Misael knew he was waiting for him to speak but he could not. He waited patiently until finally, he had to get it out of his head. "Why would she—why didn't she choose me?"
"I think she loved him for so long that she didn't know what else to do. Like you can't forget about her, she can't forget about him."
Misael was unhappy with that answer yet, he knew it rang true. "It's worse this time. I can't think, I can't sleep…"
"Time, Misael, time. Your heart'll grieve so let it." His friend gave good advice on such matters usually. People often wondered how that could be since his friend was a lecherous kafra girl chaser.
"I gave myself time the first time she broke my heart! What do I do now? She—"
"Misael."
"What?"
"Shut up." The priest grinned. Misael frowned in response. This was not a humorous time for him. "You're allowed to mope around for a while but then, either forget about her, or learn to deal with it. You're making the kids around here worry."
With that, he stood and left. He was right…was he not? He did not want to worry the acolytes so he tried his best to grieve only in his room, where no one could see. It helped him much to his surprise. The less he thought about Audrey, the less it hurt. That is, until he did think about her. Then it came flooding back. Why couldn't she have just stayed with him in the first place? He almost wished he had not gotten himself involved with her that first day they met. Almost. Another month went by and another letter came even though he didn't write back to her. This one he wished he had not read.
Dear Misael,
I don't know how to tell you this. I know I'm going to hurt you again, but it would only be worse if I kept this from you. I'm happy with this news though so maybe you can be happy for me too. Just a little, at least. I'm pregnant, Misael, I'm certain. I'm so excited though Nathan is a little scared of the idea. You know how he is when it comes to caring about someone.
His heart dropped. She really was out of his reach now. He could never, ever take her from Nathan now. He couldn't separate a family. Also, he knew despite his dislike for the other man, Nathan was actually good with kids. Such a fact usually surprised people. As much as he didn't want to finish the letter, he willed himself to continue reading.
I'm not sure if I want it to be a boy or a girl but I'll be happy either way, I think. You know, I miss you. I miss you everyday. Nathan is wonderful but he isn't you. I thought maybe I went with him because I felt obligated but after I thought some more, that isn't the case. I do love him…
Misael, we're having a small party for the upcoming holidays and I hope you'll come. I'll send a separate invitation. I miss you and I really want you to come but if you can't, it's all right. Remember that I love you. I always will.
Audrey
He stayed in his room for the rest of that day. A few weeks later, he and some of the other priests and priestesses received invitations. He did not go. He couldn't do it. He stayed at the church and buried himself in tasks to forget about her for a while.
--
Audrey had busied herself with food and decorations as she waited nervously for their guests. She was not sure if Misael would come. He had not replied to her letters, but she had expected this. She wanted to see him though. She missed him terribly. A short while later she finally heard a knock at the door. She hurried to the door and opened it to find several priests.
None of them was Misael. The tallest priest took one look at her and sighed as they all made their way inside. He walked up to her and leaned down. "Does Misael know about this?" he asked quietly, pointing to her noticeable baby bump. She nodded. "No offense, but no wonder he didn't wanna come with us."
"Luzien, was it?" she asked, inwardly cursing at herself for expecting Misael to want to come after the news she relayed to him.
He grinned and gave a shallow bow. "The one and only! On a serious note, I'm still worried about him. At least I know why he's hardly left his room for a while now." She cringed at the thought of how miserable she had made Misael. "Anyway, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything, but things are the way they are. You've done a number to him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a party to crash." He winked and went off on his merry way, goosing a priestess on his way.
She felt terrible knowing that she hurt him yet again.
--
Time passed uneventfully and slowly for Misael. He was as much himself as he could be. When letters came from Audrey, he didn't throw them away but he didn't read them either. He shut her out of his mind as best he could. He kept busy and distracted his mind with other things and it helped. A year passed and then another until it had been nearly four years.
He was finally feeling like his old self and it felt good. He had started the morning as usual and headed into the courtyard. Summer was ending and the leaves had begun to fall so he fetched a rake and started to pile the loose leaves. As he worked, he watched a group of acolytes, the same he had taught so many times, practicing their skills.
He also noticed a little boy with raven black hair, like his own, sitting alone on a bench. It looked as though he was watching the acolytes with great interest. Misael set his rake against a tree and strode over to the boy. As he approached, the boy turned his attention to him. It startled the priest to see the boys face. He looked very much like he himself did as a little boy. The resemblance was uncanny. "Hello there," he said gently.
"Hi."
"Where are your parents?"
"Mommy said to wait here 'til she gets back." Perhaps he was one of the other priest's children. The boy pointed to the acolytes with a wide smile. "I wanna do that."
"Oh, do you?" The little boy nodded. "So, what's your name?" Misael asked, taking a seat next to the boy.
"Cade! What's your name?"
"Misael. I teach those kids over there." He replied, motioning to the acolytes.
"Can you teach me? Please?" he asked hopefully.
The priest grinned and ruffled his hair. "If you become an acolyte one day, I'll teach you."
"Cade!" He heard a woman call. It must have been Cade's mother, but the voice sounded familiar. He saw a face come into view that he had not seen in years. A face he tried to forget. As she approached, she held out a hand for Cade. He jumped up from the bench and took her hand. "Misael, I see you've met Cade already. Oh," she paused and fished an envelope from her satchel. "This is from Nathan…I didn't want to open it because I don't want to know what he had to say to you."
"Why can't he talk to me himself?" he asked as he took the letter.
She looked away for a moment, something dark flashing across her face. "He died a few months ago. He was really sick." This information hit him in an unexpected way. In fact, he wasn't sure how to react. Curiously, he opened the letter. Had Nathan decided to curse him once more before he was gone?
Misael,
You win. I lost her the day I decided not to wait for her in Prontera. I didn't realize that fact until Cade was born. Neither Audrey nor I have black hair…but you do. I knew and she knew that he wasn't mine.
I have to say, I don't regret taking her from you since she changed me. I can at least die knowing I bettered myself. Still, I have to thank you. You were the one that repaired the damage I did to her.
I think fate caught up to me though. I'm sick and I know I'm going to die soon. Audrey doesn't know anything yet, but I know she'll run straight for you after I'm gone. I never liked you. I really didn't. At least I know the sentiment is shared so I don't feel bad for saying that. Thanks for everything though. I wouldn't have even had this chance if not for you and how much you helped her. I still hate you for stealing her every time you did though.
Thanks and good riddance, you bastard.
P.S. I hope I raised Cade as good as I know you will. Goodbye.
"What the hell…" Misael murmured. Whether he should laugh or be angry, he couldn't be sure. Nathan had both cursed and thanked him. Then it hit him. Cade! He looked to Audrey and then to Cade. "Is he really…" he drifted off. The answer seemed obvious, but he didn't want to hope for too much.
Audrey smiled and nodded lightly. "Yours. You must not have read the letters," she frowned.
"Sorry…"
"I love you, Misael."
