Disclaimer: Looney Tunes characters belongs to Warner Bros., and Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve.


MEET THE PYRO

The title text suddenly burns away, revealing the feet of the mysterious Pyro. The RED Pyro is seen wearing a set of red asbestos-lined hazard suit and pants together with a pair of black rubber boots. The mysterious killer with a gas mask on is armed with a fire axe in hand, walking over a pair of glasses towards the screen and knocking a few empty bullet cartridges aside.


(Play Dreams of Cruelty)

Scene cuts to inside a small room, where a RED Hector the Heavy is seen completely in silhouette, as if he is in an anonymous interview.

"I fear no one, but that... skunk... it scares me."


Scene is cut to a view behind the Pyro's right shoulder. A BLU Wile E. Coyote the Engineer shuts a door before a BLU Daffy Duck the Scout can join him inside. The scared duck pulls desperately on the handle, trying to get inside and avoid a horrifying end that awaits him.


Back inside the interview room, this time it is the RED Daffy the Scout in silhouette, sharing his view on his pyromaniac teammate. He seems to be uneasy.

"No, I... I ain't, I ain't talking about that freak, alright? He is not here, is he?"

Daffy starts to get extremely worried. In a panic, he tries to detach the microphone from his shirt to end the interview. He tugs and tugs as he stands and walks towards the camera, knocking it over.

"Hey! How do I get this stupid thing off?"


The Pyro kicks down the door into the BLU team's room, his customized flamethrower ready.


Back inside the interview room, it is the RED Bugs Bunny the Spy's turn to be interviewed. With a carrot in his hand, the rabbit in ski mask speaks.

"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask... what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"


Back to the scene with Pyro, the mentioned pyromaniac is firing his customized flamethrower, then to a wider shot, showing an entire wooden town in flames. Strangely, the fumes released from the flames are abnormally thick and heavy. The entire figure of the Pyro is now visible, with his red asbestos-lined hazard suit and pants with black rubber boots, a gas mask covering his face and three incendiary grenades attached to a belt slung across his shoulder. Besides his unique clothing style, a lock of black and white hair and a pair of black pointed furry ears can be seen jutting out of his face outline. The most noticeable feature of this Pyro is a long, thick, fluffy black tail with two white stripes running parallel along the midline. This is Pepe Le Pew the skunk, and he is the Pyro.


The scene now cuts to the front view of Pepe Le Pew, zooming rapidly into the blackness of one of his eyepieces. There is a sound of Pepe's breathing and a single white spot which zooms forward and splits into a binocular view. When these focus, it shows a psychedelic dreamscape. In the view of Pepe Le Pew, he lives in a world of romance and love, filled with pink hills, flower bouquets, cute flying cupids and love motels.

His flamethrower, customized to utilize extract of his own stench as fuel, appears in his hands as an unusually-shaped brass instrument, spraying a mist of faint pink heart-shaped clouds over ground, causing colourful flowers to spring from the lawn in front of him. Pepe Le Pew the Pyro is laughing happily, enjoying the warm atmosphere in his own dream world.

Just then, BLU characters begin to appear right in front of the delusional skunk in his dreamscape. Unlike their real-life counterparts, these BLU characters appear as feminized versions of the actual characters with the body of a sexy black furred female cat with a band of white stripe running along its long fluffy tail. Due to the white stripe along the tail, Pepe Le Pew will always mistake them as beautiful females skunks to be pursued, even if they may actually be cats.

In Pepe Le Pew's view, the feminized BLU characters appear to be laughing and flirting with him in seductive poses. One of them, a BLU Hector, appears and skips towards the RED skunk. Pepe Le Pew grabs a bouquet of flower from the ground and skips towards the feminized Heavy.

"Mmph-mmph-mmph-mmmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph!" (Come to me, my beautiful darling!)

The two skip towards each other, seemingly happily. The Pyro then shoves the bouquet of flowers into the BLU Hector's hands.


In the real world, the BLU Hectors screams in fright as Pepe Le Pew slams a fire axe right into the Heavy's skull, spraying blood all over the place.


Back in 'Le Pew Land', a feminized BLU Daffy Duck the Scout appeas, skipping around and finally resting on Pepe's instrument.

"Mmmpphh-mmph-mmph-mmpphh! Mmph-mmph-mmphh-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph? Mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph..." (Ah my darlin'! It is love at first sight, is it not? Hmm?)

The Pyro then takes out a beautiful ring and offers it right in front of the feminized Daffy's face, while making a smooching gesture.


In the real world, the BLU Daffy Duck is knocked back as he screams in extreme sensory pain as Pepe Le Pew shoots the duck with a fart gun right into his face.


Back in 'Le Pew Land', a BLU Marvin the Martian Medic appears out of a present parcel, which Pepe Le Pew teasingly closes the parcel on the feminized alien doctor.


In the real world, the Pyro skunk has trapped Marvin in a shed by barring the door with his axe.

"Oh no!"

The unfortunate Medic utters his last words before he gets bathed in flames and concentrated skunk stench fumes inside the shed.


Back in 'Le Pew Land', the romantic yet delusional skunk continues to shoot streams of heart-shaped clouds mist from his weapon. As he passes, a heart-shaped cushion sofa appears, and the feminized version of BLU Wile E. Coyote the Engineer and Bugs Bunny the Spy sit on it. The BLU members stuck in the body of sexy female cat bodies give wooing and flirting gestures as Pepe Le Pew leaves the scene.


In reality...

"Sufferin' succotash! I'm bbburning! It sssstinks!"

A BLU Sylvester the Demo-Cat screams in pain as the black anthropomorphic cat gets set on fire, while suffering from the nasty fumes caused as a side-effect of Pepe Le Pew's specially customized flamethrower.

A BLU Yosemite Sam the Soldier is hit by a piece of a destroyed Sentry Gun built by a BLU Wile E. Coyote the Engineer, who is shown flying off into the distance.

Amidst the chaos, a BLU Daffy Duck the Scout flees while a BLU Elmer Fudd the Sniper crashes out of a second-storey window to the ground. The Sniper in despair crawls over to the ankle of a nearby individual, while in the background, the sound of the destruction of an A.C.M.E. teleporter and A.C.M.E. dispenser can be heard in the distace.

"Help!"

Elmer Fudd grabs hold onto the ankle of the nearest figure, crying for help. When the bald Sniper looks up, however, he realizes that he is staring right into the expressionless masked face of Pepe Le Pew the RED Pyro himself. The Pyro looks down, and simply shoots his flamethrower. The scream of the poor Sniper can be heard as the view zooms in on Pepe's mask, pungent flames reflecting off the eyepieces as the pyromaniac skunk tilts his head.


(Play Team Fortress 2 Ending Theme)


The scene cuts back to the romantic dreamscape of 'Le Pew Land', where Pepe Le Pew happily walks away into the sunset. The view zooms out and passes through the reality of the burnt, gaping and stinking hole in the stomach of a BLU Yosemite Sam. The poor vertically-challenged Soldier clutches his smoldering innards for a moment, before falling over with a stifled groan as he succumbs to his fatal wound. Pepe Le Pew continues to walk away into the sunset, whistling a French romance tune as the town behind him begins to collapse from the inferno, dark noxious fumes rising from the flames and the streets littered with charred BLU corpses, with some having white flowing out of their mouths.


And the last one is finally done!

At first, it is quite hard to decide which Looney Tunes character can play the role of the Pyro, since there are not many recurring Looney Tunes characters that use fire as the main weapon. In the end, I choose the resident French love struck skunk for the role because of two reasons. Firstly, his most potent weapon, his own stench coming out from his tail, has no definite form, kind of like a smoke, or fire. Secondly, I think he is stuck in his own world of romance, thinking that he is successful in the field despite his love interest, Penelope Pussycat's obvious signs of rejection, kind of reminding me Pyro's schizophrenic view of his own magical world of 'Pyroland'.

As you can see, I make a lot of changes in this Looney Tunes version of "Meet the Pyro" to make it funnier and have the feel of the French skunk in the chapter. Pepe Le Pew uses almost the same kinds of weapons as the Pyro, with the additional gimmick of Pepe Le Pew's notorious skunk stench. I make his flamethrower to be customized in the way that he uses extract from his own stink gland as fuel for his flamethrower, so that not only does the flamethrower sets its victims on fire, the flames also gives off a noxious fumes that causes intense suffering to the victims' sensory organs. Its jet pushback not only repels enemies and projectiles, it can also directly damage enemies through the sufferable stench. Instead of flare gun, he will use a fart gun. Just imagine a fart gun to the face...pfff HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Also, his version of 'Pyroland' is called 'Le Pew Land', which he sees the world as a warm magical and romantic setting, instead of a kiddy magical world.

This is the last chapter of this short project. I will be focusing back to my mainstream story Starcraft AU.