Circus

Chapter 8

"I can't believe you're actually going through with all of this!" Sarah exclaimed as she helped Jimena pack up her office. "I mean, look at you!" Sarah slammed down a flower pot, making Jimena wince at the faint cracking sound produced.

"Sarah, calm down. I need to do this."

"Oh you need do a complete one-eighty on your entire life?" She gestured to Jimena's current appearance.

It was true that Jimena had changed from the way she had been since before meeting Sarah, but rather than change into the new being Sarah claimed she was, Jimena had reverted. There was no one in the office that day, so Jimena wore jeans and a t-shirt, which she never would have done before a few weeks ago, and her make-up was minimal, no longer disguising the two not completely faded tear drop tattoos beneath her right eye.

"Sarah, this is who I am." It was the most truthful Jimena had been in twenty years.

"No, who you are, is my best friend, who is always professional and clean cut and… when did you get those tattoos anyway?!"

"When I was a teenager," she replied calmly.

"Why would you get tattoos like that when you were a teenager?"

"Because I was in a gang."

Sarah looked at Jimena, taken aback and horrified. "Why are you lying to me? Why won't you just tell me what's going on? Are you in some sort of trouble? That day when we were supposed to go out and you just shoved me in the cab – you haven't been the same since then. Did something happen to you?"

"No and yes." She paused trying to figure out how best to explain herself. "No, I'm not lying when I say I was in a gang. I told you that I moved to New York that I was from an LA suburb. That was the lie. I grew up in East LA. Ninth Street. I was jumped into a gang when I was twelve. And yes, that day something did happen. I met someone from my past, and he made me realize that I couldn't live with my lies anymore."

Sarah's face went hard. She shook her head. Tears started down her face. And before Jimena could move to comfort her, Sarah left.

Jimena continued to pack her things, completely subdued.

She shouldn't have been surprised by Sarah's reaction. It was the natural reaction. It was the reaction anyone should have upon meeting a veterana. Only the crazy ones were okay with something like that. She smiled despite herself. Serena. Serena had never judged her. Even when they first met, Serena had been cautious, but never judgmental. Serena had been crazy. If she hadn't been, Jimena doubted she would have loved her as much. But Serena was gone, had faded into the grey background of Jimena's mind long ago. With everything and everyone else she had ever loved.

She sighed, and instead of reaching for another object to pack away, Jimena picked back up the stapler she had just packed and placed it back on the mostly bare desk. What was she doing? She had nothing in LA. Nothing at all. She doubted Vanessa, the only survivor of her friends, was still hanging around their old haunts. Collin had undoubtedly moved away, moved on. Then, unbidden, the image of Collin drowning came back to mind. She remembered how he used to have dreams – the best and worst dreams, he had called them – about riding the perfect wave, then drowning as it crashed down upon him. Had Jimena been sensing that he was in danger because she wasn't there? Or had the idea of rejoining the Daughters to fight evil simply brought that memory back to her? She couldn't take the chance, she supposed. She put the stapler back in the box.