Hello my dears I would like to thank linusfan13, Tie-Dyed Broadway and rainystv for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.

So this chapter kinda snuck up on me, but I hope you like it. The bits in italics are a memory and from this point on there will be a lot more in this story as Cas starts to learn what he's forgotten and they all try to move forwards.

Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.


It was the middle of the night and Dean sat on his brother's couch nursing a glass of whiskey while he wished his brain would shut down. He should be asleep, he was going to see Cas in tomorrow, but he couldn't do it. Cas was right now at their house, no doubt in their bed, alone, just the way he had wanted it. He didn't want Dean around him, and didn't want him there when he returned to their home. But no, he can't think of that stuff, it wouldn't help anyone if he started to dwell on his fears and upsets.

So other thoughts, other questions, one less painful to think upon. What did this Cas think of the home they had built together? It was as much a part of him as it was Cas' after all. He hoped he liked it. In a way Dean was glad now, sitting alone in the dark, that Gabriel had not allowed him to take down the pictures or change his home too much. Cas needed to see it as it was now, he needed to know what they had been to each other if he was going to even start to think about giving Dean another chance to be with him. He needed Cas to see what he was missing, what he had forgotten, get him to understand at least some of what Dean was going through. And that thought returned him to those he was trying not to think on.

Just remembering that Cas didn't want him around caused him more pain than he really knew how to deal with. As such he had been doing what he had always done with emotional pain before he had met Cas and found someone who he could talk to and who would listen. he was burying it all inside himself, hiding it under layers of looking after everyone else, and glasses of whiskey, though the latter he had been trying to keep to a minimum. He knew Cas didn't like it when he drank too much after all. But still in the dark of the night he couldn't hide from that pain any more, nor could he refuse to give space to the idea that maybe things won't work this time. Maybe Cas wouldn't want him now, it was so different from the way they had met after all. It was all so very different now.


Five years ago…

Dean stood outside the apartment block looking up at the windows with a duffle bag over his shoulder. He couldn't quite believe that he was moving in here, I mean this place was pretty shit hot for New York, and certainly out of his price range. But the guy he had met in the bar promised him a low rent as long as he looked out for his little brother, and Dean could do that. I mean that was why he moved from Kansas to this city, to look out for his little brother. So adding another one on to that wouldn't worry him. Even if this Castiel was actually the same age as him, Gabriel had told him he had had a sheltered upbringing. And hey it would be kinda cool to have someone other than Sammy to hang out with on occasion. With these pleasant thoughts in mind he moved and rang the buzzer which had the name Novak beside it.


Castiel was not happy. He had been in New York for nine months and everything had been going well, or at least it had right up until two days ago when Gabriel had turned round and told him he was moving out of their shared apartment to move in with his latest girlfriend. Castiel couldn't believe his brother would be so thoughtless. I mean how was he to pay the rent on their apartment alone? Of course it was then that Gabriel suggested he get a flatmate. But how could Castiel do that? I mean, you can't tell a thing about a person on first meeting and he really did not want a stranger in his home. They could be a murderer. He had said this to Gabriel and his brother had just smiled and told him to chill. He would sort it all. Castiel had thought that that would mean that Gabriel would maybe get his girlfriend to move in with them, it would be better than any other alternative, but no. What did his brother go and do instead? He went out to a bar and offered the room to the first man he met. A complete stranger and all because he had liked the way the guy. What did that say about anything? No, when this Dean arrived Castiel was just going to have to tell him no, he could not live here, no matter what Gabriel had said. Resolutely straightening another cushion on the couch he heard the buzzer go. It was time to put his foot down.


Dean was anxious while he waited for Castiel to answer the door. I mean it was kinda strange moving in with someone he didn't know, nor had he met. But hey, it was New York. These things happened right? He had been surprised by the deep sounding voice that answered the intercom and buzzed him up, it was a voice very different from Gabriel's after all. But what the hell right? At that thought he made sure an easy smile was on his face as he heard a bolt being slid open. Time to get this show on the road, he had a whole speech prepared and everything. But what he had not been prepared for was the sight that greeted him rendering him temporally speechless. Because the man who had opened the door had the most gorgeous blue eyes he had ever seen, and they were set perfectly in the most beautiful face he had ever seen on a man. Oh this wasn't the first time he had found his own sex aesthetically pleasing, but it was the first time he had ever actually considered acting on his desire. This man was enough to make anyone consider batting for the other side and Dean was gonna get to see him in just a bath towel as he walked round there apartment still wet from the shower. Oh yes, this was definitely the place for him.

Castiel as well it seemed had lost the ability to use his voice. He had also had a speech prepared for this Dean fellow, but it seemed his brother had conveniently forgotten to mention one thing about him. That Dean was the sexiest man he had ever laid eyes on. The easy smile on his lips which was echoed in his sparking green eyes, the spiky blond hair and the muscular body encased in a leather jacket which had the collar turned up was the most stunning of pictures. It should have looked stupid, like he was trying too hard to be cool, but Dean could pull it off. In fact Castiel was very sure that this man could pull off any look he chose.

"Hey, Castiel, right?" Dean said holding out his hand when the other man just stood there staring at him. Dean briefly wondered if he liked what he saw, cos if so, well then they were sure to have an awesome time getting to 'know' each other.

"Yes. Hello Dean." Castiel recovered briefly looking down at the outstretched hand before the manners his mother had drummed into him came to the fore and he shook it. He could not live with this man. For starters there was no way he was gay, and it would be very wrong, and no doubt upsetting, to spend his time in his home, where he should be relaxing but instead wishing he could run his hands over Dean's body. No that would definitely not do.

"So you gonna let me in Cas?" Dean asked staring into those deep blue eyes wondering how long he should wait before he made his move. Would tonight be too soon?

"Cas?" Castiel asked tilting his head to the side as he wondered at the abbreviation to his name. No one had ever called him that before.

"Easier to say than Castiel, and I get the idea you don't really like Cassie so…" Dean replied trying to look past the guy at the apartment he would soon be calling home.

"I do not." Castiel agreed steeping to the side. He had made Dean wait at the door to long for him now to be able to deliver his speech there. He would have to let the man in, but that did not mean he was going to let him stay.

"So which is my room?" Dean asked walking into the hallway and seeing the different doors that led off of it. He wanted to unpack his merge stuff and get settled, before he turned his attention to finding out more about the man he was bunking with.

"Neither of them. I am sorry but my brother was rather cavalier when he offered you his room here." Castiel stated, trying to sound sure but even to him he heard the waver in his voice. He wasn't sure if it was because he had never been the assertive type, expect with Gabriel, or if it was because of the gorgeous man in front of him that he was kicking out of his apartment. He would much prefer to be settling down with a glass of wine and getting to know Dean, before sharing a kiss, and maybe so much more, no. he had to stop that. Dean was not for him. He was straight, and even if he wasn't he was way out of Castiel's league. He was a player of that Castiel was sure, he would only break his heart, and that he did not need.

"You found someone else to pay the rent then?" Dean asked raising his eyebrows at the guy. He was kinda pissed to have missed this, he would never find something else in this area with a rent he could actually afford.

"Well no-" Castiel began no longer looking at Dean. He could do this.

"So why can't it be me?" Dean asked dropping his bag to the floor making Castiel turn back to him at the noise, running his eyes up his body as he did so.

"I do not believe you and I will suit, as roommates." Castiel stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And how would you know that Cas? We barely know each other." Dean argued, he really wanted this place, and well, Gabriel had said that his brother might take a little persuading. It also did not escape Dean's notice that Castiel felt the need to clarify the roommate's factor, so interested then. Good.

"You met my brother in a bar and he offered you the room." Castiel replied with disbelief. Gabriel hadn't known Dean and yet he had agreed for him to live with his brother. This was just one of the many reckless decisions Gabriel had made in his life.

"After spending an hour grilling me about everything in my life." Dean responded simply making Castiel's eyes widen. Gabriel had grilled him about his life? Why?

"Still, I'm afraid as its only a verbal agreement-" he started to say, no matter that maybe Gabriel had done a reasonable job of interviewing Dean. He did not want him here, where he could see him every day, watch him and yet never getting to touch the man, it would be impossible.

"But it's not. I signed the contract this morning, here." Dean replied pulling a bunch of papers from his pocket and handing them over. Gabriel had insisted that he sign them before seeing the place, he had wondered if there was something wrong with it, but now he knew what that was. Seemed Cas did not want anyone living with him. Well tough Dean was here to stay.

"It looks like Gabriel has given me no choice then." Castiel finally responded having read through the paper work, it was all in order. There was no way Castiel could get out of this now.

"Yeah looks like. Sorry to be such an inconvenience, but I think, once you get to know me, we'll get on very well." Dean replied in a gentler tone smiling his most charming smile at the attractive blue eyed man who he would now be sharing a home with.

With that they stood there staring at each other. Dean could read the animosity in Castiel eyes but he knew that was more for Gabriel heavy-handedness than for him. No, for him he could feel the tension in the air, and he read it like it was an open book. It was his life blood after all, sexual tension and the end result it always pertained to. So yeah, sure Cas was acting like he wasn't interested, but to Dean that just added an extra excitement to the fun. The chase was the best part after all. And chasing Cas was gonna be so much fun.


It was so very, very different now to that time five years ago. The chemistry which had been there then seemed to be lacking somehow this time round even if the animosity was very much in evidence. He just hoped he could find a way to break it as he had before. He needed to find a way to get to Cas this time round and every would be fine. The question was, could he still do it? Because he was no longer the cocky son of a bitch that had swanned into that apartment and decided to make Cas one of his conquests, because now he knew just what he could have with him if he gave him a chance. There was so much more to lose.