Author's Note: I know I say this a lot, but, it bears repeating: I love you guys. Sorry that this chapter has taken forever; I'm still battling some sort of bug and NyQuil really slows down the writing process. Hopefully once I get better I can start churning out more regular updates.

In Treatment

Chapter 8: Nothing Else I Can Say (Take Me or Leave Me)


Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

M. Kathleen Casey


Rachel doesn't need to talk to Dr. Robinson to figure out that ignoring Finn isn't a long term solution. Santana may have fixed everything with a combination of carefully placed statements and controlled violence, but, that doesn't mean that there still aren't things to be resolved. She might be over Jesse now, but, she still remembers how bad it hurt when he left the way he did.

She might not love Finn and she might not like him all the time, but, he deserves better than the Rachel Berry equivalent of a hijacked auditorium, a toilet papered choir room, and an egging in the parking lot. He wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but, it wasn't like she was setting the girlfriend gold standard.

The problem is, of course, is that it's hard to stop avoiding Finn (considering that's become standard operating procedure for the last couple of weeks).

It's midnight on Tuesday before she finally listens to his voicemails. At first he's angry ('What the hell have you been doing with Puck?'), then he's confused ('I don't know what's going on; just please call me.'), and he eventually works his way up to pleading ('Just give me a chance to explain and I can make this all better again.'). By the time she gets through the last one, it's almost one o'clock in the morning. Rachel's nowhere near sleep, so, she decides to give him a call.

Finn sounds sleepy (normal people generally sound that way before dawn when school's in session) but relieved that she's finally decided to pick up the phone.

"I know it's late, but, do you want to meet up at Schoonover Park?"

She's half convinced that he's going to yell at her and hang up. When he says 'Okay, I'll meet you there in ten,' like she's made a completely ordinary request, Rachel doesn't quite believe him. Since she's still wearing her clothes from school, all she has to do is stuff her feet into a pair of UGGs and put on a coat. She leaves her dads a note on the kitchen table, just in case they wake up and she's not home yet, and sends Noah a text before sneaking out the front door to her car.

'I couldn't sleep; going to go talk to Finn at the park.'

She's surprised when she gets anything back from him, figuring he'd either be asleep or pissed off at her for meeting with her ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night. However, it's pretty obvious (if it wasn't already) that she's stupid for this boy when his text leaves warm fuzzy feelings in her stomach.

'UR sexting sucks. No 3somes with S unless Im #3.'

Finn's truck is already in the parking lot when Rachel pulls up and she immediately starts doubting her decision to arrange the impromptu meeting. It takes all the willpower she possess to park her car, unbuckle her seat belt, and head towards the swing set that Finn is standing beside. Before she gets there, she decides she's going home if he suggests pushing her in a swing.

Even in the dim lighting, Rachel can see that Finn's sporting a black eye and a busted lip. There's a part of her that wants to apologize, but, it's overridden by the bigger part of her that believes he deserves it for being an asshole.

"I only slept with Santana once and you were with Jesse."

As far as opening lines go, it's pretty awful.

"I figured as much. I mean, if you were still having sex with her, she probably would have worded things differently when she was making her little announcement."

When in doubt, Rachel will always fall back on wordy sentences. Even so, there really aren't enough words to fill the awkward silence. Her history with Finn might not be as long as her history with Noah, but, it's still pretty complicated. They might have had a chance if there was no Noah and no Quinn; as it stands, they were doomed before they even began.

Their entire relationship is based on so much wrong it isn't even funny.

"Finn, I just…I didn't mean for things to get so out of control." She can feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she's honestly not sure if they're fueled by guilt or frustration. Either way, she's really tired of crying. "This…this thing we had just isn't good anymore. For either one of us."

"Rachel…Rach…don't say that. We can fix this. I know we can. I'll tell Santana to back off and you'll stop being around Puck and things will go back to the way they were."

"I just got Noah back after years of not having him in my life. Even if I wanted to fix things, I couldn't drop out of his life again. Besides, quite frankly, the way things were sucked."

If he weren't so damn tall, Rachel's sure that Finn's jaw would have hit the ground. As it is, he's doing a really good impression of a fish out of water. They've technically been together for six months and this is the most they've said to each other about their relationship. Considering he's only slightly more loquacious than Noah (in normal circumstances), most of that is her fault.

They stand there for the longest time, her fingering the chain of the nearest swing and him staring up at the sky as if all the answers are there. The adrenaline is starting to wear off enough that she's feeling the cold and her teeth are beginning to chatter. The whole absurd situation is a perfect metaphor for their whole screwed up relationship.

"Can you just tell me one thing? Did you sleep with either one of them? It's not my place, I know that, but I think you owe me that much."

As far as questions go, it's a pretty easy one. Of all the questions he could have asked, it's honestly the easiest one to answer. It doesn't mean it doesn't piss Rachel off. After all of the things that have happened in the last six months, the fact that Finn has decided sex is the crux of the matter is extremely insulting.

"No." The disembodied voice of Dr. Robinson is telling her that's all she has to say and that it's okay to walk away now. Then there's Kurt, telling her to be coy about it and Santana, telling her to hurt him. Finally, there's a beep from her pocket which is probably signaling that Noah's five seconds away from hopping in his truck and complicating everything with a bunch of teenage boy posturing.

"I think, fundamentally, you're a good guy. You're just not my good guy."

Rachel walks away then, focusing on the way her footsteps sound as she heads towards the parking lot. There's probably a lot left that they could say to each other, but, there's really nothing important left to say. In the end, the glee club is in for an uncomfortable couple of months and Finn's probably going to go out of his way to ignore her and Noah. Still, after reading (and replying to) Noah's text, Rachel reminds herself that it's all worth it.

'U ok? B there in 5 if you need help with the body.'

For the first time in several days she finally feels like she could sleep and sleep well.


Even though she's only running on a couple hours of sleep, Rachel feels like a person again. She's ditched her Ohio State shirt and sweats for a purple sweater dress and has paired it with her black "Maureen" boots. She has a feeling that it's going to be a hard sell convincing Santana to play the part of Joanne but considering she was born to play the part of Maureen, she's ready for a fight.

Basically, Santana's not going to know what hit her.

While Rachel is stuffing the rest of her Maureen costume in her locker, Kurt rounds the corner with a look of pure determination etched on his face. As much as she enjoys having him back in her life, the boy can be a little hard to handle sometimes. This can be evidenced by the fact that he doesn't even ask, just starts rifling through her locker until he pulls out her makeup bag.

"Diva, you get points for wardrobe, but, please stop walking out of the house without any makeup on."

She figures if he's going to get his way eventually, she might as well yield and get it over with. So, Rachel just stands perfectly still while he hides the evidence of poor nutrition (honestly, she's pretty much been living on Red Bull), lots of crying, and lack of sleep. And all she's really thinking about while he's doing it is how nice it is to not have to worry if he's going to turn her into a sad clown hooker.

Kurt, by some miracle of God, decides to apply the finishing touches before opening his mouth.

"So, what was so important that you needed to drag Finn out of the house at one in the morning?"

Now it's Rachel's turn to do an impression of a fish out of water. There's about three seconds where she's seriously wondering if he's psychic or telepathic before Kurt rolls his eyes and picks an invisible piece of lint off of her shoulder.

"Dad and Carole are still living in the Stone Age. It doesn't take much to listen in on a landline conversation." Kurt fixes her with a steely glare and Rachel can envision him in an interrogation room staring down a prep with the same resolve. "Anyway, I guess I shouldn't be expecting a Finchel reunion anytime soon?"

She scans the hallway quickly and, when she doesn't see anyone, shakes her head. "No, that ship has sailed. Noah and I really haven't talked about things since Hurricane Santana happened but I'd hazard a guess that we're headed in a very Puckleberry direction." Rachel's a little shocked when Kurt bounces up and down and squeals a little (not loudly, but, it's not typical dignified Kurt). After all, she just dumped his almost stepbrother partly because she's in love with his best friend.

"Look, we're friends again and friends…" Something catches Kurt's eye out of Rachel's field of vision, causing him to trail off. She's about to wrinkle his carefully tied scarf and demand he pay attention to her when Karofsky is suddenly there and standing beside them.

"Am I interrupting faggy time?" Before she can stop him, he's plucking at the neckline of her dress and stretching it out towards him. "You're wearing the right color for it." She's taken self defense (as a condition of her eventual move to New York) and she knows what to do, it's just a matter of making herself do it. While she stands there frozen in place, Kurt reaches out and slaps the jock's hand away.

"Honestly? You're seriously going to touch Puckerman's girl?"

Karofsky stares at her for a moment (she wants to remind him what happened to Azimio) before turning and stepping way too far into Kurt's personal space. Kurt, who just bravely defended her seconds before, flinches when the taller boy gets in his face.

"Last time I checked, you weren't anyone's girl." Things have gone from bad afterschool special on bullying to bad straight-on-gay porn so quickly that it makes Rachel's head spin again. Karofsky's got Kurt pushed up against the lockers with one hand and his other is reared back in a fist. The threat of violence is so thick that Rachel's not really thinking when she lifts up her knee and slams the heel of her boot into the instep of Karofsky's foot.

He jerks back, wincing, with a look of disbelief written all over his face. A dress and boots aren't really great sparring gear, but Rachel finds herself falling back into a defensive stance when the first warning bell rings. People are starting to trickle into the hallway and it's seconds (but feels like hours) before Karofsky's shaking his head and walking away.

"What in the world…" Rachel's got a million questions but Kurt just holds up his hand.

"Diva, please, just walk me to French."

So, she does the only thing she can do; she loops her arm through Kurt's and walks him to French.


The day drags on and on and on. She's self conscious of her stretched out neckline and every time a locker slams too loudly, she flinches a little bit. She wonders how long the bullying has been going on (and why no one's noticed it). She also wonders if she was imagining the weird tension that accompanied all the violence. It worries her that while she might be safe (courtesy of the imaginary 'Property of Puck' stamp across her forehead), Kurt really doesn't have anyone to protect him.

Finn might be up to go toe to toe with the jocks in a candy red shower curtain (with the rest of the team backing him up) but she doubts he'd risk getting into a fight with Karofsky if it meant getting seriously hurt or being kicked off the team. Rachel knows Noah would have Kurt's back if she asked him too, but, she doesn't want him getting into any more trouble than necessary. One day he's going to hit the wrong person and get brought up on assault charges.

And then there's lunch.

Noah pulls her down into his lap as soon as they get to the gleeks' table. They don't do anything untoward (although she does try to keep from wiggling around to keep the temptation to a minimum) and no one says anything. Mercedes keeps sneaking peeks in their direction, as if waiting for them to start sucking face in the middle of picking through their lunch. Quinn glares at them for a little bit, but, Rachel finally meets the glare with one of her own and the blonde eventually backs off. Everyone else (with the exception of a missing Santana and Finn) just acts as if Finchel wasn't a reality twenty four hours before.

Halfway through lunch a thoroughly disheveled Finn (seriously, he looks like he met with gale force winds) and a slightly more pulled together Santana make their way over to the table. When Finn opens his mouth, Santana just snaps her fingers and does a pretty spot on impression of Cesar Millan. It's a little scary how quickly Finn shuts his mouth and sits down. Rachel wants to get up out of respect for her failed relationship and out of common courtesy but Noah just wraps his arm firmly around her waist.

She gets the message pretty quick – he doesn't want her going anywhere. If yesterday in glee was any indication, Rachel's got a feeling that Noah's going to be fairly hands on. Finn either has to get used to it (and fast) or avoid them all together. Truthfully, it's not much different from after Sectionals last year when Finn was with her one minute and all over SantanaandBrittany the next.

Santana and Noah bicker for the rest of lunch, which makes it difficult for anyone else to carry on a conversation. Mostly it revolves around her stealing a couple of his fries, him calling her a bitch, and her stealing a couple more fries. Rachel tries not to be jealous but the comfortable banter they've got going on, combined with the fact that she knows they've had lots of sex, makes it difficult for her to pay attention to anything else.

Finn catches her eye once and she's pretty sure the emotions playing on his face are the same ones that are churning away in her brain. Thankfully, she's an accomplished actress and can keep that shit bottled up. Still, when she catches Quinn's little smirk out of the corner of her eye, Rachel almost flies off the handle. She knows Noah doesn't really think he's doing anything wrong (and, really, he's not); more importantly, whatever's going on between him and Santana is probably a pissing contest between the two of them regarding one Rachel Barbara Berry. The problem is, she's only full of confidence on the outside. There's a teeny tiny part of her (the same part that sometimes considers a nose job) that is just waiting for the other shoe to drop and Noah to leave her for someone prettier and more talented. After all, Finn didn't want her until she was his last option and Jesse dumped her ass as soon as he was able to.

She has to force herself not to bolt when the bell rings. Instead, Rachel carefully gets up from Noah's lap and transfers all of her trash onto his tray. He's still so engrossed in the latest round of name calling (a good way to send her insecurities into overdrive) that it takes a moment before she can get him to turn around to face her. Deciding desperate times call for desperate measures, Rachel grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him forward.

Rachel kisses Noah with every ounce of sexual frustration that's been building since the kiss in the parking lot. She nips at his bottom lip until he finally opens his mouth and then proceeds to totally dominate him. When he tries to gain some control over the situation (namely by bringing his hand up to rest just below her ass), Rachel pulls away and bites his chin just hard enough to make him jolt.

"If you ignore me again, it won't be your chin I'll be biting."

She ignores Noah's glazed eyes, Santana's heavy breathing, the questioning looks of her team mates, and the stares of just about everyone in the cafeteria. If it wasn't obvious before, there's no doubting that her Noah has 'Property of Rachel Berry' stamped across his ass. Santana's laughter rings in her ears all the way to AP English.


Glee practice gets cut short so they can practice their duets. Rachel doesn't even wait for Mr. Shue to formally dismiss them before she's grabbing her bags and running off to the auditorium. Noah's been wearing a predatory look since lunch (no surprise there) and she's got no desire (that's a total lie) to be cornered by him before she can practice with Santana. Besides, Mr. Shue keeps asking her to rethink her choice of a partner.

She's tired of telling him it's none of his business.

Santana arrives on stage just minutes after Rachel. Before Rachel can even open her mouth, the Latina is rattling off where they should put the mock ice sculpture, what strings her father could pull to get some contractors to build a sturdy staircase, and if it would be possible to bring in a real pool table. Although she's not used to being talked over (no one but Santana has ever really tried), Rachel takes it in stride. The benefit of Santana's tirade (girl's really serious about her breadsticks) is Rachel's able to change into her costume before her duet partner has run out of the air.

Two minutes to change is almost an eternity when compared to some of the plays Rachel's been a part of.

"Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say baby so sweet…" Her voice cuts Santana off in the middle of her rant about pool table logistics. See, the thing is, Rachel's wanted to be Maureen since she realized there was a Maureen to be. It's a role that she would literally kill someone for if necessary. Santana may identify with the character, but, Rachel's got a passion for her.

"…and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me." When she presses Santana's palms up against her breasts, Rachel pretends that Brad isn't playing away on the keyboard (she's pretty sure he's a piano playing ninja). By the time Rachel's singing about tigers and cages, Santana's just shaking her head and when she belts out "…people would kill to fill your shoes," the other girl is holding up her hand to signal her to stop.

"Okay, Baby, I get it. So, are you going to teach me how to play anal retentive…because that's kind of a stretch for me."

Rachel just smirks and shrugs out of her long jacket. "I think you and Joanne will get along just fine."


Author's Note: Whoops! This ran a little longer than I was planning, so, I decided to break it up. There will be more 'Take Me or Leave Me,' promise. One of my biggest pet peeves in glee fics is when authors plunk down big chunks of song lyrics for a character's performance. I get that it's glee and they sing about their feelings and shit, but, it's hard to get it right in type. I'm working hard to get the right balance of lyrics to performance to glee club reactions.

Also, a note on the Kurt/Rachel scene. I wrote it assuming that the bullying has been escalating since the school year began. We saw bits and pieces of it, but, strangely no one on glee really started to notice until after the big kiss. While some people might disagree with me, I think that Karofsky's reaction to Kurt smacking his hand away was pretty spot on.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. It was a little dialogue heavy (something that I'm always nervous about) but I think it worked out in the end. If anything, it'll help us transition to better things, like a Pezberry duet and maybe some more Puckleberry smut.