A/N: Whelp, I noticed that these chapters seem to be getting a lot longer. Sorry to those of you that don't like long chapters, but this just seems to be how I write now. I guess this is a good thing to those of you who enjoy long chapters. Also, if you guys are noticing some filler, just keep in mind that I try not to write boring filler. Key word; try. Trying doesn't mean that I didn't fail.
A few days had passed since America found out about Russia's experiences with depression, and things had been a bit dull for the American. That was to be expected though, as his depression never failed to give any day a gloomy feeling. Russia would always try to have a conversation with him, in hopes of making things more lively for the American. However, despite the fact that America had been finding most food to not only be disgusting, but also something he was not worthy of consuming, he found that the only thing he really looked forward to at Russia's house was his cooking. Really, America never thought of Russia as being the type that would be great at cooking. He really wasn't known for it, and yet, as soon as America began to eat the Russian's food, he would easily forget about his guilt, and would sometimes find himself with a belly ache after a meal.
America had just left the shower, dried off, and changed into some new clothes, after Russia woke him up that morning to tell him that breakfast would be ready soon. Once he was out of the bathroom, and prepared for the day, he was about to make his way out of the guest room, until he noticed a couple of chocolate bars sitting on the night stand with a note on top of them. Curious, America walked over to the nightstand, and picked up the note to find it say, I almost forgot to give these to you. You didn't seem to be paying attention while we were shopping, so I thought that it could be surprise.
America set the note down, beginning to feel a bit shocked that Russia was actually willing to give him something as simple as two chocolate bars. However, he eventually put it off as Russia just trying to be friendly, and of course, despite the fact that he didn't feel as if he deserved the small gift, he was still grateful for it.
After setting the note back down on top of the chocolate bars, America headed downstairs so that he could eat breakfast with Russia. As usual, the first meal of the day was always silent, quick, and of course, the young nation was finding the food to be rather delightful, rather than unpleasant. Once America had finished up his breakfast, and added the plate to the minuscule stack of dishes in the sink that were waiting to be cleaned, he heard Russia say, "There's going to be a meeting soon."
At this, America felt his enthusiasm plummet, to be replaced with dread as he began to think about how terrible and boring the next meeting was going to be. Of course, how did this news not surprise him? After all, he had been in such a cheery mood that morning, there was bound to be something to ruin things for him. When he turned to face Russia, America was not afraid to express his defiance, "I'm not going."
Russia sighed at this. Sure, the nation had been rather stubborn during the time that he'd taken care of him, but he certainly wasn't expecting America to blatantly refuse to go to a meeting. Despite the rather childish refusal however, Russia decided that it would be best to at least try and convince America to change his mind, "I know you don't want to go. You have a responsibility though. It will only be for a couple of hours, Fredka. Afterwards, you won't have to worry about going to another meeting for an entire month."
"I said that I'm not going, and I don't care what you say."
"Fredka, all your boss is asking you to do is make a presentation based on the topic of the meeting, and take notes on what the other nations have to say. Really, you are lucky that he's being understanding towards your situation, and only expects you to do that much this month. Besides, if you don't attend the meeting, it will only cause a bunch of problems. Do you want some nation to assume that you're sick, and possibly try to attack your people and conquer you?"
"I doubt that would happen if you just told someone that I didn't want to come."
"That's not going to work, Amerika. Who's going to believe me? I've seen the looks they give me. I know they don't trust me. Saying that would only cause the nations that care about you to get angry, and possibly obtain the bravery to interrogate me and find a way to make me miserable for 'hurting' you."
After hearing that, America couldn't help but feel guilty about all of the times he openly put Russia off as some horrible villain. After taking a moment to think about what Russia said could happen if he didn't attend the meeting, all he could think to say in response was, "Russia, I really don't want to go."
"Amerika, can you at least tell me why you don't want to go? Maybe I can help you."
America hesitated for a moment, before saying, "Some of the nations don't listen to my ideas anymore, so I don't really see any point in sharing them. Even my boss is telling me that my presentations are starting to seem subpar."
Russia tried to come up with a way to respond that wouldn't seem too offensive. Obvious uncertainty towards how the young nation could interpret his words could easily be detected in his voice, "Well, he is right about you needing some practice expressing your ideas."
As soon as America gave him a hurt expression, Russia couldn't help but feel even more guilty for what he just said. The shock in America's tone certainly didn't help, "What, you too?"
"Nyet, it's nothing to be upset about," Russia began to think hesitantly for a way to reassure his love interest, as if he was an older sibling trying to prevent a younger sibling of his from crying, in the fear of being punished, "You are capable of doing a decent job expressing your ideas. You just need a little help."
For a moment, America remained silent, before turning away from Russia, and saying, "Oh well, it shouldn't matter whether or not I'm good at making presentations anyways, because I'm not going."
Russia stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. He knew that America would have to attend the meeting, and obviously being forceful with him was not an option. For one, that simply wouldn't work out anyways, as America would put up a fit, and everyone would become suspicious of Russia. Another reason why he couldn't be forceful was because he didn't really find it necessary, but instead, hurtful. America was all grown up, and would never deserve such treatment unless he was causing harm to himself or others. He wanted the young nation to feel as if he at least had control. Yet, it seemed as if being forceful, or resorting to other drastic measures, such as sharing something terrible that had happened to him in the past was the only way to make America listen.
Then, after a few more moments of thought, he realized something. Ever since he'd been willing to make himself more vulnerable in America's presence, and told him about his own depression, and what had caused it, the young nation seemed to be a lot more respectful towards him; even going as far as to ask Russia if he was okay a few times the day after he broke down and became a trembling mess in his arms. Perhaps America would be willing to actually listen for once if he gave him just one more reason to go, and a bit more reassurance. Therefore, Russia decided to walk over to the seemingly overly skeptical nation, and told him, "Fredka, I'm sure that the others wouldn't immediately shoot down your ideas. They just expect a lot from you, because you proved that you are capable of doing a lot for the world, and for yourself. You did gain your independence, and sure, you needed help, but it was still admirable. Sometimes, I think they forget that you are still a child compared to the rest of us."
After that was said, America turned to look at Russia, all of the anger from his expression completely gone. However, Russia didn't seem to be finished, "All you have to do is make a few decent presentations, and maybe try to talk a few problems over with some of the nations, and I'm sure that things will be fine. If everything gets resolved, and if there is still someone pestering you for no reason, I will deal with them."
America's eyes suddenly widened at the last comment as he inquired, "What do you mean 'you will deal with them'?"
"Don't worry about it," Russia stated, "I will make sure that they learn to not bother you. It will be fine."
"Russia, I really don't like the sounds of that. Can you please not do what I think you're going to do?"
Russia couldn't help but frown at the worry on America's face. With a sigh, he decided to pull the young nation into a hug in an attempt to reassure him, and said, "But we can't have children that can't play nice."
"Russia!"
A sudden emptiness began to fill his chest when he felt America tense up in his arms. He didn't understand why the young nation thought that a simple punishment towards the ones who decided to hurt him would be so terrible. Surely it wouldn't cause the nations too much harm. The fact that America seemed to be acting as if such an action would be traumatizing only made him more confused and upset. He didn't want to traumatize anyone, he just wanted everyone to get along (even though he sometimes did enjoy listening to the other nations argue), and for his love interest to be happy. Eventually, he finally suppressed a sigh, and told America, "If you're really this upset about me punishing them, I won't do it."
At this response, America seemed to be much more relieved. However, there still seemed to be a slight twinge of mistrust within his demeanor. Russia shrugged it off anyways. As long as he did his best to not upset the young nation, he was sure that things were going to be fine.
Russia spent a few more days with America, making sure that the two of them were both properly prepared for the meeting. Of course, while he was helping out America, Russia was willing to respect any private information the young nation and his boss had. Instead, he chose to help him out with things such as teaching him how to act more professional while he was presenting his ideas. At first, he found the fact that America was wiling to accept his help in the first place to be quite surprising. Even if there were a few times when America seemed to be somewhat annoyed when Russia pointed out that he was doing something wrong.
The way to the country in which the meeting would be held didn't seem to cause America too much stress. The young nation, in fact, seemed to find the passing scenery to be quite interesting. He did look quite disappointed when both him and Russia finally didn't have to travel in anymore vehicles for the day, and would instead be stuck in a hotel room for the rest of the night (they'd arrived at the country they were headed for rather late in the evening).
However, instead of letting himself stay upset over some minuscule disappointment, America decided to review his notes for his presentation, since he was paranoid of the possibility of messing up. He'd spent two hours reviewing notes, until the exhaustion from traveling and staying up later than he usually did (Russia was usually an early riser, so he it was becoming a habit for him to start waking up and going to bed early) finally hit him. It didn't seem to take too long for Russia to figure out that America was extremely tired, as he would glance at him every five minutes to see how he was doing. As soon as he did notice that America was trying his best to stay awake, he suggested, "Why don't you go to sleep now?"
Exhaustion seemed to cause America to nearly mumble his response, "I can't. I'm still reviewing my notes."
Russia decided to walk over to the desk America was sitting at, and wrap his arms around the young nation as if he was about to pick him up, "I'm sure you will do just fine. Just get some rest now."
It didn't seem as if America was going to protest, as he began to snuggle against Russia. Russia decided to take this as permission from the young nation to carry him to bed and tuck him in. As soon as he was sitting down on a bed, he removed America's glasses and laid him down so that his head was resting on Russia's lap (of course, that wasn't necessary in the slightest, but he knew that America was in no state to really care about where he fell asleep, and he didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to have the young nation's head resting on his lap). Once it seemed as if America was in a comfortable position, he pulled the blanket over the young nation's form, and began to stroke his hair until he fell asleep.
While America continued to sleep with his head rested on the older nation's lap, Russia almost always had his attention on the scarf he was knitting. Sometimes, when he needed to take a short break, he would gaze at America, only to admire just how beautiful the nation was. He knew it was obsessive. Everything about his love for the young nation was obsessive, and would probably be considered pointless to everyone who wasn't him. Sometimes, he tried to think of a reason for why he loved America so much, and sure, he'd come up with quite a few. Although, to him, the reasons never seemed to be enough to explain his great amount of affection. He could've easily found another nation that was as loud as America, or that had such young energy. The reason why used to disturb him quite a bit back when he thought that he would never have a chance with America, but at that moment, he wondered why it would even matter. America didn't mind his company, and seemed to enjoy being cuddled by him now, and Russia was completely happy with that. Not even the thought of that being the most he could ever have from the young nation bothered him.
After what seemed to be half of an hour of having America snuggle with him, Russia eventually began to grow drowsy, and decided to set the scarf he was working on on top of the night stand before carefully (as to not wake the young nation up) placing America to his side of the bed. As soon as he readjusted the blankets, Russia turned off the lamp, and snuggled under the covers so that he could pull America against his body, and cuddle with him some more before finally drifting off to sleep.
Russia awoke the next morning to find that America was still sound asleep in his arms. At first, all he wanted to do was cuddle with America for the first hour of the day, but then he remembered that they had to attend a meeting. Russia glanced at the clock to find that both he and America had about one and a half hours to prepare for the meeting and arrive there. Therefore, he decided to slide out of bed, and start gently shaking America awake, "Amerika, it's time to get ready for the meeting."
America furrowed his eyebrows with annoyance, and mumbled with a sleepy voice, "No, I don't wanna."
Of course, America was being stubborn about waking up as usual. The stubbornness wasn't necessarily enough to bother him though, as he turned on the lamp in order to cause a slight discomfort for America, "Come on, Amerika."
Deciding that he wasn't going to be able to have another minute of sleep, America decided to wake up in order to prepare for the meeting. After reviewing his notes one last time, eating some breakfast, and taking care of his hygiene, he began to head for the meeting with Russia. America couldn't help but be relieved to find that they were some of the earliest nations to the meeting. Sure, that meant that more attention would likely be drawn to him as he walked toward his seat, but due to his current state, he felt much safer in a small group of people, rather than a room full of at least ten.
Since everything was practically silent (aside from the indistinct conversation a couple of nations would sometimes have), America decided to use the time to brace himself for his presentation, and remember what Russia had told him about how he should present himself (according to Russia, there had been some times when America had been able to do so properly during a few meetings in the past, but he always had trouble remembering exactly what he did right that time, and well, what he was supposed to do in the first place).
Thinking about how he would execute the presentation, however, caused him to start thinking about what could go wrong. Then he began to think about his notes, and came up with some flaws that would cause everyone else to put his presentation off as yet another unintelligent snafu. America immediately pulled out his notes to try and correct where he thought that he went wrong, and at first, the errors he saw were only minuscule things, such as there being too many pointless explanations, or that what he was planning on communicating to everyone else didn't at all seem well thought out. Unfortunately, as time passed by, the flaws that he continued to absentmindedly come up with only seemed to become vaster. Eventually, he ended up pushing his notes aside, and trying too look away from them as if he was trying to pretend that they never even existed. Meanwhile, he started to listen to his invasive thoughts, There's no way that they'll actually listen to that idea, even if it was my boss who can up with it. He actually knew what he was talking, I'm just too much of an idiot to actually make the idea even seem the slightest bit intelligent.
Then, he flinched when he felt someone rest their hand on his shoulder. At first, he was reluctant to make eye contact with whoever was touching him, but he eventually decided that not looking would only make things seem awkward, and turned his head to find out who it was. He tired his best not to jolt with shock when he found England staring at him with what seemed to be concern. As if he couldn't be more muddled by the situation, England asked, "Are you feeling alright."
America turned away from England, "I'm fine."
"Are you sure? You just seem so frustrated."
America wanted to start lashing out at England right there and then for caring, but instead, he just replied with a simple, "Yes, I'm fine."
Obvious uncertainty could be heard in England's voice, "Okay."
As England sat down in his seat, next to America, he glanced at the young nation as if he was trying to determine one last time whether or not America was alright. Meanwhile, Russia couldn't help but bristle with envy when he saw England show America some concern (or at least, he tried to mentally deny the fact that he was jealous, since he found such an emotion to be quite foolish). After a while, however, he was able to push the emotion away. What right did he have to be angry with England when he was merely trying to help America? It wasn't as if England showed any interest towards the young nation either. Really, Russia had no reason to be jealous of anyone, as America seemed to show no interest in anyone, and no one but him, showed interest in the American, and with that in mind, Russia couldn't help but feel both relieved and somewhat embarrassed at the same time.
At last, the meeting finally began. Although, Russia couldn't necessarily say that it seemed as if things were going to great for America. The poor nation looked as if he was about to have a heart attack with how nervous he seemed to be. As much as he wanted to pull America out of the meeting room, so that he wouldn't have to deal with the stress, he knew that the young nation would have to do his job of representing a country. It sort of made him wonder why America was acting so nervous in the first place. After all, America had spent hours just revising his notes; even throwing old plans out to start all over again with something that he thought would work much better. Really, with so much time and effort, America should've felt more confident about his work. Unless of course he'd become so much of a perfectionist to the point that he wasn't willing to accept any of his hard work, and therefore, would consider it incomplete.
Russia certainly hoped that that was not the case. He absolutely abhorred the thought of the young nation just throwing away all of his progress just because he thought that the presentation wasn't able to meet anyone's standards.
Eventually, when it became America's turn to present, the nation just so happened to deny the fact that he had anything to share. This lead to a few other nations being upset with him, but much to the young nation's surprise, some of them either didn't care, or seemed to have expected it. He didn't know whether to feel relieved by this, or offended. However, it didn't seem as if either of those emotions would matter much, for once he saw Russia give him a glare of disapproval, he immediately, felt horrible for what he just did.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem as if America could easily recover from that glare. Usually, he didn't take such actions to heart (depending on the situation, of course), but Russia had been there for him during the past few weeks, and really seemed intent on having America share his presentation. His former rival had even taken some time out of his day to help him out, and well, give him a reason to go to the meeting in the first place. He really wasn't sure what Russia was going to do or say once the meeting was over.
While every other nation became excited once the meeting was finally over, America couldn't help but only feel dread for what was to come. He was sure that Russia wouldn't do anything drastic, but he still wasn't thrilled with the fact that the northern nation still seemed to be angry with him. Of course, there was still the option of simply avoiding a confrontation. In fact, he had the chance to just flee from Russia, and flee from the rest of the nations so that he could find a place to hide. Yet on a second thought, that plan didn't seem as if it would work out to well. If he started to suddenly dart, everyone, even the strangers he knew that he would never meet in the city, would become suspicious of him. Unless of course, he sprinted out of the building first, and then pretended that he was jogging so that the strangers would just assume that he was exercising, and not running for his life. Sure, jogging would make it a lot easier to for someone to catch him, but it wasn't as if someone could stop him from evading their company in the middle of public. For a moment, America actually considered doing this, but then he realized that that seemed to be a complete overreaction to the situation.
As soon as he was in a hallway that seemed to be completely deserted, aside from Russia, who had been following him, he stopped walking when he noticed that Russia had halted to turn and face him. America didn't dare to turn and meet his gaze when Russia started to say, "Why didn't you present?"
There was a long pause, as Russia seemed to be waiting for America to respond. However, once Russia realized that it didn't seem as if America was going to do that, he continued, "You put so much time and effort into your presentation, and yet you still refused to share it. The only thing you achieved today was making everyone angry with you. Why?"
It was obvious that America was hesitant to respond, "Because I was nervous?"
"Nervous?" Russia seemed to slightly raise is voice at this response, clearly outraged, "You had no problem presenting before. You spent so much time preparing for the meeting. I even helped you prepare, and you were still feeling nervous about this? Why didn't you just tell me!? You knew that I could have helped you with that."
"Yes," America spoke, his speech seeming rushed, as if he just wanted to end the conversation, and be somewhere else, "I know I'm an idiot. I always screw everything up. Can we stop talking about this now?"
"Fredka, I never said that."
"Hey, what's going on here!"
Both Russia and America flinched when they heard someone yell. Much of their surprise, they found that that certain someone happened to be Canada. Always putting him off as someone who tried to avoid yelling, America wondered why his seemingly shy brother suddenly decided to act so bold. Despite the fact that Russia seemed to be even more shocked (America assumed that he either didn't recognize Canada at all, or thought that another one of him appeared somehow, and that he was hallucinating; which really wouldn't have surprised him, since people seemed to have an irritating inability to notice the, what he considered, obvious differences between him and his brother), he didn't take a step back when Canada started approaching him, as if he was ready to confront someone of convicting some horrible crime, "What are you trying to do to my brother?"
Clearly offended by the confrontation, Russia decided to defend himself, "I didn't do anything wrong. I was only trying to help him."
"Help him!? All I saw was you yelling at him! And I would appreciate it if you stopped trying to antagonize him when there's clearly something bothering him right now!"
As Russia and Canada continued to argue, America was finding it increasingly difficult to hold back his tears. He felt as if everything that was going on was all his fault. All he had to do was present something to the rest of the nations for ten minutes, but instead, he decided to be a complete 'idiot' and make things more complicated than they needed to be.
What seemed to be five minutes of non-stop arguing passed by, before Russia suddenly stop in mid speech to look over at America. The young nation seemed to be facing in the opposite direction from both him and Canada. Now feeling concerned for America's emotional state, Russia decided to approach the American to see if he was all right. His concern only grew when he noticed that America seemed to be crying. Immediately, after discovering this, Russia decided to pull the young nation into a hug. At first, he stayed silent, as he gently stroked America's hair, in hopes of calming him down. Then, once the young nation seemed to have regained most of his composure, he told him in a voice that was almost a whisper, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to seem so harsh. But you have to understand that these meetings are important, and that you can't just blow them off like that."
America retorted, "I know they're important."
"Then stop skipping the chance to present something."
Meanwhile, Canada couldn't help but feel somewhat awkward, and ashamed. For one, it didn't seem as if he had the right to view such a touching moment. Secondly, it didn't seem as if Russia was trying to cause America any harm or annoyance at all. Surely, his brother would've been pushing Russia away if he didn't want the other nation around. After all, America wasn't a push over.
Eventually, by the time they seemed to have things settled, Russia pulled away from America, and said, "Why don't we go now?"
For a moment, America glanced over at Canada. He really did miss spending time with his brother, and things seemed to be pretty lonely at Russia's house. Before they began to walk out of the building, America asked, "Wait, can Mattie stay with us for a while when we're at your place?"
Russia turned to look at Canada (he couldn't say that he wasn't surprised to see that someone seemed to remember is name for once), and at first, the Canadian wasn't sure if Russia seemed too fond of the idea. Despite the fact that he was now remembering how intimidating Russia could be, Canada tired to keep his voice even as he explained, "H-hey, I know that I must have made you extremely upset not too long ago, s-since I unfairly blamed you and what not, but I really want to know what's going on with my brother. He didn't seem to be acting right during this past two meetings, and I want to see if I can help out with the problem."
Then suddenly, Russia smiled. It was almost as if the nation had completely forgotten about the fact that they were arguing in the first place, as he replied, "Of course you can, Matvey."
Then, before turning to leave with America, he added, "I'll tell you everything that's going on once we're there, okay?"
A storm of emotions struck Canada as he thought about the current situation. He was happy that he would be able to see his brother for a while (that is, if his boss would let him, which he was sure he would be allowed to if he explained his concern), worried about what he theorized about what was going on, and shocked that Russia had let him come over, even when they were just having a heated argument. He was also shocked by the fact that America was letting Russia of all people comfort him. Even if he still did feel uncomfortable in Russia's presence, he still couldn't help but draw a conclusion from the situation; perhaps Russia really wasn't such a terrible individual after all.
