Chapter 9
The Boys' Last Stand
It was the Japanese festival of Girls' Day. Even though this story for all intensive purposes is American: it uses dollars, bla, bla, bla, but let's face it. After Canada and Mexico, we are coming after you, Japan! Er… yeah. Anyways, let's see what Gaara thought of this whole thing. He was currently hitting his head on the bed of his hotel room, technically his home.
"I hate this day, I hate this day, I ate this hay, I bait this pay, I rate this May, a torque this way, all work no play, all work no play makes Jack a dull boy…" muttered Gaara, his thoughts slowly becoming less coherent.
-MEANWHILE, WITH LEE AND SAKURA…-
"Okay, where are we going first, princess?" asked Lee.
"I told you to go away already, Lee!" said Sakura. "Gaara is going to bend to my every whim and need!"
"But… I'm faster! Speed shopping!"
"Gaara's stronger! He can carry more stuff!"
"I'm more devoted to you!"
"I'm more devoted to him!"
"He won't help you!"
"He's required to by law+ He'd be banished to the gay community on his old town+ Ewww…+"
: This is not a true statement, as it is not under federal law, but rather common law; by the Konoha National Convention of February 24????, this is therefore not considered by the term law, and rather as a simple piece of common decency, though there is some significant legislation pending to change this. As of yet, though, it is still considered to not be law, regardless of the fact that it entails consequences enforced in order to keep the people in line.
: This statement is even lower in truthiness.
: This is a true statement.
"…You've proved your point…"
"Now to find dear Gaara."
-GAARA'S HOTEL…-
"Helloooooo!" Sakura said.
"-Beep-noooooo!" Gaara mocked.
"Sakura grabbed Gaara's arm and pulled him outside as he screamed and kicked.
-MALL…-
"Let's go to American Eagle!" Sakura commanded.
"No. Books a Million," responded Gaara simply. "A new Splinter Cell novel is out."
"Do you want to live with those gay people?"
"No… I've lived with one my whole life and I can't stand that one…"
"Oh my gosh, Temari is that way?"
Gaara just sighed and started walking toward the dreaded clothing store.
-AMERICAN EAGLE… WELL, KONOHA EAGLE I GUESS…-
Sakura was throwing clothes to Gaara, slowly making a huge pile in his arms. "Oooh! Nice shirt! Sweater! Hip huggers! Shorts! Jacket-"
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You've already covered all four seasons! You must be done!" Gaara complained.
"Here at least! Next: Ninjas' Foot Locker!"
"Wait, that's not really a clothing sto-never mind!"
"I need some new shoes. Next we'll go to… heehee… VS!"
"Victoria's Secret?"
"No! The vintage shop! I love Red Skelton!"
-STREET CORNER, 10:12 A.M.…-
"She told me to wait here two hours ago…" On the roof above Sasuke, the one who just spoke, was a huge stereo blasting out random 80's songs. Strangely, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" kept repeating.
-SAME CORNER, 12:12 P.M.…-
The song was still playing and it was driving Sasuke mad. He ran up the wall and threw the stereo back down to the sidewalk from its location on the corner of a roof. He then jumped down and stomped on it for five minutes, started up Chidori, and sliced the shattered remains into tiny little itty bitty bits of plastic.
"-BEEEEEEP- YOU!" Sasuke yelled in his bout of rage.
During this whole time, the girl who told him to wait had walked up, then turned around, then ran. Gaara, unlike her, was taking notes.
-SPA AND LOUNGE…-
"Neji… For the last time, my upper back!" complained Tenten.
"Would you SHUT UP!" Neji complained.
"Do you want to be exiled!"
"Better than having to tolerate you!"
"…And live in a gay community?"
"…Your upper back, was it?"
-ICHIRAKU…-
"Aaah… this is nice… No one I have to hel-"
"Help me!" said that girl at Ichiraku, interrupting Naruto.
"Why can't you get your husband to help!"
"HA HA! Husband? That squinty fellow that works with me? HECK NO! Come on, these floors are very dirty!"
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"No."
"Yes!"
"Hmph! Off you go."
"You're dessspicable."
-BACK WITH NEJI…-
"I'd like my foot massage…" Tenten said.
"I'd like my dignity back…" Neji mocked.
"Get with it…"
"Get with it…"
"Now…"
"Now…"
"Are you mocking me?"
"Are you mocking me?"
"Hush!"
"Hush!"
"I'm a girl and I am gay."
"I know."
-SASUKE, 1:15 P.M.…-
"WHERE IS THAT GIRL!" he yelled. "Wait… this is good… Off to fight/kill Sound ninjas!"
"ALL WHO LEAVE CITY WALLS WILL BE BANISHED TO THE POKEMON WORLD FOR ONE MONTH!" blasted the speakers just as Sasuke left. How inopportune…
-CITY HALL…-
"Hmm… a breach. Go and send the refugee to the Pokemon world, breach monkey," commanded Tsunade to Jiraiya.
"Must you call me that!" he complained.
"Yes."
"Look. If it's about those flat comments I made when we were younger…"
"Prank monkey… Follow and laugh!" Shizune commanded to Iruka.
"Must you call me that?"
"Yes."
"Look. If it's about those follower comments I made yesterday…"
-FOREST, 1:25 P.M.…-
"You're busted," Jiraiya announced to Sasuke, who was currently in front of him. Before Sasuke could respond, Jiraiya had already used Crossover no Jutsu.
-REC CENTER, 2:25 P.M.…-
The entire group of boys finally got a small break in the tiny center.
"…Too bad about your city being destroyed… you hardly had any time to be…" Naruto started, soon snickering, "KAZEKAGE! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"At least I'm going to be Hokage…" Gaara stated.
"And how do you know that?"
"Let's just say… I made a 'deal' with Plastic Surgery Lady…"
-KONOHA HALL, 4 DAYS AGO…-
Sand particles were floating throughout the building. Waves of sand were looming behind Gaara.
"Now who's going to be the next Hokage!" Gaara asked Tsunade in a demented voice.
"Naruto! I'll fight back if you attack me! This will be a fair fi-" A huge wave of sand slammed right into her and slammed her against the wall before she could finish. Half unconscious, she added his name to her will.
-BACK WITH THE BOYS…-
"That stinks…" Naruto muttered.
"People… people… task at hand! What are we going to do? We have to escape… If I have to touch Tenten's feet one more time, I swear I will cut them off! Ugh… how to escape…" pondered Neji.
"…Or rebel…" added Gaara.
"Come on… it's just about six hours and thirty min-REVOLUTION!" yelled Naruto.
"Shut up Naruto. But we will strike at six… Weigh them, it is as heavy; conjure with 'em, 'Brutus' will start a spirit as soon as 'Caesar.'" The rest just stared, to which he responded, "What? Can't I make obscure Shakespeare references?"
-STREET CORNER, 2:45 P.M.…-
A different stereo from eh one that Sasuke brutally mutilated broadcasted a message of "Fifteen minutes until the pageant!"
-CHUUNIN EXAM BUILDING, 3:00 P.M.…-
The only one watching this slam fest in the group was Jiraiya, finding some probably perverted entertainment in this all. Tsunade "accidentally" knocked down the bleachers Ero-Sennin was sitting on.
-THREE HOURS LATER…-
Assuming the girls were done (they weren't), the boys (excluding Gaara, who deserted at the last minute, and Kankurou, who was still in jail) started running through the streets, trying to get some much-deserved payback. "The Boys are Back in Town" started playing in all of the speakers. It would be very dramatic, if the broken stereo hadn't been running on five gallons of oil. The boys slipped right outside the walls and right into the Pokemon world.
-11:59:59 P.M.…-
Gaara smirked and stepped outside the city walls and was sent off. But that was a whole other story, the "Naruto-Pokemon Collision Course."
To be continued in Chapter 10,
"Three Residences and an Announcement"
