Chapter Nine

~Bella~


Where was I?

I knew I was not in my bed; my sofa bed was not this comfortable.

As I slowly woke, I felt arms around my body. Strong, safe arms, engulfing me, and protecting me.

And then I remembered.

Edward.

I was with Edward, in his bed. His arms were around me. His breath was on my neck.

I felt safe.

I slowly opened my eyes and was met with his green eyes, looking at me. As soon as I saw him, I felt relaxed.

"Hi," I whispered. "You stayed with me."

"Of course I did," he said. "I wasn't going to leave you." He pulled me back in his arms and I went willingly. "How did you sleep?"

"Okay. I felt safe," I confessed.

"Good," he acknowledged. "Bella, I know it's not easy… but do you think you can tell me what happened last night?"

I flinched in his arms, but I knew if I could tell anyone what happened, it was Edward.

I took a deep breath, blew it out, and then I gripped his arm.

"I was on stage," I began. "I noticed there were a couple of guys standing on the one side. I looked around to make sure none of the other girls were near them, so I made my way over. They had money in their hands, and since it was a slow night, I decided to dance for them. I moved closer and squatted down; at first they were just talking to me, asking me open my legs, which I did."

I started to sob again, but he didn't let go of me, he just kept holding me through it.

"They gave me money and started asking me to show them under my skirt; I didn't, and the one guy reached out to touch my leg. I slapped his hand away, because when we're on stage, customers are not allowed to touch us. He didn't like that, so he grabbed my ankles and made me fall, and then… he pulled me towards him so he was between my legs."

My tears were intensifying as I recounted everything.

"I tried pushing him away from me and finally the bouncer came and kicked him out of the club. After my shift, I went in the dressing room to change, only I forgot my clothes. I knew I had to walk home in my costume, which I didn't like to do. When I got outside, he was waiting for me. He started calling me names and telling me I owed him his money's worth. I tried to run away, but he…grabbed me and dragged me back to the dumpsters where he started… hitting me."

My sobs were worse now.

"It's okay, I'm here," he soothed me. "It's okay, Bella."

Pulling myself together, I continued.

"He forced my legs apart and tore my underwear, and then I heard him lowering his zipper. I begged him not to, but he told me it's what I do and I was going to take it like a whore. I felt him there, he was about to… rape me, but people walked by and he got scared and ran off."

Edward took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"I probably deserved it," I muttered.

"What?" he asked as he moved our positions so he could look in my eyes.

"Bella… you did not deserve this."

"Why not? I teased him when I was on stage," I cried though my tears.

"That does not give him, or any man, the right to hurt a woman."

But that's all I'm used to, starting with my stepfather, I thought to myself.

"But I'm a stripper—a whore, like he called me—it's what I do. I sell myself for sex. I dance half naked in front of these men for money, so if they don't get what they paid for…"

"Just because you do what you do does not make you any less of a woman," he said, cutting me off. "It does not make you any less deserving of respect from men." I looked away from him and wiped at my eyes. "Look at me." I looked up.

"You did not deserve this; it was not your fault."

He pulled me to him and wrapped me tighter in his arms. As I was in his arms, I wanted to know if he meant what he said. I wanted to know if all men were the same. Men only ever wanted one thing from me. First Phil, then a boy in high school, then James and every other man that walked in the club.

I wanted to know if Edward was different.

I then shifted my weight so I was on my back. Edward stayed beside me on his side. I raised my hand up to his neck and stroked him there; his hand remained flat on my stomach.

"Edward… I need…"

"What, Bella?" he asked me. "Tell me."

"I need… please, kiss me, Edward."

"Bella…"

"Please, I need to feel you… please," I begged.

I saw the hesitation in his eyes, but then he licked his lips and leaned down to kiss me.

It was slow in the beginning. My hands moved to his shoulder and I opened my mouth to him so I could taste more of him. We both moaned when our tongues made contact for the first time. Our kiss became more passionate as I moved my hand down his hard chest and then I reached under his t-shirt. I needed to touch his skin, to feel his warmth on my fingertips. Edward groaned as I touched him. I felt his hand on my hip and then I moaned when I felt him rub my bare thigh. He hitched my leg over his hip and moved more towards me, making me squirm under him. As he moved, I felt his hardness through his pants; it made me moan into his mouth.

I never felt like this before. I never felt like I wanted to be with a man before. I always felt like it was a job. But with Edward, I was feeling something different; I was feeling him and he was gentle. These feelings scared the fuck out of me.

This was new to me. I was used to rough and straight to the point. This was slow. I wanted to feel more.

I gripped his hair to pull him to me. I wanted to feel his weight on me, but then he pulled back.

"Bella… we can't," he said looking at me.

"You don't want me?" I asked him. Why else would he have pulled away?

"You have no idea how much I want you," he admitted. "But you've been hurt and you need to heal." I looked away from him, but then he moved my chin to look back at him. "I don't want you just for sex; you mean more to me than that."

Then something inside me of clicked. There was no way Edward and I could be anything to each other; we were too different. I was a stripper and he was a doctor, there was no way. I wasn't deserving of him, I wasn't going to be worth it to him in the end. He may say he wants me now, but when it comes down to it, I'm a stripper and I don't belong in his world. And he most definitely did not belong in mine. I couldn't bear to lose him; to lose him would kill me.

I was stupid to think even for a minute that this could be something. Even if Edward was different from all the others, I was still me, and there was no changing who I am and what I do.

I had to go. I had to be the one to walk away. I had to be the one to walk out on him before he could walk on me. Because eventually he would, just like everyone else in my life; he would leave when he realized I'm not good enough.

"I don't want to mean more to you!" I snapped, pulling away from him and getting out of bed. "I don't want to mean anything to anyone! Where are my clothes? I need to get out of here."

He got up out of bed and I looked away. I couldn't look at him.

"Your clothes were ruined. You can go into the spare bedroom—Alice left some clothes—and you can pick whatever you'd like. But Bella, please, I don't want you to go. Please stay."

"I can't," I said. God help me, I wanted to.

"Please, let me take care of you."

"I am not your Pretty Woman, Edward."

You can't save me. I can't be saved.

"I have never once treated you like that," he said to me. I could sense the change in his tone, which was for the best. He was pulling away. "I can't make you stay, and if you want to go, I won't stop you. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, unlike your customers."

He left the room and my tears spilled out of my eyes. He wasn't like my customers, I knew that, but this was for the best.

I walked down the hall, still crying, in search of some clothes. I found the guest room, and the clothes were where he said they would be. I got dressed quickly, grabbed my bag, and walked into the kitchen,

"I'll get the clothes back to you as soon as I can," I promised without looking at him. I couldn't.

"Don't worry about the clothes; Alice won't miss them," he said.

"I need the address here so I can call a cab."

"I can take you home, Bella," he offered.

"No," I quickly replied. "I'd rather take a cab."

"The address is 2201 Tacoma Way," he said, and then he handed me a bag.

"Take this; you'll need to change the dressing on your arm once a day. There are enough supplies in here to last you until it heals."

I took the bag from him and stuffed it in my bag. "Thank you," I choked out.

My cab arrived, and just as I was about to walk out the door, I turned back to him. "Thank you for helping me last night, and for the supplies." And then I turned around and walked out of his front door, and out of his life.

~*uCa*~

When I got home, I got into the shower, and as soon as the water hit my body, my tears raged. I sunk down to my knees and cried. Everything was hitting me: my whole life, and then what happened last night.

I thought I was going to die. Maybe it would have been better. But then Edward came and helped me. He took care of me. I have never been cared for like that in my life. No one has ever held me as I cried. I cried so many nights when I was a child and no one ever held me.

But Edward did. He held me all night long and he never let me go. He told me I was beautiful. He told me he didn't want me just for sex and then I pushed him away.

I pushed him far away.

It was for the best. I'm not worth it. I'm not good for him. I would only disappoint him.

I picked myself up off the shower floor and got dressed. I then reached for my cell phone and dialed the only other number I had in my phone besides Edward's.

"L'o"

I said nothing.

"Is there someone there?"

I placed my phone on mute. "Daddy," I said softly. "I miss you so much."

"Hello? Anyone on the line?"

"Do you miss me? Do you think of me? I feel so lost, Dad."

"Who's there?"

"I love you," I said, as I hung up the phone.

I laid back on my sofa bed and curled up. I reached under my pillow and pulled out a stack of letters and cards.

I haven't seen my father since I was five years old, since my mother took me from him. She filled my head with lies my whole life. She told me my father didn't want me and that he never tried to find me. She told me he never wanted me. And for a long while I believed her, until a week before I left her house, right after my high school graduation.

I was looking around in the basement for some pictures when I found the stack stuffed away in old blankets. There must have been twenty letters and birthday cards addressed to me, since I was six-years old, up until my sixteenth birthday.

Ten years of cards and letters, all from my father.

I tore open the last letter that was sent right before my seventeenth birthday.

Hello baby girl,

I can't believe you are going to be seventeen in just a couple of weeks. Feels like yesterday the nurse placed you in my arms. You were so tiny, so delicate, and as soon as you gripped my finger, I knew you were Daddy's girl.

I miss you so much, kid. I hate that your mother has kept me from you all these years. I have tried to get to you, to reach you, but every time I try, she succeeds in keeping you away. I don't even know if these letters have reached you, but writing them has helped me feel close you to, my baby girl.

I love you more than anything and I have to believe one day you will know the truth. You will know I have never stopped fighting for you. Not once.

Love,

Dad.

By the time I was finished reading the letter, I could barely see through my tears. I knew at that moment I had to get away from my mother and Phil. Then one night, my mother got so drunk she was passed out on the couch. I had just come home from a friend's house and Phil attacked me. He was drunk, so I was able to fight him off before he raped me. After that, I packed my bags and left.

After I left home, I went straight to Forks. When I got there, I waited for my dad to come home. When he finally did, I was so happy to see him. I wanted to run into his arms, but what I saw next stopped me and completely changed my course.

He never did see me that day.

The next thing I knew, I was in Seattle in need of money.

I clutched the stack of letters to my chest and fell back down on the sofa bed in tears, feeling more alone than ever.


A/N: Hmmm what did Bella see at Charlie's that made her change her mind? All will be revealed soon. So as you can see, Bella has not had an easy life, so its no wonder she has some trust issues. She's never really been loved and she's not even sure knows what love feels like... so give her a break, ok?

Working on the next two chapters. More of Garrett and Kate coming. Glad you are liking them as well.

Thanks for all the reviews and thanks to Chandrakanta for the Beta work. Come join my FB page Awish's Fanfiction and find me on FB RobKristen Love and on Twitter at Awish921.

See you all soon... leave me some love... XOXO