K, remember how I was apologizing for the long chapter last time? Yeah, this one's longer. sorrynotsorry
Disclaimer: All characters mentioned are property of...DC Comics or something? I actually don't know who owns them any more.
I took some creative liberties with Raven's backstory. I haven't read almost any of the comics, but I followed the story line as closely as I could, just with a few embellishments. It's not entirely accurate. Review Please!
"Focus, Raven. Find your center."
The child was barely seven years old. Her eyes were darker than they would be when she grew up; an inky blue that was close to black. Her hair was dark, unkempt, and tangled and her limbs seemed a bit too long for her body. She fidgeted under the stern gaze of the monk watching her.
"Why?"
The monk sighed.
"You know why, child."
"No I don't!"
Suddenly, passionate, she opened her eyes.
"You've told me I'm dangerous, you've told me I could do terrible things, but I can't! I can't do anything! I can't even leave here, I can't even find my mother, I can't make her look at me! If I had terrible powers, I could make people treat me like a kid instead of what…what this is."
Tears were streaming freely down her face, but her words were about as effective as her foot-stamping routine was. The monk sighed and shook his head.
"Child, you must calm your heart. Find control."
She shook her head.
"I won't! I WON'T! I…I…"
And for the first time, her eyes glowed red.
Raven didn't begin right away. First, she sent a tendril of dark energy into her room and grabbed an old book off the shelf. There was nothing spectacular about it. Unlike most of her collection, there were no runes carved into its spine, no arcane spells surrounding the cover. It was bound in plain linen, with no markings of any kind. It was her security blanket, and she hugged it to her chest, ignoring the thousands of shrieking complaints from her arms. Robin's gaze lingered on the book, but he didn't comment and she didn't offer an explanation.
"My mother was human. As human as you are, but she was unhappy. She joined a cult in Gotham when she was a little younger than we are, and…"
She paused to look at Robin, whose face was inscrutable.
"This is a long story."
"But one we both need to hear."
She nodded slowly, picking at her hospital gown in an entirely un-Raven like gesture.
"Arella was born Angela Roth. When she joined the cult, she was…convinced to take part in a ceremony intended to bring Trigon to earth. I don't know the details. I…didn't want to. I just know that they succeeded, but Trigon appeared in human form. Ang- Arel- my mother, she married him. Again, I didn't want the details when I talked to the monks."
"Monks?"
"They come in later. Anyway, Angela didn't truly believe she was marrying a demon. From what I understand, he seduced her, and they ended up husband and wife. After that, she found out what he really was, but she was already in too deep. He raped her."
She spat the words out through clenched teeth in an effort to keep her voice dispassionate. Even so, she had to stop for a moment and knot her trembling hands together in her lap. Robin, watching her, sensed that his interruption would only make this more difficult, and so he was quiet. He had never known much about Raven, and he was beginning to understand why. He was also beginning to understand something else, something he didn't want to confront. Not yet. Even so, it was hard to think of anything else as he looked at her eyes, shadowed and red-rimmed, and at the curtain of hair that partially hid her from view. After a few deep breaths, she began to speak again, sounding as though she had a bad head cold.
"When she found out she was pregnant, she knew what she was carrying."
Despite his previous intention not to interrupt, Robin shook his head vehemently.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't refer to yourself as a thing. You're a person."
She looked up at him, the anguish in her gaze piercing him for a fleeting moment before it was hidden again.
"Arella didn't think I would be. She tried to kill herself. Took a bunch of pills and collapsed in an alley. She didn't want the demon child, and she didn't want herself. Not after that."
She paused again there, and despite himself, Robin reached out and brushed a tear from her cheek. She glanced up at his touch, but didn't react as she normally would have (with a few choice expletives and a wall of dark energy). Instead, she took a deep breath and continued speaking, her voice very carefully stripped of all emotion.
"Instead of dying, she woke up on another dimension. Azarath. The monks there had been watching Trigon – and watching her. They were the ones that managed to imprison him in the first place. They took pity on my mother, and when I was born on Azarath, they took pity on me too. Well, I prefer to think they did. They also wanted to keep an eye on Trigon's spawn. They knew I was dangerous, you see."
She shook her head.
"Robin, I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't keep going. Not right now. Maybe not ever."
He had been listening with his head buried in his hands, but now he glanced up. Raven saw that he had removed his mask; it left small red marks around his eyes, the eyes that she so rarely saw.
"Okay. If that's all you can take, I understand."
She was distracted, fighting to control her wayward emotions, but she couldn't help feeling the compassion emanating from him. It wasn't tinged with pity. His level of respect for her wouldn't allow that.
"I know you do."
Her voice was soft, grateful. They sat in silence for another moment, during which Raven looked down at her hands and Robin looked at Raven.
"I understand, but…"
She sighed.
"But Trigon's threatening earth again and you need to know everything about him."
Her voice was bitter, but not resentful. She loathed her father for everything he had done to her, but she kept her secrets clutched to her chest. That meant, in large part, that she kept his secrets safe too. Robin placed his hands over hers, steadying them.
"I can find it somewhere else. I can't make you do this before you're ready."
She met his gaze, then looked back down at her lap.
"I've had three years, Robin. I don't think I'll ever be ready. So here."
She thrust the book at him and his hands closed around it instinctively.
"What is it?"
"The reason I don't let anybody in my room."
His eyes widened.
"Are you sure you want to give it to me?"
"No. But I don't have…he hasn't left me a choice. That's the diary I kept on Azarath. The monks told me I had to have a channel. It was a technique to keep my emotions in check. Not that it worked."
She shut her eyes briefly, shaking her head.
"You're going to feel a bit of what I felt as you read. It may be alarming at first, but it's just an imprint left by my uncontrolled powers. You're safe."
She felt him torn between concern for her and an eagerness to delve into the research he was so adept at. She smiled faintly.
"Go. I'm going to pass out soon anyway."
Richard hesitated, then squeezed her hand before crossing to the door.
"Robin?"
He paused, eyes worried as he looked back at her.
"I can count on you not to show that to anyone else, right?"
"Of course. And I can count on you not to die on me, right?"
"Maybe."
Yay! Some action to come...dundundun.
toastedCroissants: Thanks for the review, as usual, super constructive. I try really hard to keep the characters from the show. They're the ones I fell in love with. ;) Hope this chapter answered some of your RaeRob suspicions.
