Sorry for delaying an update. I admit to being distracted by video games. Anyways, here is my update. I hope you enjoy it and have a happy new year ! I would aso like to thank everyone who has read, enjoyed, reviewed, favorited, and followed me and/or my fics. It makes me happy to see that you like the stories I share.

Chapter 9

Red's POV

I had forgotten what it is like living in the Ark. Thinking back to the 'innocent' life I held as a child, it was bright and peaceful, quiet. There were no duties to tie me down. Often I found myself bored and lonely. How I filled the long hours with nothing to do…well, I sought comfort in the Noahs. Some were more receptive than others, and only a few were openly hostile to me. As an Exorcist now, I am still in a similar position. I have no missions to carry out; I am only supposed to watch over Bookman, nothing more. Leverrier might want me to spy for him, but that I would never do for him, no matter what punishment he wants to bequeath. I knew I could once again seek out the Noahs, this time without them avoiding me because Mana brought me here. No, this time, they would hate me for what I have done to their family member, Neah. In short, my days consist of nothing. I can only confine myself to this room, exercise, polish my weapons, and occasionally check on Bookman's progress.

You see this as a vacation, and yet you would do nothing? Bookman will probably ask me when he sees me in my room without doing anything. In response, I would say,

What am I to do? I know only how to do the tasks of an Exorcist.

I can imagine his disgust, his snort.

You have been under the command of others for so long that you have forgotten what it is like to be an individual, to think for yourself.

That is a sad truth, yet another way I have fallen. I cannot even remember what it is like to have a hobby, to laugh with happiness and joy, how to do something I wanted, instead of obeying and resisting. I have lost so much of myself that I even wonder why I keep living in this world. Perhaps it is instinct, or maybe that tiny fragment left from Allen still tells me to push on. Personally, I think it is the fear of meeting the demons of my past.

It is strange to be both 'empty' and 'full' of soul. I constantly war within, and yet there are many things I no longer care about. Is this what it is like to be broken?

I shook myself from these thoughts, rising to collect the uniform I had carelessly tossed to the floor yesterday after Tyki had visited me. I am much calmer now, like the dust that settles back down to the bottom of the river. He surprised me with his honesty, and that frightened me greatly. It had been so long since I came across someone who wanted me for any other reason than for my power and skill to kill, or as something they could use as a tool to curb their lust. Tyki, though I had initially put him in the latter category, did not even seem to have an inkling of lust when he spoke to me yesterday about attractiveness. He had spoken it honestly, without the same dark intentions others held for me. Tyki—I honestly do not know what compelled him to say those things when he obviously does not like me in the least. Maybe it is an inner desire he is not aware of, or maybe he is open to the possibility that we could be more. Either way, he represented a possibility of escape that I wanted to ignore. If we became lovers, even in the most unlikely scenario where we both love each other whole heartedly and were willing to do anything to stay together, it would not end well. I am…stained black. I am unable to be saved. Too many sins and crimes have been committed by my hands to even be allowed to touch him. Laws be damned, he deserves better than a relationship with a monster.

Damn it, Red, what are you thinking? I wondered silently, quelling all thoughts of Tyki. You can never involve yourself with him. He is a Noah, and he cannot find out that you are—no, were—Allen. The shame you carry, how far you have fallen. Do not let anyone see it!

After all, you need to pay the price one day, for the lives you have taken, the people you have betrayed and tortured.

I took those words to heart, the remnants of an old promise. I, like Kanda, would one day pay the price that all men pay: death. There was no escape.

I stuffed Crown Clown and Timcampy beneath the mattress of my bed ( it is not like they would be of any use against a Noah) and then made my way to the door of my room. I descended the steps of the stairs from my room and into the common room, the large (circular, if I recall correctly) room to which all of the other rooms of the Noahs connect to, and the hall way that led to the rest of the Ark. If I judged time correctly, it was about mid afternoon, a reasonable time period where several of the Noahs would gather in this room to socialize for a while. Some come and go; others rarely leave. Today I sensed my least favorite relatives from my past: Wisely and Sheryl. Luckily, my purpose here was not here to make small chat with them, but to make amends to Mana.

"Exorcist?" Wisely asked in surprise, taking notice of me before Sheryl had. "I must say, I did not expect to see you walking around here so soon. You have only been here since yesterday, after all. Will you be joining us for dinner?"

The mere idea of food turned my stomach. I do not eat much, though that problem was nowhere near as severe as my sleeping problem. Already, I have not slept in four days, while the last time I ate was yesterday.

"No," I answered simply. "I am merely passing through here to see Mana Walker."

"Are you sure that is wise?" the Noah of the Demon Eyes asked cryptically. "I know he does not like you very much, and Mana has a very cruel side, when people have messed with those he loves."

"Tyki Mikk suggested that I make amends with him," I replied. In the same general location of Wisely's voice I felt an irritated aura emerge.

"My little brother loves to stick his nose where it does not belong," Sheryl scoffed. "I would not trust his word. It will likely cause more harm than good. It would not surprise me if this small visit might even endanger your life."

You are being strangely nice, even if derisive in your tone Sheryl, I thought suspiciously. From my memories, Sheryl had never really liked me. In fact, he was one of the first to ask me to be 'deported' from the Ark.

"Thank you for your advice," I told Sheryl. "But I must argue. My life is continuously at risk, and the only difference is how I might die here. Believe me when I say that I would rather die at the hands of the Noah."

There was a span of contemplative silence from both men, as if they were processing my words with the utmost care and trying to decipher the meaning behind them. At last the older of the two spoke.

"Act at your own risk," Sheryl grumbled. "The room you are looking for is next to yours, and the stair case is to the right."

I bowed to them, an appropriate display of thanks to people of their status, and went up the stairs to Mana's room. Well, technically it was Neah's. They were simply sharing it at the moment.

As I started up these steps I could hear the soft hum of Wisely, and his whisper,

"Interesting…"

That one word made me wary, for it sounded as if he now had intentions of watching me from the shadows. He might even resort to questioning Bookman about these matters, and there was no way for me to teach the historian how to shield his mind from a mind reader in such a short amount of time.

I reached the top all too soon, and found myself reaching up to the door with a hesitant fist. I paused in the middle of knocking. Why? I am not entirely sure. Maybe I fear meeting him again, despite the fact we have spoken face to face already. It does not really matter. But I do have fear.

I knocked on the door anyways.

"We are not coming down for a family dinner," Mana all but snarled. His aura was filled with annoyance, hostility, and his signature stubbornness.

"I am here on another matter," I said softly, barely loud enough to be heard through the barrier between us. I briefly wondered if he remembered the sound of my voice. Considering the length it took for him to reply, and the new tinge of anger, I knew he did recognize it.

"Leave now," he said in a low and dangerous voice. "I am struggling to stop myself from killing you where you stand."

There was a foreign pain in my throat, burning in my eyes. I swallowed it all down.

"There are things we need to discuss," I told him. "I am not asking for forgiveness—that is impossible. I simply want you to understand my position and ignore me while I stay here."

"You do not know anything about me," he snapped. "What makes you say that I will not forgive you?"

"Would you forgive me?" I asked. There was a pause. I could hear the sound of footsteps, the door swung open.

"I would not," he growled angrily. "However I am willing to listen. Lulubell said the same damn thing, so you must have something important to share."

Thank you Lulubell, I thought to myself, grateful that she had calmed down her family members' anger towards me. At least to a more reasonable amount.

"Enter," Mana ordered, walking away. I obeyed, sensing the pale presence of Neah. He was strangely still, and his aura was neutral. As if he was not with us in this world. It made me slightly curious about the transformation the Noahs went through. I knew very little beyond the fact it consists of bleeding stigmata, fevers, and nightmares.

A hand touched my shoulder, warmth, familiar. Then it became firmer than I initially expected as it forced me down into a chair.

As hurt as I was, I did not let the opportunity to sleep. We were so close. I could smell his scent, feel his warmth. An urge to grab a hold of his sleeve filled me. For a moment I was taken back several years. I was a child again. Then—Mana spoke.

"I want you to answer my questions," he told me in a firm, harsh tone that promised pain and revenge if I did not obey. "You are not here to carry a conversation with me, and I do not want one with you. You simply need to answer what I ask, nothing more. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"And I do not want to hear lies," Mana added. I gave him an inclination of my head to show my acknowledgement.

"The only things I know about your position is that you are an Exorcist, and that Lulubell requested a Cardinal to bring me here. Explain how the exact relationship between a Cardinal and an Exorcist and how it concerns Lulubell," he ordered.

"Lady Lulubell made a request to Cardinal Link, who is my superior. He ordered me to carry out the mission, I obeyed," I explained dutifully, wondering why he was asking basic information that he had known beforehand. When he had taken me to the Ark to confront Lulubell, he had even asked me about who I was serving. Could he be testing me?

"So you do take orders. Surely you can refuse the mission and the orders?"

"I…can. But there are consequences," I admitted, starting to feel alarms. I came to the Ark without the intention of sharing the dark, true nature of the Exorcists and the Cardinals. Mana's interests seem to rest in that same area.

Can I make an exception with him? I wondered. Then I felt foolish. It would only matter if he cared about me. But he is a Noah; corrupt politics do not affect him, nor anyone he loves. Not when he is in the Ark.

"What do you mean there are consequences?" When he was met with silence, some of Mana's tension—anger, irritation, etc—bled away. "No, rather, explain to me what an Exorcist is. How do you become one? What defines an Exorcist? What are your missions?"

Damn, he knows what to ask.

"An Exorcist is a dog of the Cardinal. Any mission the Cardinal wants done, we do it. Bodyguard, simple political errands, occasionally spying…" I hesitated. "More frequently Exorcists are used for assassins, torturers, kidnappers. Some can even be used as a toy for their master's sexual desires, or as a whore to make money off of."

Just like Moa, I thought quietly. She had died from one of the diseases she caught from her master's 'friends'.

"What? You cannot be serious. Who would take that kind of treatment, do those things?" he demanded.

"Many are willing to do it for the pay alone. An Exorcist has no choice to obey. Unless he or she wants to be punished."

He became angry. "You just accept it then? You don't even fight back?"

"It is how we were trained. An Exorcist has to be trained a special way. It is…ugly," I said lamely, hating how I did the process no justice.

"But surely there have been Exorcists who rebel against the training," he persisted. "What happened to them?"

"They were punished. Or they received their due by the hand of the leader."

"What do you mean?" Mana asked.

"The only way to escape this life is to die," I told him honestly. And once you escape, you face the tormented souls you have wronged.

Mana's aura was hard to read, a mix of conflicting emotions at times could cancel each other out. I had no idea what he was feeling.

"I think I can understand your position a little more, but that does not mean I have accepted it. There is no reason why you had to obey that order to kidnap my brother. Why did you do it?" he demanded.

Because I did not want pain. Because it would force you to be closer. And secretly, I hated that you lived so peacefully while I lived in Hell.

"My mission was to bring you back here, and make sure that you stayed. Logic states that the best way is to use leverage. Mana Walker, you lived too leniently, too freely. It made you a creature of habit and it allowed me to find the correct leverage to use. It is not a personal mark against you," I lied. "It was purely professional."

I hesitated, sensing that he was done questioning me for now.

"I…would appreciate it if you told no one about the Cardinals," I told him quietly. "I am not afraid of punishment, but you must think about the others. How would they feel, knowing that their world is made up of such corruption? It is better to live in ignorance."

"I do not care about politics or you Exorcists," Mana snapped. "I simply wanted to know more about this position of yours."

"And?" I asked.

"I still will never forgive you. I my eyes, you are a bastard, and I hope you will reap what you sow," he said without hesitation. "However, I understand enough to not reap your life myself. To touch your black soul, no, your stained hands would be disgusting. I will not stoop that low to touch someone who epitomizes our laws' definition of a 'black existence'."

Once again, his words caused that peculiar tightening in my chest. It made me want to run away, hide from everyone else. Made me want to fall to my knees and tell him of my identity.

"So I shall live another day," I said softly.

"Knowing your kind, you will probably never die. No matter how many times you are crushed, you will rise again."

"That sounds like a compliment," I said, a little confused.

"It makes you a nuisance. Now get out of this room," he ordered. I stood up from the chair without another word, walking away from Mana. My hand had barely touched the door when he stopped me.

"Wait. What is your name?" he asked. Once again, this was an answer he already knew. But this time it did not seem quite like a test.

"Red," I answered.

"Then Red, your slate is not quite blank with me, but I will treat you as such. Do not do anything to remind me of what you have done," he warned me. I nodded.

"Yes sir."

Inside, there was a lighter spark in my chest. It was not a fresh start, and most likely never would be, but I had made amends with Mana. To know my own adoptive father would not kill me was comforting. It even gave me a small amount of hope that perhaps he could learn to like me.

I walked down the steps from his room, interrupting the conversation between Sheryl and Wisely as I made a short appearance. As usual, the mind reader was the first to take notice of my presence.

"So you actually managed to survive his wrath?" he asked with no small amount of amusement and interest.

"Did you make amends?" Sheryl wanted to know, seeming a little more friendly than Wisely at the moment.

"I am not sure," I replied honestly. "I think it would be more accurate to say that I may be able to make amends after this talk. Right now, I believe we have reached an armistice."

Sheryl's pleasure at hearing that was another, if not pleasant, surprise that day.

"Well, I am glad to hear that. Just be careful with that one. He is so stubborn that he often overlooks those things that may actually be good for him. Take baby steps, and I promise that one day he will see how great you are," Sheryl swore. I was inwardly taken aback.

"Pardon me, but you know nothing about me. How are you so certain that I will be 'good', or something 'good', to Mana Walker?" I asked.

"You could say that Sheryl has an eye for knowing things," Wisely explained. "He makes it his business to study the members of his family and what they have passions for."

"Yes, in Mana's case, he has a passion for bracelet making, something that may sound insignificant to an outsider. However, I recently learned that Mana has not made another bracelet since the last one. That bracelet was what he made for a child he took care of, but never gave it to the boy. Mana has held onto that bracelet ever since. I think he has a hole that he wants to fill, and I think you will be the perfect one to fill it," Sheryl explained.

My lips parted slightly.

Mana made a bracelet for me? I wondered. I did not really trust Sheryl's word, but a part of me wanted to think that was true. Just like a part of me wanted to think that Mana had suffered in my absence.

I remembered what he did then, how he abandoned me. That sad memory reminded me that both of those claims could not be true. Sheryl was, as always, simply being a busy body.

"I am sorry, but I am not the kind of person who can 'fill a hole'," I told him. "Excuse me."

I left them, wanting to escape. Escape I did, into the lonely room made for two, where only one person stayed.