South Park With An Odd Twist


The characters, events and references to persons, places or things in this fanfiction are nearly entirely fictional. There may be some portions of the aforementioned articles that are reality, however the majority is fiction. This fiction may have some qualities that appear to be slanderous, however no slander is intended with these pieces of writing.
Also, serious situations and circumstances may be dealt with in this fanfiction in a sense that may seem demeaning or naïve. All these things have been written with full understanding of the seriousness of the situation/circumstance and have not been taken lightly.
In conclusion, this fanfiction, much like the television show it is based off of has been written purely for humerous reasons. If one cannot deal with aforementioned appeared slandering and supposed naïve dealings with serious situations, it is advisable that one does not continue reading.
Due to such, as well as coarse language and potentially detailed horrific scenes, reader discretion is advised.


Episode 10: Sadako in South Park

"Holy shit, dude," Kyle gasped as the video before them stopped playing, "Where did you get that?"

"Shelly ordered it off the internet," Stan replied almost distantly, his eyes wide.

"That was way too boring! When you told me you had a movie you didn't tell me it was in Chinese!" Cartman whined as he stretched his muscles that were stiff from sitting still for so long.

"It's not Chinese, Cartman, it's Japanese!" Kyle corrected him, irritated at Cartman's nonchalant attitude when the movie had scared him a lot.

"Chinese, Japanese, all the same crap anyway." Cartman insisted as he grabbed the bowl of Cheesy Poufs off the floor to eat some more of them.

"How can you not be scared by that movie?!" Stan demanded suddenly, also noting the relaxed state of Cartman's actions.

"None of that shit's real. Those Japanese freaks are just trying to screw with our minds!" Cartman declared, refusing to believe that that movie could possibly have been real. He wasn't even sure why he'd agreed to watch it with them anyway, even after he found out that it was in another language. All those stupid-ass subtitles took so long to read he just gave up after a while and nearly fell asleep in the process.

"How do you know if it's real or not?! What if this movie is a warning from the Japanese about that Sadako girl?" Kyle took the bowl away from Cartman so he would pay attention.

"Aye! Give those back, damn it!" the fat boy snapped as Kyle took away his food source. "Just because you're chicken shit doesn't mean I have to be!" He was able to get a grip on the side of the bowl and began to try and pull it back.

"Nah-ah! Not until you pay attention and admit the movie scared you, too!" Kyle wouldn't believe that that movie hadn't scared Cartman, even if the language was foreign to them. He kept his hold tight on the edge of the bowl as Cartman pulled on the other edge; he wouldn't let go, especially not for Cartman.

"Give me my Cheesy Poufs!" Cartman pulled really hard on the bowl now, which caused Kyle to let go, however, since both had been pulling so hard on the bowl it caused Cartman's body to jerk when Kyle let go. This, of course, caused the Cheesy Poufs to go flying everywhere and rain down upon them. "Kyle! Look what you did, you stupid Jew!!" Cartman snapped viciously as he picked a few Cheesy Poufs off his hat.

"Like you need to eat more Cheesy Poufs anyway, you fat tub of lard!" Kyle snapped back, just as viciously.

"You guys! This isn't helping at all with the whole problem of Sadako!" Stan finally intervened, stepping over a pile of Cheesy Poufs to get between them. "We have to figure out how to defeat Sadako!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's just a bunch of bullshit?" Cartman continued with his theory.

"Well," Kyle said, ignoring Cartman completely, "In the movie, to not die they had to make a copy of that freaky tape."

"We don't have that tape though and there are already a lot of copies of this one," he pointed to the tape's box, which read Ringu. "If Sadako comes after us, we're going to have to find a way to defeat her without the tape!"

"But she can't be killed! She's already dead!" Kyle reminded him hastily.

"Well, you guys have fun figuring out how to destroy a person who doesn't exist." Cartman stood up now and stretched. "Cause screw you guys, I'm going home." As he said this, he of course did his pointing motions along with it before heading to the door.

"We don't need your help anyway, fat boy!" Kyle called to him as he left. Upon hearing the door slam, he turned back to Stan, "So, what are we going to do?"

"Maybe Chef will know what to do," Stan suggested, thinking that Chef seemed to know a lot about everything. It was odd, sure, but conveniently useful as well.

"Yah, that's a good idea. We can ask him tomorrow," Kyle agreed with this plan.

"Can it really wait that long? I mean, what if she comes after us in our sleep?" Stan asked, his eyes shifting around the room to look into the shadows as if she were hiding there at that very moment.

"It's getting late, dude. We shouldn't bug him," Kyle pointed out, looking at a clock in the room. It read nine o'clock at night. "I have to go home now anyway before my mom grounds me," Kyle stood up now, looking at the worried look on Stan's face.

"Alright…" Stan nodded apprehensively. He would have felt a lot better if he'd been able to talk to Chef though he knew Kyle was right. He too got to his feet and walked over to the VCR, pulling out the tape and putting it in its case. He heard Kyle say goodbye and mumbled a goodbye as well, but his eyes remained fixated on the movie in his hands.

xxx

Within the night, nothing transpired and one better believe Cartman rubbed that in their faces, declaring once again that his theory was right. As always, he especially made fun of Kyle, stating that all Jews were paranoid little pussies, but Kyle was the worst of them. During all this, Stan was fairly quiet, still thinking about the movie and how they could possibly defeat Sadako.

Musing over this through half the day, Stan was relieved when it came to lunch time, for then he could finally ask Chef what he thought they should do. However, all their waiting in line not only to get their food but also to see the black lunch man was in vain. There in Chef's place someone they'd never seen in their lives was standing behind the counter putting things on trays for the students. When it was their turn, they were greeted in a fashion that seemed so alien since Chef had always greeted them with "hello, children", but this person did the greeting differently.

"Hey, there, kids!" the man said in an overly cheery voice, which made them all cringe.

"Who the hell are you?" Stan demanded before he could stop himself from being rude to the stranger.

"I'm going to be your lunch man for the next few days while Chef is off," it was odd how this man was able to keep his cheery disposition and not take offence to what Stan had said.

"Where's Chef?" Cartman asked, as if he were afraid that this substitute was going to contaminate his precious meal.

"Chef's got the flu," the man told them, "My name is Neil, by the way," a grin was on his face as he said his name. Perhaps it was because he thought it was the greatest name in the world.

Disregarding the name, Kyle asked, "The flu? At this time of the year?" It seemed strange to him, but he guessed it could be possible considering the weather was pretty much the same all year round.

"Yes. Move along, kids. Others would like their lunches, too, you know," Neil urged them along and served the next children.

"That Neil guy is weird, I don't trust him," Cartman informed them of his opinion once they'd sat down. The fat child inspected each and every bit of his food with extreme care before finally taking a bite out of whatever happened to be in his hand.

"How could Chef get sick at such an important time?" Stan thought aloud, not taking even near the equivalent care that Cartman was taking with his food. "We'll have to go to his house."

"We can't do that, dude. We'd probably get sick, too. We'll have to figure this out on our own." Kyle took a drink from his juice box, watching Stan closely in his paranoia. "Dude, did the movie scare you that much? I mean, I'm scared to, but you look like you're going to shit your pants."

"I'm not going to shit my pants!" Stan nearly shouted at this accusation. He wasn't that afraid, but apparently more frightened than either of his friends.

"Okay, dude, calm down." Kyle said, shocked, barely aware that he'd just said 'dude' three times within the last thirty seconds or so.

"How can I be calm with a psycho girl out there, just waiting to kill us?" Stan was once again nearly shouting, however it was strained as he fought to keep his voice lowered.

"I told you guys before, there's no psycho bitch! Those friggen Chinese people are trying to screw with us!" Cartman told Stan again, using his spoon as though to point threatening at Stan as he did so.

"They're Japanese, Cartman," Kyle corrected him yet again.

"I don't care, goddamn it!" Cartman threw a death glare at Kyle and continued, "Whatever the hell they are, it's not real!"

"What do you know, Cartman? You've said a lot of things aren't real that are! Remember when you got anal probed by the aliens?" Kyle reminded him.

"Kyle, you are a big, dumb Jew. That was a dream. I've explained that before, too!" Cartman sighed with exasperation at the 'stupidity' of his comrade.

"I'm not dumb! I know what happened! I was there!" Kyle shouted in return. "Goddamn it, Cartman, why do you always have to be such a dickhead?"

"Shut your mouth, Jew boy, before I stab you with this fork!" Cartman held up the weapon, obviously intending to bring to mind the incident with Erika (or was it Erikah? They still didn't know, nor did they really care).

"As if I'm afraid of you," Kyle scoffed, but sat farther back on the bench nonetheless.

"Allo, chaps, mind if I sit down?" Pip suddenly popped up out of nowhere, as he always seemed to do. Even as they threw glares at him, he still wore a large grin and hoped that they would permit him to sit at their table.

"Yes, we mind, you stupid French piece of shit," Cartman snapped. "When will you get that through your thick skull?!"

"Oh," Pip sighed in defeat, "all right then." He began to walk away from their table due to what the obese child had said.

"Wait, Pip!" Stan suddenly called out.

"Stan, what are you doing?! Are you mental?" Cartman hissed as the foreign child returned with the smile on his face once again.

"Yes, Stan?" Pip inquired, not sure what his classmate wanted, but he hoped he would be offered a seat.

"Have you ever seen the movie Ringu?" Stan asked with caution, praying that the mention of the movie wouldn't frighten him away.

"No, can't say I have," Pip thought for a moment, thinking that he'd never even heard of the movie before. "Why do you ask?"

"Uh, no reason. Never mind," Stan told him, though only received a confused look.

"That's your cue to leave now, hippie," Cartman snapped, staring at Pip with an evil eye until he slunk away.

"What the hell was that about?" Kyle asked once Pip was gone and he was now the one giving Stan a confused look.

"Maybe we can find someone who's seen it that can help us," Stan told them of the idea that had struck him.

"You have to stop being a little wussy and get over it!" Cartman told him sharply. "You're really starting to tick me off with your hippie-ass ways!"

"Why aren't you scared?" Stan finally asked.

"Because it's not really, damn it. How many times do I have to tell you? That was the most boring movie I've ever seen in my life and I don't get why you even wanted to watch it!" Cartman told him angrily.

"I watched it because Shelly told me to watch it," Stan informed him.

"You do everything your P.M.S-ing sister says, Stan?" Cartman demanded.

"No, but she told me if I watched it, it would save her life. She seemed really scared," Stan replied.

"She must have thought that she could defeat Sadako by getting you to watch it," Kyle mused aloud.

"Probably. I wonder if it worked," Stan suddenly thought, "Maybe we should ask her?"

"Oh no. I'm not going near the P.M.S. Queen," Cartman randomly dubbed Stan's sister as such. "She'll probably kick your ass for saying something as stupid as what you've been saying! Wait… that would be a good thing. Might knock some sense into you!"

"Shut up, Cartman," Kyle snapped with a glare.

"Screw you guys, I'm going to class," Cartman got up and though he was saying that he was leaving so sudden, he had finished eating so he felt that he didn't have to stay. Like he wanted to stay with a bunch of pansies anyway. Whining about that "Chinese" chick Sadako like she was going to rip their nuts off was pissing him off in every way, shape and form. He honestly hoped Shelly kicked the shit out of them so he wouldn't have to hear about it anymore.

xxx

That night, Cartman wanted to stay up later and watch a special episode of Terrance and Phillip. Not only did he want to see it because it was Terrance and Phillip, but he was sure that neither Kyle nor Stan would be allowed to stay up and watch it since it was on at ten o'clock at night. He so wanted to rub that in their whiney little faces, so after a lot of begging in his whiney voice (though he would never call it such), his mother allowed him to stay up and watch it.

He sat on the couch now, the light of the image the television projected glaring in his eyes, though that didn't matter. He was watching the Terrance and Phillip special while he was sure the others were being forced to stay in their beds, that's all that mattered. He even speculated that they had no choice but to stay in bed after what Shelly probably did to them. He could just imagine Stan with a broken arm, whining about how Sadako was sure to kill him in his vulnerable state.

Cartman pictured Kyle in a similar situation, except both of the Jewish boy's legs were broken and he had to sit in a wheel chair all night. He could picture the paranoid look in Kyle's eyes and merely laughed at it while thinking aloud, "Stupid Jew."

"And now for the Terrance and Phillip special episode!" the voice on the television told Cartman, which caused Cartman's grin to grow.

He picked up the bowl of Cheesy Poufs that sat beside him on the couch, eagerly taking a handful of them and popping them into his large mouth. He watched the screen intently as he chewed, awaiting the moment when this special episode would come on. However, all he saw come on the screen was white noise for what seemed like several minutes.

"Goddamn it," he cursed as he put down his bowl of Cheesy Poufs and walked over to the television.

He made a fist and started to hit the side of the television with it, trying to get some form of a picture. Nothing seemed to be working though and he was just about to go wake up his mother and complain when something did come on the television. At first, he sighed in relief that he wouldn't miss the special episode, however that sigh became a gasp, as it wasn't Terrance and Phillip he saw on the television.

"What the fuck is this?!" he exclaimed in a breathy voice as he saw a circular shape with a man looking through it from the side.

The image was in all black and white, and the other images that joined it were black and white as well. People crawling desperately on a beach, Japanese characters twitching around on the screen and some strange man with what looked like a towel on his head while he was pointing at something were just some of the images. He recognized this; sure he'd been bored the first time he'd seen it, but now he was fully alert at these images.

"Haha, very funny, Jew-boy! I'm not going to fall for your lame ass tricks!" Cartman called in the most sarcastic voice he could muster at the moment, suddenly thinking that maybe, just maybe it was Kyle and maybe even Stan trying to scare the crap out of him.

Cartman took several steps backwards as a well came on the screen and for several long seconds it was just that: a well. Yet after those seconds past, he could see hands at the rim of the well, gripping at the sides and using their arms to push up the body of a girl. The girl wore a simply, yet filthy, supposed to be white dress and he long, black hair draped across her face, hiding it well. Her movements were jerky and slow, but yet with every new second that came, she was many steps closer to the screen.

"Goddamn it, this isn't funny, you guys!" Cartman was almost shouting now as he watched the strange girl's shoulders roll awkwardly as she came closer. He would have been shouting full out could he have mustered the voice to do so. He didn't care who the hell he woke up or disturbed, enough was enough and the joke was over.

No one came out though to turn off the movie and pull it out to wave it in his face while telling him that he was chicken shit just like they were. There was no one who flicked on all the lights in the house and came running in concern to see what was going on. He even noted that his feline companion had fled the room. He didn't know when she'd fled, but she was nowhere in sight now.

Cartman let out a little girlish scream as the creepy girl's head was bent towards the screen of the television, looking as though attempting to penetrate it. He'd expected that she'd just conk her head off of the film recorder that was recording it, but no, just like in that movie Ringu her hair began to droop through the screen. Following her long hair was her head and neck and then her decayed hands and arms. He could clearly see the missing nails on each and every blanched finger and somehow recalled that it was because she'd attempted to climb out of the well. Well, she sure as hell did it easy this time!

He backed up further, hitting the couch with his large ass and he could have climbed on top of it, but he could do no such thing in his shock and terror. He could only watch with extremely wide eyes as she moved like a contortionist to make her way from the television word into his living room. Though he was praying it was all some horrific dream, he could feel the pain around his eyes from having them opened so wide and began to whimper uncontrollably.

Within a fraction of a second, she was off the floor and standing up perfectly straight and closer to him than he felt comfortable with. He shook his wide cranium back and forth in protest of her approaching any further and he was thrilled when it seemed to work for she stopped completely. That wasn't the end though, oh no. As she stood stalk still, her hair, seemingly having a mind of its own, moved slowly away to reveal one staring eye.

Her pupil and iris stared viciously down at Cartman's cowering form while her bloodshot cornea remained just as it was. She uttered not a word and only stared at him. This seemed to frustrate and irritate her though, for she blinked a few times and then stared again in the same fashion.

"Please! God! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry I said you weren't real, Miss Scary Chinese lady! I'm sorry!" Cartman managed to bring his arms up in front of his face so he wouldn't have to endure the stare of that single eye, but he suddenly felt like his chest and throat were constricted.

He couldn't breathe. He brought down his arms, clasped at his throat and everything he could think of, but his breath wasn't returning to him. Apprehensively, he looked up at Sadako and saw her still staring at him with that same eye. His mouth opened as if he were going to scream and his face felt like it was being disfigured as he fell to the floor.

Sadako stared incredulously as the breath returned to the fat child the moment he hit the floor and as an orange-like spirit emitted from that fat body. Kenny's spirit hovered over Cartman now, looking around with both disbelief and fear in his dead eyes. Was it real? Had he escaped the fatass's body? It seemed to be so, however, even in his spirit form, he now felt like his chest and throat were constricted.

Cartman sat up on the floor, staring up at Kenny who seemed to be struggling in his spirit form. With amazement, Cartman realized that Kenny was the one affected by Sadako's wrath for some reason or another that he'd probably never be able to explain, but did that mean that he was now home free? Would Sadako turn on him again?

Kenny soundlessly disappeared with a small flash of orange light as he "died", however he couldn't really die because he was already dead. On Earth, Kenny was officially non-existent for good this time, but perhaps he was in Heaven. Or maybe even Hell. Wherever he was, he was gone.

Sadako blinked wordlessly as Kenny vanished and turned back to Cartman. She gave him a frustrated look, as if just daring him to have some other spirit in his body besides his own. Silently, she vowed she would kill this child and with that she gave him the evil eye once again. Nothing seemed to be happening though, except to herself. She now suffered from what she had just inflicted on both the deceased and living boy. She, though already dead like Kenny had been, couldn't breathe and not only did she feel her chest constricting, she witnessed it, too.

Her ribcage was caving in on itself, as was her throat, but it was difficult to tell that behind her long hair. Cartman could only guess that she was dying somehow and it contented him slightly that she was, however… When she was finished with said dying all that was left was a skeleton draped in a dress lying on his living room floor. That's when he jumped onto the couch, upsetting his bowl of Cheesy Poufs as he did so, terrified that her bony hand would reach out and try to grab him.

The television returned to white noise before flickering back on to the regular station as the guy announced, "And now back to the Terrance and Phillip special episode!" This was of course followed by the various, rather amusing fart jokes of Terrance and Phillip.

Cartman wasn't interested in Terrance and Phillip at the moment at all though. He was interested in the Cheesy Poufs being crushed under him as he shifted uncomfortably or the other Cheesy Poufs littered all over the couch and on the floor. Now all that mattered was the dead girl on his floor. That "Chinese" freak that tried to murder him with her evil eye.

xxx

In the morning, Mrs. Cartman found her terrified son sitting on the couch staring at the floor. As far as she could tell, there was nothing to be seen there, but yet her son would not remove his eyes from that spot. She tried to persuade him to move with mass amounts of sugary foods for breakfast, but he merely continued to stare with his tired eyes open wide.

She was becoming concerned, but was easily distracted by the doorbell ringing. After declaring that she would be there in just a second, she let in both Stan and Kyle, leading them to a traumatized Cartman. Both boys stared at him in confusion for a minute before going on with what they'd come to tell him before school.

"You were right, Cartman," Stan said, catching the fat child's attention. Stan was now the victim under these scared wide eyes, but he continued anyway. "Shelly tried to kick my ass for bringing up such a stupid thing, but I got away in time."

"Yah. As much as I hate to admit it, especially since it's you, there is no Sadako. We were overreacting and taking the stupid movie way too seriously," Kyle added reluctantly, just waiting for Cartman to jump up and going 'nananananana, hahahahahaha' or something ridiculous like that.

"Don't say that!" Cartman suddenly lashed out at them with a still terrified voice, looking at them with true fear written all over his face, "She'll come after you if you say that!" He was genuinely convinced of this, even though he'd seen her skeleton disintegrate on his living room floor during some early hour of the morning.

"Cartman, you can stop with that shit now. If it was your master plan to convince us that you finally believe us it's not going to work," Kyle stared at him.

"Yah, dude, we totally see that you were right the whole time. Come on, tell him to cut it out, Kenny," Stan ordered Kenny's spirit as he didn't know that it'd escaped Cartman's body.

"Kenny's not here…" Cartman said in a distant voice, staring blankly at the darkness of the turned off television. "That scary bitch killed him…"

"Come on, Cartman. That's-" Stan was cut off by not only the sound resembling a whimper that escaped Cartman, but also something else.

Both Kyle and Stan turned to look at the screen now, too, witnessing the white noise that was all over the television screen. Suddenly, the image of the well came on the screen again and Cartman let out another yelp that was joined by the gasps of Stan and Kyle. All three stared at the well, waiting all knowingly that Sadako was coming next, but she never came. When they observed closer they could see that there was now a cover fully over the well, sealing it shut. They could also see that there was a pile of the filthy white dress Sadako had been wearing at the base of the well. Was Sadako dead?

This was never answered as the screen changed back to the white noise.


Well, there you have it, Episode 10. For anyone confused, white noise is the "static" looking stuff that comes on your television screen at times. That's not the formal definition, but pertaining to this episode that's what it is.
This episode is based off of solely Ringu. Not The Ring, not The Ring Two and not Ringu 2. Just Ringu.