Set Fire to the Rain

Sorry for the cliffies! They just had to be done. Lol.

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Stephenie Meyer is the lucky owner of these characters.

Chapter 9

I stood frozen, one foot on the bottom step, unable to go any further with Edward up the stairs. Memories flooded my mind; memories of my calls going unanswered, memories of emails and letters sent with no response. Tears, so many tears, crying then sobbing, wailing even, devastating heartbreak, not being able to eat, not being able to sleep, and I never knew why. It all came flooding back and hit me in the solar plexus, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"Edward, please, stop, I can't do this." I turned to look at his face. I pulled my hand from his and walked quickly back to the large sofa.

My bag was there and inside was my Blackberry. I needed Charlie to come and get me, I couldn't drive home after all the bottles of Bud I had consumed, but neither could I stay here with him. It was all too much, too raw.

As I put the phone to my ear, he removed it from my hand and closed his fist around it. Looking at me with hurt and pain in his eyes, he said, "Bella, talk to me. What do you mean by 'I can't do this'? Please, love, talk to me."

"Don't call me love," I spat at him a little petulantly.

He sat down next to me on the sofa and sighed, playing with my Blackberry. Over and over he turned it in his hands.

"Do you hate me? Was all this," he motioned his hands between us, "a ploy to make me suffer, to hurt me?"

God, he sounded so emotional! Why would he be asking me questions like this when all I was to him was a convenient fuck?

"Is that what you think? That I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine? You obviously don't know me as well as I thought you did."

"It's been a long time, Bella; people change. I used to think you weren't capable of being a tease. The Bella I knew would never have been a cock tease."

"Am I supposed to be grateful that you thought so highly of me?"

"No, I just don't understand why you would want to stop, you were as into this as I was right here on this sofa. Did I break the mood by asking us to take it upstairs? I just thought we'd be more comfortable in bed, and then when we fall asleep in each other's arms, we'd be in the right place. Did I read it wrong, Bella? Don't you want me?"

Even angrier now, I glared at him.

"It's not as simple as whether or not I want you, Edward; I think what we were doing here on this sofa told you what I want, but it's pointless, and thankfully I stopped us before it was too late. I will not allow myself to be drawn into your world of weekend lovers-weekday strangers again. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Can I have my phone back, please? I need to call Charlie to come and get me."

He was looking down at his feet now, embarrassed almost, and I had no idea why, but he handed over my phone. Now I wrapped my fist around it like he had done moments earlier.

"If you really want to go, I'll drive you. I only had two bottles and I didn't finish the second. I was otherwise occupied," he said with a little hint of a smile in his voice. "I'd like you to stay, though, talk if you want to get this sorted out. I hate us being like this. The whole fucking Afghanistan thing has been bad enough without this on top of it. We need to talk, Bella; we need to clear the air. Let us put our cards on the table and see where that leaves us."

"No, now is not the right time to do this, Edward. I'm leaving Forks tomorrow and the country on Friday. Now is not the time to get into all this. I have enough on my plate to worry about without adding something else."

"Why not? Are we just supposed to leave things like this for another six weeks? I don't want you to leave like this, Bella. I can't deal with that as well as you being somewhere so dangerous."

"Do you not think I have enough on my mind right now? I came here to spend some quality time with Charlie. I didn't know you were here, Edward. Had I known you were here, I may have changed my mind and not come at all."

His head snapped up, a look of hurt all over his face again. I was struggling to understand why this was so important to him.

"You wouldn't have come if you'd known I was here? Wow, you really do hate me don't you?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about. Are you taking me home or do I ring Charlie?" I asked tired now from all the emotional upheaval and the alcohol.

All of a sudden, the atmosphere changed. No longer was the air charged with sexual tension; now it felt empty, full of nothing. I shifted off the sofa and walked to the downstairs washroom. Inside, I locked the door and slumped onto the floor. Tears fell silently at first, but then the sobs started and I could not control them. How could he even think I hated him? Could he not see how I felt about him? Could he not feel it in my every touch? Today was so special, in our special place we had reconnected. When we held hands and walked together, when we ran and chased like we used to, it had all felt so right. Now tonight when he had kissed me, the past four years had faded into what I thought was insignificance; that was until he pulled me back into the here and now and suggested we go upstairs.

Those were the words I had longed to hear for four long years and now we had both made a right mess of it. We would have made love if we had stayed on the sofa, of that I had no doubt. Esme would be delighted to know that our bodily fluids were not all over her lovely lounge sofa. Thinking about that made me cry even louder, and when a tiny knock came to the door, I knew he had heard me crying.

"Bella, you've been in there a while, come out, please?"

I didn't answer him. I couldn't or he would be able to hear the telltale sound of crying in my voice.

"Bella, I know you're crying, come out so we can talk about it some more. I'm sorry if my actions tonight have upset you. It was not my intention."

A sound made me go quiet, even though I still did not answer him or move. He, like me, had dropped to the floor outside the bathroom door. Did he really mean that he was sorry? Was he sorry for kissing me? Yes, that would be right. Now he regretted our kisses.

"Today was special on the beach, our beach. It just felt so right, you and me, back on First Beach, walking, holding hands, laughing and joking, chasing each other down. It was just how I always remembered it. I hope you remember it as fondly as me, Bella. Maybe it was a mistake asking you to come here tonight. I sincerely hope not, but now I'm not so sure. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to scare you. I realize now that my, our actions were a little irresponsible, but it just felt so right, you know?"

I did know, god, I did know, and everything he had just said I felt, too, but there was no way I was going to open myself up to him again and allow him to hurt me any more than he already had.

"Please come out so we can talk. I'll make us some coffee or hot chocolate, then if you still want, I'll take you back to Charlie's. Will you do that?

My hand had inadvertently started to stroke the door when he spoke. His voice was smooth and sexy, even when he sounded upset. He could get a girl to remove her panties just by talking to them. His words wouldn't necessarily have to be dirty, either. Me, he had me at hello. I contemplated unlocking the door and doing what he had asked. The only problem now was my face looked like something from the Addams family and I was a little more than embarrassed. The waterproof claim on my mascara was obviously a lie. Black smudges circled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. The waterproofing obviously didn't include an overload of salty tears.

He moved and I heard him get up, moving away from the door, I presumed to put on the coffee. I would have preferred hot chocolate. Still unsure how to remove myself from where I was, I sat there looking around me. My Blackberry was on the floor by my side. It had still been in my hand when I came in here. I decided to send him a text telling him I wanted hot chocolate. The ping of a response was almost instantaneous.

You will have to come out to drink it.

I stood and tried to tissue off some of the smudges, only managing to make a bigger mess. Giving up on trying to sort my face out, I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. I walked slowly back to where I had come from. Now I could hear classical music low in the background. I was relieved it was not Debussy.

Sitting on the sofa, I rummaged through my bag and found some makeup remover wet wipes. I quickly set about wiping the shitty mascara off my face. My small compact mirror confirmed that at least they had worked. Now I just looked like shit; red eyes, swollen from crying, my face blotchy and so attractive.

I felt him reenter the room and I immediately stiffened, wondering how both of us would deal with this. He handed over a large mug filled with hot chocolate, the top covered in marshmallows.

"I recall you seemed to like yours with marshmallows on top," he said sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, sweet tooth."

We sat in companionable silence. I was glad that there was music in the background as it made it a little less awkward.

After what seemed like an age, he finally spoke. "Look, Bella, I'm sorry, I just thought you were as into it as I was. I never meant to scare you. I'm truly sorry."

"You didn't scare me, Edward, never that, and I was into it. It's kind of hard not to be with you, but it still doesn't make it right. I mean you have Tanya back in New York," I added to see if he would own up to their platonic relationship, "I don't cheat with another woman's man. I think maybe we both got a little carried away in the memories, the place."

"You think I would cheat if I was in a relationship? You know before, when you said I didn't know you very well? Well, I don't think you know me at all. I would never cheat, not ever, and I'm not in a relationship with Tanya or anyone else."

"That's kind of hard to believe, I mean she's been on your arm now for an age. Alice and I thought you'd found the one. You've even taken her to meet your parents. That's sort of a sign of a serious commitment, Edward."

"Look, I'm not with her, never have been. We're friends, nothing more, and my parents know her on a business level. Why am I explaining all this to you?"

"I have no idea, maybe to convince me you weren't going to cheat on your long-term girlfriend?"

"Are you okay? I'm sorry I made you cry, your eyes are all puffy now. What's Charlie going to think? He'll come over here with a gun when you've gone tomorrow. I think I should be scared now."

We both laughed little as we finished our drinks.

"Stay, Bella, please, you can take whichever room you like, but don't go like this. I'd hate for you to go off to Afghanistan with us fighting like this. I want us to be okay with each other."

"I'm not going to spend the night. Look, it's after midnight now, I really think it would be for the best if I just go home. Do you mind taking me? I don't want us to fall out anymore, either. If you'll drop me off, Charlie will drive you back. Is that okay?"

He nodded reluctantly but did not say another word. He took our cups into the kitchen and placed them into the dishwasher. He slipped on a pair of casual sneakers and grabbed a chunky hoodie from the coat stand. He offered the hoodie to me.

"It's late and cold out, we don't want you catching cold and not being able to travel on Friday do we," he smiled sadly and wrapped the familiar-smelling hoodie around my shoulders.

We were both quiet on the drive back. It seemed neither of us knew what to say. Charlie had grumbled a bit when I had called and asked him for the favor. He did not understand why I just didn't stay and come back sober in the morning. I wasn't going to get into all that with him now, or ever.

Pulling onto my street, I was surprised when Edward pulled over a little further down than my actual house. Looking over at him, he calmly turned off the engine and turned to face me.

"Look, I'm not going to do this in front of your dad's house and if we pull up there, he'll see and come out to take me home." He took a deep breath and moved to take my hand. At first, I wanted to move it out of his way, but then decided that if this was goodbye, maybe forever, I wanted to feel him holding me just one more time. "I'm sorry again that tonight didn't go how I had planned. Not that I planned for us to sleep together or anything," he added quickly in case I got the wrong end of the stick, "I just wanted to have the evening like it had been earlier. I'm so sorry that I upset you, it's the last thing I wanted to do."

His fingers were gently caressing my palm and he obviously didn't remember how that simple touch turned me to mush. I was struggling to stay in control of all my emotions, both physically and mentally. God, I wanted him so bad.

Fucking stupid Bella! You could have had him just once more. Right now we could be in the throws of passion, warm in his bed. Great, another brilliant decision there, Swan.

"Edward…"

I knew my breathy voice was telling him exactly how I felt. If he looked at me with those eyes, I would tell him to turn the truck around and to take us back to his. I hoped he didn't look at me that way, but at the same time, I wanted him to. It was going to kill me either way, asking him to turn around or to say goodbye.

"I'm sorry, too, for leading you on. I never meant for things to get so out of hand, either. It was lovely today on the beach; it brought back some good memories. Thank you. Look, it's late and Charlie's already not happy with me. I'd better get on in."

"No, wait, just a few more minutes," he pleaded, moving his hands now to my face, "Bella, I can't bear for you to go like this. Please, love..."

"Edward, I'll be back in six weeks, maybe sooner. We'll catch up then and have that talk, hopefully clear the air once and for all. Does that sound like a plan?"

"Okay, it's a date, but before you go, can I ask one thing?"

"Anything, you know that."

"Kiss me."

He actually fucking asked me to kiss him. Instead of him just kissing me, he wanted me to kiss him. Watching me take my bottom lip in between my teeth, he groaned. I knew my actions of biting my lip had always had quite a weird effect on him. He used to tell me it was 'as sexy as hell'. Weirdo.

With his hands no longer on my face, I moved slowly forward, intending to just give him a peck on the lips and each cheek. I should have known that I wouldn't be able to stop. When my lips touched his, I was in heaven; the angels started to sing and fireworks exploded in all the places I didn't want them to.

With a groan, I moved closer to him, winding my hands in his hair. Oh, fuck, I was going to miss his hair. His arms snaked around my waist pulling me closer, but he was still in control. Bastard was testing my limits. My tongue tentatively touched his lips and I had him. He moaned into my mouth and kissed me back with everything he had. How long we made out like a pair of teenagers I really had no idea. I was too caught up in how fucking wonderful his lips felt on mine. Oh, how good his hands kneading and caressing my back felt. If I died over in Afghanistan, this was the memory that I wanted to remember as my life flashed before me: Edward's lips on mine.

Reluctantly, we pulled apart with a groan. It really was painful to part. When I looked at him, I could see he felt exactly the same as me. He started the truck and moved slowly down the street until we were in front of Charlie's. The porch light was on and the curtains twitched.

"So, I guess I'll see you for our date in about six weeks then," I said trying to lighten the now-leaden atmosphere.

"Yeah, I guess so. Text me the time and place and I'll be there, I promise."

Charlie was shutting the door, a scowl on his grumpy face as he made his way down the garden path, so I moved to get out of the truck. Edward's hand grabbed my arm and I turned to see what he wanted. I was shocked that I could see tears in his eyes.

"Edward, please. Is this not hard enough?" I implored him to let me go.

"Bella, please, just promise me you'll be safe. I need you to be safe."

"I will be, I'll see you in six week if not before. I'll text you."

I slipped out of the truck and he moved over into the passenger seat, once again taking my face in his hands as I stood there. Looking deeply into my eyes, he kissed me gently on the lips. It was over in a flash as my dad opened the truck door.

"Bella, please come back to me, I need you to come back to me," Edward begged helplessly as Charlie got in on the driver's side so that they could be on their way.

I stepped back and shut the truck door, watching Edward's face disappear into the night as Charlie drove away. As I made my way inside, I wrapped my arms around myself to stave off the sudden onset of shivering. Whether it was from the cold night air or the desperate feeling of dread at the thought of being so far away from Edward, I did not know.