A/N: The usual disclaimers apply. In case I forgot to mention it, this story contains spoilers for some of the books.

Chapter 9, Courting

"How do you know if what you feel is real or is just because of the bond?" Belle asked.

Deborah thought for a few moments, wanting to be as honest as she could without scaring her friend.

"When I was human, I married a man chosen by my father. I believe he knew he was dying and he wanted to be sure I was taken care of. I had never had strong feelings about a man so I went along with his wishes. You need to realize that, during this period in the mid-1800's, women had few civil rights. People often married for reasons that had nothing to do with love. Sometimes marriages were arranged and sometimes they were because of mutual need, whether for security or just for comfort.

"My marriage was like that. I liked my husband and he was good to me, but I didn't love him, not the way I do Blaine. If I had not been married before, if I had been a virgin, the vampire's abuse would have been much worse for me. As it was, I had a hard time dealing with it for years.

"Oh, Deborah, I never realized how it affected you all those years. Why didn't you tell me?" Belle was ashamed. "You have always been so strong."

"I kept it to myself. It wasn't something I could bring myself to talk about. I suppose it's why I felt the need to punish those who abused others, why I had to kill the undead when we came across them. Each time I killed one of them, I was killing him again. At least I had known tenderness and consideration before it all happened. Destiny and Skyler had only known abuse and I can't imagine how it has affected them. But Destiny had Nikolai to help her through it and Skyler has Dimitri. Destiny has certainly killed her share of the creatures. Skyler may not be a killer but she grows stronger all the time."

She reached out for Blaine's hand.

"When I met Blaine, I felt sexual desire for the first time in my life. I had no idea I could feel that way, especially after the vampire. He washed away all the pain from that experience. I finally understood what it meant in the human marriage ceremony where it was said that 'a man would leave his family and cleave unto his wife and they would become one.' In our case it is literal. We are joined in mind and heart all the time. It is much more than a joining of bodies, though that is an important and enjoyable part of it.

"It's much more frightening for a woman who has never been with a man. There is an element of fear there, fear of invasion, of loss of self, of pain. There is some of that, but what you get back is so much more, and so worth it."

"But when a man meets his lifemate, I can't help feeling that he is just relieved. How can he love her, when any woman with the right chemistry would do? I mean, it doesn't matter what she looks like or how she feels or what hopes and dreams she has. She's expected to put everything she is aside and be his appendage. Where is the love in that?" Belle looked back and forth at both of them, tears in her eyes.

It was Blaine's turn to speak.

"Belle, it is so much more than that. It isn't just any woman who can be a lifemate. There is only one for each of us. Perhaps it is like an arranged marriage, but it is arranged by God or nature, however you want to look at it. Deborah is the other half of my soul. When I can feel what she feels, when I can know every desire, every fear, everything that makes her happy, how can that not be love?

"I admit that, at first, there was a feeling of relief that I would be spared the decision of meeting the dawn or becoming vampire. But just being near her made me feel happy. She completes me. How could I not fall in love with her immediately?

"I do understand, from being in Deborah's mind, that the woman might feel put upon and manipulated, that she has no choice, and that is why the male can bind her to him until he can convince her to fall in love with him." He pulled Deborah to him and placed a kiss on top of her head.

"After all, we need the woman much more that she needs us. I hope you will give Ramius a chance. He will be good to you. He will treat you with respect and he will love you and make you happy. He can do no other. He will also dominate you, control you and protect you. He can't help it, he is a Carpathian male."

He noticed Deborah glaring at him.

"Perhaps I should say he will try to dominate and control you."

Belle smiled at both of them.

"There are several instances of males who chose to support their women in their choice of where to live and in their professions. Look at Byron. He married Antonietta in a human marriage ceremony and lives with her and her family at their ancestral home in Italy. Shea lives here but she is still a doctor and researcher and Jacques supports her in this. I've heard that Rafael de la Cruz was willing to live with Colby on her ranch in California if she hated living in Brazil. Manolito too, would live in Seattle with Maryann if that was what it took to make her happy.

"We are all very protective of our women, even those who are not our lifemates or members of our family. I have met Ramius and been in his mind. I believe him to be a man of honor. He offered his blood in the Warrior's Cave and was accepted. I would never let him near you if that were not true."

"All right, I'll give him a chance. It's not like I have a choice. And he is handsome." He was more than handsome she thought. The memory of his lips touching hers, his taking of her blood, the taste of his blood in her mouth, sent a hot flush through her entire body, and a blush to her face. She seemed to be blushing a lot lately.

"He will be glad to hear that," Blaine said, smiling inwardly at her reaction. He was well aware of Belle's thoughts. "He is just outside the door."

******

Belle walked out to see her lifemate. Ramius bowed over her hand and kissed it.

"I wondered if you would walk with me for a bit," he said smoothly in a voice that made her shiver. She felt her cheeks flush again as she nodded her assent.

They walked in silence for a time, the tall man with tawny hair and the small red-haired woman. He studied her as they walked, tempted to dip into her mind again, but wanting to respect her privacy. His need of her was fierce, but he would not allow her to see it as it was. The intensity of it would be frightening to her.

His body exuded warmth as they walked. She knew he was keeping his nature under control. It was a little frightening and very exhilarating to be in the company of someone with such power flowing from him. She had known a few others with this kind of strength, ancient ones. Lucian and his brother, Gabriel. Gregori, the Dark One. Even though he was not as old as many of the others, he was incredibly powerful. Blaine was a true ancient, but she was used to his power. As she thought of it, she realized all the men were surrounded by this kind of power. It increased with age and she didn't know any who were not centuries old.

Young Josef lived in Italy with his Uncle Byron and there was another, Benjamin, who was only about fifty years old. She had never met either of them.

There were few women who were as old as the men. Those who were also had power surrounding them. Francesca, Desari, and Sendil, Celeste and Diedre, were considered ancients. Natalya was probably older than Deborah and Belle before she was converted by Vikirnoff. Of course, she was half Carpathian, which gave her longevity and strength.

The twins, Natalya's aunts, would be formidable when they gained their full strength.

Belle could feel their power when she was in their company.

Belle and Deborah were still young as Carpathians but Deborah was powerful and Belle, though non-violent, considered herself a force to be reckoned with under the right circumstances.

Thinking of these people, knowing she was one of them, made her feel proud. These were a fine and noble people and Belle was glad to be counted among them.

Ramius had picked up on her musings. It bothered him that she had ever been near a vampire. She was not a hunter or fighter. She was gentle and kind and he was grateful the males of his species had protected her.

He reached out to take her hand. She looked up at him and smiled. They walked to a clearing that sloped upward to a rocky outcropping. With her permission, he picked her up and floated them up to the rocks. They could see for miles from that spot. He knew from her mind that this was a favorite place for her.

"Tell me about yourself, your life before you were Carpathian. I want to know everything about you. I want to know how it was you came to be converted. It was not Blaine, or I would sense that about you." His voice was velvet and made her want to do anything thing he asked.

"I hope my life story won't bore you."

"There is nothing boring about you little one. Please, tell me."

"I was the only child of my parents. I was born in 1845 in the Blue Ridge area of North Carolina. I had a happy childhood I think. My mother lost several children after I was born. My parents were sad they did not have more children, but they loved me very much.

"When I was fourteen, I was picking berries in the woods near our home. Two men attacked me and I was rescued by Blaine. He rescued me again a few nights later from a vampire. He was wounded and he let me help him pack his wounds. When he rose the next evening he was healed. He told me about the Carpathians then.

"He left the area shortly after that. He suggested he might become a danger to me eventually. I didn't understand what he meant at that time. I do now.

"When I was nineteen, I was kidnapped by evil men. They bound and gagged me and threw me into a wagon. I was taken to a house where the owner had died. That was the night I met Deborah.

"Deborah had been captured and abused by a vampire. He forced three blood exchanges on her and she was beginning the conversion. The vampire took great delight in telling me what would happen to me. He planned that he and Deborah would drink my blood, maybe keeping me alive for a long time before killing me. He even suggested he might not kill me but keep me with him as he planned to do with Deborah. It was terrifying.

"She managed to kill him down in the cellar before the conversion began. She made her way up the stairs, wounded and sick as she was, and loosened my bonds before a convulsion took her. I got myself loose and took care of her.

"She tried to get me to run away, afraid she would hurt me. I knew that would not happen, because I had seen us together in my dreams. I had dreamed about her for years, Blaine too. My dreams always come true. Sometimes there are things that can be prevented and sometimes I dream things that are bound to happen."

Ramius followed Belle's story in her mind as she spoke. He loved the sound of her voice and was enraged at the tragedy of her life. He had to remind himself that she would not be here if these events had not happened. Keeping silent, he listened.

"I took care of her that long night and got her to feed from me the next rising. I knew she would not hurt me and when she realized she could control herself, she felt less of a monster.

"We made our way back to my home. I knew something terrible had happened to my parents. We found them dead, murdered, in the house. The men who had taken me had killed them."

Ramius felt her sadness and reached out to touch the tears that streamed down her face.

"I'm sorry. It still saddens me when I think about it."

"Do not apologize for missing your loved ones. It is natural."

"Do you still miss your family?"

"Yes. I had lost my ability to feel, but I remember the love I had for my brother and parents. I remember the joy he felt in his lifemate and children, even though I could not feel it. I was glad for him. Each time a male finds his other half it gives the rest of us hope."

He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed each finger, then the palm. Heat flowed up her arm and into her body.

"Please, continue your story," he said.

It took her a moment to focus her thoughts, so distracted was she by the feel of his lips on her hand.

"The town's people helped us bury them. I moved in with Deborah. We needed each other; became sisters of the heart. The men who killed my parents and kidnapped me broke into the house near sunset that same day. Deborah rose in time to stop them from hurting me. She made them walk into the woods and shoot each other. Eventually their bones were scattered by animals.

"We made a life for ourselves. A few years later we moved to Memphis, Tennessee. I taught school for a while. Deborah did tutoring in the evening. We met a doctor, an older gentleman with a generous and loving heart. He taught me about medicine. While we were there, a terrible yellow fever epidemic swept the area. I caught it and was very sick. That was the first time Deborah exchanged blood with me.

"Our doctor friend knew that she was different and eventually found out how different, but he kept our secret. He and I were in his carriage one evening near the railroad. The train whistle startled the horse and it bolted. We crashed into a freight wagon and overturned. Our friend was killed instantly and I was badly injured. Deborah exchanged blood with me again and healed me. We know now she could have given me her blood without an exchange, but perhaps it was instinctive. I don't know. She was very new at living that way.

"After that, it was very hard for me to be out in the daylight and I couldn't consume anything but the simplest broth or water. Deborah knew about my dreams of the future by then. We decided to complete the conversion.

"We learned together. We studied the memories she had gotten from the vampire. I studied herbs and healing. We were happy. Eventually we settled in the Seattle, Washington area. I few years ago we adopted two girls. About three years after that Blaine came into her life and back into mine."

"How is it you came to the Carpathian Mountains?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Things happened. We were attacked by vampires. Samantha and I were kidnapped by people from a group who wanted to study us. Deborah and Blaine, along with Manolito de la Cruz and two unmated males who were in the area, came to rescue us. His lifemate stayed with our other adopted child, Tamara. When it was over, we decided to come here. Blaine wanted to see his homeland again and raise his child here.

"I've been happy here. I learned much from the ancients, both male and female. I've been able to contribute something to Carpathian society and that's a good thing."

All this time he had kept hold of her hand, rubbing the palm with his thumb, occasionally kissing the back then the palm or her fingers. Her insides were thrumming with heat. He caught her gaze and leaned toward her. Slowly, he lowered his head and gently touched his lips to hers.

Her lips parted of their own accord and the pressure of his lips increased. She felt his tongue seeking entrance and met him with her own. The kiss was so hot she thought she might catch fire. She was not even aware when she melted into his arms.