Sorry this chapter is a week late than I had planned, but hopefully angry IDGAFward makes up for it. Thank you for being patient. It has been a crazy couple of weeks for me with RL being beyond busy.
For those of you reading Stricken, I just updated that as well.
Thank you, as always, to the lovely Kyla713 and Packy for looking this over.
Hope you guys enjoy.
~.~
Chapter 9-
The urge to be that asshole that left Bella with Carlisle and run was strong, but I decided I'd be the nice asshole that would deal with this, then promptly make him leave. I walked back inside and sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.
I have a very naked Bella waiting on me, but Carlisle—always one to ruin the fun.
I walked back to my room and found Bella naked and asleep in my bed. Well, so much for fun times.
Taking my sweet time, I walked back towards the living room, hoping I could somehow keep my so-called father on edge as he waited. I found him pacing my living room, his hands behind his back, his head down to the floor, almost as if you could see years of mounting guilt weighing on his shoulders.
"We really don't have to do this now. In fact, I'd prefer if we didn't. We don't really have anything to say." I threw myself down on my sofa, one leg on the back of it, the other on the floor as I tried to give off a vibe of indifference.
"We do, and we're going to. There is nothing you can do to get out of this," Carlisle told me, his glare leveling on me.
I sat up then, splayed my arms across the couch, and crossed my legs. "Well, then, get on with it."
Carlisle turned to face me, annoyance clear on his face. "Why are you like this? Why do you push everything away, act like you don't care about anything? This isn't the Edward I saved on the bed back in Chicago."
The rage was simmering just below, and I could feel the monster stirring in his cage inside me. "Why? Really, Carlisle? For being a doctor, for knowing me for over a century, you ask why?" My voice grew louder with each word. "I push everything away because no one wants me. My human parents sent me off with the nanny. My dad always working, my mom off with the women. Even when I was dying, my mom finally showed she cared, and then she cursed me to this half-existence!" I yelled, stood up and walked up to him. "I don't care about anything because why should I? When I care, I get burned. When I invest, I get hurt. When someone finally shows he cares for me, he finds the next best thing and tosses me aside, forgets that he has a lost little boy hidden inside this shell of a vampire."
I was huffing, and definitely not from the need for oxygen. "As for saving me, if you can call it that, you didn't have to. No one held a gun to your head." And then I dealt the blow that I knew would hurt him. "I wish daily that you never had."
He sucked in a gasp, his eyes flinched as if I had actually struck him. "You don't mean that."
I threw my head back and laughed. "I do. I mean it with every part of me. Once you made me what I am, you set out to find your missing half, and never once looked back at me. The day I left, did you chase after me? Did you stop me? No, I watched your house for a week before I left the city, and you never once looked for me. You are the one who doesn't care. I did, but I no longer care now."
Facing him, I countered his inquiry. "Why do you care now? Why bother being here after all these years?"
He looked taken aback for a few minutes, not at all prepared that I'd even stand up to him like this. Back then, I wasn't the way I was now. I wasn't this...this monster. I was scared, shy, afraid of my own shadow. I followed Carlisle around like a lost puppy because I had no clue what to even do with myself. I was thrust into a life so unlike anything else, and just expected to just deal, because that was what Carlisle had done when he was created.
But I wasn't like him, nor would I ever be. I used to want to be, but no longer. I wouldn't be that being who would just cast someone aside; I at least ended their suffering, not allow them wallow in hurt.
Carlisle crumpled down into an empty chair, his hands running through his hair as he sighed, shoulders slumped. "I've always cared, and I figured you'd come back when you were ready."
I snorted. "Why would I go back if I knew I wasn't wanted?"
He shook his head, his eyes down to the floor. "You were always wanted. I don't know what gave you that idea… If I had known… If I had known you'd end up like this... destroying everything, turning into what you are..."
"Then you never would've changed me? Wasted your time on me? Do you regret it? Regret giving into my begging mother on my deathbed?" I asked, anger once again rising.
"No!" He stood up suddenly, his hands balled up in fists. "I don't regret it. I'm glad I saved you from a horrible death. There are so many things I do wish I could change," he finally admitted, though it lessened nothing inside of me.
"Yeah? What would you have changed? Bringing Esme home so soon? Letting her tell me that I belonged elsewhere? That I was old enough to go and be on my own? Or would you change letting me even stick around at all?"
"I understand why you're angry." He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "What I don't understand is why you've let yourself become this. After all we've talked about."
"It's easy, Carlisle." I shrugged my shoulders. "I became everything you're not. It's easier that way. I don't hurt, the monster in me numbs the pain you shackled me with."
I closed my eyes when I could hear footsteps coming down the hall. My head turned when I smelled Bella's luscious scent.
"Edward?" she called out, just before entering the door to the living room, and I noticed she had put on one of my robes.
"I'll be in with you in a minute, Bella. Just need to say goodbye to my father," I told her as I walked up to her. As gently as I could, which was so not like me at all, I brushed the hair away from her face and kissed her lips sweetly. She gasped, her hand came up to my shirt and clenched it tightly in her fist. She pulled away and looked into my eyes, which were still shielded by contacts, and luckily, she couldn't see through them like Esme or Carlisle could.
"Okay." She bit her lip, seeming uncertain as she moved her head to peer over my shoulder at Carlisle. And for a brief second, I could see her glare at him before she walked away and returned to my room.
I turned back to Carlisle, keeping distance between us this time. "I think you should go. The only reason you came tonight was try to find absolution and absolve guilt. Guilt you rightfully should live with. Now, if you don't mind, I need to tend to Bella."
He walked up to me, almost put his hand on my shoulder, but brought it back down. "I know I have no right to ask this, but your intentions, what are they of her?"
"You're correct, you have no right to ask. But if it makes you feel better, I won't hurt her, at least not tonight."
He gulped, and I instantly read his thoughts now that he'd let his guard down. "Go ahead and report me to the Volturi. I find I don't care. Maybe they'd finally end this existence for me."
He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead, he walked toward my door, and just before he opened it, he looked back at me one last time. "We're not done. Not by a long shot. You may have been able to turn the tables on me and quit our conversation, but I will be back."
I didn't acknowledge him, just stood there until he walked through the door. A pitter patter of a heartbeat let me know that a certain human had eavesdropped and heard everything, and I knew I had to fix it. The less she knew, the better.
"Enjoy the show, Lamb?" I asked her as I pulled her to me, the robe that she was covered in opened slightly, giving way to cleavage. I bent down and nipped at her collarbone in response to my view.
"Just what are you?" she squeaked out.
Well, shit.
~.~
Well...I think it is safe to say Edward got some much needed things off his chest. Thoughts?
Thank you for reading!
