Title: In Our Other Lives
Fandom: Criminal Minds (2005), (c) Jeff Davis
Characters/Pairings: Jack Hotchner; Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid; Spencer Reid/Lila Archer; Jack Hotchner/OFC; Team; Sean Hotchner; other OCs
Genres: Post-Canon-ish/Drama/Romance/Alternate AU
Rating: R
Summary: [Contains SPOILERS up to SEASON 6] After a particularly bad case, Hotchner forces Reid into early retirement. Reid takes a position as a philosophy professor at the University of Virginia. Jack Hotchner turns eighteen and decides to show both of them what might have been.


"Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible."

St. Augustine


Chapter 9

The journey from point A to point B is simple and efficient in mathematics. It's why Reid's always liked math. This is not exactly so for cases when the proverbial point A to point B incorporates people in one sense or another, and this is one of the reasons why Spencer Reid swears up and down that he will never take the trouble to get a PhD in Psychology.

After sleeping for most of the morning, Reid spends his Sunday afternoon with a last-minute batch of essays and Darwin's The Origins of Species, because he desperately needs the reminder that yes, rational pragmatism is something that still exists.

When his doorbell rings, Reid peeks out the peephole and finds Declan Doyle - Daniel, not Aaron, and perhaps he isn't disappointed.

He opens his door and peers at the young man behind his glasses, " - Daniel. What a surprise."

"Aunt Sophie went to visit some friends," says Daniel, settling his hands in his pockets. "I thought I'd come hang out here..." he trails off and gestures at Reid's glasses, "am I interrupting something?"

While Emily is an old friend, Reid knows under no circumstances would he just leave his address for her to find. Daniel must have done some digging, and yet his face, still trying to shake the promises of youth, says nothing. He must have practiced. Given who he is, really, this is no surprise.

"I was just reading," Reid takes a step backwards. "Coffee or tea?"

"Neither," Daniel shrugs again. "I don't like caffeine."

"Your Aunt Sophie got to you, didn't she?" Reid shakes his head as he makes his way into the kitchen. Sedated footsteps let him know that Daniel is following his lead. "How about juice?" It's strange saying it, Aunt Sophie, because it's so far from the truth, but of course, it isn't the only thing.

"Juice would be fine, thank you," Daniel takes a seat at Reid's kitchen counter. Reid pours him a tall glass full of pineapple juice, just like he did for Stephen Gideon. Then he makes a detour to pour himself a cup of coffee.

Then there is silence.

Finally, Daniel says, "How did you figure it out?"

Reid doesn't look at him, "I used to work with your aunt, it was not hard to put the two and two together. For me, anyway."

"But it's been years," says Daniel. "I looked for her for years." As if Reid's realization has all but bastardized Daniel's hard work.

"I know. She told me." This whole conversation is making Reid feel so impossibly old. When he looks at Daniel, he sees everything that he might have been. which is why he can't bring himself to look.

"Then you know," Daniel says, pressing his mouth idly against the rim of his glass. He appears to be at a loss about how to go about finishing his thought, so it just sort of hangs there.

Reid does not say anything. He grimaces when he realizes that there isn't enough sugar in his coffee, and gets up from his seat to remedy that.

"Dr. Reid."

He wonders what it's like, to grow up having someone like Ian Doyle as a father. Reid obviously can't ask, but he supposes he can do the next best thing, "Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"I...what?"

Reid sits down again, "Tell me about yourself, and your aunt."

Daniel takes a sip of juice, and laces his fingers together, he speaks slowly. "My surname's Riley, it was my dad's, but disappeared when I was a kid," there is the barest of pauses. "I spent most of my time in Belfast with friends who knew my Aunt Sophie. She was always there, you know. Even though she wasn't."

"I know," Reid says.

Daniel seems to relax a little, but not much. "I graduated last term, first degree honours from the University of Cambridge. Then I flew to Switzerland, learned French, tried to stop sounding so bloody Irish, and found Aunt Sophie. It took me the longest time. She was hard to find."

That is perhaps the worst understatement Reid has ever heard, but he lets it go, seeing no point in disagreeing. Then he thinks about who Declan Doyle could have become, and the man is today, here in his kitchen.

The back of his eyes feel unnaturally hot, just to be safe, he drains his coffee and gets up, giving himself a convenient excuse to face the sink.

"Your Aunt Sophie is lucky to have you," says Reid.

Perhaps Daniel is smiling, but as curious as Reid is about the man's expression, he can't trust himself to turn around.

"You think so?"

"I don't think, I know." Reid says, and when the turns around, he finds the courage to smile a little, "I envy you."

Daniel tilts his head to the side, "Why?"

"Because you are brave, and maybe stupid."

The man's expression drops for a moment, but a moment later, it's back in place, because Reid adds, "I wish I were like you. You'll take care of her for all of us?" (Will you be everything I wish I was?)

Daniel's smile is quiet, brilliant, and golden. "Of course I will."


When she walks in his office, the woman is everything he doesn't expect.

"Prentiss," the surprise on Aaron's face is evident.

"You look surprised to see me," it is no surprise; however, that Emily Prentiss picks that up on that right away. "No one told you I was coming?"

"No, it's not that," Aaron shakes himself. "I was expecting you to look different."

"I don't look different to you?"

Since she sounds oddly incredulous, Aaron makes it a point to look her over again. He wonders if this is some sort of trick question, "You look more fashionable?" He tries for a compliment, fully expecting it to fall flat. "Not a fan of Lausanne myself, but I hear that Europe helps with that."

She laughs, "Ha funny, Hotch."

Aaron takes her hand and gives it a firm shake, "Good to see you too."

The moment is crudely interrupted when the phone on Aaron's desk starts ringing. Throwing an apologetic glance over his shoulder, he takes the call, "This is Hotchner."

"Agent Hotchner, this is Section Chief Erin Strauss."

"Ma'am," Despite himself, Aaron knows his voice isn't completely flat like he means it to be. "What can I do for you?"

"You can assemble your team and have them meet me in the conference room in fifteen minutes. There is someone I'd like you all to meet."

Aaron hangs up, as a heavy weight settles on his shoulders, "I have a meeting. But you're welcome to stay here and wait." He gets to his feet, "Actually, if you could do me a favor."

Prentiss shrugs, "Sure."

"Could you possibly...give Reid a call? I meant to call him earlier, but I'm afraid I'm going to forget." After the words leave his mouth, Aaron practically makes a run for the door - if not a run, then certainly a stately trot.

Prentiss may have asked him what she was supposed to call Reid about, but Aaron pretends not to hear her.


When the weather was nice, Jack took walks with his mother. There was a park nearby, and even though Jack was almost eight years old and too old to hold hands with her without being embarrassed, but it was nice to go for a walk. He would have better liked having a dog as an excuse, but his mother lived in an apartment now, and Jack lived there too. He only saw his father every two weekends. The landlord was a nice man, but dogs were simply not allowed in the complex.

Jack was too old for swings too, but he sat down on one, when she sat down on the other. If she wasn't too old to swing, than he wasn't, either.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey," she turned to him. His mother was wearing a lovely green dress that filled out when the wind blew.

"Do you miss Dad? I miss Dad. I miss Dr. Reid, too."

She pursed her lips into a straight line.

"Mom, Mom, are you mad?" Abruptly, Jack kicked his shoes onto the dirt and came to a complete stop, but she kept on swinging.

"Oh," she said. "Oh, Jack. Of course I miss your father. I miss him every day." She did not say that she missed Dr. Reid.

It didn't make any sense. Jack didn't like the way her face scrunched up, so he pushed himself off on the swing again and decided not to ask anymore questions.

Maybe it makes him a bad person, but when Jack thinks of the woman who was - is his mother, he can only close his eyes and hear distant screams.

Screams

"Jack!" Someone is yelling into his ear. Chloe, "Red light!"

He slams his foot hard on the break, setting off a furious barrage of honking behind them. Chloe is clenching both of her hands tightly.

"What were you thinking? Jesus, Jack."

"Sorry, sorry," he apologizes quickly. "I'm just -"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay."


When Reid's phone suddenly goes off, he jumps ten feet, more or less, and barely manages to land upright, Daniel peers at him curiously, "Expecting someone?" He says, peeking over a borrowed hardcover on environmental ethics.

Call from E. P.is what his phone says. Reid makes a note to change it to Sophie Careau at a more convenient time. Without saying anything to Daniel, he picks up, "Your boy ran away, I guess he likes me better."

"Funny," Emily says. "Hotch says hello."

"I - what?" Reid blinks. "What's that even supposed to mean?"

"Hell if I know," Emily sounds one part annoyed and two parts really amused. "Strauss called him, apparently he had a meeting, and he asked me to check up on you, didn't even tell me what about."

"Oh," says Reid, very softly. It feels as if all the air has suddenly gone out of his lungs. He has to sit down, "Right."

Emily gives him a moment, "So your affair with Hotch, boy genius. Isn't exactly over, is it?"

"I hate you," says Reid, not meaning it. He hangs up.


When Haley came back to collect Jack from Reid's apartment, it was nearing three o' clock. She only looked a little apologetic, "I'm sorry I'm late. Did Jack behave?"

"Yes, yes he did. We read, played chess, had Indian food and ice cream for lunch." Not in that order, but Jack had sworn up and down that he would not tell a soul. That it would be their little secret.

Haley said, "That's good then."

"-Where's Hotch?"

"Aaron went straight to work from court," ("I'd think you know that," was implied in the rest of her expression, the way that her mouth was stiff, and the way her eyes were cold.)

"Oh." Reid shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He wondered if he should say something; congratulations did not seem to fit the circumstance, neither did further begging. He'd begged his share.

His silence surprised her, "You're not going to say anything?"

"It's useless to say anything you aren't going to listen to," and the sharpness of his own voice surprised him. Reid quickly turns away, "I'm sorry. But what can I say, Haley?"

She shrugged, "I suppose you can't say anything. Will you fetch Jack for me?"

"Yeah, hold one second."

He'd left Jack in his study, where the boy was pouring over a giant atlas. He had flipped to a full colored map of Virginia. Reid had scrawled blue ink all over the map. He touched Jack's shoulder, "Hey, your Mommy's here."

Jack jabbed his finger against a spot where ink had smeared, "This is where I live, Dr. Reid, look."

Reid peered closely, "Yes, it is. That's very good, Jack. Now come on."

Jack got to his feet, "Are you mad?"

"No, Jack. I'm not."

The boy shot him one more suspicious look and padded out the study. After putting the atlas away in its proper place, Reid followed suit. He watched at a respectable distance and watched Jack launch himself into his mother's arms.

"Hi, Mommy! I've missed you!"

"Hi, sweetie, I've missed you too," she scooped him up and hugged him tight, "Were you a good boy for Dr. Reid?"

"Of course I was," he pouted at her,

Reid waved awkwardly at them from his position in the mouth of the hallway, "Good-bye, Jack, Haley."

Jack just waved back at him, and Haley smiled the saddest smile he had ever seen; it almost made his own eyes well up, "Please be happy, Spencer."

Suddenly, he was afraid to get any closer.


Allison Cowell is twenty-four-years-old, freshly graduated from Yale University with a PhD in Chemistry and MAs in Physics and Psychology, with all the obvious available honors; she also has a giant chip on her shoulder. It doesn't take long at all for Aaron and the rest of his team to figure out that Cadet Cowell's got Section Chief Strauss completely under her control. Which shouldn't be possible, but is, apparently.

"I'm ultimately confident that Cadet Cowell will be an invaluable asset to your team, Aaron," Strauss says.

"Yes, ma'am."

"I trust you'll get her settled?"

"Yes, ma'am," Off the top of his head, Aaron can't even think of any one place where Cadet Cowell can get settled down. As far as he knows, all the desks are occupied with someone's paperwork, and they've long since removed Reid's desk from the cluster in the other room.

"Thank you, Agent," Strauss puts out a hand. Aaron is unhappy about it, but he sees no choice. He has told her countless times that the team does not need a replacement for Spencer Reid to function properly. In fact, the team functions even better without a Reid-like person, because then it keeps Aaron on task, he doesn't have to think about Reid.

After Strauss leaves the room, Aaron settles his eyes on Cadet Allison Cowell. She is wearing a gray business suit that looks at least two decades too old for her, and shoes so shiny that they must have been bought for one occasion. Her makeup is flawless, but her face twitches at odd intervals, leading him to deduce that she isn't used to makeup.

Cowell looks entirely too self-assured. Aaron is suddenly reminded of the way Gideon had guided a slouching Reid in a crooked tie in his office, many years earlier.

"Hotch, I'd like you to meet Dr. Spencer Reid."

He remembered Reid shifting uneasily from one foot to the other. Aaron cocked a curious eyebrow, "For what purpose?"

"I want him on the team," Gideon said. "This kid is genius."

"No," Dr. Spencer Reid spoke up, his voice was thin, a little bit high, as if he lacked the proper amount of oxygen for him to function properly. "I'm just smart, the term genius has too many unrealistic implications."

Aaron said, "Oh."

Gideon just laughed, "See what I mean?"

Cadet Cowell is extending her hand towards him, "Agent Hotchner, it's a pleasure to be working with you."

Aaron squeezes her hand so hard that she grimaces, "Likewise. JJ, could you please show Cadet Cowell around, make sure she's comfortable." JJ gets the job, because he knows that she's the most resourceful under scrutiny and pressure.

"You got it," JJ spares him what seems to be a pitying look of sorts and gestures. "Please, come with me."


Daniel says, "What are you doing later?"

"Why?"

"Just...if you're looking for something to do, you could drive me back to Quantico. I took a taxi and I've run out of money - what do you say, broke?"

Reid looks him up and down; he doesn't expect to find anything, and he finds himself more or less meeting all of his expectations. Emily has taught this boy a few things, or perhaps Daniel Riley learned all these things by himself; given the life that he has had, it would not be so surprising.

"Is this a trick?"

Daniel looks the picture of nonchalance as he shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know. It might be. I don't know what you mean."

"Of course you don't," Reid says. "Give it five years."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Reid."

It's infuriating. Reid suddenly wants to hit him, and perhaps test strangulation techniques with a pen, Fuck youseems apt for this particular moment, but he doesn't know how to incorporate it correctly into his personality.

"Let me fetch my keys."


Troy finds both of them in bed together (clothed) and doesn't even blink.

" 'S about fucking time," he says, not sounding unkind about it. "I swear, the two of you give me blue balls."

"Shut up, Troy."

Troy just shrugs, "Anyway, just here for some books, don't mind me. If you feel like getting naked -"

"Troy,"

After he leaves with half of his desk cleaned out, Jack and Chloe resume staring at the ceiling. Finally, Chloe pokes him gently on the nose and says, "So, are you ever going to tell me what got into you today?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Jack Haley, we could have crashed headfirst into a truck. We could have died."

They could have died, she says.

For a moment, Jack completely forgets who 'Jack Haley' is, and then he remembers. He looks at her face, and crumbles, "I was thinking about my mom. And how I don't remember much. I kind of hate it. It really sucks."

There's the whole other mess with Dr. Reid being in love with his dad too, but Jack can't exactly tell her that part yet. Telling her that part will make everything real. He is trying really hard not to think about that.

"Oh."

She holds him tighter.