shallom, cuddle-kins! c: I know I've been a slack for not updating sooner but my grammar decided to take a vacation to Cabo and left me behind with phrases like "and then he rose up because he felt off the ground" (this is actually something I wrote, I can't even). Sowwy?

Anyways I want to thank all of you for leaving such wonderful reviews encouraging me to keep writing, and someone even left me an ask on Tumblr asking if I was giving up on this story - nope, I don't plan on it, rest assured. This is the first time I'm having fun writing something! I have so many storyline ideas crumbled up inside my brain it's insane!

You are all scrumptious human beings! :)

PS: rating changed cause I say a few naughty words on this chapter, oops.


Never in his life had he cursed an inanimate object so much. He was completely and utterly annoyed with himself. That moment with Cuddy had messed with his mind, it had shaken things up, leaving him to wonder what could of have happened if the damned phone hadn't rung. House didn't do feelings, they were sticky and uncomfortable and desperately unpredictable, and the fact that he was well aware of what their almost blunder did to him only made things worse. Whomever was on the other side of the line was about to be greeted by a very cranky House, a very cranky and frustrated House.

"What!" He snapped at the phone, not even bothering to check the caller I'd - which was probably the worst idea he could have had in his shredded figment of existence, yes, even worse than fake marriages...

"Gregory, that is no manner to speak with your mother."

Well, fuck.

House immediately sat up straight - shit - he knew the reason why his mother was calling and after that little stunt with Cuddy he was most definitely not in the mood to have that conversation, not only because of his impending bottled up frustration, just eagerly waiting to be thrown upon someone, but also because he hadn't the faintest idea what to tell her. Seriously, how on earth do you explain to the woman who gave birth to you that you're basically a lying prick? That's right... You don't!

"Hey ma..."

He heard her sigh, he could only imagine what was yet to come.

"Don't you 'hey ma' me, mister!" - there it was -" You know damn well why I'm calling..." Yup, Blythe was taking no shit from him.

House knew he had no way out of that tricky situation, his mum wanted answers and she wasn't going to rest until he properly provided them. Middle school flashback, oh god.

"Listen, I'm sorry-"

"No, you listen!" - she cut him off - "I can't believe you, really, Gregory, of all things you've done, this is, by far the worst! I can't believe you did such thing."

Oh no. No, no, no, no! Could his mother know about his sham marriage? Could she have figured it all out after Arnold talked to her? Lord have mercy on his condemned soul...

He chose to remain silent, hey, it was his right to plead the fifth - 'I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me' - but in his case it was more of a 'I refuse to answer on the grounds that I would really prefer to remain alive and not get beaten to death' type of situation, but either way, it was the fifth nonetheless... Give it or take.

"You have no idea how foolish I felt when that lawyer called me, how embarrassing it was for me to find out about things like that!"

Okay, he was most definitely fried. His mum was usually a very sweet and understanding woman (some might wonder if they had any sort of biological connection) but apparently she too had a limit for his bullcrap.

House got a little sidetracked from the conversation, missing some parts of Blythe's rant, which could be really bad news for him if she started asking questions. He had to explain why he chose to lie to the government (Arnold was hardly the government, but his mother would surely take him for someone important) and risk his career over a couple of dollars at some point, but oh, how he longed to prolong that moment.

"... And you can come pick me up after lunch."

Hold on, what? He sure as hell hoped he was hallucinating, showing early signs of dementia and/or just going crazy from all the years he'd spent surrounded by morons, he must have heard wrong.

"I'm sorry, mum.. Could you repeat that last part?"

Blythe's speech was cut off by a slight moment, a slight and very appreciated moment, if you ask House.

"I said I'm going to visit you. I'll arrive next week... Weren't you listening?" - she sighed, although letting a smile escape her lips - "Oh, Greg... What am I going to do with you? You better hope that woman of yours is willing to put up with you." - another chuckle - "I'll see you then, son, I love you."

Well, fuck.

He stood there, in the middle of Cuddy's living room, baffled to insanity.


Contrary to popular believe, Wilson had not osmosed House's ability to lie and manipulate the others around him. He sucked at lying, his hands would start to sweat and his eyebrows would engaged in a very awkward movement dance, similar to two caterpillars on mating season. Lying didn't come natural to him, he never got away with it in school, much to his dismay. So, yeah, he wasn't particularly thrilled about his meeting with Mr. Dubois.

He had two choices, one: suck it up like a big boy and lie through his teeth, two: tell both House and Cuddy to get someone else to do it because he didn't want to get involved... But then again... He wanted to. When it came to his two best friends, getting them to admit their mutual feelings for each other was something he felt was one of his purposes in life. They were so goddamn perfect for each other it physically hurt watching them going around in circles, year after year. And now they were married, presumably only temporarily but who were those two idiots trying to kid? They were stuck with each other and he sure as hell wanted to see them realising it.

Sigh, oh well, it seemed like he was going to have to do it. Curse his inner gossip self for always getting him into trouble, oh, and House. Curse House for being such a pussy when it came to Cuddy.

His inner monologue was interrupted by a knock on his office door. Show time.

"Ah, Dr. Wilson, I hope I'm not interrupting anything? I can come back later if some other time would suit you better."

'How about never'? The little devil on Wilson's conscience blurted out. (oddly enough it sounded a lot like House).

"You're not interrupting anything, I was just going through some paperwork" - boy wonder powers activated - "Please, sit, would you like me to get you anything?" - boy wonder used charm, it's super effective!

Arnold smiled politely "No, thank you, doctor. I'll be brief, I just have a couple things to ask you about your friends, Drs. House and Cuddy. Standard procedure."

Wilson nodded.

"From what I've learnt you are Dr. House's best friend, am I right?"

'Regrettably so...'

"Yes." Okay, he was not being much of help he was really scared of screwing this up, mostly because House would never let him hear the end of it and make it his life goal to make his life a living hell - gulp.

Arnorld nodded, taken aback by the oncologist's insecurity "Okay... Were you an attending at their wedding ceremony?"

Aaaaand, action! C'mon, Jimmy, just like we practised - demon, or rather, House voice pipped up.

"Umh, yes. It wasn't exactly a ceremony.. It was more of a small gathering. Just a few family and friends. We all went down to the court house, they signed the papers and that was it." - sensing how suspicious Arnold , he felt the need to add a little joke - "House is not very big into social interactions" Nailed it - self five.

"I see... How is their marriage affecting their work relationship?"

"Oh, their relationship hasn't changed at all. If it's favoritism your looking for it most certainly there's none. Cuddy is a great administrator, she never lets her personal life interfere with her work." - technically that wasn't a lie, he reasured himself - "and House... Well, he's his usual self, same as always. He respects her a lot, both as a doctor and as an employer." - also true.

Wilson's generic answers were not pleasing Arnold. That he already knew, from talking to both House and Cuddy and House's mother. He was looking to know more about the couple's life through friendly bystander, not a computated robot.

He took off his rounded glasses and set them on Wilson's desk, resting his elbows on its wooden surface, smiling to reassure the confused looking doctor as he leaned in almost like he had a secret to confide in him.

"Dr. Wilson, those are not the answers I was hoping to get.."

Oh, no. What had he done wrong? Keep the act up, Jimmy, he told himself.

".. I want to know this couple, I need to know how deeply they love each other and I want to hear it from the people around them. Gertrude clearly stated that she wanted her nephew to have the money if he had someone worthy by his side, and to be fair, something seemed a little off when I had my meeting with them. He looked at her with such longing in his eyes, and tell me, doctor, how can you long for something you already have? And Dr. Cuddy seemed to flinch every time their legs touched, almost like her skin burnt with each touch..." - Wilson had the most dumbfounded expression ever, one that would serve for months of mockery material if said mockee were to be there - "Tell me about your friends, that's the kind of story I want to hear from you." Arnold concluded.

Upon shrugging off any remains of the deep state of shock the elder layer had left him in, Wilson decided it was time to tell the truth.

"To be honest, I never thought they'd have a snowball's chance in hell at making their relationship work. They have never gotten along, ever since med school House and Cuddy have always clashed, they'd bicker and fight with each other with such passion the world around them would cease to would be on bad terms for a few days, avoiding each other and retreating themselves in their offices, and then suddenly it was almost as though it had never happened. I envy them. Me and my ex wife got along fine up until the day we signed the divorce papers and look where it got me? I want what they have. They are polar opposites that fit together perfectly."

Arnold looked at the young doctor sympathetically. He rose from his seat, putting away the black notepad now filled with notes, and shook Wilson's hand.

"That's all I need to know" - he turned to leave - "Thank you for your time, Dr. Wilson."

Cut! That's a wrap everybody - Wilson flopped down onto his chair, finally freeing the previously incarcerated air in his lungs.


Cuddy stormed down the hall, with House limping close behind her.

"I can't do this."

He rose his hand to her waist, pulling her towards him, ignoring the pounding alarms in his head.

"I know." - Instead of fighting or trying to persuade her, he understood. That took her aback a little - "If you want to, I'll tell my mother the truth and we won't have to pretend to like with each other around her." He couldn't tell if that was an hint of sarcasm in his voice or something else.

She starred at his eyes, trying to read him, images of a few moments ago pestering her mind, silently pleading him to say what they were both eager to say or maybe for some other unrelatable reason, he couldn't tell. Lisa Cuddy was the person he knew more about, and yet she was still a undecifrable mythical creature.

He dragged his eyes away, not allowing himself to look at her expression ridden eyes, refusing to let the barriers fall. There was no room in his life for poetry or beauty. It was overflowing with harsh reality, this was no fairy tale and even if it were, the monster never gets the girl in the end. She was his boss, living a nightmare of her own, burning with anger at him for another one of his stunts. Yes, that was it.

But then it wasn't...


I'm so late for my exam preparation class it's not even funny, oh well... watcha gonna do? :P Thoughts?

~My mum says you should leave me a review because I'm special.