"What... a... day." Calvin groaned. "Stuffed with junk food, six straight hours of TV, unlimited room service who become grouchy after the three hundredth call, and the chance to watch all the movies we're not supposed to watch due to violence and bad language."

"Yep." Hobbes said.

"Plus, as an added bonus, I feel like I'm about to explode from all the Oreos I ate."

"Same here."

"Completely stuffed."

"Yep."

"Isn't this great?"

"Yep."

"There's just one problem."

"Which is...?"

Calvin waved his arms frantically, trying to get off the bed.

"I... can't... move!"

"Yes, that is a bit of a problem, huh?"


Meanwhile, Chill screeched to a stop in front of THE GREASY SPOON.

He flung the door to the mustang open, and strolled into the store.

In other words, he kicked the double doors open.

And he screamed, again.

"DING!"

Everyone in the restaurant looked up.

Chill stared into the restaurant.

"Hope I'm not...ah... interrupting anything."

"Uh... no..." The waiter began.

"Ah, good!" Chill jumped up, and landed on the stool in front of the counter. "I just hate it when people interrupt things, don't you?"

"Yeah, sure." The waiter shrugged.

There was a moment of silence.

"Uh, may I help you?" The waiter at the counter asked.

"Yeah!" Chill said. "Number one. I want to know exactly WHO was in this restaurant within the last day!"

The waiter stared at him.

"Wha...?"

Chill put one arm on the counter, and the other on his hip, as he leaned against it.

"Tall balding guy with glasses, brown haired woman with a bratty kid with spiky hair and a stuffed tiger. Ringing any bells?"

The waiter stared at him.

Then his eyes lit up.

"Oh, you mean those people who ordered the ugly fish meal?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Chill said.

"Why do you care?" The waiter asked, suspiciously.

Chill blinked.

"Uh... I'm an undercover...uh... police officer?"

Everyone behind the counter stared at Chill.

Several people whispered back and forth among each other.

Chill cut his eyes from side to side.

The waiter continued to stare at him

"Oh, well, why didn't you just say so?" He asked. "They were here, yes."

"They were?" Chill asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Are you positive?"

"Yeah."

"Are you positive that your positive?"

"Yes."

"Are you positive that you were positive of your positiveness?"

"They were here, OK?" The waiter finally yelled.

Chill began twiddling his fingers.

"EXCellent!" He cackled. "Heh, heh, heh, heh! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

He threw his hands back, and laughed.

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

He stopped laughing when he realized everyone was staring at him, again.

Chill put his hands down, and cleared his throat.

"I..cough... mean, do you have any idea where they went?"

Everyone shook their heads in unison.

Chill blinked.

"Oh. OK. Well, onto the second order of business."

He went nose to nose with the waiter.

"I crave food. How's the pork?"

"The poor thing has a fever." The waiter said.

Chill gave him a blank stare.

"Uh... OK. Bring me a steak, then."

"Excellent choice. How do you want it?"

Chill raised his right eyebrow.

"Bring me something a good doctor could save." Chill said.

"OK, extra rare."

The waiter left.

Leaving Chill to plan his revenge.


Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were still at the hotel, watching Night of the Living Crash Test Dummies, and gorging themselves on nacho chips.

Calvin took a remote control, and pushed the button.

BEEP

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin pushed it again.

BEEP

Nothing happened.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

A man in a red uniform came inside, just then.

"I was coming!" He yelled. "We don't come in immediately after you push the button! What do you want, now!"

Calvin snapped his fingers twice.

SNAP! SNAP!

"NO! I am not giving you another foot massage!"

Calvin snapped his fingers again, not taking his eyes of the TV.

SNAP! SNAP!

"Forget it!"

SNAP! SNAP!

"I'm not doing it!"

SNAP! SNAP!

"NO!"

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

"RRRRRRRRGH!"

Three seconds later, the room service guy was massaging Calvin's feet.

After an hour of this, Calvin said, "Well, the movie's over. You can stop, now."

The room service guy stood up.

"Oh, by the way," Calvin said, reaching into his pocket.

The room service guy grinned, walked over, and held his hand out.

Calvin took out a rumbled up bag, pulled out a crumbled up chip, and put it in the guy's hands.

The man stared at it.

"Keep up the good work, and they'll be plenty more where that came from." Calvin said.

The man's eyes slammed shut, his teeth gritted, and his face turned a deep shade of red.

"I'll snap if I need anything." Calvin said.


Meanwhile, Chill had finished his steak dinner, and got back into his mustang.

He drove five feet up to the gas station across the street.

A brown haired man was coming out of the store next to the station, when all at once, a mustang screeched to a stop in front of him.

"YEEK!" The man yelled.

Chill rolled the window down.

He had sunglasses on that hid his eyes, and a big grin on his face.

"Excuse me," He said, casually. "Can you point me out to the nearest city?"

The man stared at him.

"Uh... sure.. It's over there."

He pointed across the street.

Chill looked out the opposite window, and looked over at a bunch of tall skyscrapers and buildings.

"Ah, thank you my good man."

Chill pulled a chip out of his pocket.

"Here ya go."

The man stared at the broken up chip in his hand as the lunatic villain roared away.

Chill drove the car into the city.

"Now," He asked himself. "If I were a half crazed, self centered, nonsensical little lunatic..."

He paused.

"If I were a child version of a half crazed, self centered, nonsensical little lunatic where would I stay?"

Just then, a car drove up next to Chill.

The window was down.

"Charles, I can't believe you didn't book a hotel." Said a woman voice. "Now, where are we going to stay?"

"Margaret, we could stay at that Perfect Wonder Inn place. It's where all half crazed, self centered, nonsensical little lunatics go."

Chill's head turned around, and fixed on the car.

"No, we can't stay there." Margaret said. "There's some rich kid there who's driving all the people there crazy. This would be a very bad time to stay there."

Chill blinked several times.

"Come on, he's just a six-year old." Charles said.

"I'm not staying at that hotel. Come on, let's find some different place."

The car drove off.

Chill watched it go.

"Wow, I sure am having a lot of good luck lately." He said to no one in particular. "TO THE PERFECT WONDER INN!"

He revved the engine up, and roared off to the Perfect Wonder so forth.

To fulfill his revenge on Calvin

Whoops.