A/N- Apologies for the delay. Real life happened plus I've started working on another story, but now this is here and you can all enjoy!
Chapter 9
Clay could sense the nervousness emanating from Hannah as he walked her to school. No doubt the whole place was filled with horrible memories, and Clay sincerely hoped that she wouldn't have another episode.
Sometimes he wondered why Hannah didn't just move schools and start over, but then the haunting feeling that he wouldn't see her as often came bidding into his mind. It was selfish of Clay, when he thought about it, but he simply couldn't imagine not seeing Hannah every day.
Clay guided Hannah to her locker, ignoring the curious looks cast their way, whether it was because they'd all heard the rumours or because Clay was standing extremely close to Hannah, his body almost entirely pressed up against hers as he tried to protect her from their obnoxious looking.
When Hannah opened her locker, Clay coughed and spluttered. There was a fine layer of dust that had collected on all her textbooks and notepads, and it had been kicked up and into Clay's face when Hannah opened the locker. Hannah giggled at the sight of Clay's suffering and he scowled at her.
"I think your locker's trying to kill me," coughed out Clay.
"What can I say? You're insufferable," retorted Hannah, a smirk crossing her features.
Clay smiled as well, but he then saw Bryce Walker heading their way. "Let's go to my locker," he said as nonchalantly as possible, hoping his voice didn't falter.
Hannah didn't seem to notice and she eagerly wrapped her hand around Clay's elbow and the two walked together to his locker. Clay glanced behind him and let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Bryce hadn't noticed them. Hannah noticed it and asked him what was wrong.
"Nothing," said Clay easily. He was getting better at lying to people, and he hated it when he had to do it to Hannah. But it was for her own good, Clay told himself. And with that thought, he escorted Hannah to their first class of the day.
Another thing that Clay hated was his confusion as to where he stood with Hannah. After that kiss they shared in his bedroom, some sort of wall built of pure tension had been erected between them. It was obvious, even to Clay, that they had to talk about it, but how do you bring up the subject of a second kiss? "Oh hey Hannah. Remember when we kissed each other on Saturday in my bedroom after you had that panic attack? Yeah wanna talk about that?"
Yeah right. Clay would sooner fall off his bike again, and then people would start wondering if his name was actually Harry Potter. Clay decided to figure out when the right time was for him to question his relationship with Hannah later, because he was pretty sure platonic friends didn't walk hand in hand through the school halls, giving each other shy looks and turning away with their faces red when they caught the other looking.
Lucky (or unlucky, depending on who you asked) for them, French was the first class of the day. Clay had managed to talk with all the teachers he shared a class with Hannah to allow him to sit next to her until she had fully settled in, Clay was fairly certain that there was a God after every teacher he asked agreed with him.
While Clay did his best to pay attention to the teacher and took as many notes as possible, he noticed that Hannah constantly zoned out and he had to bring her back to the Land of the Living. She would give him a sheepish grin and turn her attention back to the teacher, but soon she would tune out again and the process would repeat itself.
"Are you okay?" Clay finally whispered when the teacher's attention was diverted to the other side of the classroom.
Hannah popped her head up to look at him. "Yeah I'm fine. Why?" she asked.
"You keep zoning out," said Clay.
"I do?"
Clay frowned. This is new, he thought.
"Yeah. I keep having to bring you back so you don't get in trouble. Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again.
Hannah sighed. "I'm not sure," she admitted sadly. "I don't remember zoning out but you've told me I do. I don't know I think this place is getting to me, that's all."
Clay grabbed Hannah's wrist gently and gave it a light squeeze. "Hannah, if you're having trouble, you need to let me know and I'll try to help in any way I can. That's a promise."
Hannah's blue eyes shone with unshed tears, but before she could say anything, the teacher spoke up.
"Mr Jensen. Is there a reason why you're talking?" she asked.
Clay opened his mouth, but Hannah beat him to the punch.
"Sorry, it's my fault," said Hannah. "Can I please go to the bathroom?"
"Of course Hannah, don't be too long."
Clay didn't miss the fact that the teacher called Hannah by her first name and he by his last. Hannah stood up from her seat and Clay gave her a worried frown, asking silently if she needed him to come with her. Hannah shook her head almost imperceptibly and she walked out of the classroom.
Clay glanced around the room and saw Alex looking at him with an expression that asked Clay what was going on. He shook his head and turned back to his work.
Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes and still Hannah hadn't returned, and Clay was starting to freak out. He wasn't doing a good job of hiding it though, because the girl sitting opposite him, Kelsey? Clay wasn't sure, but anyway she was giving him annoyed looks. Alex too was looking across the room at Clay with worry. In fact, pretty much everyone except for the teacher kept looking at him, so maybe Clay was doing a horrible job at hiding the impending panic attack.
Where was Hannah? It didn't take that long to go to the bathroom unless you were sitting there looking through memes, and Clay knew that Hannah wasn't the kind of person to do that. Not that he knew that's exactly what she did but Hannah was the sort of girl who didn't fuss around if it wasn't necessary. So why was it taking her so long?
His thoughts were answered when Sheri came barging into the room with a panicked look on her face, and her gaze zeroed in on Clay, and he knew that something was definitely wrong.
"Miss, I need Clay right now," said Sheri breathlessly.
Clay didn't even wait for the teacher's response before he was following Sheri out of the classroom and towards the girls bathroom. When they got there Sheri opened the door for him, and he looked at the dark girl in horror.
"Wait what?" he spluttered.
"She needs you," said Sheri impatiently.
"But it's the girls bathroom," said Clay in terror.
"Clay if you don't get in there right now and help Hannah I'm gonna kick your ass myself," threatened Sheri.
"Touché," said Clay flatly and he walked into the girls bathroom cautiously.
Like the boys bathroom, the walls were completely covered with graffiti. Insults, phone numbers, strange combinations of words Clay was pretty sure didn't even exist littered they grey walls. He found the term 'cum dumpster' particularly creative.
Clay heard sniffling in the farthest cubicle, which was closed. "Hannah?" he called out softly.
Instantly the sniffling stopped, replaced by a loud gasp that echoed through the bathroom. "Clay? What the fuck are you doing here?!" shrieked the voice of Hannah.
"Keeping my promise," said Clay as he pushed open the cubicle door. His heart clenched at the sight of Hannah, her face tear-streaked and eyes red and puffy.
"Jesus Hannah, what happened?" he said, kneeling down to inspect the girl.
"Someone's gonna come in!" hissed Hannah as she tried to push him away.
"Sheri's watching the door," said Clay. "What happened?" he repeated.
"I'm just being stupid," said Hannah, once again sniffling as a tear fell down her face.
"Nothing you do is stupid Han," said Clay softly, wiping the tear away with his thumb. "Now tell me what's wrong."
"I-I was fine when I came into the bathroom until I saw the writing on the wall," she said in a flat tone. "See that phone number there?" she said pointing to the number that was added with 'call for a great time.' "That's mine."
Clay's felt his eye twitch as he felt the urge to tear apart the person who wrote that almost overwhelm him. But he took a deep breath and looked back at Hannah.
"There are other stuff on here that I know is about me," continued Hannah in that same dead tone.
"You don't know that," said Clay.
"But I do," insisted Hannah.
"Doesn't mean it's true," retorted Clay. "You and I both know that all the shit that people say about you isn't true in the slightest. It's a load of shit started by even shittier people who haven't got anything fucking better to do."
Hannah balked slightly at the fierceness with which Clay spoke, and even he was surprised with himself. But he kept talking. "You are the smartest, funniest and most beautiful girl I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, Hannah Baker. And it kills me to see you so beaten up by all of this.
"If you had died that night," continued Clay, his voice dying down to a whisper, "I probably would have joined you not long after because I simply can't see myself in a world without you in it. You're like the sun to me, my very own air that only I can breathe and without it I'm nothing."
Clay didn't know why he was saying these things, but once he started he couldn't stop and he was in no hurry to stop. He needed to say these things to Hannah.
Hannah herself was looking at Clay as if for the first time, and her eyes were glistening with more tears.
"Why are you telling me this? Why do you care so much that I live?" she asked hesitantly, her voice hoarse from crying.
Clay didn't say anything for a little bit but when he did, he wasn't sure himself if he was the one who said it.
"Because I love you."
Hannah's eyes widened in surprise at his declaration, and Clay could feel her pulse racing underneath where he had grabbed her wrist.
"I love you Hannah," he repeated, "and I will never leave you. Not now. Not ever. I'll always be there for you."
"Clay..." started Hannah, but Clay held his hand up for her to stop.
"Let me finish this, otherwise I might not get another chance. I don't care what all those assholes out there say about you, because I know the real you. The girl who would never intentionally hurt somebody, the girl who always had that spark in her eyes that just draws people to her. I fallen in love with the girl who writes amazing poetry, loves looking at the stars and has a tongue like silver. Ilove how you don't care that I'm terrible with people or that I'm a total nerd.s
"I've loved you for a long time Hannah, and took watching you nearly destroy yourself for me to admit that to you, and I'm sorry for that. If I had told you sooner, maybe you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself. Maybe I could have been that thing that kept you going. I'm sorry for not asking you out all those times I could have. I'm sorry for doing nothing when you needed my help. I'm sorry for lashing out at you when those rumours started."
"Hannah, I love you and I promise from now on I'll do anything for you, even if you don't realise you need it."
Clay watched Hannah for a reaction, anything that could give him a hint as to what was going on in her mind. So focussed he was on her that he wasn't prepared for when Hannah suddenly lurched forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Clay let out a surprised yelp, but soon he was kissing her back.
This is what heaven is like, thought Clay before all coherent thought left his mind as he lost himself in Hannah's embrace. Eventually they had to come up for air, both teenagers red-faced and breathing heavily.
"Did you mean it?" asked Hannah breathlessly, her eyes boring into his.
"Every word of it," said Clay seriously.
Smack!
"Ow! What the fuck!" yelled Clay, letting go of Hannah's waist and to rub his cheek where Hannah had slapped him. She had a blazing look in her eyes as she glared at him.
"Don't you dare blame yourself for something I did, Clay Jensen," hissed Hannah.
"What-" began Clay.
"What I did was not your fault! I made the decision to off myself, and I can't blame you at all because you saved me. You're still saving me," she interrupted.
"Hannah..."
"I'm fucked up Clay. Everyone knows it. Even you do. But words cannot express how much I appreciate that you're still here for me even after all the shit I've been through. It will take a while for me to get better, but I hope you'll stick with me."
"Always," said Clay.
"Really? Severus Snape?" said Hannah in exasperation.
"Why does everyone think I'm always quoting Harry Potter?" mumbled Clay.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Good." Hannah then brushed past Clay, intertwining her fingers through Clay's as she pulled him out of the cubicle and bathroom. "The bathroom isn't the most romantic place to declare your undying love for someone, you know," she said once they were out of the bathroom. Behind them, Sheri gasped and looked at the other two teens gleefully before she walked in the opposite direction back to her own class.
"Sorry about that," muttered Clay, scratching the back of his head with his free hand.
"Don't be. It was very Helmet of you," assured Hannah, a bright smile on her face. Before they got back to the French classroom, Hannah stopped. She turned around and gave Clay a beautiful smile that made his heart ache. "For what it's worth, I love you too," she said and pecked him on the lips.
Clay's smile didn't leave his face for the rest of the day as they headed inside the classroom.
Down the hall, they didn't see the tall, scrawny boy glaring at the door where the two lovebirds had disappeared behind, the muscles in his jaw twitching, his face burning with hate and anger and his hands clenched into fists. Dangling from his neck, a camera swung as his body shook.
A/N- So they've finally come out and said it. HUZZAH! Also, any guesses as to who that mysterious person might be? It's a bit of foreshadowing as to what's to come.
Next chapter will definitely be a more lighthearted chapter with lots of fluff and humour. Also, be sure to look out for my new story coming out soon. This story's next chapter will be providing some VERY obvious hints.
Also, shoutout to the people who may have lost their chance with the person they love with all their heart. I've been there before and it really fucking sucks, like you've lost a part of your soul and can never get it back because that person took it without even realising it. This chapter was for you guys.
