I don't know how i feel about this...please review and let me know what you think and what you want to see =] I NEED SUGGESTIONS!
"Ready to go home?" I asked as I helped Shailene stand up.
"I guess." She mumbled. She looked exhausted and her eyes were all red and puffy from crying so much.
"We'll get through this." I mumbled as I kissed the top of her head. She nodded against my chest and I helped her out of the hospital and into the car.
"Ready to see Sam?" I asked trying to make conversation as we drove down the highway.
"Yeah, he probably missed us. I've never been away from him for a whole night. I would always come home late after working the strip club."
"Did you quit your job there?"
"I took a temporary leave of absence." She whispered.
"You're done for good." I told her sternly.
"No." she spoke stubbornly.
"Yes. I don't want you doing that anymore. It's not good for you and it's not good for Samuel."
"You're not the boss of me. You can't tell me what to do."
"Maybe if you weren't such a whore we wouldn't have lost Finley." I muttered under my breath.
"What did you just say?" she seethed.
"If you didn't whore yourself out maybe your body could have protected Finley better." I didn't know why I was getting so angry.
"I know you're mad and upset but don't take it out on me. I already think this is my fault so don't make it worse." She had tears running down her face and she was furiously wiping them away. I pulled into the driveway and she got out as best as she could because she was still in pain and walked into the house.
"Mommy!" Samuel screamed and ran towards Shai.
"Hold up Bigman. Don't run into your mom's stomach." I warned as I shut the door and nodded at Logan.
"Let's go get a pudding." Shai smiled down and Sam and walked towards the kitchen.
"We lost the baby." I muttered under my breath as I sat on the couch.
"I'm so sorry man." Logan patted my shoulder.
"We need to get Jett back. Get James, Carlos and the rest of the gang to assemble tomorrow at 5 so we can make a game plan."
"What are we going to do to him?"
"I want him dead…but Shai won't let me. He needs to suffer like I am."
He nodded and awkwardly stood there looking at me.
"What was it?" he asked.
"Girl…Finley Rae. She was so small." I finally met his eyes and all I saw was sympathy.
"I'm sorry. I'm going to head out. Tell Sam I said goodbye." He smiled and left as Sam came back in with Shai trailing behind.
"Where were you and mommy last night?" he asked as he sat on my lap.
"We were at the hospital." I told him simply.
"How's baby?" he asked and pointed at Shai's stomach.
"Sam… there's no more baby." I told him sadly.
"Why? Did it not want me as a brother?" his bottom lip quivered and I could see Shai crying.
"No,no,no it's not your fault. There was an accident at school with mommy and the baby wasn't strong enough to survive so she died."
"She?"
"You were going to be a big brother to a sister! Finley Rae is…was her name."
He got up and went and hugged Shai around the neck so his tummy was against her back so he wouldn't touch her stomach.
"Don't cry mommy. You still have me."
"I'm so lucky to have you but you have to be good for mommy and daddy. We're very upset about this and we may be crying a little more often but we'll be better. Mommy can't pick you up either for a while because I had surgery yesterday."
"I'll be the bestest ever!" he yelled and jumped on the couch and ran to his room.
"Sam where'd you go?" I asked.
"Here mommy." Sam handed her his blanket.
"Baby you sleep with this every night…why are you giving it to me?"
"It makes me happy when I'm sad. You're sad and now you can be happy." He said as he came back over and sat in my lap.
"Thank you Sam." She blew a kiss and wiped the tears she shed.
"You are the greatest kid in the world." I whispered into his ear.
"Are you sad?" he asked.
"Absolutely. My daughter will never get to meet you and that's very sad." I told him as he snuggled into my chest.
"m'sleepy." He murmured.
"Take a nap then. " I told him as I felt his breath even out. I picked him up and brought him into his bedroom and shut the door behind me as I left.
"I think I'm going to head home for a bit…clear my head." I told Shai as I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly.
"Why?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I…I can't look at you without thinking of what could have been. I need some time to clear my head and grieve…on my own."
"I need you right now though." She was crying harder now than she was before.
"I can't be here." I told her as I gave a small wave and left the house. I got into my car and slammed my fists on the steering wheel.
"Why Shailene? Why me? Why us? What did we do to deserve this?" I spoke to no one in particular as I wiped the tears from my eyes and began to drive away.
.LINEBREAK.
I was awoken at 3 am by the ringing of my cell phone.
"What?" I asked gruffly.
"Daddy?" I heard a voice whimper.
"Samuel?" I bolted straight up from my bed.
"Daddy…I'm hungry." He told me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Mommy didn't feed me tonight. She's just been crying. I think she's sad about Finley." He spoke. He was so smart for his age.
"Yeah, listen to me Sam. I want you to go unlock the front door then sit next to mommy and try to calm her down. I'll be over in ten minutes. Okay?"
"Kay…I love you daddy." He told me as I heard him sniffle.
"Love you too." I told him as I raced to my car to try and fix my broken lover.
