Methos opened his eyes and the first realization he came to was that he felt horrible. He tried to recall the night's events, for that matter he tried to recall where he was. Then it all came back to him, he, Kronos, Caspian and Silas had been on new grounds for the past month, maybe more. For the most of it they kept to themselves, there wasn't much of anything to take from anybody, also nobody giving them any trouble, so they had no reason to attack anybody. It was a tired atmosphere but a nice change of pace opposite their lives before they had arrived.
And tonight…Methos had to think, tonight had been a celebration, it had been a bad year for the people in the village. The crops had all but failed and people clung to a thread of hope that they would improve, finally they had, the plants grew tall and strong, and produced large, thick food perfect for picking. A celebration was to be held for the crops' success, and while the four brothers were newcomers and had only arrived when the picking was nearly completed, they had been invited since they were now neighbors to the village, and not choosing to come off as suspicious so soon, they had accepted and went. It hadn't been a bad time, good music, plenty of dancing, a lot of pretty ladies, although the part Methos was particularly fond of was the wine.
Now that Methos thought of it, it probably wasn't wise to drink as much as he had, but he thought about it again and he remembered the last batch he'd drunk had tasted a bit odd, not necessarily sour but not as the rest had. At first he just thought it was a different bunch of grapes used for it, but now he was starting to think someone had added something to his. He remembered asking the others if their wine was allright, it was. And now that his head was clearer, Methos confirmed what he wondered just before, someone had put something in his wine, and it was to his guess, it was the same person who had dragged him away from the area. Looking around he didn't recognize his current surroundings, it was dark and deserted, and he was laying on the ground. He tried to get up, but only to discover his hands had been tied together above his head.
He was still a bit light in the head from the wine, but his head was clear enough to know that he couldn't sense his brothers anywhere, and he wondered exactly how far away from them he was. In the moonlight he could make out someone coming his way, but he couldn't make out anything about them, be it man or woman, friend or enemy, rescuer or executioner. All he could tell was that it was a mortal, so he was at least that fortunate.
"Finally alone, I'm glad."
That was a man's voice, not any man he knew but a man all the same. Methos got a better look at him close up, he'd never met the man before, hardly even saw him during the celebration that night.
Methos knew exactly what it was he had to say, he just could form the words and give an actual voice to them though he tried. "Wha…what's going on? What do you…"
The man's face twisted into an evil grin, and suddenly, Methos was fearing for his life. The man got down to his knees and covered Methos' body with his own.
"Comfortable, lover?"
Those words made Methos feel as if he were shrinking with fear.
"I've noticed you for quite a while, you always kept a distance and pretended not to notice, but I could tell you were wanting this just as much as I was, just the two of us, together, away from the rest. I'm aware that there are better positions to wake up in, but I wanted to make sure you didn't run off playing hard to get and have me trying to catch you all night."
Oh that did it, Methos didn't care if he was tied down, he wanted this man off of him right now. His feet hadn't been tied up, so he kicked the man, and he fell back, but it didn't seem to have much effect on him.
"Ooh you are a feisty one, aren't you?" He grinned again, "That's good, that's just how I like them. However," he reached over and picked up something, when he raised it Methos identified it as a knife, "It'll be a lot less painful if you make it easier on yourself and stay still."
He saw the knife come down, and closed his eyes after that, he expected it to rip into his skin, but it didn't, only at his clothes was all the further the man drove the knife in. He then heard a rip as the man tore his way through the rest of it and pulled the torn garments off of him. The man stuck the blade in the ground and stood up to remove his own clothes. Methos' mind was filled with panic, he had to get away from this man, mortal or not, that wouldn't stop him from doing much of anything, and anything and everything seemed about what he had in mind.
As if the answer to a prayer, Methos felt it, his brothers had come looking for him, he knew it…he heard Kronos' voice, it was low but he knew it was him. The man didn't notice anyone approaching and started removing his boots. Methos knew this was his only chance to get away before something happened, if he could hear Kronos then he assumed Kronos would hear him just as well. Fighting back the panic that threatened to tear into his voice, he gathered up all his strength and all his courage, and yelled as loud as he could, praying it would be enough, "KRONOS! HELP!"
It may only have taken a few seconds, but so far as Methos was concerned, it couldn't have happened quickly enough. Kronos was the first to come into Methos' sight. He could tell Kronos had only a split second to decide whether to first kill the man or to get to Methos. He sided with the latter and ran around him, but Silas came up right behind him and he knocked the man to the ground. As soon as Kronos got in a close enough view to see for a fact that he was real and not a dream, Methos cried and screamed and yelled, all incoherently, all out of terror of what would have happened, and relief that his brother was here now.
Kronos cut the ropes that bound his hands, and wrapped him in the blanket that he'd been placed on, and carried him back to their tent and laid him down on the bed, he cried and shook and screamed and carried on. He felt his skin burn where the man had touched him, even if it were impossible, he also felt he couldn't be still or quiet, or he would go completely mad. He felt a pair of strong arms hold him and he fought and yelled and tried to break loose. Even once he recognized the man as Kronos, his own brother in blood, he continued as sort of a reflex response.
"It's allright, Methos, I've got you now, you're allright, calm down…"
It took a few minutes for Methos to realize he wasn't in any danger, and as relieved as he was to be away from the man, now he felt ashamed for letting happen what did. So far as Methos was concerned, he'd left his slave years behind him, now he was strong enough to fight for himself and he had, and to him there wasn't anything worse than being captured by a mortal. He felt certain Kronos was disgusted of him for his weakness, but craved his brother's embrace more than anything, and feared if he let go, Kronos would disappear from his life forever. He turned around to face him and couldn't stand the look in Kronos' eyes, it was hard, cold, unforgiving, but Methos couldn't let go of him. Instead he clung to Kronos, his nails digging into the skin on Kronos' back, and buried his face in his brother's shoulder.
He expected at any moment to be pushed away, cursed and damned, but instead, he felt Kronos' hands find their way to the back of his head and neck and Kronos held close to his brother.
"It's allright, Methos, it's over, he's dead, he can't hurt you again," Kronos assured him.
Methos felt he must either scream or go mad, he screamed and cried and called his brother's name and tried to find some way to explain what had happened.
"Oh God, Kronos!" he cried, "he…he wanted…he did something to me, he put something…in the wine…"
"In all of ours," Kronos cut him off, "That's why it took us so long to find you. Whatever he put in yours he put in ours as well, but apparently he used more in yours to make sure you didn't draw any attention when he took you with him."
"He thought I…that I…he thought I wanted it…"
And did you? He expected Kronos to ask, but he didn't
"He was out of his head," Kronos told him, "but it doesn't matter now because he's dead. Methos, what did he do to you?"
"Nothing, nothing!" Methos cried, "I heard you coming and screamed before he could do anything."
"There's at least that," Kronos said, "I don't think any of his past victims were so fortunate. We went looking for him and found a few others at his home…what's left of them anyway."
Methos was certain he was going to be sick. He didn't even want to think of what the man would've done to him, especially after finding out he couldn't die, he'd had that done to him enough times already.
Kronos laid him down on the bed to rest, he returned a minute later with a cup of water, he placed one hand behind Methos' head and raised it enough for him to drink, the first bunch went down wrong and Methos wound up coughing it back up on both of them. They tried again and this time it went down smoothly.
"Are you feeling better now?" Kronos asked.
Methos barely nodded his head, as if he didn't have the strength to do even that. "A little…but I still feel…"
"What?" Kronos asked, "Feel like what?"
"Like a catamite, like a damned catamite, that's what," Methos told him.
"Isn't that just the damnedest thing?" Kronos asked, "When it's the victim who feels they did something wrong, instead of the attacker."
"I didn't do anything wrong," Methos said.
"I know you didn't," Kronos responded.
"I didn't…I didn't do anything…I didn't do anything wrong…" Methos kept that up for a while, and Kronos realized it wouldn't do any good to try and talk to him, it seemed Methos wouldn't hear him, or couldn't. "I didn't do anything…I didn't…" he stopped for a second and then let out a scream so loud and animalistic that Kronos was terrified. In all his life he had never heard a howl like that belonging to any sort of human, beasts yes, people, never…he especially wouldn't expect it from Methos. The scream died in his throat a few seconds later, replaced with gut wrenching sobbing and Methos' whole body convulsing in Kronos' arms.
"What is it, Methos? What's the matter?" Kronos was desperate to get through to him to help him.
"I am," Methos got out over his sobbing, "I am a catamite, Kronos, I am…I'm a whore!"
Kronos was convinced that Methos had gone crazy now, and worried that he might not find a way back from it.
"Methos calm down, that's not true."
"Yes it is! That's all I am, all I have been…that's how I stayed alive."
"Methos, listen to me," Kronos shook Methos to get his attention, "what that bastard did to you couldn't be helped, he had you chained up and starved, you couldn't fight to save your life."
"No, Kronos…before that…before he found me…it was after I left a village where they wanted to burn me alive, they saw me die and return to life, tried to send me back to Hell. I got out of there, and when I finally got away, somebody found me…he wanted to kill me, he knew how…he would've taken my head, but instead…" Kronos didn't think Methos had the strength to continue, but he did. "He decided he'd rather keep me around so long as I pleased him, and I did…when he grew tired of me, he sold me to that bastard. He assured him I was good at many things, and he decided to find out what all they were…"
"Calm down, Methos, it's allright…you really think you're the only one who's ever done what he had to just to stay alive?"
"You too, Kronos?" Methos was genuinely shocked.
"And Caspian…although what anyone would see in him, I'll never know," Kronos replied. "Methos, something we all have in common, before we became Immortal none of us wanted to die early if we could help it. Becoming Immortal didn't change that, we still want to survive, and to do that we've all had to sacrifice ourselves in one way or another, all for the sake of keeping our heads. It's never anything we're proud of, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of, if you want to live, you either have to just survive, or kill those who would kill you."
And that's exactly what happened, Kronos said the man was dead, Silas must've killed him.
"It doesn't change the fact, I still feel like a whore," Methos said.
"I know the feeling quite well," Kronos replied, "It'll pass…if you let it."
Methos leaned into Kronos and hoped for sleep to come soon, he just wanted this night to be over.
"Methos."
"Hmm?" Methos looked up.
Kronos placed his hands on the sides of Methos' face and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead, then on his cheek. "You're my brother and I love you, and I'll protect you with my life. As long as I can help it, nobody's going to hurt you anymore, you know that don't you?"
I do now, Methos thought, I suppose I always have. "Yes."
"Good." Kronos set Methos back until he was balanced in the knelt position he was in, and he got up.
"Where're you going?" Methos asked.
"I'm just going to get your other clothes, it tends to get cold at night and I don't think you want to spend it quite like that."
Methos looked down and realized he was still naked, just covered in the blanket, and he suddenly became disgusted with himself. It didn't matter what Kronos said, he still felt like a whore, and he had an idea he'd feel that way for quite some time.
Kronos came back with another tunic and helped Methos slip into it, he was too tired to do much of anything by himself. Kronos basically took over dressing him after that, and put on everything except his boots and returned to bed, and he laid Methos down with him, and held his brother close as they both started drifting into sleep.
"Kronos," Methos however felt he must say one more thing before sleep took him.
"Hmm?" Kronos drowsily murmured.
"…I love you too, Brother…"
Methos didn't get out of bed the next day, he didn't want anyone saying anything to him. The only person he was comfortable talking to about what had happened, was Kronos, and Kronos knew everything there was to know. Kronos had left earlier in the day but promised Methos he would return later, how much later, he didn't say, he never said how long he would be gone, and it always left Methos to wonder when, or if, Kronos would return. That in mind, all he wanted to do was sleep, he couldn't directly worry about it if he were asleep.
He wasn't asleep long when he felt another Immortal nearby, and he heard him enter the tent. Methos opened his eyes and turned around and saw Caspian next to him.
"Get out," he hissed, "get out Caspian or I'll kill you, don't think I wouldn't."
Caspian's mouth twisted into a sinister grin, one that had Methos reaching for his knife and ready to stab him at any second.
"Relax," Caspian told him, "I didn't come here to start any battles with you."
"You didn't have to, your very presence is enough for that," Methos replied.
"I just came to let you know, if you want to come out, you can, nobody's going to bother you."
For a minute, Methos wasn't sure he believed him, he had no reason to believe him in the first place.
"What's the matter, Caspian? Run out of insults to hurl at me? Or don't you have any more?"
"Not this time," he replied, "not about this."
Suddenly Methos didn't have the strength to hold onto the knife, he dropped it as if someone had broken the bones in his wrist. "Caspian…Kronos told me last night that you…had been in the same…the same…how many times?"
"Enough," Caspian answered.
As much as he hated continuing, Methos realized he couldn't stop himself halfway, he'd simply have to continue until he was finished. "And did you ever…forget it?"
"I don't recall what was done, or rather how it was done if that's what you mean," Caspian replied, "Perhaps too much time just passed to remember."
Too much time, and how much would that have to be? Caspian was so far as they knew the youngest of the four, what was too much time for him to clearly remember something? Methos was the oldest of them, and if there was a thing as too much time to remember something, it passed him up, he remembered all the grim details of what was done to him, what he had endured, the humiliation, the fear, the everyday fact that he did as someone else pleased just so he could live, if it could be called that.
Methos was starting to wish that Kronos was there, he was starting to get that feeling again. Sometimes, he had made the discovery, when you've been a whore, and it continues to haunt you what you've done, you start to feel the hands of all the masters and the customers on you, touching you, groping you, taking what they declared theirs, leaving you feeling like the dirt they pin you down in. Kronos also it seemed, never experienced a period of 'too much time' to forget what was done to him, that's why, Methos gathered, he had stayed with Methos until he had calmed down, they knew each other's pain well.
Caspian turned to leave the tent and Methos asked before he was out, "Did Kronos say anything when he left?"
"No."
That was all the convincing he needed, Methos was certain if Kronos did return, it wouldn't be for him. Silas and Caspian yes, Kronos needed equals, real brothers who could fight their own battles, not someone like him. He'd counted the days, days turned to months and months to years, ten years, for ten years he'd been with Kronos, and for a good part of that ten years, it had been exactly like this, ten years of crying like a damned infant and clinging to Kronos for solace and protection. Enough was enough and Kronos shouldn't have had to put up with it for so long, and the more that Methos thought about it, the more he realized Kronos had probably decided he wouldn't be putting up with it anymore. Methos really didn't know what he was going to do, as much as he cursed himself for being weak and depending on Kronos to be with him for so long, he was terrified by the idea of Kronos leaving him.
It was then that he heard Silas and Caspian talking outside, he listened for a while and gathered that they must've thought he was still asleep because they were talking about him.
"You would think by now," Caspian was saying, "that he would be able to get it through his head that Kronos is going to come back, he always does."
"It's easy for you to say," Silas replied, "Because you don't care if you're alone…but Methos can't be left alone, he wouldn't survive if he was, he needs to be with people he can trust, and Kronos he trusts the most. One thing he remembers most is anyone he trusted before turned on him, they abandoned him, and he's worried Kronos will do the same."
"And what are we, animal intestines?" Caspian asked, "how about that bastard from last night that we got rid of? Where's gratitude for that?"
"Methos doesn't know you killed him because Kronos brought him back while he was still alive," Silas replied.
The rest of Silas' explanation fell on death ears to Methos…Caspian had killed the man, not Silas…he had thought for sure…he had seen…what had he seen? Silas throwing the man to the ground, but he was still alive the last he saw of him…perhaps, Methos thought, they had split the work down the middle, Silas held him down, Caspian made the fatal attack. It would make sense…and as he thought about it, it probably made more sense that the man to actually killed him, was one who had been in a similar position as Methos had, as Kronos had explained and Caspian had confirmed only a few minutes before.
Methos rolled over and tried to go to sleep, he truly didn't know what would come of them but he thought Silas was underestimating Kronos, there truly was no telling what he would do.
It was dark and had been for a few hours when Kronos returned. Methos woke up when he heard the horse followed by Kronos' bellowing voice a few seconds later. He didn't go out to meet him, he barely made the effort to get out of bed. Kronos entered the tent and saw Methos, his eyes half closed, and looking to go back to sleep.
"Methos, how are you feeling tonight?" Kronos asked.
Methos closed his eyes shut for a second and forced them open to look up at his brother. "Allright, I suppose…I've been in bed for most of the day."
Kronos sank to his knees and crawled on the bed up to Methos and rested one hand on his stomach. "You needed your rest," he said. He then noticed something and started poking Methos in the stomach. "You're feeling a bit thin even considering how scrawny you already are…have you eaten today?"
"No."
"Well then you should have plenty of room for what I brought."
Methos hadn't noticed until then that Kronos had brought something into the tent with him. At the entrance it would've been too dark to tell but in the oil light he saw what it was, two large, dead rabbits.
"Silas and Caspian have already gone off to their own tents, so it's just us right now," Kronos told him.
Methos weakly nodded and pushed back the furs and got up. "Kronos?"
"What?"
"Where did you go today?" Methos asked.
"Nowhere in particular."
"You were gone a long time for being no place in particular," Methos noticed.
Then again, he added to himself, you're always gone a long time when you take off.
Kronos never told Methos where he went and Methos seldom asked, he had it seared into his memory the time he asked Kronos where he had been, and got the bones in his face broken for it. But Mary's death burnt strong in him and he had promised it wouldn't happen again, but Methos knew that he had a way of driving men beyond their word, and that could very well include Kronos.
Their dinner passed and them sprawled out in front of the fire, it was enough to put Methos back to sleep, but he stayed awake to listen to Kronos' plans. They were not a breed of peaceful men, their histories said that much about them, however, nobody alive in the village had taken up a fight with them, and they'd have no personal gain from fighting and raiding these people. There was nothing of interest worth taking, nor was there anything to gain from killing the people, nor would there be until they started a feud against the brothers first. Methos sighed, Kronos' current plans didn't always work the way his past ones had, but different times called for different ideas, and it all still seemed to hold together.
Kronos could see Methos was almost asleep as it was. "Am I boring you?"
"Not at all," Methos replied, "I'm just tired…Kronos?"
"Hmm?"
"Did you mean what you said last night?" Methos opened his eyes and sat up to face him.
"Of course, I love you like the brother you are."
"That's nice to know, but I meant when you said that you'd protect me."
"Well of course I meant it…Methos, I can only trust my brothers and you I need to keep a closer eye on than Caspian or Silas…you three are the only ones I have now, I have to make sure I don't lose you, any of you, and you, Methos…you clearly weren't trained so much to be a warrior, least not so much as I was, Silas and Caspian weren't either but they learned it along the way. How to fight, whereas you, you're not so much a fighter, as you are a survivor, that seems to be what you do best, not in battle, but just living to see another day. That in mind, you do call for a bit more looking after than the others since a main difference in fighting and surviving is with surviving, it comes at the cost of your freedom. In order to live sometimes, you're compromised, and used, as you were before, and I'm not going to let that happen again. There is more work in keeping an eye on you, but it's worth it to keep you alive and here with us. Methos I swear to you that as long as I'm alive, I'll always protect you, you don't have to worry about that."
Even so, Methos still looked like something was bothering him. "Now what's wrong?" Kronos asked.
"That's just it," Methos said, "you shouldn't have to protect me for the rest of my days…I'm Immortal just like you, I'm over a thousand, you're barely eight hundred, I shouldn't have to rely on you to fight my battles for me."
"Methos, I'm not saying you can't fight, I know you can, you've done it before, and very well I might add. But I do know that there are a lot of people in this world, Immortal and mortal, and sooner or later, we're going to come across someone who has an advantage over us, it's happened before, I don't doubt it can again. When that happens, Methos, you might not be able to fight them and win, and I think it's safe to say that there are more people who'd want you as their slave than just to kill you. I can't let that happen to my brother, I've got to look out for you, you're not so much a fighter as we are, you mainly just try to stay alive. But as long as I'm here, you don't need to worry about that, because when someone tries for you again, if you can't take them, I will."
Methos shook his head, "It's not fair, Kronos, we're brothers, we're supposed to be equals."
"We are."
"Then why am I the one that needs protecting?"
"Oh Methos, it won't always be this way…but I can't take any chances, I don't want to lose you."
"What makes me so much more important than the others?" Methos asked.
"Nothing, but Methos you have to remember, Caspian doesn't have a problem with fighting anybody, anyone tries their luck with him, he'll make a dinner out of them, and Silas…well I wouldn't put it past him to do it either but he's…well he may not seem like it to you because you haven't seen him fight too often, but he can turn into a real beast when he fights, especially when he's determined to win. Them I don't have to worry about too much, it's not that you're any more or less important than they are, it's just that there are four of us Methos, and there always will be, just the four of us, no one else, no one less. And you, you are a one-of-a-kind, as we all are, but for different reasons. You have a clever mind and often have a plan and you act on it quickly, that's saved our lives more than a few times. You're too important to lose, and since you weren't brought up a fighter as we were, you'd be considered a very easy victim to get to, and out of anyone who tries, there could be someone who can overpower you very easily. I can't ever let that happen, I'd sooner die myself than let them take you. Now do you understand why I want to protect you?" Kronos asked.
"It's just not right, you shouldn't have to always be protecting me," Methos replied.
"Oh I don't have a problem with it, I rather enjoy it," Kronos said.
"You do?" Methos found that very hard to believe, "How…how can you enjoy it? How can you possibly enjoy always having to put up with me crying like an infant and always clinging to you, and depending on you to always assure me that what happened before is all in the past? And how many nights have you taken me to bed with you so you could keep an eye on me, and to wake me from my nightmares, and having to coddle me through the nights just so I might quiet down?"
Kronos tilted his head back and laughed as hard as Methos ever heard anyone laugh, and he thought that Kronos was doing it at his expense. It wasn't until Kronos looked back at Methos and saw the streaks of tears running down his face that he realized Methos had misunderstood. He sat up and reached over to Methos and held him as he cried.
"I'm sorry, Methos, I wasn't laughing at you, it's just…what you just described, that could very well describe my life when I was married and had a family to look after. Before that it was rather lonely, and very miserable, and I don't recommend it. When you actually have a family…" that made him wonder, "Have you ever had a family, Methos?"
Methos shook his head. It wasn't that he never thought about it, he was just never given the chance to actually settle down with someone.
"Oh…well, it's never boring but often tiring, but after a while you don't care because you love your family enough that you can put up with whatever they have," he continued, "And the families I've had kept me busy with the exact same things as you, by now I'm used to it so I don't mind any of it. I think I especially like being able to go through it with you."
"Why?" Methos asked.
"Because I always wanted a brother, and I figured taking care of one wouldn't be any different than taking care of anyone else in the family…and it seems that I was right, when it comes to you anyway. Silas…he's lived alone most of his life, he doesn't necessarily need anyone to keep him company, but all the same he does enjoy the four of us together."
"And you?" Methos asked.
"I've been alone too, but I've also been married and had a family about ten times or so in my life, and between the two, I'll take family, and I know that you don't like being alone either…there's nothing worse than being alone."
"Oh yes there is," Methos replied, "being surrounded by people and you can't trust any of them."
"Consider this, though," Kronos said, "when they used you for a catamite, was it better when nobody came and you were left alone to freeze to death, or when customers came and used you for entertainment that at least kept both of you warm? And let's face it, even if you didn't care for it, your body must've responded to it with some pleasure."
Methos groaned and turned away, Kronos grabbed him and turned him back to face him. Methos turned away again, so Kronos rolled him over onto his stomach and kept a gentle hold on him there. "Now what is it?"
"If you really want to know, Kronos," the tone of Methos' voice had turned sinister, "I'd rather have let the vultures try for me than to have those people touch me even once again, you…" the last world came out as almost a beastly growl, and Methos had it with him, he lunged at Kronos, too quickly for him to counterattack. Kronos never saw it coming, never heard the noise, never actually felt Methos' fist, all he knew was he'd been knocked flat on his back, his head hurt, his face hurt like nothing he could imagine, and he could've sworn he felt a bone in his face break.
"Damn you, Kronos, do you enjoy this? Do you get pleasure from hurting me? Don't you know I would rather die than be touched like that again? Damn you, Kronos!" Methos hit him again, once again, too fast for Kronos to catch. "You said that you would help me, that you would protect me, that if I let it pass, I wouldn't feel like a damned catamite anymore, and then you do THIS!"
He pummeled Kronos with his fists again, and again, and again, until his eyes were blackened and a dark blue bruise surfaced on his cheek just below his right eye. When Methos saw the result of his work, he wanted to fall down and cry again, but he couldn't, he could only look on in horror at what he had done.
"Kronos…how can you say we're brothers, and then do this to me?" Methos asked, "you said that you wouldn't let it happen again…you told me that you'd protect me, and now you do this…" he couldn't control himself, he cried and shook and rocked back and forth and held to himself, knowing he could at least trust himself not to cause anymore pain than he'd already been through.
He heard Kronos grunt as he pulled himself to sit up, and Methos saw the dark and swollen bruises, and didn't know anymore what to think. On one hand, he'd just battered his brother, his family, on the other, Kronos had brought it on himself, he never should've asked…
"It seems I was wrong about you," Kronos said.
That was only half of what he had to say, and Methos knew, he braced himself for what Kronos would say next.
"…It seems you can fight when you have to, and win." There wasn't much room between them but Kronos gestured for Methos to come closer. Methos dreaded it, knowing that after what he did, Kronos would have every right to do the same to him, and knowing Kronos, probably more.
"Come here, Methos."
He shook his head and continued sobbing.
"Methos…"
There was no threat in his voice, nothing that guaranteed he would be punished, but Methos knew Kronos well enough to know that he could change in a second.
"Methos...Brother, please…come here."
It didn't matter how angry he was at Kronos, he couldn't find the…what was it, strength, defiance, anger? Whatever it was, he didn't have it in him to deny Kronos what he asked, he moved a few inches closer but Kronos still couldn't reach him, and he said again, and Methos moved forward a little more. Kronos put his hands on Methos' shoulders and held him very gently.
"Kronos…" Methos tried to think of something to say, there wasn't anything.
"Very impressive, Brother," Kronos grinned sinisterly and painfully with his face still swollen very much on one side. "Remember that, whenever you fight, mortal or Immortal, you remember what they did to you, and how much it hurt you, and as angry as you got with me, you remember that, and you use that anger to punish your enemies, remember the anger and use it against them." However it didn't seem to matter to Methos, all he did was continue crying. "Methos, what's the matter?" Kronos asked, "there's no reason to cry, what's wrong?"
Methos looked as if it burnt his eyes just to look at him. "I hurt you," he said.
"So now we're even," Kronos replied.
Methos didn't know what to think of that. "What do you mean we're even?"
"Remember when Mary died and I hit you? I was certain once you came around again and remembered what I'd done to you, you'd try to do the same to me, but it didn't happen."
Methos remembered waking up and finding Kronos as defenseless as a small child, thinking back, he realized Kronos wouldn't have fought him if he'd tried to retaliate, at the time Kronos probably didn't even have the strength to attack. He remembered how hard it was to keep Kronos on his feet and even that wasn't for long, they spent most of the night from there out in bed.
"I couldn't…not even if I'd wanted to, you weren't in any condition to fight…but I didn't care about that, any of it."
"Then you're a better man than me," Kronos said, "but it doesn't matter now. What does matter is that you finally saw your chance to even us and you did, and in doing so, you prove to be a worthier fighter than I thought."
"You really think so?" Methos asked.
"I've seen you fight before, with your sword, I've yet to see anyone that might be able to stop you. It's when you're weaponless that I worry, because that will come up and often, however there aren't a lot of Immortals, and providing mortals don't learn you have to lose your head to die, there's not as much to worry there. Now there are a lot of mortals who are brought up warriors, however there are probably as many mortals who prefer to fight without weapons, you probably know the kind, very full of themselves. You'll probably run into as many of them as you would someone carrying a sword, as I said, with a sword you're very good, and now it seems you're better at fighting weaponless than I thought as well…but you don't have to worry, I'll still protect you when you can't fight, it happens to all of us sooner or later."
This had all come at Methos pretty fast, he still couldn't grasp onto everything Kronos had told him. The pain was still well alive in him, from what Kronos had said, and then from what he'd done to Kronos to punish him.
"Kronos," he sobbed, sounding like a tired child more than anything.
"I know it was a lousy thing to do, but I wanted to see if the scars from the damage, were painful enough to incite an attack from you. It seems they are, remember that when you fight, focus your anger on the enemy, don't think they'll do any less than the ones before them if they capture you."
It was no better than ripping into his chest and tearing out his heart, Methos laid his head on Kronos' shoulder and cried. The memories were raw as wounds and hurt just about as much, more than anything Methos wanted this night to be over and the pain to pass. Kronos held him close and gently rocked him back and forth, until after a while, Methos seemed to wear himself out from crying, and it was then that Kronos stopped rocking.
"Come on, Methos, let's go to bed, I can tell you've had enough excitement for one day," Kronos said.
"What about you?" Methos asked, "How…how are you going to explain your face to Silas and Caspian in the morning?"
Kronos and Methos both knew that minor injuries didn't heal as fast as life-threatening ones, and if the bruises remained come morning…well, Methos couldn't imagine how that might turn out.
"Morning's a long way off, I don't think there'll be anything to tell them," Kronos said as he got to his feet.
"But what if you do?" Methos asked as Kronos pulled him to his feet. "What will you tell them?"
"That I went looking for a fight, and the better man won," he told him.
Methos had wanted to return to his own tent that night, but Kronos insisted he stay where he could keep an eye on Methos, just for that night more. The next night he promised Methos he could be by himself, but Kronos didn't want to chance Methos having a second reaction to what he'd done and possibly take off screaming into the night. If it happened, he'd be right where Kronos could restrain him, and that would pretty much be the end of that, but he was in no mood to go running throughout the whole camp the rest of the night to catch him. Methos felt uneasy about it though he didn't know why, Kronos was his Brother, in arms and blood and all but birth, if he couldn't trust Kronos he honestly didn't know anyone he could. The more he thought about it, the better he realized his reason for being uneasy.
Although Kronos decided them even, Methos still half-expected him to do something in a counterattack. That was why he'd wanted to go back to his own tent, he would know if Kronos came up on him, but staying with him, it was too familiar to feel like a dangerous situation, and he could very easily fall asleep and forget what he feared. That was exactly what happened, with both of them in the bed, Methos on one side and Kronos on the other, already sound asleep, Methos too started to drift into slumber for the night. One of the last conscious thoughts he had before he completely gave in to sleep, was if Kronos didn't do anything to him tonight, by morning if the bruises were gone, it could be as good as forgotten.
He prayed it be that way.
Kronos was still asleep when Methos awoke the next morning. It hadn't gotten light yet, but it was light enough to tell if the bruises were still there. Methos leaned over to look at Kronos, and he was about certain he'd fall on him and wake him up before this was over. The bruise on his left eye was gone, so far so good, next came the right side, which would be even harder to get a look at. It took a while but he finally got a good long look at Kronos' face on the right side and there remained no evidence that the events of last night had ever taken place. And for that, Methos was thankful to any and every deity that may have existed, he got little actual rest during the night, fearing retaliation, and now that it was over, he was truly exhausted.
He collapsed on top of Kronos and was too tired to even care, but the sudden added weight shocked Kronos fully awake, he took in Methos' awkward position, lying on top of him, with his arms up around Kronos' neck, and he said, "We need to get you a woman." He grabbed Methos' arms and placed them down at his sides, and rolled him back over to the other side of the bed and covered him up again. Then he got himself up and was about to leave the tent when he heard a sudden, and possibly worried, "Kronos?"
He turned around, "Yes, Methos, what is it?"
"I know the answer," Methos told him.
"The answer to what?"
"Your question from last night, I've decided it's just as terrible being alone and dying for company, than to be surrounded by people you can't trust, and who don't give a damn about whether you live or die. I don't want to go through either again."
Kronos headed back over to the bed. "I can understand that, and I trust you believe me when I tell you that as long as you're with us, you won't have to worry about either happening again."
Methos nodded weakly. "I won't leave," he said, "I can't stand the idea of being alone anymore."
"You won't have to be," Kronos assured him, "Now go to sleep, Methos."
As easy as it was for him to fall into sleep, it was difficult actually getting to that point. Methos still worried that he might go to sleep, and wake up to find Kronos gone, and if he were gone, then Methos felt he would certainly slip away, perhaps beneath the earth altogether and just disappear. He knew he was being foolish but he could never fully rid himself of that awful feeling that he was only being set up to be hurt again, this time worse than any before.
Kronos could see Methos wasn't going to slip away to sleep so easily, so he sat at the foot of the bed and asked, "Do you want me to stay with you until you go to sleep?"
Methos nodded again, "Please, Kronos…"
Kronos wouldn't deny him it, he got on his knees and moved closer up to Methos, "Allright, I will…just relax."
"Kronos…do you think I'll ever get past this?"
Kronos smiled as he smoothed back the bangs on Methos' forehead, "Don't worry, you'll be fine. It's just going to take some time…but we'll deal with that later, sleep now."
And that was all the assurance he needed, Methos finally gave into the desire to close his heavy eyelids and rest his burning eyes. He felt secure in knowing his Brother was with him, that would be enough to get him through this, for now.
True to his word, Kronos let Methos return to his own tent to spend the night alone. At first Methos thought it was just what he needed to get away from Kronos a bit and give them both some room. Returning to his tent was easy, staying there through the night and actually sleeping, alone, that would be the hard part. The night was long and it gave Methos plenty of time to think, to think about how he hated himself for becoming so weak. Kronos may not say anything about it, he may not even have paid attention to it, but Methos did, and it was enough to almost drive him insane. As if to only further prove his weakness, it was at that point that he wished he was back with Kronos, at least he'd have someone to talk to. No, he decided, he had to do this, he had to get through the night by himself, if he didn't do it now, he probably never would. He'd just keep going back to Kronos, depending on him for everything…that wasn't family, that was pitiful, and he wouldn't be pitied either.
He tried to sleep but found he wouldn't be getting off that easily. He couldn't sleep, he put himself into every different position he found possible on the furs that served as a bed, and none were any more comfortable than the next. Finally he gave up on that idea, and just decided to close his eyes and wait for sleep to take him. Shortly after he closed his eyes, he was haunted by images so sudden and so realistic, he couldn't rightly recall if he had dreamt them or not. When he opened his eyes and sat up he had to think to recall what he had seen.
It was Mary, she stood tall and looked mostly the same as she had the last time he saw her alive, only now she dressed like a soldier, and her eyes were hardened, no longer containing the innocence that miraculously had stayed with her through ten long years. The very look in her eyes now hit him as if somebody had struck him in the heart, and in that instant he wanted to run to her, to hold her and to find out what was wrong so he could make it right. And then Mary was gone just as quickly as she had come, and Methos felt a pain so great it was as if somebody had cut open his chest and removed his heart.
Then he saw her again, only this time she was seven years old again. Fresh bruises marked her face and her body, her dress covered in dry blood, she shook and shivered and while she didn't say anything, Methos could tell the question she had just by the look on her face. Without saying a word, she asked what she had done to deserve this, and Methos had no answer. He ran to her but just when his hands would've touched her, she disappeared again. Methos was convinced he was losing his mind, he was awake now but it still was happening in such a way it could only be a dream.
Methos' memory of the night only held up to that point, but Kronos' memory served him for thousands of years, and the memory of this night would stay in his mind as fresh as the time it happened. Kronos had been watching from his tent incase Methos needed him, and he saw Methos come out of his tent, pass by without a word or turning to look, and headed over to where they kept the horses. Kronos was already after him but by the time he got there, Methos had rode out of camp without any explanation for it all. Silas had also been up and was a witness to this oddity. Kronos knew Methos wouldn't win a fight this night against anyone mortal or Immortal, he'd have to get to him first.
"Where do you think he's going?" Silas asked.
"I don't know, hopefully I can catch him before somebody else finds him," Kronos replied as he mounted his horse, "You stay here incase he comes back. If you get to him before I do, hold him down and don't let him out of your sight, when I get back I'll take care of the rest."
Silas would do as commanded, and with that, Kronos rode off into the night, praying to any and every deity that may exist that he would find Methos before anything went wrong.
