DAZED CHAPTER 9
"How is it that you have no food in your house?" Donna asks, leaning in to the glow of the refrigerator light. It's late in the evening, and she's just arrived after having drinks with Samantha.
"I have food..." Harvey defends, casual in faded jeans and a black t-shirt. Remote control in hand, he's watching sports highlights in the den. "There's ketchup, pickles, cheese, eggs… stuff in the freezer… not sure what exactly… and microwave popcorn in the cupboard."
Donna turns to him, desperate for something sweet. "No chocolate or ice cream, huh? And condiments aren't food, Harvey… Do you seriously eat out every night?" She knew a significant portion of his diet came from bagels, but figured he'd at least cook the odd meal at home.
"Pretty much…," he admits, looking her over. Seeing Donna padding around barefoot in his kitchen, makes Harvey's heart swell. Just her presence brings warmth, and her distracted milling about sending an honest-to-goodness shiver down his spine.
Even though he's lived here for close to a decade, this is the first time that Harvey can say his penthouse has felt like a real home. Donna's humming a song to herself now, so he mutes the TV to listen. Any more homey, he thinks, and the place is going to smell like fresh-baked cookies.
Harvey's never had an issue with living alone, but recently, he's dreaded coming back to an empty house. This certainly wasn't the case when he bought the place. It was a gift to himself after receiving his first six-figure bonus, thanks to deals with McKernon Motors and Tiffany and Co.
The second Harvey set foot in the place, he loved it. Modern and bright, with a giant balcony that wrapped around his corner suite. It was more than a penthouse, it was a statement declaring that he was at the top of his game. And every morning, while sipping coffee with the New York skyline before him, Harvey felt exactly that… like a king overlooking his kingdom.
It didn't hurt that the women who spent the night were also impressed. Floor-to-ceiling windows, spacious rooms, king-size bed, and a fireplace to set the mood. He was also careful to curate just the right kind of furniture. Leather and metal and wood. Minimalist lines. Masculine pieces that were smart in quality and design.
But nothing too cozy, of course. Harvey was never a cozy kind of guy. Well… back then, anyway.
After the noise of doing battle all day, this penthouse also became his refuge. Harvey could drop his keys and his armour, and drink quietly by the fire. The stillness allowing him to process and recharge.
Over the last few months, however, something changed. In fact, if he were really honest about it, he'd admit it all changed the night Donna kissed him in her office. His heart still races when he thinks about how she reached for him.
Donna insisted that it was because she wanted to know. But he hoped what she really wanted was him. And when those blurry lines came into focus, it became perfectly clear to Harvey… he wanted her, too.
Sure, he was with Paula, but that couldn't mask the loneliness he felt. Especially when he realized that Donna was the one his heart wanted to come home to.
So, when he'd unlock his door, only to find Paula sitting there waiting for him, he felt it in the pit of his stomach. Disappointment, longing and regret.
Once he ended it with her, Harvey dreaded nights at home. With nothing to distract, it was even worse. Alone with his thoughts, the quiet rattled his brain, his space feeling more empty than luxurious. So night after night, he stayed late at the office, making it home just in time to crawl into bed.
Worst of all, the difference between being alone and being lonely, hit him hard. And that damn cactus Donna forced on him became just another reminder of that... and of her.
"Well, this all has to change," Donna commands, opening and closing every drawer and cupboard door. Her red hair bouncing. "We're not eating out every night. It's not healthy. Plus making home-cooked meals is a good thing for us as a couple."
"You're going to cook for me?" he smirks, knowing she's going to challenge that in a heartbeat.
"Nooo…" she counters as predicted. Slowly turning to face him from across the room, Donna gives him a "you-know-better-so-don't-even-go-there" look.
"Sometimes you'll cook for me, sometimes I'll cook for you, or we'll do it together," she instructs.
"Isn't that a lot of work, though?" he asks, cocking his head in response. "It's not a good use of our time… when we could be doing other things."
Ignoring his poor attempt to flirt, Donna rolls her eyes. "Harvey, you can't live on take-out for the rest of your life. Plus, we can spend time together doing something that doesn't involve file folders. It'll be fun."
Turning off the TV, Harvey makes his way into the kitchen. One hand leans on the white quartz countertop, while the other slides around the waist of her fitted black dress.
"So, it's happening," he chuckles, with a half-smile.
"Happening? What's happening?" she asks.
"This is the part where you take the lonely bachelor and … change everything about him," he says, light heartedly.
"Or… I love you and I want you to be healthy, so we can live a long and happy life together," she volleys back, shaking her head in response. "You men always think it's a control thing."
Donna's words shoot straight into his heart, and Harvey instantly draws her in for a warm embrace. Just like that, she says it now... I love you.
For years, he's wondered and feared and hoped. And now, those three little words roll off her tongue so matter-of-factly, it's as if they've been sitting there all along, just waiting for him for show up.
Harvey suddenly sees it clearly. "I love you" is about more than just her feelings. It's the reason why she's always wanted better for him in his life. More in his job, with his family, his happiness and in his relationships with the people around him.
Harvey has been with women before who've cared for him, or who've wanted to, but in the past, this kind of talk would have sent him running. Now, he can't hold Donna and her "I love you's," close enough.
"So, what are we talking? Sprouts, almond butter?... Please don't say kale," he pouts, his chest pressed into hers.
Donna rubs his back, comforting him because of the terrible news she's delivered, and she can't help but giggle at his dramatics. "It's food, Harvey. You're so precious sometimes."
They're still in a relaxed embrace when he spies the bottle on the counter.
"So… you forcing me to take vitamins, too?" he sighs.
"Not unless you plan on carrying our child… those are prenatal vitamins," she explains.
Our child.
Donna hears Harvey's breath still in her ear, and his heart is now thundering into her chest. Fearing that maybe this is all happening too fast for him, she swallows down the anxious lump in her throat.
Sure, Harvey wanted marriage and a family, but they haven't been together a week, and they're in the throes of planning for both. She wonders if the reality of this future might finally be hitting him. Maybe they really are moving too fast.
"You're not saying anything," Donna whispers. She'd pull back, but she's afraid to look at him.
Harvey's silence is unsettling, so she continues.
"Don't worry," she adds, cautiously. "These things take time, and I'm not twenty, so…"
His arms are firm in their embrace, but Harvey remains quiet. Feeling uneasy, Donna leans back.
"Harvey?"
Her eyes wide with surprise, she's not prepared for what's in front of her. Harvey's eyes are damp, his jaw tensed and lips firmly pressed together.
"Sorry," he says, blinking fast to contain what's welling up. "I'm just..."
"It's ok," she jumps in to assure him. "We don't need to rush any of this. We can wait." Her hands now reaching for his.
"Wait? What?" He's suddenly confused, his hands squeezing hers. "You want to wait?"
"I thought…" Looking down, she shakes her head.
"No, Donna. This wedding… it can't come soon enough… and a baby…," he swallows. Dark brown eyes sincere as he unconsciously touches her hair. "I keep picturing a strawberry blonde baby."
Donna exhales in relief. Old habits die hard. She trusts Harvey, she really does, but sometimes she forgets. Sometimes she second-guesses herself and then him.
"We have a problem though," she says, bouncing back. "I need to take those vitamins with food, and I don't think they pair well with ketchup."
"You sit," he instructs. Turning around, he peers into the refrigerator.
"Eggs," he says, enthusiastically. "Scrambled eggs?"
Donna nods, and drops onto a stool by the island. Sitting across from Harvey, she silently watches him work. He's surprisingly at ease in the kitchen.
For all the years they've known each other, Harvey has never once cooked for her. She wonders if, maybe, it was too intimate an activity for him to consider doing with her.
"You've never cooked for me before," she mentions.
"We've eaten out a lot though," he replies. "I figured the last thing you'd want is food made by me."
Donna smiles wistfully to herself. So many years of misunderstandings and missed opportunities between them.
Pulling the eggs out of the carton, Harvey expertly cracks them across the rim of a stainless steel mixing bowl.
"Wow, cracking eggs with one hand, I'm impressed," she says, her crossed arms resting on the countertop.
"Marcus taught me," he replies, wiping his hands on the tea towel placed over his shoulder.
With a whisk in hand, Harvey scrambles the eggs, then throws in salt, pepper, coffee cream and a selection of dried herbs. As they crackle in butter, he adds grated cheddar cheese. Soon the simmering eggs, melted and gooey, are cooked to perfection.
"That smells amazing," Donna says, biting her lip. "Thank you for dinner."
"It's not much," he admits, sliding the eggs onto a plate before leaning across with a kiss.
"It's perfect."
"Protein and calcium," Harvey smiles. "Now take your vitamins."
Before tasting the egg, Donna swallows down the emotion that's welling in her chest. She's always believed that Harvey could be this man, and now that he's committed, he hasn't yet let her down.
Every time she's expected him to backtrack, he hasn't. Whenever she's hesitated to express herself, he's taken her words in stride. Now, if she could just relax, she might be able to enjoy the newness of their relationship.
"So, tonight, at the bar, Samantha straight out asked me if I had feelings for you," Donna begins, in between bites.
"What did you tell her?" he asks, leaning on the counter.
"The truth," Donna says. "But, not that we're engaged."
"Was she surprised?" Although Harvey's never mentioned it to anyone, he's always gotten a vibe from Samantha. Maybe it was attraction, but he's been careful to avoid finding out.
"A little," she says. "Surprised that I was interested.. not surprised that you were," she giggles. "I told her I completely understand."
"Well, she has no idea I can cook," he smirks. "That would have changed everything."
After Donna finishes the last of her eggs, she reaches for the vitamin bottle. Before taking one, she looks up at Harvey, her expression strained.
"What if I'm too old?" she questions. "What if I can't… you know… have children?"
Harvey presses his lips together, nods with understanding and exhales. His eyes dart back and forth between hers, and he can see the worry on her face.
"Well, we haven't even tried, Donna," he reasons. "So, as far as I'm concerned, it's going to be ok."
"You know what's crazy?" she confides. "We women make a real effort to avoid getting pregnant, and then when we're ready to, we worry that we can't."
"Except it's just worry, Donna. It's not a fact," he reminds her, his tone soothing. "And the last time I checked, it takes two people to make a baby. Maybe I might not be able to..."
"I highly doubt that," she replies optimistically. "That's pretty unlikely, Harvey."
"You know what?" he replies. "It doesn't matter. You want to be a mother? You'll be a mother. One way or another, we're going to be parents."
Harvey rounds the island, and leans over with a comforting hug across Donna's shoulders.
"But you said you wanted strawberry blonde babies," her voice quivers as she places her hand on his forearm.
"I said that's what I pictured," he clarifies, his cheek now pressed into hers. "But I don't care. I really don't, Donna. And like everything else, we'll figure it out."
Harvey takes the vitamin bottle and shakes out a large, chalky, pink tablet onto his palm. "Here you go, and some water."
"Ok," she agrees, swallowing it back. Then, looking him over, she asks, "Why are you so calm about everything? How am I now the worrier in this relationship?"
Harvey takes Donna's hand and leads to her to the living room sofa.
"You don't know?" he asks playfully, as he brings her to sit across his lap. His fingers hold her chin while his mouth gently seeks hers. Soft lips delivering a tender kiss.
"Because I have you… because you're going to marry me. And the rest is going to work itself out."
XXX
"Jim. It's Harvey Specter."
"Harvey… How's business?" There's a mix of surprise and confusion in Donna's father's voice.
"Business is good. But I'm calling about something else, a personal matter."
"Personal? Is Donna ok?" Jim worries.
"She's fine, everything's fine," Harvey says, calmly. "That's why I'm calling."
"Ok…" The elder man is back to being confused.
"I…," Harvey clears his throat, and then hesitates. Although he told Donna, talking to her father was about being strategic, he's more nervous than he expected. The way his heart is betraying him right now, Harvey realizes this is not just personal, it's deeply personal.
"I asked Donna… to marry me…."
All Harvey can hear on the line is huffing. Then, complete silence.
"Marry you? I had no idea you two were even involved. Donna's said nothing to me…." Jim replies. He's clearly taken aback.
"It's new, but a long time coming…," Harvey explains. "And… I wanted to talk to you about it."
"She agreed, then?" Jim asks, swallowing.
"She did." There's a lightness in Harvey's voice when he thinks about the night he proposed.
"Well then, I'm not sure there's much to say," Jim replies, flatly.
"Donna wanted to tell you, but I asked to call you first," Harvey explains, his foot nervously tapping under his desk.
"Is there something you want to say to me, Harvey?" Jim enquires. Donna's father is hardly overjoyed.
"There is…" Harvey begins. "I want you to know, I love your daughter… more than anything. I have for a long time. I'll always take care of her… and make sure she's happy."
Radio silence.
Harvey's not sure what he expected from Jim. It's not like they've ever really gotten along. Especially after Harvey stopped Jim from accessing Donna's retirement savings for that bad real estate deal.
"Jim…look… I know we've had our differences, but we both agree that we care about Donna."
"Harvey…" Jim begins. "Donna is a grown woman who can certainly make her own decisions… but if you hurt her… if you're unfaithful or less than the man that I hope you to be… you will feel it… I mean it."
"Jim… I'd never do anything...," Harvey confirms, swallowing back the saliva that keeps coming. "I can promise you that. I'm not going anywhere… Donna and I… we want the same things."
"What's that?" Jim asks.
"To be married and have a family," Harvey says. With the phone pressed to his face, he can't help the tiny smile that forms.
"A family? Really? You've never struck me as a family kind of guy… But then, you've never struck me as a marriage kind of guy, either," Jim challenges. "You better be sure that's what you really want, Harvey. If you're not one hundred and ten per cent certain, then don't put my girl through that."
Harvey takes a deep breath. He's not going to get his back up. Jim is Donna's father. It makes sense he'd be protective.
"Well, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to be a husband or a father…" Harvey concedes, in an attempt to show more of himself. "Truth is, Donna is the only one I've ever imagined that life with… I'm… grateful she feels the same."
"I mean it, Harvey," Jim warns. "You better be sure."
"Jim… Can we start over… for Donna, at least?" Harvey requests. "What can I do to make that happen?"
"When?" Jim sighs.
"When?" Harvey asks, earnestly.
"When are you getting married?" Jim clarifies.
"September 21. We're planning a family weekend with everyone close to us," he explains.
"That soon?" Jim is suspicious.
"To be honest, I'd do it sooner if I could," Harvey admits.
More silence on the line. Then, Jim continues.
"Harvey, I have to ask…" he hesitates. "She's not pregnant, is she? Is that why you're in a rush?"
"Pregnant?!" Harvey is startled by the suggestion. "No Jim. We're happy. That's all."
"Tell Donna I'm going to call her," the elder man instructs. "If you make her happy and take good care of her… that's all I can really ask."
"Jim, this means a lot," Harvey replies. "And for the record…. I will."
Dropping his cellphone on his desk, Harvey closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. Donna's father was hardly thrilled by the news. There's definitely work to do to improve that relationship, but Jim didn't deny him, so that's a positive.
xxx
Another long day, and Donna unlocks her apartment door to find Harvey standing in her foyer with two glasses of wine in hand. She'd given him her spare key before his offsite meeting today, but didn't expect he'd be waiting for her like this.
"Have you been standing there all evening?" she jokes, kicking off her shoes and dropping her bag on the table.
"Hours," he replies, leaning in for a slow kiss before handing her the glass.
Donna knows that eventually she'll get used to this, maybe even take it for granted a little. But coming home and seeing Harvey here, sets her insides quivering.
Open collar and sleeves rolled up. She loves that he's casual and making himself at home.
"Didn't see you much today. How was it?" he asks, leading her by the hand into her living room. The space is aglow with lamp light and candles.
"What's this?" she asks. Her eyes drawn to the white linen tablecloth and perfectly set dining table.
"Dinner…" There's a shy smile on Harvey's face. "I've been informed that home-cooked meals are a good thing."
Donna tilts her head, her eyes sparkling and her hand cupping her mouth. "You did this?"
"I did. And I made sure to hide all the take-out cartons," he jokes. "It's not fancy… just grilled chicken with pesto, roasted asparagus and mashed potatoes."
"Not fancy? Harvey…" Donna places her glass on the coffee table, and wraps her arms around Harvey's neck, her fingers teasing the tiny hairs on his nape.
When her mouth gently meets his, his heart takes such a rapid leap that he has to catch a breath. It really is the strangest feeling to kiss and touch Donna so freely. The images he's held forever in his mind, have finally come to life.
"How sweet are you?" she asks, her eyes adoring his boyish features.
"Pretty sweet if you ask me," he kids, with a half smile. "But that's our little secret."
Leading her to the table, Harvey seats Donna, and then serves dinner. The couple discuss firm business as they enjoy their late-night meal.
"Ok, enough about work," Donna says. "I didn't know you could cook. Not like this, anyway."
"I can't really," Harvey admits. "Just enough to get by. Are you impressed? After fourteen years, you thought you knew everything about me, didn't you?"
"Yes, I'm impressed. I can start fires and you can cook. Who knew?" she jokes. "I think that makes us a perfect pair. Can't do one without the other, can we?"
"No, we can't," Harvey chuckles. Donna never fails to surprise him with her interesting take on things.
Clearing his throat, he begins, "I called your father today."
"You did?" She's just about to take a sip of her wine, but stops abruptly. "What did he say?"
"He was gracious enough to let me marry you, if that's what you're asking," Harvey replies, sarcastically. "He was ok… he's going to call you."
Donna gives Harvey a side glance, not believing that he's sharing everything.
"That's it? Just ok?"
"He's your father, Donna. He acted like all fathers act when their daughters are about to get married," Harvey sighs.
"He's not happy about it," she knows.
"Actually, he wasn't unhappy either," Harvey clarifies. "He sure loves you though… He made that very clear."
"So, what did you say?" Desperate for details, her wide eyes glowing in the candle light.
"That I love you, too," he says, sweetly. "That you and I want the same things."
"Tickets to Hamilton?" she teases.
Laughing as he gets up, Harvey walks over to the kitchen counter, returning with a bottle and glass of water.
"No… to be married… and for you to take your vitamins." This time, he leaves a kiss on the top of her head.
Once again, Harvey shakes out a chalky, pink tablet onto the palm of his hand.
With a sip of water, Donna swallows it.
"Done!" she says, looking up with a smile. "Now, for the wedding… I was thinking…"
"Oh no, here we go.." he teases with a roll of his eyes.
"Stu and Katrina…" Donna begins. "They'd be cute together, we should definitely seat them at the same table."
"Donna…" Harvey rubs his forehead. "Maybe you should just focus on your love life at this wedding, and not everyone else's."
"Mine? Oh mine's great, but thanks for asking," she quips. "Imagine if Stu and Katrina got it on… they'd be adorable. Stu is a sweet guy, and those gorgeous blue eyes. I think Katrina would be into it."
With a helpless exhale, Harvey shakes his head.
"Isabelle…" Donna's already moved on.
"No..don't even think about it!" Harvey interrupts.
"We have a few single older men coming, don't we?" she enquires. "My dad! He's single! Maybe Isabelle could be my new step-mother! I like her!"
"Oh my God…" Harvey chuckles. "You really need to get back to basics."
"Basics?" she asks.
"Putting all that romantic energy back where it belongs," he flirts.
"And where exactly is that?" she teases back.
"Here…," he says, with gentle kisses along her neck.
"And here…," Harvey warm mouth brushes across her bottom lip.
"Maybe here," he mumbles, as his tongue teases her sternum.
"How about over there?" she suggests, hazel eyes glancing seductively towards the bedroom.
"Yes, definitely there," he smirks, leading her away by the hand.
"Professor Gerard… is he single?" she giggles.
Harvey abruptly turns around, lifts Donna up, tosses her over his shoulder and heads for the bedroom.
"Donna, I warned you!"
Harvey has never felt more at home. And neither has she.
