The early dawn drifted through the windows, bringing the rays of warmth into the apartment. Shizuo watched the beams coming through idly. His body sat upon the edge of the bed, a cigarette perched in between his lips. His anger boiled, a swirling vortex of never-ending hostility. He should have known, should have guessed that the flea would pull something before morning.

Just looking at the empty side of his bed pissed him off.

So the flea had taken off early. It wasn't as though he had been overly worried about the informant. It wasn't like he had cared about the informant in any way, shape, or form. It wasn't like he felt lost without the informant here in the morning.

He wanted to take that cocky louse and shackle him to the bed. Stupid idiot was probably causing trouble in the city. No doubt sending more people into misery. Somehow, Shinra must have realized his obsession over the informant and tipped him off…

What did that make last night?

Had Izaya only come as a pity fuck? Was his only reason being here last night just to mess with him further, making it impossible for him to think or see or smell anything else but the informant himself? It was true. Nothing would rid him of the informant's image. His room stank to high heavens with the scent of the man, and if Shizuo had any less restraint, he would have immediately taken a nosedive for his pillows pressing them to his face until he was so overloaded with the smell that he could take it with him everywhere.

The urge to do such a thing disturbed him greatly.

But yet Izaya had just left. He just woke up early in the morning and walked out the front door. There was no note, there was no soft jostle and a peck on the cheek, no promise for him to call later and make some plans for another meet up. The man simply had walked out the front door and vanished.

Shizuo almost could believe that it had been his imagination the entire time. He could almost believe that he had simply masturbated in bed several times and had used the flea's likeness to do so. As much as he would hate to admit it, it wouldn't have been the first time that such a thing had happened…

The phone rang under that warm, happy rays from the sun shining through the windows. The cheery ring increased his anger enormously. He was angry, why should anything else be so happy? Storming over to his phone, he picked it up and continued smoking. "What?"

"Shizuo! Are you alright?"

"Pissed, but yeah, I'm fine. Why the hell are you calling?"

"…I was just checking up on you…" The doctor's voice sounded off. The cigarette smoke filled Shizuo's mouth as he considered this. Shinra must be up to something as well. Why the hell did he wan….

"What's going on over there Shinra?"

"Um… if I tell you, do you promise not to kill me or get mad…"

There it was. There was something happening, something that would piss him off further and send the day spiraling downwards to the point of him losing his mind. With his luck and his acquaintances, he would probably be insane in a few short months. "Sure, what the hell is happening?"

"It's… uh… well you see…"

"Spit it out, Shinra!" Shizuo barked into his phone.

"Izaya's collapsed again. He was found out cold on his apartment floor again by a client."

The cigarette dropped from Shizuo's hands, his eyes fixed on the empty side of his bed.

"Shizuo… Shizuo are you still there?"

The flea was back unconscious. He was found passed out on his own floor. What could have happened to him? What if that damned fucking client had done anything to him? The thoughts of what the damn bastards might have done to Izaya sent his rage pouring out in buckets. He wanted to find the client and plow his face in with his fists. He wanted to thoroughly make it impossible for the man or men to come anywhere near his informant.

His…

Shizuo shut his eyes. He hadn't meant to claim the louse, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He had enver been one for much self restraint. He had never been one to be able to hold back.

"Shizuo!"

"I'll be over there in a few minutes." Shizuo hung up and grabbed his uniform, heading passed the mess he had made with the informant last night. He picked up the fir-trimmed jacket sitting on his couch and looked around, unable to find the vest he had tossed after it last night. The soft, warm fabric of the jacket dissipated some of the ire in him. He wrapped his arms around the jacket and looked about his home.

They were spiraling into chaos together, weren't they? He felt like, as unconfident as he was socially, the louse was emotionally. They were like opposites, ying and yang of one another. He should have been happy to hear that the louse was out the first time, but instead he had gotten worried, he had been there for the informant when nobody else was. And now with the informant yet again out, he was going to do the same thing. There was no way he could dismiss the implications of this set of however many trips to visit Izaya he would have to make.

Shinra would be an annoying pest about it. Celty… She would be worried about him, being obsessed with a louse like that would be harmful to him. There was almost no way of knowing when he was being played and when the louse was serious.

Shizuo's hands tightened around the jacket, hugging it to his chest after he dressed and heading out to Shinra's.

Last night was an example. He could let himself go with the informant, losing himself to the experience he was far too fearful to take with anyone else in the world. He could let his emotions take hold without any conscious thought about it, but then in the morning he was all alone. He was abandoned only for the louse to end up out cold again. In the same spot the damn louse had been found too.

What the hell was the flea planning?

Why was he playing with his emotions like this? Did he find it funny? Did he think that it was fair to him, that Izaya was plucking his emotional strings like a fucking musician?

"Ah, Shizuo-" Shizuo pushed past the doctor and headed straight for the guest treatment room, throwing the door open to find the informant sleeping soundly in the bed, completely lost to the world.

Shinra had followed him from the door. "I was thinking about a new treatment." He walked quietly forward and pointed to the headphones, "I felt like the condition Izaya-san's in is because of his depression so I threw some voice recording on for him to listen to. While subliminal messaging has no full evidence, if it'll help Izaya, then I'll do it."

Shizuo frowned, "what are the recordings saying?" The informant's face was in complete repose, just like before.

"Oh, nothing important. Just to eat and stay healthy. You know, daily things that keep us happy and strong. Although I suppose I definitely don't need to tell you that." He laughed a bit before the front door was slammed shut. "OH! CELTY~1" The lovestruck doctor sprinted from the room as though he was still five at heart, rushing to wrap his arms around his beloved dullahan. He hugged her tightly and grinned like an idiot. "I missed you so much, Celty."

The dullahan frowned, typing.

She showed the message to Shinra and he laughed again, "I know you were only gone a few minutes but I love you and-"

Shizuo stopped listening as he shut the door and walked over to the informant. Subliminal messaging? So basically it said a bunch of shit and that was suddenly what the informant thought about. He could say anything and the informant would follow through with it? Anything at all…

He pulled the headphones away from Izaya and listened himself. Shinra's voice poured out of it.

"You have to eat healthy otherwise you will die and you don't want that. You need to sleep for a few hours each night. That way you keep your energy…"

Shizuo rolled his eyes before he caught sight of the recorder, watching it spin. The recording button and erase button were nearby…

He shouldn't even consider something like that. It would be stupid, and it probably wouldn't even work. He would probably just frustrate himself more. Then again, if it did work. Izaya would be more than fine. He would be happier than he had ever been before. They wouldn't have to worry about him collapsing again.

He wouldn't be depressed ever again.

Shizuo locked the door to the room and spoke quietly into the device, erasing Shinra's message completely before creating his own. The pressure of the past and his anger vanishing as he spoke, his hopes for this were slim, but the amount was enough to cheer him up. He wanted it to work with every fiber of his being.

Just to have it work, just this once.

It would be enough for him. Never again would he reach out and long so profoundly for anything.

When he was finished with the short but important message, he replaced the headphones back around the informant's head, briefly kissing his forehead before unlocking and walking out the treatment room door. He nodded greetings to Celty as Shinra babbled on about something or other in some chatroom.

He wandered down the hall and down the elevator, passing Celty's quietly neighing bike. His feet carried him down the streets of Ikebukuro, all the way to Russian sushi, then all the way home. He kicked his shoes off and collapsed on the couch, shaking his head.

It had been so stupid of him to try that. There was no way in hell that it would work. Either Izaya or Shinra listening to that tape would probably laugh at him and he would never be able to live it down.

Stupid, Stupid, stupid. That was all that that had been…

Shizuo buried his face into his couch cushion and fell asleep, hating his own longing and lonliness like nothing else.

~.~

A/N: Hey Shizuo, whatcha doin'? What did you put on that recording? –peering into the next chapter- Oh my… oh my… whatever have you done… This… this is quite… oh my… oh my oh my…

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