Author's Note: In my own defense, I've actually been writing this for a long time, I just would get occasional spurts of inspiration.
"Get up!" Wednesday's voice shattered Lucas' dream world in which he was having a very deep conversation with Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe, and Kurt Cobain about a topic that was already forgotten. He felt himself mumble something completely incomprehensible, and before he knew it, the warm comforter was gone, and he flailed his arms helplessly.
"Lucas!" Wednesday said louder and he stilled, then flipped over onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow.
"Noooo!" He cried sleepily when Wednesday flipped him back over and pulled him by the arm.
"Come on, stop acting like a toddler and get out of bed." Wednesday said without patience, and used her above-average strength to pull him to his feet and lead him to the neatly-folded pile of clothes Lurch had left some time before.
"I hate you." Lucas groaned sleepily as he took the clothes and walked down the hall to the bathroom where he intended to shower. Being held hostage is one thing, but being a stinky hostage is quite another. If he was going to be forced to be someone's husband, he was at least going to preserve his dignity.
To pass the time, Wednesday decided to take a little trip to the old armory to see if there were any recent additions since she'd been gone. To her utter annoyance, she ended up dodging four different booby traps in the halls that were probably meant for Lucas. The fifth was her youngest brother, waiting patiently for her.
"Good morning." He said to his older sister and followed her into the weapons room. This greeting caused Wednesday to give him a questioning look.
"Have you been watching sitcoms on Father's television, again?" She asked. Pubert panicked for all of two seconds before he came up with something.
"No! I mean- what I meant to say was, dreary morning, is it not, Sister?" Wednesday really wanted to say something sarcastic, but decided to drop it and cut to the chase.
"What do you want? Or better yet- what does Pugsley want?" She asked as she examined her (thankfully untouched) crossbow collection. The ten-year-old looked down at his black loafer-clad feet.
"I just wanted to talk to you." He admitted. Wednesday chose one of her personal favorites pointed it at the opposite wall.
"About?" She prompted her baby brother before loading the bow with a bolt and test-firing it.
"Are you and Lucas in love?" He asked.
"Of course. That's why I married him." Wednesday said like she'd practiced in her head. Pubert nodded. "Why do you ask?"
"Because you two aren't like Mother and Father, and they're in love." The boy elaborated.
"Pubert, if you think that all couples enjoy public displays of affection as much as Mother and Father, then you're going to be very disappointed." Wednesday said casually and shot another arrow into the wall. She already knew the look Lurch would give her when he realized he would once again need to get out the spackle.
"I just thought I would ask, because it's different with you and Lucas." Pubert admitted.
"How so?" Wednesday asked, expecting him to reveal that as opposed to her parents, she and Lucas showed no affection for each other whatsoever.
"Well, you guys don't kiss, or tango, or anything like that." Pubert said. Wednesday nodded, as this was exactly what she'd been expecting. "But you do look at each other the same way, sometimes." This raised one of Wednesday's eyebrows.
"Interesting." She said with as little emotion possible, and fired one more arrow. The shatter of the window as Wednesday missed her target completely, could be heard throughout the mansion.
When Lucas had dressed and unlocked the bathroom door, hair still wet, he expected Wednesday to be waiting for him. What he didn't see coming was her grabbing him by the shirt, and pulling him into a not-entirely-consensual kiss. He didn't know her intentions until she finally pulled away from him, and he could see her little brother standing down the hall, looking somewhat terrified. The undead-looking butler had also chosen this particular time to walk past the odd couple with a bucket.
"Uggggggh." He moaned at Wednesday.
"He's my husband!" Wednesday yelled at him in response. Lucas wasn't aware that moaning was an actual language, but with this family, it honestly didn't surprise him. When Lurch had shuffled off, and Pubert had retreated to his room, Wednesday instantly turned back into, well, Wednesday. "Sorry, the kid was asking questions."
"Which of course could be answered with you kissing me." Lucas said sarcastically and dramatically wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Oh, you know you liked it." Wednesday teased and picked up a crossbow that she must have dropped.
"What's that for?" The young man asked in a much calmer tone than one would usually have when asking about their kidnapper's weapon.
"We're going hunting!" Wednesday said excitedly and grabbed him by the wrist to lead him down the stairs. Lucas couldn't help but think that this was a rare time when Wednesday exhibited behavior similar to that of her father. But then another thought struck him.
"We're in New York. How do you plan on hunting?" After asking this, images of Wednesday gleefully shooting at random pedestrians with her crossbow flooded Lucas' mind.
"We're in Central Park! If each species of bird that lives here were a necktie, I could hang myself twenty-five times!" Wednesday seemed almost insanely giddy now. Lucas had to admit that that was a lot better than mass-murder.
"Aren't some of those species endangered?" He asked.
"From me." Wednesday said ominously. Lucas gave her a side-eyed look. "If it makes you feel better, I'll stay away from the swans."
"Thanks. That's much better!" Lucas said sarcastically. "And how do you plan on not getting caught doing this?" He asked.
"Did you not see the land surrounding the house when we got here?" Asked Wednesday. She took the lack of an answer from Lucas as a no. "There's acres of private property I can hunt on without even coming in contact with someone." She explained. The pair were now walking swiftly side by side through the house, only stopping once when Wednesday pulled Lucas out of the way of a bear trap and cursed Pugsley under her breath.
Just as the two made it out the door, the aforementioned brother appeared in the flesh, looking overly chipper.
"Pugsley, if anything happens to him, I WILL turn to Harmony torture." Wednesday threatened.
"Then let's hope nothing tragic happens." The teen shot back and continued into the house.
"How I managed to make it out of here with my sanity, I'll never know." Wednesday said to nobody in particular as she let go of Lucas and took the lead into the wooded area.
"Because you clearly were perfectly sane when you brought me here." The kidnapped man joked.
"Lucas, do you really want to irritate the woman with the crossbow?" Wednesday asked, turning and pointing the weapon at Lucas' chest. He took in a sharp breath.
"You're going to be a great attorney." Lucas joked, and Wednesday lowered it.
"You're infuriating!" She shouted before noticing something and shooting an arrow at it before Lucas even knew what was going on. He failed to notice the small explosion of feathers as well."Pigeon." Wednesday stated as she finally got a good look at her prize.
"You seriously just shot a bird in Central Park." Lucas said in disbelief.
"Yes. But the city will not miss one pigeon. In fact, some consider them to be vermin." She reached into her dress pocket and produced a quart-sized zipped baggy, which she quickly put the bird into and handed it to Lucas. He held it at arms length and gave it a look of disgust. This reaction to carrying the dead bird went unnoticed by his faux wife, who was too busy looking for a bird that was a little more exotic than a pigeon.
"You have no idea how much I missed this." Wednesday said to Lucas when she spotted a red-winged blackbird. He grimaced when it was hit in the chest and let out a short cry of distress before dropping dead. Wednesday bagged this one but thankfully decided to carry it herself.
"Are we done here?" Lucas asked.
"Yes." Wednesday looked back in the direction of the house. "Do you want to take a walk?" She asked. Lucas, knowing he had no real say in the matter, nodded. Wednesday led the way for a while before she asked,
"So, are your parents looking for you?"
"Well, it's been two days, so I would think so." Lucas answered. "Well, I guess my mom definitely is. My dad- might think she's overreacting because his sense of time is usually off because of his thirteen-hour workdays." His captor nodded and they continued walking for another minute or so. Lucas noticed something wasn't right with her just a few seconds before she stopped at a tree and broke down. Lucas had no idea what triggered it, but she was on the ground, holding her short hair like a person that had finally snapped, while her tear ducts threatened to let out some moisture.
Seeing Wednesday like this seemed so off for Lucas, he almost felt like she would want him to turn away. But a voice in his head, for some crazy reason, told him to do otherwise. So Lucas sat down on the ground next to the woman who kidnapped him, while she possibly had a nervous breakdown.
"I can't do this." He heard Wednesday say barely audibly. As she took deep breaths and looked more vulnerable than Lucas bet anyone had ever seen her, Lucas saw Wednesday Addams' humanity. If it hadn't been for this, he wouldn't have brought his hand down to hers and held it in the soothing gesture that his mom had used on him as a child, when his dad didn't approve of anything he did. He was rather surprised when Wednesday didn't shy away from him, instead she looked into his eyes and whispered,
"I'm sorry." Lucas nodded.
"I know." He said in a similar volume. After an unknown amount of time just sitting there, holding hands absently, Wednesday somewhat pulled herself together and stood up, helping Lucas to his feet as feet as well.
"I suppose we should be getting back." She said in a normal tone of voice and looked back in the direction of the house.
"I guess we should." Lucas agreed as an idea came to him that he decided to act on. "Shall I escort you back to the house, Mrs. Beineke?" He asked jokingly as he extended the hand Wednesday had previously been holding. To his astonishment, she actually took it.
"Oh please, I would at least hyphen my name!" She said as they began to walk.
"Excuse me," Lucas corrected himself. "Mrs. Addams-Beineke."
"That's better." Wednesday said. She would never admit to anyone how nice it really sounded, nor would Lucas admit that they weren't walking hand-in-hand to keep up the facade of a married couple.
Do you know what makes me want to write WxL? Reviews (and plot bunnies, but that is beside the point).
