SO SO SO sorry it took so long! I really didn't know what to do… so this chapter was really hard to write. Next one will be up in 3 days, because this one took so long.

Thanks so much for all the reviews! You guys are amazing (also with grammar-mistakes, because it is good to learn.)

I hope you think the chapter is good and pleas review! I don't own flashpoint. Mistakes are mine.

Greetz, Nadya.

'Maybe it's time to start talking about them?'

Unbelievable how a just one sentence can change everything. From a certain way of feeling calm to straight out panic once again. But just on the inside this time and thankfully not on the outside. Sam purposely kept his face blank. This had happened before though. A day ago Wordy had also questioned something; whether he could tell something about Afghanistan. He had answered no. clearly. He did not want to talk about that. He couldn't. he wouldn't. he shouldn't.

Wasn't this about the same thing? Afghanistan? That was what his dreams were about. The screaming. The pain. The hurt. The fear. No.. no fear. He was too old for fear. A man had no fear. Right? A Soldier was supposed to be strong. The protect others, not whine and cry. He shouldn't fear anything. Why did it seem than that his teammates had fears? They had real fears, and they dealt with them. Sam did not mean little fears. Like thunderstorms, or mothers, or airplanes. He meant real fears. Those ones who are hiding in the darkness of your thoughts. Those that only come up when you are alone, thinking, or right before you go to sleep. Those that really haunt you. Freeze you. Break you. The ones that make you fall apart.

And he couldn't talk about that. He did not think about that. Cause if he did.. he just did not know what would happen if he did. and that feared him most of all.

Ed kept looking at Sam as he seemed to process the question. Even though Sam's face had become blank, his eyes were haunted. Worried. Overthinking could be seen through them. Ed knew soldiers weren't keen on telling about their hurts. About their time in war. Ed did not know what Sam had been trough. He couldn't understand, right? But he could expect what was going on. He could take a pretty good guess. He had heard many stories. And many of his friends were soldiers. And as a cop he had also seen terrible things. He knew the impact. He knew what it could do to a person. He knew lots of soldiers who broke down, who fell apart because of it. The suicide ratings for veterans were high. Ptsd wasn't uncommon. Not at all. Unfortunately. In his head Ed was going over moments. Moments he had been with Sam and noticed something that might be seen as weird. Strange. Something to worry about. He couldn't think of any. Had he missed signs? How could he? Did he?

He noticed Sam's hand still holding unto Wordy's sleeve, pulling on it, holding it tight into his white hands. The nervousness could be seen at as he was shaking.

Wordy was irritated. He was helping, he was working this out. And even though Ed was his best friend, and even though he was totally for teamwork, this situation hadn't made Wordy happy. Sam was scared. Sam was wounded. Couldn't Ed see? Just moments ago Sam had been freaking out, but right before Ed's words he had been calm. Wordy had calmed him down. The screams had stopped. He had recognized Wordy. He knew where he was. He responded. But not right at this moment. Not anymore. No right now Sam was once again in his own world as it seemed. Not able to respond.

Sam hadn't responded to Ed's question. And Ed himself had come way to close, was Wordy's opinion. Of course Wordy was close, but it should be to full, to busy. Wordy did not want Sam to feel cornered. Wordy decided to speak though, because this wasn't what was supposed to happen. Sam should rest. Calm down completely. Sleep and nightmare-free sleep and then maybe they could talk. Wordy did speak softly though 'Ed? How about you and the others get outside for a little while.' Then he looked at Sam. 'then maybe Sam and I can talk.'

Ed immediately balked and he wasn't the only one. Sarge did not agree, at least he should not leave. Maybe it would be smart of Spike, Lew and Jules went outside for a while. Those three did not respond though not at all. Spike was looking out of the window angrily. Lew was near the door. Not ready to leave but checking if anyone wanted to come in. Jules was at a distance, close to Greg, and she watched. Trying to figure out a way to help most likely. Even though they al disagreed only Ed spoke. 'No. no freaking way.'

'Ed' Wordy said in a warning tone. They should not do this. Not in front of Sam.

'I understand you Wordy. I do. But we are not leaving.' Ed turned towards Sam. 'We are not leaving you.' He sighed and pulled his lower lip inside for a moment. 'I know you think we don't understand. but… try us.' Ed wanted to continue but a hand on his arm stopped him and turned towards its owner. Wordy.

..

Wordy was pissed. Something he wasn't often. But he was sick of this. The words he had spoken hadn't been a question. And Ed knew that. This wasn't the right approach. What was? He did not know for sure. But this could not be it. Sam would not start talking by force. He would not talk before he was ready. And at this moment. Only minutes after an horrific nightmare? He definitely was not ready. Sam needed time to think and time to come back to himself. Back to his strong self, one who could give real answers and give a real opinion. Not one out of fear or hurt.

Ed and Wordy crossed eyes. Anger coming from both of them. All caused by a feeling of ear and worry for their teammate. Greg saw what was happening and decided that maybe this was the moment to interfere. He had to admit that he wasn't sure witch approach was better. Ed wanted to let Sam know he, or better said they, were there for him. On a normal day Sam would deem it as weird, wouldn't be open to it most likely. But right now, some of the walls holding his fear and hurt and pain inside were open. Or maybe just losing some stones. At least there was an opening. A chance in which Sam might not be strong enough to stop them (from making him talk) and close himself off. Ed wanted them to use this opportunity. Because soldiers were hard to talk to about these kind of things. And he meant extremely hard. This might be there only shot, so Ed was thinking. And Ed really did wanted to help.

But on the other hand, cornering an already frightened animal wasn't smart. Neither was this with soldiers. Sam still wasn't completely there. Sam still wasn't all right. And the odds were big that if they would force him, Sam would become angry when he was himself once again. Wordy had reached Sam. He had calmed him down. Which was a good thing. And breaking him down again, maybe causing more problems, that was not what they wanted. Wordy was for fairness, equality, not misusing a situation.

While going through someone's head, people often forget there is still a person attached to it. Psychology was all about thinking, about finding reasons why things were done or thought. Brains were so amazing to investigate. To science to it was bizarre. But there still was a human attached to it. A person. A man. One who would want to make his own choices. Decide himself what was right and what was wrong. When to open up and when not to. Sam had a right to respond in a way he wanted, when he was also fully capable of refusing to answer. Even though that would be a terrible thing. A dangerous thing even, so Greg was thinking. A little help was needed. But it should not be forced onto someone. Sam had to be able to decide himself.

In the military he probably hadn't. in the military things were decided for him. what he should do and maybe even what he should think. And with his family. Greg didn't know the General personally, but he was quite sure the man wasn't the nicest in the world. A man who had the uttermost control of everything and everyone around him. They were not like that. And they would see Sam as equal. Giving him a right to decide himself.

They could not use this moment for it.

'Ed' he also spoke. But before any of the three could respond, Sam suddenly spoke. Coming out of a daze, but knowing perfectly well what he was saying.

'They are just dreams.'

All turned back towards him. Ed spoke first: 'what?'

'They are just dreams.' Sam spoke again, before continuing. 'they are not real, I know that when I am awake. But when I sleep… it just.. it all feels so real.' He took a deep breath, before looking into their eyes. Looking far more focused than expected, he seemed to be back with them completely. Ed wasn't so sure. Sam continued. 'I am sorry that I woke and scared you. It was not my intention.'

'God, Sam! We don't blame you.' Jules threw out, but Sam kept going. 'I got them under control, just at some moments it sucks. I suppose the day brought back some feelings and … well.. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just need a moment. I will be fine.'

'You can talk to us.' Ed gave. Sam smiled a little. 'I don't need to talk. As I said they are just dreams.'

Ed shook his head. 'How many times did you get them?'

'What?' Sam asked.

'How many times? Every month? Every week? Every day?' Sam did not respond. Ed sighed deeply. 'Do you get them often? Too often? You talk like this isn't the first one. I am damn sure it isn't. and I think they are coming on way to much. To be honest Sam.' Sam looked towards Ed. From what I just saw, I think this one time is even too much times it happened. I don't want to see you so hurt.' It was quite a heartfelt thing to say for a guy like Ed.

'I can stop them. I must..i' Sam wasn't really sure what he wanted to say.

Suddenly Wordy stepped in. 'You want to stop them, but you don't know how. Maybe you can let us help with that?' Wordy hoped that this way he found a way in the middle of all thing. Some common ground.

Sam did not respond though.

'You've done a great thing over there Sam.' Greg spoke softly. 'You fought to keep people safe right her, but also safe in those places. You fought. You hurt so people can have a sweet way of life right here. Something we should all cherish if we look at what happens in so many places in the world.'

'It comes with a price.' Sam pretty much bit back to him.

'One you are paying. That does not seem fair does it? I know asking for help isn't something you are used to. But so was talking people down.. so was our way of working. And you still do it. You still try and work for it. You took the risk to do something you did not know. And I am pretty sure to say that you like it.'

Sam nodded. He did. The way the SRU worked had been weird and strange to him. But he had found it appealing, unbelievable, but appealing. And did like it. He did try to… but this was different, right? 'I don't want to talk about the things that happened.'

'You can talk about whatever you want. You just need to accept that we are here to help.' Ed spoke up.

Sam thought this was weird. Only minutes ago the two in front of him were pretty much ready to fight. Disagreeing so badly. And suddenly they were all on one side? Weird people. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say. He kept waiting for the angle his father told about. The moment would tell him to man up. To be strong. It hadn't come yet. Would it come t all?

'What should I say?' he nearly whispered

..

Wordy nearly screamed of joy when Sam spoke those words.

Yes it might seem weird to others. This situation in which he suddenly completely changed his opinion. But the reason Wordy did not want to push Sam was because Sam wasn't in the right state of mind for such a conversation, nor in the right state of mind to refuse to.

Sam was still freaking out back then. Or that was what Wordy was thinking. Back then he had been calm. But he wasn't completely aware of his surroundings. It would be like playing a puppet. And that was not fair.

But clearly Sam was stronger than he knew. Or maybe it had happened so many times that it had become easier to come out of that state. Wordy didn't know. He could take a good guess tough.

The moment Sam had talked out of nowhere, was amazing . And the way he talked right now, was even better. Was really talking. That along with his bright eyes, focussed and the one talking. And of course the stupid apology. It was Sam again. And if he would talk. It would be good. As long as he could stop when he wanted too. And Wordy was going to make sure he got that change and it would be accepted. Sam still needed rest though. They needed to make sure Sam slept this night. But how?

..

Ed responded to the question. 'What do you want to say? About your dreams, or maybe something else. What do you want.'

Sam clearly had trouble deciding what to tell them. What to say at all. So Wordy decided to change the approach a little bit. 'How about we sit down on the couch and you can tell us something nice about your time there? About friends or something small?' Ed smiled and agreed. It was a good idea.

Sam nodded after a moment and suddenly stood up, shocking all of them whit his suddenly quick reaction. Within seconds he was sitting on the edge of the couch. Not really comfortable. Not really like Wordy had wanted, but Sam left his safe spot, so that was a good sign.

The rest stood up and walked over to the couch slowly. Sitting down deep into the couch. Wordy gave Sam a small smile. Sam seemed ready to talk. At least a little bit. Almost eager.. a bit to.. like he wanted to do this all quickly. That wasn't strange Wordy had to admit. Rushing over it, solving it right here right now was what Sam wanted. No complications. No troubles. Solutions. But that was not the way it worked.

'So what do you want to tell us?' Ed asked.

Sam thought for a moment. 'Ehm.. once I and some others did something .. well not very pleasing for one of the commanders. So he ordered us to organize the food supply and stuff. While we were working. And I mean like seriously working, one of the bags filled with flower fell down. Those bags are huge. And a little came out and fell on the floor. Justin, he's a friend, and I went to clean it up, but while cleaning we got a better idea.'

Spike's smile became bright andbig. Serge frowned and Ed smiled softly. 'What you do?' Jules asked.

'You see we hadn't seen snow or anything in months. And I really missed having snowball fights. Flower it also white. Justin says I was the first to throw something, but that is not true. He started it. I did participate.' Sam laughed a little and a small smile came into his face, including his eyes.

The others laughed. 'That must have caused some trouble.'

'yeah the repercussions weren't great.' Sam laughed again. 'But seeing the commanders face as he walked in and got hit by a flowerball, it made it all worth it. I think we threw away food for a week.'

Then it became quiet. 'Not long after our trucks hit an IED and we lost one of our own. It wasn't fair. From something so great.. to something so...'

Wordy wasn't sure what to say. Neither one of them were sure how to respond. The sudden change had been unexpected. But at least Sam told them something.

Sam however did know what to say. 'But that's what happens, right? It might seem cold and hard, but you have to protect yourself. Falling apart is not possible if you are fighting for your life.'

'You aren't fighting for your life right now.' Wordy said without expecting to. Without thinking.

Sam became quiet. He looked at Wordy for a while. Then to the wall. Then he spoke: 'No. now I am fighting to keep all of that away.'

And that was exactly what he should not do.

Oke so I hope you like it! Please review! Lot's of love!

Nadya