Nothing in the world could prepare me for this. No amount of reading or talks with my doctor, nor the long talks with Peeta as his hands stroked my belly. I thought when Prim died that I would never be able to love again. Peeta re-opened my heart and I learned to love others. Now I don't think I can love anyone so much as I do this little being in my arms.
She is perfect. Seven pounds, six ounces with blue eyes that match her daddy's perfectly. After she opened her eyes two nights ago, Peeta sat across from me, staring and I looked from one pair of blue eyes to the other, falling more and more in love with both of them.
I don't know where the name came from but as I was holding her in my arms, singing Prim's favorite song, I thought about the willow tree Peeta painted on the wall of the nursery. Supple and strong, it's a long-surviving tree. My little Willow has the most loving father in the world, who will do anything for her. I would give my life to protect her. Her aunts are Victors, her "grandfather" is one as well, and everyone around her has vowed to keep her safe. I don't know what the future holds but for the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of it. With Peeta by my side, I know I can handle anything. With Willow in our arms, I know life can't get much more perfect for us. At first I saw the alarm in Peeta's eyes at the middle name I chose. But my sister's presence will outweigh Snow's. She will watch over us and keep us safe. She will be the only Primrose in my life, but I can still honor her by giving my daughter at least part of her name.
I watch Willow sleep in my arms, and Peeta's head rests in my lap. Asleep, I count the similarities. Her eyelashes are dark but long like his. The tuft of hair on her head is dark as mine, so I imagine Peeta will get his wish with that one. Her skin is pale with a light sprinkle of freckles across her tiny nose. Her lips are upturned in the slightest of smiles, as Peeta's is. She will have his face and I will be overjoyed each time I look at her. Her nose looks more like mine, more pointed and slender. I shift her in my arms and feel my stomach rumble. Peeta must hear it, because he starts in my lap and blinks up at me.
"Good lord, was that your stomach?"
"I haven't really eaten anything substantial since I had a baby," I remind him and he sits up, rubbing his face.
"I'm the most terrible husband in the world. What would you like?"
"You're not, and I'll take anything at this point. If you want to take her, I can go make myself something."
"Katniss, you just had a baby. You need to rest. Stay with her, I'll be right back." He kisses my head and disappears before I can protest.
Willow wakes up not long after and is screaming for food. I move aside my gown and wince as I feel her suck at my nipple. It's a strange sensation and not altogether pleasant like when Peeta does it. But I've already decided no one will feed her but me, so I just shrug off the discomfort and watch her eat. Peeta comes back up with a tray of sandwiches and a bowl of soup. A cookies rests near my glass of water and I grab that first. He grins as he sets the tray across his lap.
"Dessert first?"
"Always," I say through a mouthful of cookie. He kisses my cheek and watches Willow eat. I wince as she tugs at my nipple. He notices and he bites his lip.
"Does it hurt?"
"More uncomfortable than painful," I shrug. "She's a greedy little thing, like her daddy." He cups my chin and presses his lips to mine.
"When it comes to you, there's no such thing as too much." I smile and stroke his cheek as we watch our daughter eat. When she's finished, she yawns and goes right back to sleep. Peeta brings her bassinet into our room so we can free our hands but my arms feel empty without her, and I quickly pick her up again, resting her against my arm while I eat. Peeta chuckles and shakes his head.
"Already an expert mommy."
"Hardly," I say glancing at him. "But I can't seem to let go of her for very long."
"I know what you mean. When you're finished, I'll take her. I haven't held her in a whole four hours." I laugh as I hand her to him and watch the way his face lights up as he gazes down at her. I didn't think I could possibly love Peeta even more but seeing him in his incredible new light makes my heart race.
"Can you hand me the phone? I really should call Mom." He nods and reaches across for the phone we had brought into our room. I quickly dial the number and nervously wait. When she answers, my eyes rest on Willow and Peeta.
"Mom, you have a granddaughter." I hear her crying through the phone and she's unable to say anything. I wait patiently until she can speak again.
"Can I visit soon?"
"We would like that. I still haven't left the bed yet and we aren't taking her out of the house right now."
"No, you shouldn't take her anywhere for at least six weeks. Babies can catch things too easily. And how was the birth? Are you feeling alright?"
"Annie and Johanna were wonderful. I feel fine, just a little tired and sore. I talked to Annie yesterday and she said there was no tearing or complications so I suppose that means I'm ok."
"You had a very easy time. I'm glad of that," she replies. "Still, you shouldn't be on your feet for a few days. Is Peeta taking care of you?"
"Of course he is. He's Peeta after all." He looks up at the sound of his name, his brow raising. I smile and shake my head.
"I shouldn't have even asked. I'm so happy for you, dear. For all of you."
"Thanks Mom. Come see us soon, ok?"
"I will. I'll arrange a ticket this week. Take care, Katniss. Call me if you have any questions."
"Bye Mom." Peeta holds his arms out and I crawl right back into them. We have been resting this way since he brought me home. With him behind me, he can hold both of us in his protective embrace. I absolutely love it and have never felt safer.
"I'm surprised she is sleeping so much," he says quietly. "Aren't babies supposed to be up at all times of the day?"
"Shh, don't jinx us. I'm fine if she wants to sleep a lot. It means we will have lots of easy nights. Johanna says Aran cried all night long his first three months." Peeta gives her a gentle kiss on the head and leans back against the headboard.
"What did your mother say?"
"We aren't supposed to take her out of the house for at least six weeks, and she wants me to stay in bed for several more days. She is coming to visit sometime next week, I think."
"That's good. She can give you lots of great advice." I nod and lean my head against his shoulder. We watch our daughter sleep in peace and I feel Peeta's steady heart beat under me.
"Don't you need to go to the bakery," I say suddenly.
"You really think I'd leave you two right now? I told Rory to tell everyone I was taking a week or two off. Paternity leave, I think it's called."
"Can you do that?" He gives me a little smirk.
"Since I own the place, I think I'll be ok." I settle back against his chest and shift Willow in my arms. Peeta wraps his own around us and I stroke her tiny face with my fingertip.
"I can't get over how beautiful she is," he murmurs in my ear. I turn to look at him and smile down at our daughter.
"She has a lot of your features."
"No, I can see a lot of you in her," he says, his large hand resting on her head. "I guess that's what is most amazing. That we can see both of us in her."
"We did make her together," I remind him and he laughs.
"That's not what I mean. She's a combination of Merchant and Seam. Think about it. Before the War, did you really ever see anyone like Willow? Prim and your mother looked like they were Merchant but did you ever see someone with distinguishing features like dark hair and blue eyes?" I think to myself and admit he is right. I have never seen anyone like her before and it scares me slightly. I don't want her to be different. I don't want her life to be any more difficult than it's going to be, being the child of the star-crossed lovers of District 12. Peeta strokes her head and bends down to give her a kiss.
"She's absolutely perfect. She's visible proof that Panem has changed for the better. That District 12 has gotten better."
"You think she'll be ok? When she gets older, I mean?"
"Katniss have you not seen the district lately? It's not segregated anymore. Seam and Merchant work together, are even marrying each other. Look at Delly and Brent! We set a trend, my beautiful girl." I grin and he kisses my nose. I reach down and grasp his hand, entwining our fingers together. My olive skin against his fair hand looks like a beautiful painting. A masterpiece. I kiss his knuckles and lean my head against his chest.
"I love you, Peeta," I sigh as I close my eyes. He lowers his head and softly kisses my hair.
"I am so in love with you that sometimes I'm scared my heart will burst from happiness and love." Count on him to one-up on me with words. But I don't care anymore. I can finally express how much I love him and I know he understands. He leans back against the headboard, pulling me along with him. I hold onto Willow and his arm slides underneath her protectively. We fall asleep as a family, our hearts beating in unison.
I haven't really left the bedroom except to shower and even then, I rushed back to scoop Willow into my arms again. I know Peeta is having the same problem; he never wants to let her go, and I'm afraid we will fight about it in the future because we both just want to hold her. I know I'm being silly but I have never felt this connected to someone before. Prim was my whole world and I felt like her mother for the longest time. But she grew up without me realizing it, and I am determined to keep my baby young and innocent for as long as I can.
The first two weeks of Willow's life we have lots of visitors. Annie and Finn, Johanna, Aran and George, Effie and Haymitch, Brent, Delly, and Dex, Cora and Dane and Nathan, Rory and Posy, Lara and Logan, Gisele, Riley, Helga from the orphanage, Colton, and so on. Peeta entertains them downstairs and sometimes brings Willow down to see them but mostly she stays upstairs with me. I didn't even know it was my birthday until Peeta presented me with a little cake and surprised me with a painting he had done of me when I was pregnant. I've been so focused on caring for Willow, I don't even know what day it is.
I hear the heavy footsteps on the stairs and I look up to see Peeta entering our bedroom, a tray balanced on his arm.
"Dinner's ready. Although I think you should try to come downstairs and eat it. You need to leave this room soon."
"Tomorrow," I tell him as I accept the glass he hands me. He positions the tray across his lap and leans down to give our sleeping daughter a kiss.
"I made sandwiches on rye bread and brought you fresh strawberries."
"Thank you, Peeta, it looks wonderful." He gives me a little smile and kisses my forehead. I notice him studying me as I eat and I sigh. I know he's worried about me. I know he wants me to get up and leave the bedroom. But I can't. Each time I try to leave the bed, I feel this heaviness weighing down on me and I just sink back into the blankets and clutch my baby to my breast.
"Johanna wants to throw you a belated birthday party before she leaves the district," he says as he picks up a strawberry. "I think it'd be nice to have it here so Willow can attend."
"I don't really need a party," I say with a shrug. "She can come over here for dinner before she leaves though."
"Honey, people want to see you. They miss you."
"I just had a baby, Peeta. I'm tired and I don't really feel like myself." He raises his brow and nods.
"Ok. I'm sorry I pushed. I'm just….I'm just worried about you."
"I know. You don't need to be. I'm fine." It comes out sharper than I intended and I can see how it bothers him, but he doesn't say anything else. I change the subject and ask how everyone is. But I'm interrupted by my hungry daughter and I quickly put my own dinner aside. After she finishes eating, Peeta takes her to rock her back to sleep, giving me time to finish my sandwich. He gently sets her in her bassinet and sits behind me on the bed, his hands going to my shoulders.
"You should try to sleep," he whispers. "You look exhausted."
"I'm fine," I say again, shrugging him off. He sighs and collects our dishes to take them back downstairs.
"Peeta," he stops in the doorway and raises a brow. "Thank you for dinner." He nods and disappears and I move down the bed to look into Willow's bassinet. I feel sleep pull at me and wonder if I can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.
The next day, Rory calls Peeta from the bakery with some kind of oven emergency and Peeta rushes into our room, looking frazzled.
"I'm really sorry Katniss. I won't be long, I promise."
"Peeta, we're fine. Really. Go to the bakery." He quickly kisses me on the head and rushes out. Sighing, I pick up Willow and bounce her in my arms.
"It's just you and me, little girl. Want to take a trip downstairs?" She lifts a hand toward my face and I kiss it as I place my feet on the floor.
I carry her downstairs and walk around the living room before I tire quickly and head back up to the bedroom. I don't know how long I stare down at her. I feel like it could be weeks. I just can't take my eyes off of her. Her bright eyes find mine and hold my gaze. I see that bright-eyed Merchant boy with bouncy blonde curls sitting across from me in school. His eyes find mine for a moment then flit away. My daughter continues to stare up at me, her hand reaching out to touch my chin.
There's a moment you've been waiting all your life for
When you find the very reason you're alive for
And it happens when you seem to least expect it
All at once you come alive and feel connected
I ignored the beat inside my heart for too long
Had accepted what was right
But always felt wrong
Its the second hand of time
I'd been a slave to
But inside there was a feeling
Something I always knew
When the world turned upside down
And the earth and sky changed around
All the whispers of the possible became clear and loud
When the world turned upside down
When my world turned upside down
I remember my father singing these very words to me. He told me I had turned his whole world upside down, then said the same thing again when Prim was born. I guess it's true. Peeta and Willow have both turned my world upside down.
I hear a sound in the doorway and my head jerks up. Peeta is leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest, a broad smile on his handsome face.
"Hey," I breathe. "Look who's being quiet and sneaky."
"I didn't mean to be," he breathes as he approaches us. "I just…I'm under some kind of spell whenever you sing. And you singing to her…I just…it just made me want to cry."
"What," I say, alarmed. "Why?"
"Not a bad thing," he says quickly. "It was so beautiful. The way you were looking at her, how she was looking up at you. Those words that came out of your mouth. I just want to commit it all to memory and paint it all."
"I have no doubts that you will," I say quietly as I smile up at him. His thumb rakes over my lips then he bends down to kiss me.
"You've turned my world upside down, Katniss," he whispers. "I never thought this life was possible and here you are, holding our daughter in your arms."
"I'd have never thought we would ever get here," I say honestly as he sits beside me. "When you came back from the Capitol and I was still learning how to live again…it seems so long ago but I can still remember wondering how I would go on. How everything would be alright." His hand strokes my face and I close my eyes.
"Me too," he whispers. "All those nights I struggled with the venom and the hallucinations, I wondered if we could ever live a normal life. Or if I would ever have anything with you. You were the reason I came back to 12 but I didn't know if it was even possible to have any sort of relationship with you, after everything." I shift Willow and his arm slides under mine, so that we are both holding her.
"I guess the odds have been in our favor for some time now."
"Finally," he says with a smile.
Just a quick note, the song Katniss sings is called If the World Turned Upside Down from Finding Neverland the musical. I was listening to it and it inspired this scene, it's so beautiful! Hope you all enjoy this little moment of peacefulness from our Victors. Have a great week!
