I was wound tight from my restless night, sleeping so rigidly as my thoughts were free to dance around my mind. Yet, what else could one expect? Sora – my saviour, my master – had broken through my repose with a touch of tranquil tears. I was shocked to the core by his guarded vulnerability. Only in my 'sleep', could he find it within himself to push aside the steel that, for years, had marred his pool like eyes.
"Sora..." his name a broken hymn trilling off my tongue, I dressed for my duties as the morning glow filtered through the silken drapes. My will restored, I was more determined than ever to help Sora.
He was hurt. Something had bound us in the past – some event that I either could not remember, or see through the eyes of my saviour. He apologized for something that had happened. I had no doubt in my mind that it had nothing to do with the past few days I had been living under his roof. I am going to find out what it was – one way, or another.
Dragging the bubbling bucket of sweltering water, my heart galloped as I laid my eyes upon the fair beast inhabitating the old maroon stable stand. This horse held a dominant, mysterious air about it. The trembling of its muscular legs as it trotted amongst its encampment suggested speed and strength beyond any other creature of this world.
Clicking my tongue, my eyes locked on the snow pelted horse for whose main and tail appeared as if they had been dipped into starlight. Dark, deep brown eyes gazed just as intently upon mine, staring my intentions down. A waft of breath erupted from its snout, tossing its head slightly. It almost seemed, to me, to be in the form of a greeting.
Reaching my hand out, a mere breath away from the bridge of its nose, I smiled up into its heavily lashed eyes.
"Hey," I whispered softly, keeping my voice fluid and slow as not to startle the magnificent creature. A moment passed between us before its eyes lowered and the curve of its snout was brought against my upturned palm.
"He seems to have taken a liking to you," I barely reigned in the impulse to yank my hand away as I glanced out the corner of my eye.
Sora. He was here; leaning against the entrance frame of the stable, a light smile gracing his lips. Biting my lip, I looked back to the horse in front of me once again, my reflection clearly seen within their depths.
"He?" I gulped, my voice still slightly hoarse from my lack of sleep.
"Mmhm," Sora hummed in confirmation as I began petting the horse's face and neck, tentative as always, "Julian does not usually warm up to others so well. Even I cannot reach out to him as easily you are now..."
"I'm sure he's just a little scared. Horses can tell what we try to hide as easily as though we have it engraved on our brows."
Stroking Julian's neck, he nickered, throat vibrating as I looked back to Sora. He looked... almost confused.
"I could help, you know." I blurted out without considering. Sora quickly looked up at me, shocked as though I had read into something that had passed across his mind.
"With Julian." I quickly recovered.
I could see his jaw tick while he stepped onto the bark of the stable floor, limbs locked as an invisible force encouraged Sora away from this place. Julian huffed against my palm as he eyed Sora's reluctant movements. The trembling in his neck suggested his uneasy temper towards the young man. I hummed, petting him comfortably. Sora, now by my side, watched my hand longingly as I calmed Julian.
"Here." I said, reaching out with my free hand for his leather coated fingers. Jerking slightly, he allowed me to place his palm against the curve of Julian's snout, my humming never halting.
A whiff of a wondered laugh slipped past Sora's lips as he slowly began to stroke along the beast's proud face.
"I-" his voice cracked with emotion, "I have not been able to do this since my..."
I stared expectantly at Sora as he looked down dreamily, chocking on his words.
"Yes?"
Gulping past the evident lump within his throat, Sora continued, "...since my mother's death."
My heart sunk into my stomach. Sora, so cold and guarded had lost his mother.
"Julian," he brushed the horse's mane tenderly, "he was my mother's horse. An Anniversary present from my father."
Julian was not the only one who needed to be treated tentatively. Slipping my hand over his, I stared back as his eyes flashed surprisingly at mine.
"It's going to be okay. I miss my parents too." He visibly winced, pain tearing through the ocean blue of his eyes. Confused, I squeezed his fingers comfortingly.
"But, I live on. I know if they love me and encourage me to live my life. And sir, I am certain yours would tell you the same."
Silence met my words as his gaze wavered over my face. For the first time since I had awoken across his cold floor, I could see the real Sora within. The wall hiding his eyes crumbled away to reveal such pain and suffering. So much so it twisted my own heart to see him.
I could see him. I could see the real Sora that had hidden so deep within himself.
Julian called painfully as Sora dropped to his knees before me, a man begging for 'shelter' against the pain within. Sobs tore his throat and quivered the frame of his back as Sora dug his hands into the bark. As I drifted down to him, I could hear the cursing tone of his words: "It's my fault! It's all my fault! I couldn't stop it...I couldn't save them!"
Shocked from his own words, I threw my arms around him, blocking his arms from the ground before he could injure himself.
He blamed himself for his parents' death? No, through all this, I refuse to believe Sora would be capable of such an act. He's not a killer. Sora saved me – a lonely peasant of a girl that could never hope to draw the eye of others.
"No," I choked, saltwater dripping along my cheeks as I forced his rules aside, "Sora. It's not your fault. It could never be your fault."
The trembling became strong enough to rock even my own form.
"Danella..." his broken voice pulled me back to stare into his raw red eyes, "let me go. I don't deserve such compassion."
It was burnt into my mind that I was to obey any given order made by my master. However, I could not bring myself to do so in this case.
"No - I refuse."
His face twisted as though he was stung, venom coursing through his veins and into his clouded eyes.
"Please...I can't stand it. Not after what I have done."
The man that had come to me in my sleep now kneeled with me, vulnerable and self-loathing. I did not know what to do. What could I possibly do to help this poor creature?
A soft thud against my shoulder blade drew my eyes away from the broken boy within my arms and back to the stallion hovering over us. Dropping one arm from Sora's side, I watched as Julian lowered his muzzle to rest atop the cascade of brunette spikes and proceed to brush his brow affectionately. My lips parted in awe, he truly was a magnificent beast.
His sobs were reduced to harsh sniffs and trembling breaths as Sora raised his head to meet both Julian's and mine eyes. Petting the snow white muzzle, he took a breath before speaking with a sad smile, "You believe Danella, don't you, buddy?"
Julian nickered, leaning into his palm.
"Huh. I should have known you'd take a woman's side." His voice, laced tight with forced light-hearted banter, urged me to throw my arm back around him. As if the boy in front of me would shatter if I did not.
"Sora?" he flinched before meeting my gaze, a strained smile tugging at his mouth, "Why do you...blame yourself for what happened?"
Silence meets my words, and for a moment, I feared I had gone too far in questioning him.
"Because I had the powers to save and they ended in butchery. I was too weak. In more ways than one. I suppose that's why I'm being punished in this way..."
"Punished in what way?" I asked, trying to get him to look me in the eye once again.
The pain was back in full force within his eyes, driven by guilt, it twisted inside him.
"You. You are my punishment."
"W-What?" I didn't understand. Not in the least. How could I be a punishment? I was a servant girl.
"You are the Fates' punishment for my weakness and wrong doings. Fate placed you there that night for me to save you,"-I flinched at the reminder of that night-"if save is what I can really call it. You are here to ever remind me of my weakness and darkness. If it was anyone else...but no, it had to be you."
Hard to breathe, I slipped my hands away from his frame. Confused and hurt, tears prickled my eyes. "I don't understand. Why are you saying these things?"
"Because they are the truth. Without even knowing it, you drive me into despair, you boil guilt within my heart, my memories haunt me because of your blinding presence. And yet, it is your presence that I crave so deeply it hurts."
Fear.
"I should send you away, but I am too selfish for that. You stir such hateful emotions within me, yet so many impassionate ones as well. You vex me everyday – tormenting my very soul for reasons you are so oblivious to."
Confusion.
He grasped my upper arms in a vice grip. My heart pounded against my ribcage. A flash of pale gold crossed his eyes so quick I wondered if it was there at all.
"I want to tell you everything. Maybe then my guilt will ease. Maybe then you will see me for the monster I was; am; and will be. But I am also afraid of that. I need you here - with me."
Hurt.
"So-ra."
"I can hear the hurt in your voice...I put it there. As well as in your eyes; your heart; and your memories. And you don't even know how that can be." His laugh was humourless. It frightened me, chilled me to the core.
"Do you want me to tell you? Do you want the answers you have so desperately craved from the moment you saw my scars? From the moment I denied you entrance into my room? Is that what you want?"
My voice gone, I could do nothing but stare back into the eyes of the young man shaking me.
And without a word of confirmation, I found myself being grasped by the hand and dragged out of the stable. Leaving behind a wild-eyed Julian as he bucked against the gate of his enclosure, I started to panic for what was going to happen.
"Where are we going? Where are you taking me?" I asked franticly as I stared around the darkened halls of the mansion.
"To my room." Sora said with clenched teeth, "You wanted answers. Well, now you're going to get them."
