We were never been too late, all love just ends
InuShikaCho
oOo nukach'an oOo
Disclaimer: All Rights Reserved!
Author's Note: Here's my next update. I'm seeing a lot of readers hating Chris—of course! RyoSaku must end happily ever after, right? Yeah, even I hated Chris so much that I wanted to do the same way how Sakuno wanted to kick her out of the story. Yeah, after 2 chapters next to this one, there would be an epilogue already. So meaning at my 3rd update, it would be the ending. By the way, if someone had noticed my notes at my profile there's an alternate story for this one. Just check it out on my profile. :o Here's chapter 9 inspired by the Final Riot single We are Broken by Paramore. That's why the final lines has the song in it! Enjoy!
oOo Chapter 9 :: At the edge of breaking oOo
Everything started to repeat inside my head. The unbearable flashes of lights; the noises created by the people that turned out to be a horror of murmurs to me; the questions of reporters thrown at us, specifically to the man who stood very elegant beside me. Yes, too much elegance that all of the people had admired him a lot. And also, because of his too much adoration from people, I had felt the biggest sting inside me that the word 'you and me' was not the best word to describe us. But then, that man who stood there held my hand tightly, as if he didn't want to withdraw my hand from his grip. I too didn't want to let go, that's why I did my best to let his hand cling with mine and let it stay as long as he wanted to. If that can make him happy, then I will never let go. If continuing to love him would still make him happy, then probably I can endure the pain that was dwelling inside me.
"Yes. Ryoma Echizen, the famous tennis player, is my fiancée and my future husband!"
This was the first thing I heard, first thing in the morning, exactly when I opened my telly inside my hotel room. That same night I convinced myself that it was just a dream. But how funny it was to see what's real, minute by minute. No matter where I switched the channel, it was the content of all. It made me shivered a lot; made me fell down unto my knees as if I was hit directly on my stomach. The pain was too much. My vision was starting to become odd.
My mind suddenly recalled that exact moment: he slipped his hands away from me and helped Chris, the famous model, from the crowd; seeing all of them making a chaotic approach and his willingness to save her and forgetting the person who he had brought to Wimbledon. After hearing that statement coming from Chris, I was astonishingly stunned over my place and couldn't move a single muscle. But as sooner as I pinched myself lightly, I was turned back to reality and ran out of the room. I ran as long as I wanted to. I didn't care where my feet would bring me. But as soon as the noises from that busy room faded, my feet started to shake on its own. Slowly, I lowered myself down to the floor while I was leaning on the cold wall beside me. My tears were dominant in my face and the moans of crying I had shed that moment echoed in the place, like a hopeless creature in a moment of revelation. Stomach was aching and became stiff. My hands were cupped over my face, covering my nose and my mouth as I continued to cry out in pain.
"Ryuzaki-san?" somebody from the door caught my attention.
"Ah, y-yes!" I answered with a shaking voice. Even though my thighs were still numb, I tried to support them with my bare feet. When I started to walk, my path was going in random steps towards the door. And as much as I could, I wiped the traces of tears in my cheeks before I actually twisted the door knob to open.
"Ryuzaki-san!" it was Mr. Allen.
"Ah, yes?" I asked, "Is there something wrong?"
"Not really, but the heads wants you to receive this. It's a letter coming from them" he took out an envelope and handed it towards me.
"Thanks!" I said.
"Are you okay, Ryuzaki-san?"
"Apparently, yes!" I smiled at him, thinking that he might have noticed some tears left on my cheeks, "W-Why did you ask?"
"You suddenly disappeared last night. A lot were thinking where you went to"
"A-About that, I just-" trying to look away from his eyes, "-just had a stomach ache! Yes, stomach ache it is! I didn't have any breakfast nor lunch yesterday, so I was attacked by my sickness"
"I see" Mr. Allen nodded and took a step back, "Then, I must go already, so that you can take care of yourself!"
I closed the door before me as I watched myself waving at him while he was leaving. Perfectly, I just lied to someone I never thought I would lie to. That's why when my room turned back to its silence; my body shook me to be alive. The paper I was holding stayed in my shaking hands while my eyes were focused anywhere on the room and I looked really sarcastic with my feelings. My lips created a big smirk on my face and my brows were twitching as tears fell down to my chin.
Slowly, I opened the folded paper. From fourths to halves until it was completely open to a whole. Just then, I realized that it was my first time to receive a letter from the head of the company I was working in. Finally my opportunity to know the people who had given me the chance to find my only love one in America will be revealed. And thus, with no more second thoughts and hesitations I read the letter.
The words were scribbled through writing not by print. It had a perfect fit with the smooth texture of the paper. I expected that it would look really presentable. But what made me feel stiffened and my heart pound like it was about to break, was the content. My eyes grew wider and I watched my fingers met as I slowly crumpled the paper in my hands. There was something that needs to be explained and the only person who could explain them thoroughly was him.
My hands were kept together in a fist. The footsteps I made echoed on the corridor out of my room as I walked exactly right next door to see him. My timing was off, obviously. But who could ever endure such pain dwelled inside of you? First was the surprising revelation about Chris and him, just right before me, and now, the confusing content of that letter.
Why was it from them? How and since when was I being played along with this?
I stood before the wooden door before me, which will evidently lead me to his room. In a sudden jump of fear I had inside, I hesitated. What will I say? I doubt he would answer my questions. But Ryoma, how could you lie of all people but to me? Were you just playing along with me ever since I came here? Was I only used to be your way of getting an inspiration regardless that I loved you so much? Is it true that you only took advantage of me that night exactly when I'm weak?
I pounded lightly on the door. Just one simple answer would be enough. "Ryoma, it's me Sakuno… There's something I want to ask" I spoke and knocked once more. It took me five times with the knocking but still I received no response at all. My tension raised and got frightened that something had happened inside. Somehow, my feelings were confusing me a lot. For a moment I felt like I wanted to cry. The next minute I felt my heart breaking and I wanted to blame him for it. But then, I always end up stretching my hand before him and take him back to my side. How could any lover blame and hate her love so recklessly, even though everything was so clear?
When I grabbed the knob, I was half stunned to see the door unclosed.
"Ryoma, I'm going to enter" at least I had the privilege to enter. Slowly, I opened the door, making less sounds, so that if ever he was resting then I wouldn't bother his solemn sleep. I took my steps on those red hotel carpets beneath me. With those steps, my mind was driving me insane with so many thoughts. Suddenly, my mind ached and hated the way it subsided so gently. Because of it, I quickly leaned on one of the cream walls beside me and continued to look for him inside his room.
"Ryoma?" I whispered gently—scared that he'll get surprised to see me there.
Then, I heard a loud crash. The trembling feet that my body created vanished so quickly. Fear drenched me up vastly causing me to run and looked out where that loud crash was coming from. But as soon as I stepped on the widest place of his room, my heart stopped.
I saw nothing but a couple just leaning right before each other with the man's hands pressed on the wall before the woman's head—as if he was stopping her. Her hands were perfectly cupped on his pale cheeks as they were sealing their time with a sensual kiss. My world stopped just like how I wanted it to be. It shattered into tiny pieces and I got scared to pick them up with my bare hands.
Another kiss, then I moved a stepped backward. In just a distance, I found them exploring one another. My words were taken out of my mouth and I couldn't speak a single breath before my tongue. Later on, when they removed their lips in contact to one another, I realized that I was watching them with my mouth half closed.
"Ryuzaki-san!" Chris called out my name and still I was stiffened as if my soul was taken away from my body, "Ah, sorry!" seeing her hands withdrew from his cheeks, I lowered my head down a little to escape any expressions I could make. "Were you standing there the whole time?"
I answered with nothing but complete silence. He moved, finally, from his place. However, I saw his face—between the corners of my sight—worn nothing but a faceless expression. My heart twitched.
"Ryuzaki-san?" hearing Chris's footsteps closer to my place.
"Ah!" pinching myself to life, I looked at Chris with a fake smile, "No~ I just entered…" ending my sentence with a harsh sigh.
I stared at Ryoma with glaring eyes, hoping that he would carelessly pass through my eyes just for him to see what I was feeling. But what I hoped for was erased in an instant after I saw him lowered down his head and obviously didn't want to look at me. My temper was rising and the pressure was getting through my skin tighter. The heat captivated me, somehow I imagined myself turning purple with so much mixed emotions dwelling inside me. But even though I was getting envious over Chris, I thanked her for bringing me back to my own self.
"Ryuzaki-san!" she shook my shoulders and my eyes were brought to hers, "Are you fine? You look pale!" Chris raised her palm and pressed them on my forehead. I wanted to dodge away from her touch but her reflexes were faster than I had expected. "You're heating up! Are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah…" I looked back at Ryoma, "I was planning to have a talk to Ryoma…"
"Is it too private for me to be here?" she pouted before me and I hated myself for giving in.
"No! It's not really private…" I answered back moving my eyes to Chris, "It's just about congratulating him from yesterday's match"
"Oh I see!" she smiled and I felt absurd so much that I wanted to run away from that room, "You really are an excellent coach for my fiancée! You care for him! I'm thankful that while I was away you were perfectly here to take good care of him" feeling a little sarcasm, she moved a step back and started to pass beside me heading to the other door leading to the kitchen.
"Ah… yeah" looking at Ryoma, yet again, whose face was covered with his dark hair and his hands unmoved in a fist
"Why don't you join us in breakfast, right dear?" her voice echoed in the other room.
Finally we were alone. My face became stern with my eyes focused on him, still unmoving. I was perfectly waiting for him to drag me out of the room. Hence, my feet were firmly steady on the ground with my toes rumbling to each other beneath my closed slippers. My throat slowly opened as I swallowed liquid from the entrance of my mouth. A little more minute, I waited for him to move, but as Chris repeated her call of 'dear' in a questioning intonation, he twitched and spoke.
"Sure…" with a very chilly tone that stunned me in fright. Finally he moved his feet, walking towards me still with his head lowered. I released my hands from a very tight grip to itself, waiting for his moment to grab my hand and pull me out. But as soon as he was already a few steps before me my eyes perfectly widened in surprise to see him make a complete turn from my motionless body. I shivered.
Why? I was completely ignored and forgotten. Tears were starting to settle beside my eyes.
"I'll be out for a while. I forgot something at the lobby" he said making me all in pain.
Now the continuation of my heart breaking moment continued. What was I thinking, going right through his unlocked door of his room and barge in, seeing him and his fiancée making out? Well, if it wasn't because of the crash that I heard I wouldn't have run too much and see them live. But then, is it really me who's in fault, going inside his room without any permission from him? Is it really me who needs to experience the walkout by someone I adored without telling me any excuses or explanations? Anyone would feel so much in pain if they were in the same shoes as mine. Why? Definitely, someone needs to tell me why. And only the person who kept on running away must answer my question. But who was I fooling? Probably, everything was a big damn joke from the start.
Besides five years had passed. Ever since we saw each other back at New York I never asked what happened during those years of no communication. What happened to his life? What happened to his college life during his stay in America? Was there anyone who stole my position from his heart? Well, if there would be, then one thing's for sure: that would be Chris.
"Ryuzaki-san, sorry for the trouble" after a few minutes of standing inside the room, Chris dragged me down to a seat and approached me back again with a cup of coffee in her hands. I gave her a smile as a respond of thanks and stirred the whole mug with a silver teaspoon. "I just wanted to give you a thanksgiving as a behalf for Ryoma"
"There's no trouble!" I answered back after sipping a small amount of coffee from the porcelain mug.
"That's good!" she smiled once again. Her smile was perfect making me feel uneasy to stare at her wearing it. Probably, this is her best asset… that Ryoma fell in love for. I created a frown within my lips, but thank God it was completely covered by the mug I was holding. "You know, I'm really amazed with how we met. I never thought that you were my fiancée's coach!"
"Y-Yeah…" I started to become ill at ease, "I also never thought that you were his fiancée… Sorry about last night… I didn't had a chance to say goodbye, I got a tummy ache"
"That's okay, I know how you feel when you feel like nature calls you during camera views" looking at me with suspicious eyes "It feels like we resemble each other, ne?" another smile and I wanted to kick her off from her seat. I felt too much self-pity and everyone could see how much I hated it. If we were alike, then it would cause me too much problem. But then, if ever, could it be the resemblance of us was the reason why all of this happened?
"For someone like, Ryoma—"
"Yeah, speaking off him" she stood up from her chair and walked back inside the kitchen, "He's taking too long at the lobby; I wonder what's taking him for so long?"
In a sudden reaction, I just thought something awkward that came inside my head. "Why?" I took another sip from my mug, but recklessly I burned my tongue. "He didn't sleep here last night?" my heart ached again.
"Well, actually no." I heard her chuckle from the kitchen and at the same time there was a thump somewhere inside the room. "The press took so much of the time last night that we couldn't go back here in the hotel. That's why we passed over another near the venue. Remembering that night makes me want to blush! Probably, he was not satisfied last night."
Another word coming from her, I already felt like I was about to disintegrate and disappear in that gloomy room. My eyes were completely blank and my mind was totally disturbed. Heart was pumping thrice times than my usual heart beat. It frightened me that with the quick pace that it made, it wouldn't be a surprise if I would get an attack in such a moment. Suddenly, I heard a breath near my place.
"That's why, Ryuzaki-san, sorry if you came in seeing us like that…" her voice was coming closer. She appeared before the table holding a tray of biscuits in her hands. "Ah, Ryoma! What took you so long? Your coach and I are waiting for you the whole time."
"I got stuck in the elevator" Liar.
"Stupid of you!" Chris walked closer to where I sat and placed the tray on the desk, "Ryuzaki-san, please have some"
"Sorry Chris…" I spoke holding a big amount of breath, "I forgot that I am heading somewhere else" staring Ryoma with a complete staid puzzlement on my face.
"That's bad" seeing in the corner of my eyes, I saw her frowned.
I stood up from my seat, "But really, thanks for the coffee and the biscuits. I'll go ahead" started walking and in a faster pace. Within myself, I knew I couldn't hold back any longer. The more their presence was completely intact, the more I'll break before their eyes. So as I took the moment as my opportunity to run away, I gave my final notice of pain by stopping before him with our eyes met. His eyes where I could see a perfect glimpse of fear, confusion and surprise.
"Before you go, Ryuzaki-san" she was the reason for me to stop.
"You can call me Sakuno, Chris" looking more deeply in his eyes, "That's how I want to repay your kindness"
"Then, Sakuno" her voice became sweeter, "Before the championship of the tournament arrives, would you like to go with us? In my house down town? If you don't mind, though"
"No, Chris" my senses could feel my face turn into something I don't know, "I don't mind going" and whatever I said, I was having no idea what it meant for all of us.
"This is really great!" her happiness showered her, but darkness was bestowed upon me. There was no such thing as our comparison. "Then, we'll see you the day after tomorrow!" It just happens that I was left behind and she came along, to replace my forbidden place in his heart.
"Thank you Chris" I smiled before his eyes and I saw them growing wider, "I'll see you then…"
No one could ever think how much I had drowned myself in obscurity. I took my steps out of their door without giving a single word for him. If clichés were meant to be true, then my actions were clearly enough for him to read what I was feeling inside. A part of me that neglected a lot of his explanations captivated me even more. During that invisible contact of his thoughts to mine, I had spoken what I have in mind.
I stood there as if I was the best heroine that anyone could know. My chest apart from the ache, I showed it to them. My heart as cold and empty as possible, I tried to let them feel it. Even just for a single moment, I had made myself as a picture of a brave woman with her heart cut open yet still standing in painless—like any broken people had dreamed off.
But not later, after I had completely shut my door back inside my room, I already felt my edge. What I hated the most was to feel the silence gathering all around me. Because when I finally absorbed that silence within my body, my feet starts to weak, my knees starts to lose its strong pillars and my whole complexion starts to fade. Tears start to appear before my eyes and no matter how much I tried to keep them aback, it would still continue to make its freedom away from my closed eyes. I guess I couldn't make it—to be a strong heroine. The moment I felt my final moment of breaking, I found myself leaning behind my door with my arms hugging my weak bones. Just for a moment I wanted to feel like I'm home and feel like every people below me would tower me with their arms wide open towards me, having their own freedom to praise my braveness, rather than seeing myself at the complete edge of my life of breaking.
oOo End of Chapter oOo
