Total Drama Returns
The Cheesebub's Message: Welcome to the end of Day 2, people. This chapter, I promise you, will have all the drama you've recently been craving for. Have fun! The next update will be in about a week from now.
Day 2, Part 4—Chapter 9: The Fisherman's Death Match
(The entire team of the Screaming Ivy is all sitting in their one large cabin, due to the wall getting knocked down. Cody is glaring at Duncan, Duncan is glaring at Courtney, Courtney is glaring at Gwen, Gwen is glaring at Trent, Trent is glaring Eva, Eva is glaring at everyone, Beth is glaring at Lindsay as she strokes Big Bertha, Lindsay is glaring at a strand of hair that keeps falling over her face, Noah is glaring at Alejandro, Alejandro is glaring at Izzy, Izzy is glaring at Justin, and Justin is glaring at his own disfigured reflection.)
Justin: Uggh… I'm a mutilated beast now! A monster! A disgusting creature of the night!
Izzy: I thought that's what you were before. Personally, I think it looks better on you.
Justin: Shut up! If only I could have some of that wonderful cover-up that Chris uses…
Izzy: No soldier should hide his battle scars! He should embrace them!
Justin: I'll embrace them as soon as we win a challenge!
Gwen: We won the immunity challenge last time! Plus, the other team is down two players.
Courtney: Heh.
Gwen: What's so funny?
Courtney: I just think it's kind of interesting that the emo goth girl is the optimistic one in our group. That's not a good sign.
Noah: I wish tonight's challenge would involve at least a little straining of the mind. Your brain is your most important muscle, of course.
Duncan: Says the guy who's always playing goo goo eyes with a girl who's lost her mind.
Noah: What are you talking about? I don't like Izzy!
Izzy: And I haven't lost my mind! It just… goes out to dinner sometimes.
Courtney: If only we still had the wall separating us from you putrid beings. But then again, now Gwen is among her kind. (Gwen just rolls her eyes at this insult.)
Cody: Hey, it's all good, ladies. We can all get along! (He rolls out from under the covers, revealing he is only wearing a pair of tighty whities.)
Eva: Put some clothes on, you dweeb!
Cody: Aw, you ladies don't mind, do you?
All the girls: YES!
Cody: Fine. Sheesh. (As he puts on clothes, Trent leans over and whispers in Courtney's ears.)
Trent: We work together tonight to make sure that Duncan loses tonight. Sound good?
Courtney: Yeah.
Duncan: You two have been whispering a lot to each other. If I didn't know better, I'd say you two were in alliance.
Trent: But of course, that is incorrect.
Duncan: Yeah. Of course.
Confession Cam
Duncan: Yeah, I know those two are plotting my death. But if Trent even tries to slit my throat, I always can make a new pattern on his face. (He takes out his knife and spins it in his hand, grinning evilly.) How about in the shape of a guitar?
Noah: I have feeling that I'm the one who could be getting the boot tonight. Because knowing Chris, it won't involve using the mind at all. If I were the host, I would have us all sitting around, playing Sudoku, instead of doing stupid, sloppy, challenges that are thrown together in the last minute and involve no thought at all, but an ability to survive every deadly obstacle he throws at us! Did you know that I'm tenth in the world at playing Sudoku? And no, there are not only ten people in the world that play Sudoku. There's like, at least twenty.
Gwen: Tonight's challenge better not involve getting my face wet. Runny makeup… that's one thing I will not stand for.
Courtney: I'll be trying to splash Gwen in the face as much as possible tonight, so her stupid goth makeup runs all over her face!
Eva: Too bad we don't get to vote tonight. Otherwise, Justin would be a goner! I hate that narcissist!
Justin: *sigh* My face…
Trent: Duncan's only good for one thing. And that's carving peepholes. Other than that? Useless.
Cody (in his underwear): Who doesn't Gwen like my underwear? Girls these days. Maybe if I stripped naked…
Lindsay: I'm confused. Everybody's claiming to be Tyler these days! The question is… (Her eyes narrow) … which one's the real Tyler?
End of Confessionals
(The Killer Redwoods all sit in the Mess Hall, playing cards.)
DJ (to Owen): Got any twos?
Owen: I don't know! I ate them all!
Sierra: You're not supposed to eat them, you dolt!
Owen: But they looked so delicious. With little candy hearts!
Geoff: Why don't we play Bridge, instead? (He grins at Bridgette) How about that, Bridge? Wanna play Bridge? Ha! I crack myself up.
Bridgette (sarcastically): Yeah, hilarious. (She takes out a granola bar and munches on it.) Blech! This tastes like roasted crap!
Owen: Oh, my favorite flavor! (He swipes it out of her hand and pops it in his mouth.) Nope, that's just pig guts. A much more mediocre flavor, in my opinion.
Tyler: The food around here may not be too good… but I gotta say, first class rocks!
Sierra: First class was last season, Tyler.
Tyler: Oh, yeah! Forgot. Say, what are the weird cards with the 10s on them?
Bridgette: Those are 10s.
Tyler: Oh! Makes sense!
Leshawna: Thank god there aint no intelligence challenges, or we'd be toast.
Owen: Mmm… toast…
Leshawna: Say, Harold baby, you playin'?
Harold: Don't… talk. Mass… concentration. Must… beat… Super Mario Bros…
Leshawna: I will smack you upside the head if you keep on playin' that thing. It aint good for your eyes! They'll turn into freaky lil' dots!
DJ: Hey! Those are what my eyes look like!
Leshawna: But your dots aint freaky. (She turns to Ezekiel, who is sitting in one of the chairs.) Got any threes, Ezekiel? Wait a minute, Ezekiel? (She blinks, and then the prairie boy is gone.) Hm. Never mind.
Geoff: Did you say Ezekiel?
Leshawna: Yeah, he was sitting right there, but… now he's gone. (Suddenly, Chef troops in.)
Chef: You say you saw Ezekiel?
Leshawna: Yeah, but it must've been just a trick of the light.
Chef: If you see Ezekiel, you take this here gun and you shoot, you got that? (He hands Leshawna a rifle.)
Leshawna: Uh… Ok. I'll make sure to do that, Chef.
Chef (taking Leshawna's arm): This here's a brave soldier, men! You could learn a thing or two from this here soldier! (Then he troops out, the same way he came.)
Leshawna: Poor Chef. He's really lost it, hasn't he?
Confession Cam
Leshawna: I'm worried about that Chef guy. He could use a couple beers. That would calm him down.
Chef: Ezekiel isn't dead. I don't know how he survived that fall, but he isn't f***ing dead! (He takes out a rifle and cocks it, and then smiles crazily.) At least, not yet.
End of Confessionals
(It is night, and the Screaming Ivies are standing out on the Dock of Shame. The moon is high in the sky, and the waves are rather rough at the moment.)
Chris: Welcome, Screaming Ivies, to your epic elimination ceremony. Just for fun, tonight you will be competing in a challenge to see who goes home, instead of voting. Can you guess what it is? Well, can you?
Noah: Something stupid?
Chris: Yes—I mean, no! Tonight, we are doing something that requires patience. Skill. Thought. The ability to sit for hours on end without doing anything. Fishing!
Cody: Fishing! Alright! My uncle used to take me fishing all the time!
Gwen: Really? You're good at fishing?
Cody: Why wouldn't I be? My uncle raised me right! Where I come from, fish means victory. I once caught one so big that it flattened my grandpa! Oh, it fought, it did, but it was no match for the Code-meister! I'm the best fisher in all the land. In fact-
Chris: Enough with the bragging. Let's explain the rules!
Duncan: I think we all know how to fish.
Chris: You think you know how to fish? Fine. I guess you don't need my tutorial. However, here's how it'll work. You all have exactly an hour to get the biggest fish possible. We'll then weigh them, and see whose catch weighs the least. Then we can say can say bye-bye Cody!
Cody: What do you mean? I'm not the one going home! I'm an expert fisher!
Chris: Sure you are. (He points to a pile of fishing rods at the end of the dock.) Your weapons, young fishers.
Beth: But I've never been fishing before! I can't do this!
Cody: I'll be sure to help you out. An expert has to share his knowledge, after all.
Duncan: Not when he doesn't have any.
Cody: Your insults do not affect me, faithful opponent!
Duncan: Whatever. So, can we start the challenge, or what? (In response, Chris blows into a fog horn.)
Chris: Your hour starts… now! (The campers run to the pile of fishing rods, and start grabbing their own. However, when they pull, they find them all tangled together.)
Eva: How are we supposed to deal with this? (Suddenly Izzy dives into all the fishing rods. When she comes back up, the rods are untangled, but there are hooks sticking her in many places.)
Izzy: Oops. That's kind of painful. (Gwen has gotten her rod, now, and is making her way over to the bait. However, when she gets to the bait can, she finds it empty. She looks up and sees Owen, who burps in response.)
Gwen: Owen! Don't tell me you ate all the bait!
Owen: What? I was hungry. Mmm… worms.
Chris: Guess you guys will have to use your own bait. (Duncan turns to Cody and grins.)
Cody: I'm not bait! And besides, a true fisherman does not need bait! (And with that, he races off down the beach. Meanwhile, Izzy is digging crazily through the soil.)
Izzy: I need to find a worm! Or, at least, something that looks like a worm… (She eyes Noah's crotch.)
Noah: Don't even think about it. (He takes some gum from his pocket, sticks it on his hook, and throws the line out into the water.) And now, I wait. (He sits down on the ground. Izzy does the exact same thing.)
Izzy: And now, I wait. Wow, it's boring being Noah!
Noah: I'm not boring! I'm exciting, and spontaneous!
Izzy: Yeah. Of course. Ooh! It looks like I've got a bite! (She starts reeling, and pulls out a large trout.) Ha! Nice!
Noah: Gah! I've got one too! (He starts reeling.) And it's really tugging! It's big! It's huge! It's… (He pulls it out, getting nothing more than a tiny minnow.) It's… pathetic.
Confession Cam
Noah: Yeah… maybe I do need to work out more.
End of Confessionals
(Gwen is struggling to get the bait onto her hook. Cody comes over and grins slyly.)
Cody: Allow me. (He takes the bait and stabs it onto the hook.) There. All… (He pulls up his hand, and realizes that he stabbed his finger.) YAHHHH! (He then proceeds to run around in circles for five minutes straight, until Gwen sticks out her foot, and he goes tumbling forwards.)
Gwen (unhooking the hook from his finger): I think I can do this myself, thank you.
Cody: Sure! Lady wants to do things her way! That's cool! That's rad! My finger… (Meanwhile, Trent has already caught a huge pile of fish, and has caught piles for Courtney and Eva, as well.)
Eva (grinning at her pile): This alliance seems to be a better idea by the challenge.
Trent: Yes, I did a favor for you. I think this can secure all three of our safeties. But now, I must ask you a little favor in return.
Eva: And what might that be? (Trent takes out the picture he took of Chris and Chef smiling lovingly at one another.)
Trent: Hold onto this.
Eva: That's all?
Trent: That's all.
Confession Cam
Trent: That picture will come in handy in a while from now. I'm thinking… the final two. Ever heard of blackmail? You should try it.
End of Confessionals
Lindsay: Oh, this is hard! (She is waving her line back and forth, trying to make it go into the water. As she pulls back, the hook grabs onto a bench, and flings it into the water. She pulls back again, and this time, the hook grabs onto Chris's hair, which is ripped off, and goes flying into the water. Finally, the hook grabs onto Chris himself.)
Lindsay: Whoa! I got a big catch!
Chris: I'm not a fish! I'm the host! A host that needs his hair! (He beckons at the water.)
Lindsay: Don't be silly. I caught you fair and square. (She reels him in.)
Chris: My hair! Where the heck is my hair! I want my hair! I want my hair!
Lindsay: Wow. I've never met a magical, talking fish before! Kyle will be so impressed!
Chris: It's Chris! I'm Chris!
Lindsay: Chris? That's a weird name for a fish. I wonder if Kyle will like it.
Beth: Hey, I got a catch! (She reels in Chris's hair, soggy from the water.) Whoa. It's a strange, hairy fish!
Chris: My hair! (He snatches it away from her, and then puts it on his head.)
Beth: Aww… Lindsay, it looks like your fish likes my fish!
Lindsay: Aw, that's so cute! I wonder if we'll get bonus points from Kyle!
Chris: ENOUGH! You both pass. Happy? (He unhooks himself, and then sits down on a bench.)
Lindsay: My fish isn't very nice.
Confession Cam
Chris: I've been having hair problems like crazy! I can never go anywhere without losing my hair! (He pats his head, and finds that his hair is, once again, missing. He hears a burp from outside.) Owen! My hair is not food!
Owen (from outside the confessional): Aw! But it looks like bleu cheese!
End of Confessionals
Chris (straightening his dripping hair): Thirty minutes left, people!
Gwen: Oh, no! I have to get some fish!
Duncan: Don't worry Gwen, I'll get enough for the both of us. (He throws his line into the water. Meanwhile, Cody does the same.)
Cody: Get ready to learn a few things from the Code-meister! (Suddenly, he gets a tug.) Ooh, this one's a big one! (He starts to reel in. Meanwhile, Duncan has also caught something.)
Duncan: I've got something, too! It seems to be trying to reel me in! (He tugs even harder.)
Cody: Whoa! Steady boy. Calm down, calm down! (He tugs even harder.)
Duncan: Gah! How is this fish so strong? (He reels so fast his arms become a blur.)
Cody: I'll show this fish! (His skinny arms reel as forcefully as they can. Little do they know that their hooks are actually caught together. Finally, they go flying forward and slam into each other.)
Duncan: You caught my catch!
Cody: You stole mine!
Gwen: You expert fishermen caught each other. Congratulations. (And with that, she reels in a large, slapping salmon, and walks away.)
Confession Cam
Cody: Embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing! I hope this doesn't go down in my rather impressive fishing records.
Duncan: Yeah, I'm not a great fisher. But I do like those fishnets Gwen's been wearing. S-E-X-Y!
End of Confessionals
Justin: I can't catch a single fish! This is hopeless!
Alejandro: You haven't even picked up your rod, amigo! You've just been sitting on that bench the entire time!
Justin: Can't you just catch fish for the both of us?
Alejandro: No. You will do the work yourself for once.
Justin: I always work! Just look at my face! It's been through a lot lately!
Alejandro: Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you're scaring away all the fish. Wait, that gives me an idea… (He walks over to the edge of the water, and smiles a gleaming white smile. Immediately, tons of fish latch onto his body and start sucking on it as if it were the most succulent thing on the planet.)
Justin: That's kinda disturbing, but hey! It works. (He reaches over and plucks off a fish.)
Alejandro: And what makes you think you can just take one?
Justin: You mean I can take two? Nice!
Alejandro: That's not exactly what I meant. Now can you get all these fish off of me? Some of them are making me feel a little uncomfortable. (He beckons to one that is clinging to his crotch.)
Justin: Sure! (He takes the fish and tugs as hard as he can.)
Alejandro: YOWCH! Not like that, amigo!
Justin: Oops. Sorry.
Alejandro: Fine… it's just that… I think you just neutered me.
Justin: But these are fish we're talking about! Not newts!
Chris: And all of you better have your fish, cause time's up! Time to weigh! (Izzy runs over and hands him her fish.)
Izzy: I'm naming him… Noah!
Noah: Real original.
Izzy: I don't know, he just looks like you! I think it's something about how he doesn't say anything and he's always secluded into his own mind and he's antisocial!
Noah: Harsh. Though pretty accurate.
Chris (after weighing "Noah"): Hm. Not bad, Izzy. A good 10 pounder! What have you got to give, Noah? (Noah gives him his tiny minnow.)
Noah: Don't judge me.
Chris: Too bad I have to! And Noah pulls off half an ounce!
Noah: I doubt it'll be the worst. (But after having almost all the fish weighed, his fish is still the lowest weight. Gwen, who's third from the last, comes up to give Chris her fish.)
Chris: The goth chick pulls one off! What'd you do, use your fishnets to catch it?
Gwen: I actually can fish, unlike these two back here. (She points to Duncan and Cody, who are both empty-handed.)
Chris: What? Cody, the self-proclaimed greatest fisher of them all, couldn't get a fish?
Cody: Hey man, they're like girls. Sometimes, they just get away, and no matter how hard you try to reel them in, they still won't bite. (He glances over at Gwen.)
Chris: Thank you, Cody, for that obscenely creepy metaphor. Is that all you have to offer? (Cody shrugs.)
Cody: I have more metaphors, in case you want them.
Duncan: No, I think we're good.
Chris: And what do you have offer, Duncan?
Duncan: I'm a good tattoo artist.
Chris: Well sadly, that has nothing to do with fishing. You two know that this means, don't you?
Cody: Everybody gets to stay?
Chris: Don't kid yourself. You two will have to compete against each other to see who goes home! Sudden death! Duncan goes first. He has thirty seconds to get a catch. Cody, you go after him. You have to beat whatever he catches, in weight, of course. Sound simple enough?
Duncan: Sure.
Cody: No problemo, Christian!
Chris: Don't call me that. Moving right along… you ready, Duncan?
Duncan: I've never been more ready.
Chris: Cody?
Cody: My testosterone's pumping!
Chris: TMI, dude. Let's start! Duncan! Grab your rod! Your other rod! Not the one down there! Yeah, that one! Now… go! (Duncan throws his line into the water and waits. All the while, Gwen is biting her fingernails in anticipation.)
Confession Cam
Gwen: Duh, I wanted Duncan to win! He's my boyfriend! And truthfully, I don't know how I could survive the rest of the morons on this island without him. And getting rid of Cody would be a dream come true!
Cody: I'm sure Gwen was rooting for me.
End of Confessionals
(It is fifteen seconds in when Duncan's line starts to tug. Grinning from ear to ear, he starts to reel whatever is tugging in.)
Duncan: I've got you now! (He yanks roughly.)
Courtney: No! This can't be happening! He's actually fishing!
Duncan: That's right, babe! And I'm going all… the… way! (He yanks as hard as he can, and up comes a gigantic great white shark, which lands on the beach with a thud. Duncan turns to Cody and grins.)
Duncan: Beat that, dweeb.
Cody (snatching the rod): Don't if I do! (He looks at Gwen) This one's for you, my Gwen.
Confession Cam
Gwen: "My Gwen"? What kind of pet name is that?
End of Confessionals
Chris: Cody… you sure you're ready?
Cody: I'm never been more ready, dude! I'll fish until my butt starts sagging!
Chris: Weird term, but whatever. Go! (Cody throws his line into the water, and waits. It goes on like this for twenty seconds, just him sitting there, on the beach, waiting for something to come.)
Cody: Hm… are you sure there are fish in this water? (In response, Duncan points to his great white shark. Suddenly, Cody gets angry. He starts throwing his line farther and farther out into the ocean.)
Chris: 5… 4… 3…
Cody: Wait! I've got something! (He starts reeling his catch in. There, hooked to his fishing rod, is a glinting, million dollar case.)
Chris: Wait… could it be? It is! The million dollar case from Total Drama Drama Drama Drama Drama Island!
Beth: But I thought a shark ate it!
Chris: Must've had indigestion. Come to papa! (He jumps forward and hugs the case.)
Cody: So… do I win?
Chris: Nope. First we have to weigh each catch. (He props Duncan's shark on the scale) Duncan, yours weighs… eighty pounds!
Duncan: Yeah! That's eighty pounds of pure victory!
Cody: More like eighty pounds of pure failure. Check it! (He puts it on the scale. Chris walks over and examines it.)
Chris: Cody's case weighs….
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79.999999999999 pounds!
Cody: What? So I lost?
Chris: Yep. Sorry dude.
Duncan: Ha! Poor dweeb!
Cody: Wait a minute! I found the case! So I get the money!
Chris: That's no fair! I want the money! I might have to recycle it for a later season!
Cody: Fine. You can either say goodbye to a million dollars, or eliminate me.
Gwen: Chris! You obviously have to get rid of Cody! Duncan won fair and square! Follow your heart!
Chris: Fine! I will follow my heart! And my heart tells me to…
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Take the money! (And with that, he snatches the case out of Cody's hands.)
Cody: So I'm still in?
Chris: I guess you are. (He opens the case and starts licking the money, like he's starved for currency.)
Duncan: This is impossible! No! NOOOO!
Chris: Not used to not being the writer's pet, huh, Duncan?
Trent: YES!
Courtney: YYEESSS!
Trent: YYYYYEEEEEESSSSS!
Courtney: !
Duncan: OK, I get it, you're both super happy I'm leaving. Geez. (He starts to make his way down the Dock of Shame.)
Cody: See ya, Duncan! (Duncan turns to him and grins smugly.)
Duncan: You might think you're super smart or something, but just realize this, bub. You just gave up a million dollars to stay in a game competing for one hundred thousand dollars. Not your smartest move, I would say.
Cody: Oops. I really am an idiot.
Gwen: Duncan! Wait! (She runs up to him. Instead of saying a word, she just runs into his arms and hugs him. They are about to do more, when they are interrupted by a loud cough from Trent.)
Duncan: Eh, I'm happy to get off this island anyway. It saves me from these morons. (He looks at Trent and Cody when he says this.) I'll see you in a day or so, Gwen. (With that, he boards the Boat of Losers, and it speeds away.)
Gwen: That's so touching. Hey, wait a minute! Why'd he say he'd see me in a day or so?
Courtney: He means that you're next.
On the Boat of Losers
Duncan: *Sigh* Not my best season, I would say… (Suddenly, he hears a voice from the front seat.)
?: Would you like to change that, eh?
Duncan: What… what do you mean? Who are you? (The person driving steps into the light, revealing him to be none other than Ezekiel, grinning from ear to ear. Heather follows him.)
Duncan: Wait a minute… what the f***? You two are supposed to be gone!
Ezekiel: Oh we are, eh. But we wanna come back.
Heather: We're planning a revolt. And as much as it disgusts me, we need your help.
Duncan: What's in it for me?
Ezekiel: Revenge. That's why we're doing it.
Duncan: If that's the case… (He smiles) Count me in. But I have one question. Who's driving the boat?
Ezekiel: Oops.
Back at Camp
(Cody is sitting on the porch of the Screaming Ivy cabin, with his head in his hands. He perks up, however, when Gwen starts walking towards him. When the goth girl gets to him, she sits down next to him. Cody is about to open his mouth, when she shushes him.)
Gwen: Shut up. I don't need to hear your voice right now. But I need to tell you one thing. If you think that what you've just done has gotten you any closer to winning my heart, you're so wrong it's disgusting. The only reason I'm not completely angry with you is that I knew you were just trying to win. But if you ever flirt with me again, I'll tear you limb from limb.
Cody: That's… good to know.
Gwen: Good night, Cody. (She walks into the cabin and slams the door behind her. As Cody sits there, under the porch light, he can only think of one thing.)
Cody (in his head): I should have lost that challenge.
Will Cody be able to get Gwen to forgive him?
Or did eliminating her boyfriend not help? Well, duh, it didn't help!
What will become of Trent's alliance?
Does Noah really like Izzy?
What could Trent be planning to do with the photo of Chris and Chef?
How will Ezekiel's alliance rebel? And when?
What will be the next's days surprises?
And what other ambiguous questions could be asked?
Find out next time on
Total Drama Returns!
Eliminated: Heather, Duncan
Still in the game: Noah, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Trent, Lindsay, Beth, Harold, Eva, Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Sierra, Alejandro, Gwen, Courtney, Leshawna, Justin, Geoff, Bridgette, DJ
Elsewhere: Ezekiel
Note: Sorry to all Duncan fans. Once again, it's all in the story. However, he's lucky enough to be one of the people that join the rebellion, so there will be more of him later. As you can see, I've definitely paved the way to a Gwen hatred for Cody. And let me tell you, it will eat him up. But neither Cody nor Gwen will be the main focus for chapters to come. This chapter, however, as you can tell, was mostly Cody. That's all for now, and I hope you've been enjoying my story! Please review. With a cherry on top?
